--- ai_generation_date: '2026-06-19' ai_model: gemini-3-pro-preview audiodharma: talks: - date: '2022-10-10' mp3_url: https://audiodharma.us-east-1.linodeobjects.com/talks/17060/20221010-Nikki_Mirghafori-IMC-happy_hour_engaging_with_goodness.mp3 speakers: - speaker_name: Nikki Mirghafori speaker_url: https://www.audiodharma.org/speakers/229 talk_start_time_seconds: 0 title: 'Happy Hour: Engaging with Goodness' url: https://www.audiodharma.org/talks/17060 video_unavailable: false location_city: Redwood City, CA video_unavailable: false youtube: id: 5nfCYpLEXOM imprecise_upload_date: '2023-05-04' title: 'Happy Hour: Engaging with Goodness' upload_date: null uploader_str: Insight Meditation Center uploader_url: https://www.youtube.com/@InsightMeditationCenter youtube_url: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5nfCYpLEXOM --- # Happy Hour: Engaging with Goodness - [Nikki Mirghafori](https://www.audiodharma.org/speakers/229) *This is an AI-generated transcript from auto-generated subtitles for the video above. It likely contains inaccuracies, especially with speaker attribution if there are multiple speakers.* ## [Happy Hour: Engaging with Goodness](https://www.audiodharma.org/talks/17060) ## Introduction Hello and welcome everyone to Happy Hour. For today's practice, I'd like to invite us to consider the theme of our interstitial time—how we fill our interstitial time. I love this new word I've just learned: *interstitial time*. It basically means a time that's in between other things. When you're walking from place to place, or when you're waiting for someone, it's interstitial time. The word essentially means that it fills a space in between other things. Interstitial time—what an interesting concept. I've become tuned to how I fill my interstitial time, so that's one theme I want to bring in today. How we spend our interstitial time is about the way we engage. In our interstitial time, do we space out? Are we agitated, waiting for the next thing to happen? Are we ruminating about what just happened? Are we pulling out our phones and just vegging out by letting our consciousness wander on social media wherever it wants to take us? It's as if we're a dog and we're handing over the leash, saying, "Okay, take us anywhere you want to go, dear Facebook or our stream." How do we spend our interstitial time? Related to this question is the idea of engagement. Because however we engage in these interstitial times, that shows up in other places in our lives. How we engage with our breath, our body, our awareness, and our consciousness shows up in other places. I was talking with a practitioner recently, and they were saying that as they have leaned more into their practice of mindfulness of breathing, they've noticed they're more engaged at their work and with their life. This attitude of engagement has really arisen for them and is fired up as they engage in other areas of life. These are the two themes I want to bring in, held within the container of mettā[^1]. How do we spend our interstitial time, and how are we engaging? Engagement happens all the time, of course, but I especially want to highlight interstitial time because we all have it. Maybe you wake up in the morning and you're brushing your teeth—what's happening in all these interstitial times? Time is short. Time is so short, really. This weekend, I was teaching about mindfulness of mortality. As we contemplate how brief our life is, we start to value these interstitial times. This is not to stress ourselves out and feel pressured. Sometimes it's quite healthy to let our minds wander. It's quite wise to make a conscious choice: "I've really been engaging and working hard all day. I'm going to go for a walk and let my mind wander." That's a wise choice to make. I'm not saying that mind-wandering is bad. There is a value in not trying too hard all the time and squeezing ourselves. And yet, we can be conscious of how we are engaging in our lives during these precious moments of being alive. With the theme of Happy Hour being dedicated to mettā and all the other brahmavihāras[^2], how are we engaging with our hearts? How are we engaging heartfully with every moment? In the West, when I say the word "mind," we always think about our head. But in the East, in Pali—the language of the Buddha—the word *citta*[^3] or consciousness can often also be translated as "mind-heart." So, how are we engaging with our mind-heart? How is our awareness, our consciousness, our *citta*, engaging with every moment? Is it with heart? Is it with wisdom? That's the inquiry I'd like to bring in for us. We will explore that in the guided meditation, and let it be a support for all the interstitial times. All right, let's practice together. Let's sit. ## Guided Meditation Landing and arriving in your seat. Arriving in this moment. If your body needs adjusting, you can draw your shoulders back and sit a little differently, more upright to bring more energy. Or maybe you need to relax and soften the body. Maybe both are needed—both to sit upright with a sense of integrity, and also let the body relax. Softening the sit bones. The legs, upper legs, lower legs, and feet. Relaxing the abdomen and the chest. Softening and releasing any tension in the forehead. The eyes around the eye socket, resting in their sockets. Releasing any tightness in the cheeks, in the jaw. Letting your forehead soften. Your whole face softens. Letting your neck and shoulders relax. Your arms, hands, upper body, lower body, and trunk. Releasing, releasing. And ever so gently, noticing the quality of your engagement. The way you're engaging with this release. Gently, gently releasing wherever in the body there is tension or holding. Not just releasing the body and any tightness, but also noticing how you're engaging. How you're releasing. What's happening with the release, and right after it. Engagement can be so delicious, so nourishing. It can be such a light touch, enlivening. Taking a few moments to release some more any tension or tightness that you notice. Also noticing what happens right before and after the release. What's happening in the body, in the heart, and the mind. The heart-mind. And now noticing, with every breath, how our heart is engaging. As if we were to teach the flower its own loveliness, a reminder to the flower of its own loveliness. Reminding our heart, our mind-heart, that it is lovely. It is beautiful. There is so much goodness, wholesomeness, and goodwill. Otherwise, we wouldn't be here, showing up, trying to cultivate kindness for ourselves and for others. Reminding ourselves of our goodness, of our loveliness. This is not a time to turn to self-judgment. If it arises, say, "Thank you very much. I hear you. I'm not going to listen to you right now. It's okay. Thank you, friend, come back later. Right now, I intend to engage. I intentionally engage with goodness." Perhaps recalling, contemplating, or recollecting something nice or kind you've done for someone recently. An act of generosity, kindness, or goodwill. And please don't judge. Don't say, "Oh well, I was 50% kind and 50% selfish." It's alright. Choose to focus on the goodwill, the kindness, and the generosity. We have a choice in how we incline our minds. Use your choice wisely and compassionately. You can also, if you like, recollect your values. The goodness of the values you like to cultivate, or that you've been cultivating. Turning towards not breaking the precepts—not breaking *sīla*[^4], not lying, not stealing. There are so many ways to remind your own heart of its goodness. See which of these works best for you. If one doesn't work, try another. Trust that this is available to all of us. Reminding ourselves of our own goodness. Even if in a small way, lighting up our heart. You can always remind yourself that you are practicing. Oh, how beautiful is that! The heart that seeks to meditate, to grow beautiful. You can also see that somebody else—a dear friend, someone who cares about you—sees your goodness. And by the virtue of being seen, you get to see and appreciate it yourself. As if you're on a swing, let this perception—either through a friend or collecting your own goodness—give you a nice push so that you can soar into the skies with your own momentum. Engage. Seeing this goodness, appreciating this goodness, engaging with it. May this goodness in me, in my heart, may it grow. May it continue to grow. For the benefit of myself and everyone else. May my heart expand in goodness. Grow in beauty. Continue to grow kindness, acceptance, patience, generosity, goodwill, and compassion. Taking delight in what is here already—that's how you soar into the skies with this image of the swing. Taking delight in the goodness that is here already. Good intentions. Engaging with them. Engaging the goodness in your heart with each breath. As if you're blowing on the embers of a fire with each breath, engaging. Seeing my own goodness, my own goodwill, my own intentions for kindness. May they continue to grow and grace every thought, every word of speech, and every act. All the time. On the cushion and in daily life. In the interstitial times. May my heart know its own goodness. May my heart be kind. May it treat me kindly. May I treat myself with kindness, with wisdom. May I be a good friend to myself in all moments of my life. Now let your body be relaxed, released. Tension released with each breath. Engaging with reflections of kindness for yourself or others. May I treat myself with kindness, with wisdom, in all moments. Or simply: May I be kind to myself. May I be kind to others, in all moments, as much as possible. Inclining our hearts with intentions of kindness, inside and outside. There is really no difference between the inside and outside. Kindness all around, 360 degrees. Goodwill, wisdom, generosity. May I engage with kindness, especially when I make a mistake. Especially when I am agitated. May I be kind to myself and others. If there is agitation present, fear present, sad, challenging emotions, grief, or worry—may I engage with kindness towards my thoughts and my emotions. May I engage with kindness when I'm tired. When there is fatigue, when there is pain, when this body is not feeling well, may I be kind. When others are tired, when they are in pain, when they are afraid, worried, agitated, or not their best—just as I'm not at my best—may I engage with kindness. Inside, outside. May I trust that I can engage with kindness and do the best I can. In the moments that I lose this connection with my own kindness, goodwill, and wisdom, may I be kind to myself then especially. Forgive myself, and begin again. Just begin again. Simply begin again. Especially when I find my thoughts wandering, distracted, sleepy. May I be kind to myself, kind and wise. Especially in the difficult moments, as well as the easy moments. All moments. May I always be reminded of my own goodness and capacity for kindness. It's always here. It's always present, even if it's covered by doubt, anger, or restlessness. It's still here. Trust. It's always accessible. May all beings everywhere, including myself, know their true nature of kindness and wisdom. May all beings everywhere wake up. Be awakened in this very life. May all beings be free, including myself. ## Reflections and Q&A **Nikki Mirghafori:** Thank you all. Thank you so much for your practice. I don't know where the time went! For me, this practice this evening went so fast. I mean, it always goes fast, but it felt like we just got started five minutes ago, and it's already been 30 minutes. We have time for reflections, for questions, for comments. Maybe sharing an "aha" moment in your practice, or maybe something challenging. It's all okay, it's all welcome. The invitation is to offer what has arisen for you as a gift to yourself and to others. Please use your Zoom hand to raise your hand. You can also type in the chat. If you type to me privately, I won't read your name, just your reflection. If you type to everyone, I'll attribute your reflection to you. Any reflections, questions, or comments? Anything that came up for you? Maybe I'll break it up a little bit as I'm waiting. What we did at the beginning of the meditation was to turn to embodiment, with the breath and feeling the body. And then we turned to seeing our own goodness. Maybe through a kind act, maybe through not breaking a precept—"Oh, I almost lied today, but I didn't." We reflected on your intentionality, for example, the intention to see goodness, and then letting that goodness really grow. To breathe with it, to feel into that intention for engaging with kindness and wisdom. This relates to what I was saying at the beginning about how we choose to engage. Not just on the cushion, not just in daily life, but especially in those interstitial times—those spaces that we fill. How do we engage? Is it with love and wisdom? Susan, I see your hand. Please. **Susan:** Thank you for giving us permission to spend time dwelling on our kindness and our goodness. We don't usually measure ourselves that way; we measure it in all sorts of other ways. It was just so great to go, "Yes, actually there is a lot of kindness and love in this heart," and it's just so great to take joy in that. Instead of just thinking, "Well, you know, I'm retired, and I'm kind of getting older," it's like, "Oh yeah, actually, I'm growing a kind heart and being kind in the world, and it's a good thing." So thank you. **Nikki Mirghafori:** Thank you, Susan. Thank you for that beautiful reflection. Exactly, it's a good thing, and the more we turn towards our goodness, the more it grows. It's just as the Buddha says: whatever you reflect and ponder upon frequently becomes the inclination of your mind-heart. So whatever you ponder upon—if you ponder upon your goodness, your desire to be kind and wise—it makes it grow. It is wholesome. I know you get it, but I still wanted to say that. Thank you for that beautiful reflection, and the joy! I could see your joy as you were telling me about it. Beautiful. Claire, please. **Claire:** My reflection is a little mundane, but I still wanted to share it because it's really been wonderful. Right before COVID, I got my first dog in New York. You all are not New Yorkers, so you can't totally appreciate this, but we live very focused, cold kinds of lives. I did not realize that when I got my dog and knew I would have to walk her, I was walking into one of the kindest, most loving communities there is in New York. The dog walker community is absolutely wonderful. We all know each other now, and we keep track of how we're doing. They are such good people, I'm not kidding. And that's my interstitial time because I love it. **Nikki Mirghafori:** I love it! Your interstitial time is filled with engaging with kindness and care with others. That is very sweet. I love that, Claire. Thanks for sharing. **Claire:** Enjoying my heart! First-time dog owner in New York. **Nikki Mirghafori:** Any other reflections, questions, comments, or complaints? It's all welcome. Marilyn, please. **Marilyn:** Thank you. I think I heard you say, "Go your own way, try something different if it doesn't work." When you were saying "engagement," I let the word go by because I wasn't quite sure what it meant. What I found myself saying was, "May I be truthful, and may I be kind, and may I be wise." And that's all. **Nikki Mirghafori:** Beautiful! I love that. Thank you for sharing that, Marilyn. Yes, you heard me right. It was giving a lot of permission to see what works for you, to see what makes sense for you right now in these different ways. It's beautiful that you took that liberty and said, "Oh yeah, this works for me: May I be kind, may I be truthful." Those values are important to you. Bringing attention to your intentions is a way of engaging with it. If you're just like, "Oh yeah, I'm doing it," there's a different way you can engage: "Oh yeah, may I be kind, may I be truthful," because these values are important to me. So that's what I meant by engagement. You were doing it great, I love it. Serena, please. Am I saying the name right? **Serena:** Yes, that's fine. I was experiencing a lot of physical unsettledness and squirmishness. I was just wondering whether you had any advice on how to deal with that? I tried to be with it as best as I could and be as accepting as I could of the situation, but I was just wondering if there are other ways. **Nikki Mirghafori:** There are so many different ways to be with it. For tonight, given this particular theme that we're working with, what I would say is if there is discomfort, squirmishness, and unsettledness, I would be kind with it. I would engage, as I was saying in the guided meditation, with "May I be kind to myself, with my thoughts, with my body, especially in difficult times." Engage with kindness. It's not just being with it, but being with it with kindness. As if there's a puppy that's agitated, and you're just like, "Oh, here puppy, hello sweetheart, here you are." You're holding the puppy and calming the puppy with kindness. That way of engagement, that's what I would suggest as a way of being with it. **Serena:** Thank you. **Nikki Mirghafori:** You're welcome. A last reflection from Murray. **Murray:** Sitting down, my mind was full of problems, issues, and plans. It all fell away during the sitting. Yes, the issues still exist, but maybe they don't have to be problems as much now. And I'll be kind with the issues. **Nikki Mirghafori:** Beautiful, thank you so much for that reflection, that is lovely. So, here's the invitation that I have for us: engaging in small groups together. Roughly groups of three. Here's the prompt and the invitation. Of course, always in the groups, you can show up and share silence. Just say "pass," and just show up with kindness. But if you do want to say something when your turn comes, you can share some value that's important to you, or something about some goodness that came up. You might have been taught as a child, "Don't say nice things about yourself, be humble." But I'm asking you now to turn your attention to your own goodness. "I really intend to wake up in this life," or "I really want to be truthful, I don't want to lie, and I really try that every day." That is beautiful! Let your beauty shine. Allow yourself to be witnessed in your goodness, whether it's your intention you're sharing, or a kind thing you did today, yesterday, or this past week. Just let yourself be witnessed by others. It is socially acceptable to say something beautiful about yourself, to let it be held by other beautiful mirrors. It's a way of celebrating goodness. Let us not just celebrate problems and what's wrong. Let us celebrate the goodness that every single person has, and be inspired. "Oh, this person wants to do one kind act every day—how nice is that?" So, you offer something, the next person will offer something, and it'll come back around. Celebrating goodness. I'll create the breakout rooms. Take care of yourselves, take care of each other. Here we go. *[Breakout rooms commence and conclude]* **Nikki Mirghafori:** Welcome back. We have just about a minute for any reflections, especially if you haven't spoken this evening. What happened in the groups? What did it feel like to hold witness to other people's goodness, or be held? We'd love to hear at least from one person. Any reflections? What was it like? I see some smiles. "Lots of smiles in my group as we thought of our goodwill," says Michelle. Thank you, Michelle and Jesse. **Participant:** I'll just briefly say thank you so much for this practice. This was deeply uncomfortable for me, and that in itself was just a really profound teaching. So I really appreciate this practice. Thank you. **Nikki Mirghafori:** Oh yay, beautiful! Thank you so much for that. And as you said, that was deeply uncomfortable and valuable. I saw a few other people nod their heads, so yeah, great. Marie says in chat, "It's a hard practice to acknowledge your own goodness." Yeah, and it's so important! Otherwise, we just listen to the judgmental voice. It's so loud. Whereas the little voice says, "Actually, sweetheart, you are doing your best. It's okay. You're growing." That is what we need to grow more of. So thank you all. Thank you so much for your practice, for coming to this space of cultivating goodness, turning to our goodness. May you all be safe, happy, healthy, and free. May all beings be free. Dedicating the merit, here we go. Thanks everyone, be well. --- [^1]: **Mettā:** A Pali word commonly translated as loving-kindness, friendliness, or goodwill. [^2]: **Brahmavihāras:** The four "sublime states" or "divine abodes" in Buddhist practice: *mettā* (loving-kindness), *karuṇā* (compassion), *muditā* (sympathetic joy), and *upekkhā* (equanimity). [^3]: **Citta:** A Pali and Sanskrit term often translated as "mind," "heart," or "consciousness," representing the cognitive and emotional center of our being. [^4]: **Sīla:** A Pali word referring to moral conduct, ethical behavior, or the precepts that guide a wholesome life.