--- ai_generation_date: '2026-07-31' ai_model: gemini-3-pro-preview audiodharma: talks: - date: '2022-02-07' mp3_url: https://audiodharma.us-east-1.linodeobjects.com/talks/15033/20220207-Diana_Clark-IMC-metta_snags.mp3 speakers: - speaker_name: Diana Clark speaker_url: https://www.audiodharma.org/speakers/240 talk_start_time_seconds: 0 title: Metta Snags url: https://www.audiodharma.org/talks/15033 video_unavailable: false location_city: Redwood City, CA video_unavailable: false youtube: id: C-tme0vsLsk imprecise_upload_date: '2022-05-04' title: Metta Snags upload_date: null uploader_str: Insight Meditation Center uploader_url: https://www.youtube.com/@InsightMeditationCenter youtube_url: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C-tme0vsLsk --- # Metta Snags - [Diana Clark](https://www.audiodharma.org/speakers/240) _This is an AI-generated transcript from auto-generated subtitles for the video above. It likely contains inaccuracies, especially with speaker attribution if there are multiple speakers._ ## [Metta Snags](https://www.audiodharma.org/talks/15033) A really warm welcome to everybody. What a pleasure it is to be here practicing with you all, and with our friends online. Tonight, I wanted to say a few words about something I think many of us experience. The more we practice mindfulness and meditation, maybe something we learn the hard way—that I learned the hard way—is that an orientation, an attitude, a stance of kindness is so helpful. I might even say mandatory. As our meditation practice deepens, we start to see all the little movements of the mind in which we are not so kind to ourselves, and in which we might not be kind to others. We can just kind of get snagged and stuck. Especially with the unkindness towards ourselves, it can really grow and end up making meditation practice so uncomfortable and maybe even unhelpful. Jack Kornfield[^1] talks about mindfulness as _loving awareness_ as a way to emphasize the warm-hearted quality that is associated with mindfulness practice. We often hear in dharma talks that we should have a non-judgmental, available, allowing, or accepting attitude to help point to this quality that is so helpful. Today, I would like to talk a little bit about another doorway that can really support our meditation practice, and that is loving-kindness practice, or mettā[^2] practice. ## Hesitations Around Loving-Kindness Some people have a lot of resistance, reluctance, and pushback toward this. "I do not like this loving-kindness practice." It is not uncommon. I certainly did. I thought, "I don't know what that loving-kindness practice is, but it sounds sappy, sentimental, ooey-gooey, sticky." Before I had even really done the practice, just the whole idea of it felt not so interesting to me. So, maybe I will just say a few words about what loving-kindness practice actually is. It is the cultivation of the intention to have some warm-heartedness. I like this language of _warm-heartedness_ because it is kind of vague, and I like it because it is the opposite of cold. We kind of have an idea of what it means to be cold—to give somebody the cold shoulder, to be off-putting, or just not to be welcoming. Loving-kindness practice is not so much that we have to generate, manufacture, engineer, or create some warm-heartedness. It is more about intentionally creating the conditions in which that might arise. There are no guarantees that it is going to arise, but we create the conditions. The understanding is that if we can allow this psychophysical being to rest, abide in, dwell in, or experience some warm-heartedness, it becomes easier and easier to access that warmth when we need it. It becomes easier for this warm-heartedness to be a support in all areas of our lives, not just in loving-kindness meditation. In fact, it is most common that the effects of mettā practice first really show up in one's daily life before they might even show up in your meditation practice. You might be doing some mettā practice, and it might feel dry, stale, a little bit forced, and you might feel like, "I don't know why I am doing this." But then you just notice that you start to be a little bit nicer to the other drivers on the road. You start to be a little bit nicer to the neighbor that doesn't put their garbage cans away on time. As many of you probably know, loving-kindness practice is typically done systematically. Classically, there are lots of different ways to do it, but one way is starting where it is easy and then expanding out to where it is more difficult. It is often, though not always, done with repeating phrases. I wanted to talk a little bit about why we might have hesitation around it. Some years ago, there was this expression: "no pain, no gain." We hear this for physical activities, and there are so many ways we often bring this idea to all areas of our lives, including our meditation practice. There is a way in which we might bring this to thinking that loving-kindness practice is not so useful because it doesn't seem painful or strenuous enough. What benefit can having warm-heartedness be? When you hear me say this, it sounds a little bit ridiculous, but there might be a way in which, in the back of our minds, we have this idea. That might be one reason why people hesitate: it feels too sappy, or it doesn't feel difficult enough. The second reason is because sometimes loving-kindness practice, when we start it, brings up a lot of difficulties and pain from our hearts in a way that mindfulness practice doesn't. To be sure, mindfulness practice can also bring up pain, but loving-kindness practice might get at some other aspects of our experience and bring up some of these difficulties. Sometimes what it brings up is the exact opposite of loving-kindness. Another dharma teacher tells a story about a practitioner doing walking meditation with mettā phrases, and they found themselves saying, "I hate mettā. I hate mettā." These things just float up. I've had similar things happen too: "May you be happy," and then _beep_! It can be surprising, and of course, none of us want to think that we have hatred or ill will inside of us. It really doesn't conform with the ways that we want to think about ourselves, so it can be very uncomfortable. Jack Kornfield has an expression that I really appreciate when he talks about the difficulties that might come up with practice: _the unfinished business of the heart_. This unfinished business might be sadness, grief, anger, or even hatred. And of course, some of this unfinished business of the heart might even show up as bodily pains. The third reason for hesitation is highlighted by clinical data. In a study, individuals were given either mindfulness practice or loving-kindness practice, and they were asked questions before, during, and after their training. At the beginning, everyone preferred mindfulness, because loving-kindness felt way too complicated. You have to remember these phrases, and who are you going to do it with? It just seemed too busy or felt like too much effort. But after eight weeks, that preference had switched. Everyone preferred loving-kindness practice over mindfulness practice, partly because it felt like a way to be kind to themselves, and they could feel a shift happening in the way they viewed themselves and others. There are no guarantees that this will happen, but I want to validate that initial resistance if it feels too complicated. ## Working with Difficulties Through Mettā How can we work with some of these difficulties that arise with a loving-kindness practice? And how might practicing loving-kindness be especially suited to work with certain types of difficulties that show up in our lives and in our mindfulness practice? The encouragement, of course, is if we are doing mettā practice, can we just expand the loving-kindness to include the difficulty, just in the same way that we would with mindfulness? For example, if we are saying the phrases, "May you be happy, may you be healthy," can we also include the sadness that sometimes arises? Sometimes when we are wishing people, "May you be happy," what comes to mind is all the times they have not been happy. We might start to think, "No wonder you're not happy, so many terrible things are happening," and off we go in this mindstream. If we discover that sadness, can we acknowledge it but still say, "May you be happy, may you be healthy, safe, may you live with ease"? Sometimes with loving-kindness practice, there can be a real sense of boredom. We are saying these phrases, and it is the opposite of sadness, which is juicy and feels like we have to work with it. What if there isn't anything particular happening, and instead we are just reciting phrases, having this intention of cultivating loving-kindness? Can we just be bored and be saying these phrases, even if it feels dry? Sometimes, not tightening down or forcing ourselves. "May I be happy." If there feels like a little bit of suffering, then we can bring a little bit of compassion practice in for ourselves. Sometimes anxiety arises just thinking about happiness and health. Can we make space for that while continuing to do the phrases? This is one way we might work with difficulties that are happening. We let the practice be inclusive, instead of insisting that things match our preferences. We relax or soften all the ways in which we divide our experiences between what is okay and what isn't okay. Then maybe we can think about our loving-kindness practice as being less about befriending ourselves or others, and more about just befriending each moment. Is there a way we can meet each moment with kindness, instead of trying to shove it away or grabbing onto it so tightly? ## Bringing Beauty to a Desolate Place I want to read a beautiful, short poem by Rosemerry Wahtola Trommer[^3]. I like this poem because she talks about blue herons, and I just love blue herons. They have this majesty about them. They are big birds, and I often go walking in a place where I can see them. I have an uncle on the east coast who is a professional photographer and loves to hike; whenever he sees a blue heron, he sends a picture. They just have this majesty. Here is the poem: > Nudged by hope, the heart rises from exhaustion. > It's like the great blue heron I saw this morning, > flying up from a wasteland on broad gray wings, > with strong slow beats, for a moment charged with grace. > Before—did you see this, heart?— > it chose to land again, > bringing all its beauty to the desolate place. We can imagine that this great blue heron leaves a wasteland where there is nothing, going up in this graceful way, and then deciding to come back down. I love this idea that loving-kindness practice is like this beautiful bird, bringing all its beauty to this desolate place. There might initially be a wish to leave—"I don't want to be with this difficulty"—but then taking a few beats and landing again. We keep coming back to the practice, increasing our capacity for loving-kindness. I started talking about loving-kindness as warm-heartedness, and appreciating the vagueness of that. But maybe even _warm-heartedness_ is too ambitious. Maybe it is helpful and supportive to think about it as _not dwelling in aversion_. Just orienting the mind and heart away from ill will, away from aversion, and away from insisting or demanding that things be different. By bringing all its beauty to this desolate place, it transforms the place so that it is no longer desolate, bleak, or abandoned. Instead, we choose to stay as best we can. To be sure, sometimes it is really skillful to drop the loving-kindness and bring mindfulness to the difficulties. But can we meet them with acceptance and kindness? Working with difficulties while doing loving-kindness practice really helps us meet the ways we get stuck with warm-heartedness, or at least without dwelling in aversion. Having that experience can help us in our daily life and in our mindfulness practice. ## Working with the Hindrances As probably all of you know, there are five perennial ways in which our clarity gets obscured and forces of distraction or agitation arise. These are called the Five Hindrances[^4]—sensual desire, ill will, sloth and torpor, restlessness, and doubt. These get in the way of our practice, or rather, we feel like they are not supporting us. Of course, these five are a natural part of every human experience. They are not personal failings when they arise during meditation. But how often do we think that when they arise? "I'm doing something wrong. I'm not a very good meditator. This practice is not going well. That person sitting next to me is doing fine, but look at me." Instead of personal failings, can we just see them as part of our practice? Because they will arise during mettā meditation as well as mindfulness meditation, this is a great way to practice with hindrances. If we are doing mettā practice, maybe we are less likely to naturally fall into these ideas of "I'm a terrible meditator." It can be an opportunity for us to say, "I'm a terrible meditator, and may I be happy. I am hopeless, and may I be peaceful. This is terrible, I can't do this, and may I live with ease." Just fold it in with the phrases that we are saying. Meditation helps us rewire the brain. It is amazing how much this inner critic shows up, telling us that we can't do it or shouldn't even try. This inner critic can really undermine our practice and our lives. But working with it while doing mettā makes it easier to notice the critic and counter these phrases with "May I be happy." If the thought comes up, "You're a terrible meditator," saying "May I be happy" takes the authority away from that idea. It softens the blow. With loving-kindness practice, we can start to undo or rewire some of those neural circuits that might be such a habit we don't even notice them. ## Gentle Inquiry and Expanding Awareness A second way it can be really fruitful to work with difficulties during mettā practice is by addressing repeated patterns. One way to work with these repeated patterns is to do a very gentle inquiry: "What is asking for acceptance? What is asking for some warm-heartedness? What is asking for us to not be dwelling in aversion?" If we have been practicing loving-kindness and have this intention of warmth, openness, or spaciousness, that might just create the conditions for it to become clear what is asking for acceptance. I am not talking about doing an archaeological dig or discovering exactly what happened when you were eight years old. It is not so much about finding the answer; it is about asking the question: "What is it that's asking for acceptance? What is asking for kindness? What's asking to be loved or to be seen within us?" These repeated patterns remain because there is some level of resistance—something that is not being accepted. In practicing kindness, the conditions might allow for some new understanding. This process of gentle, warm-hearted investigation can be transformative. Maybe there isn't a big shebang where everything gets resolved and we live happily ever after, but there can just be a little bit of a shift. One last thing about working with difficulties in the context of loving-kindness practice is that when there are difficulties—whether emotional or physical—our attention can shrink. The only thing we notice is what is difficult at that moment. If we have pain in our knee, it just becomes all about, "Can I move my knee now? I shouldn't have walked that extra mile." Or, if it is a repeated emotional pattern, maybe there is a repeated story—for example, about the divorce of our parents. Over and over, thinking about what happened to which child and when. This memory just shows up repeatedly. Is there a way in which we can expand the field of attention? With a story like the divorce of our parents, it is a mental event or memory. To expand is to ask, "How does that feel in the body?" Bring in something a little bit more than just that difficulty. "What is this? Oh, there's some tightness in the chest, a lump in the throat." Just expanding this area of awareness already creates a little bit of a shift so we are not completely consumed with the memory. With that little bit of shift, there is a little bit of space, a little bit more breathing room. Then, we might also ask ourselves—if it seems skillful and appropriate—"Is it true?" Of course, we are going to think, "Well yes, it's true, I'm thinking it, so it is true." But again, dropping in this gentle, warm-hearted inquiry makes space for something else to unfold. In the context of mettā practice, asking "Is it true?" might allow for, "Well, part of it's true, but maybe not the magnitude." Or maybe the answer is just, "I don't know." Our difficulties are often found prominently in the body or the mind. This idea of expanding our awareness helps us recognize another dimension of this persistent visitor. A release or a shift can only happen if we change our stance or perspective. Often, the easiest way to do that is if it is a mental thing, go to the body. If it is a bodily thing, go to a neutral place in the body or maybe to hearing. Shift what we are bringing to our attention. ## Conclusion Expanding our awareness helps us become a little bit disidentified with whatever is causing the difficulty. That can open up space too. If we have been practicing loving-kindness, there might be some residual perfume of warm-heartedness. We can orient towards that warm-heartedness as a way to make space and disidentify with difficulties. Tonight, I talked a little bit about why there are difficulties even starting a loving-kindness practice, and the ways we can work with difficulties while we are doing it. Mindfulness practice is a very skillful way to do that too, but working with difficulties in the context of loving-kindness practice can be really helpful. There is something about reminding ourselves of the goodness and warm-heartedness that exists in everybody—ourselves and others—that can be a really powerful, transformative practice. It serves as an alternative to feeling stuck, so that we can show up for our lives and our practice, and show up for others in a way that is supportive, helpful, and uplifting. So that all of us can find more freedom, more ease, and more peace. Thank you again for coming, and thanks to Jim and Nancy and the volunteers. When I am here by myself, it doesn't require so much volunteer energy, but for the website and the recording, I just want to bow to this whole community—sometimes we don't see them all—that helps make this happen. I will stay up here for a little bit if some of you would like to talk or ask a question. As always, thank you. --- [^1]: **Jack Kornfield:** A bestselling American author and teacher in the vipassana movement of American Buddhism. [^2]: **Mettā:** A Pali word typically translated as "loving-kindness," "goodwill," or "warm-heartedness." It is one of the four _Brahma-viharas_ (sublime attitudes) in Buddhism. [^3]: **Rosemerry Wahtola Trommer:** An American poet whose work often explores themes of vulnerability, love, and connection. [^4]: **Five Hindrances:** In Buddhism, the five hindrances (_Pali: pañca nīvaraṇāni_) are mental factors that hinder progress in meditation and daily life: sensual desire, ill will, sloth and torpor, restlessness and worry, and doubt.