--- ai_generation_date: '2026-07-27' ai_model: gemini-3-pro-preview audiodharma: talks: - date: '2021-08-16' mp3_url: https://audiodharma.us-east-1.linodeobjects.com/talks/14026/20210816-Nikki_Mirghafori-IMC-happy_hour_compassion_for_the_world.mp3 speakers: - speaker_name: Nikki Mirghafori speaker_url: https://www.audiodharma.org/speakers/229 talk_start_time_seconds: 0 title: 'Happy Hour: Compassion for the World' url: https://www.audiodharma.org/talks/14026 video_unavailable: false location_city: Redwood City, CA video_unavailable: false youtube: id: Gx8GLv0v_C8 imprecise_upload_date: '2022-05-04' title: 'Happy Hour: Compassion for the World' upload_date: null uploader_str: Insight Meditation Center uploader_url: https://www.youtube.com/@InsightMeditationCenter youtube_url: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gx8GLv0v_C8 --- # Happy Hour: Compassion for the World - [Nikki Mirghafori](https://www.audiodharma.org/speakers/229) _This is an AI-generated transcript from auto-generated subtitles for the video above. It likely contains inaccuracies, especially with speaker attribution if there are multiple speakers._ ## Introduction Hello dear sangha[^1], hello and welcome to Happy Hour. Hi. Good to be with you, and if you can hear me okay, if the audio's all right, give me a thumbs up. Yes, yes. Fantastic, terrific. So let's get informally started with our hellos and welcoming each other and ourselves to this space. I'm Nikki, I'm in Mountain View, California, unceded Ohlone land. Welcome, who's here? Hello Patricia, who says hello to everyone. Lovely to be here, joining us from Cork, Ireland. Hi Neal from Nashua, New Hampshire. Who else wants to say hi? Different time zones we have. Hi Bill from Dallas, Texas. And you can also... oh wait, I'm going to change the settings so you can also unmute yourselves and say your hellos verbally if you like. Put your voice in the room. Hi Eileen from Honolulu, good afternoon to you. Hi Philip from Walnut Creek. Hi Mari Christine from Sydney in lockdown. Oh, good afternoon to you. Hi. And Claire, hi Claire from New York City. Hi Stan from Corvallis, Oregon. Oh, sweet. Great, welcome, welcome. Hi Mark from the swim contingent. Hillary in Seattle. And Sharon, I see you're unmuted, you want to say hi? From Charleston, South Carolina. Hi, welcome, great. Hi Carly from Norfolk, Virginia. Norfolk, I can say that, in Virginia. Lovely. A special welcome to those for whom this is the first time. This is your first Happy Hour, so special welcome to the first-timers. I see some new names from Pakistan, welcome. And hi Richard from the Midwest, joining us on YouTube folks. And hi Violet from San Francisco, nice to have you. Oh, sweet. My heart is warmed always with all these hellos and welcomes from different places in the world, different venues, time zones, Zoom, YouTube. Hello everyone who will be listening to us in the future on AudioDharma or recordings. Hi. What a nice way to come together and connect in this moment in time. And hi Amber from Ohio. So let's get started formally. And at this time, thank you Neal. Neal as always comes through posting information about the Happy Hour Google Groups, which is a forum we have for the sangha where information is shared, quotes and resources, and also members can connect offline. So at this time I change the chat settings so that chats will only come to me on Zoom, the host, if there's anything urgent like my sound drops off or something, otherwise we'll keep that quiet also. And I also turn on recording now which Zoom will ask you for confirmation. This is for the sake of AudioDharma. Here we go, okay. ## [Happy Hour: Compassion for the World](https://www.audiodharma.org/talks/14026) So hello and welcome everyone. Wonderful to be with you and see you. So for today's practice, I'd like to invite us to engage with the practice of compassion today. Compassion for the world, compassion for others, especially with what has been happening on the world stage the past few days. Ah, with the catastrophes internationally, just to name a few of course there's Afghanistan, and there is Haiti also with not just the earthquake but also the weather now there, the storm. So just a heavy heart. So much suffering, so much suffering around the world. And with the practice of compassion, especially in the way that I like to invite us to engage with tonight, compassion supports us to meet suffering, to be with suffering, whether it's ours or others'. To meet it, not to drown in it. Not to drown in the heartache, that is not compassion. That's basically overwhelm, that's grief. Empathic distress is another word for it. Whereas compassion is where we meet suffering, ours or others, with care, with kindness, with a sense of stability, with an equanimity that's loving, that's caring. So we can hold presence. We can hold presence for what might be painful, difficult, something that we cannot change. And yet, we don't turn our face away, thinking, "Oh yes, somebody else's problem," but we stay. We hold presence, we are present with the suffering, whether it's ours or others, without pushing it under the proverbial carpet. And it brings a sense of strength, strength in the heart. And compassion is different from empathy. Empathy is only resonating with suffering. So in one way we can think of it, if we think of the paradigm, say the neuroscience paradigm, it's just the mirror neurons resonating. And it turns out that that is really the aspect of when you feel empathic. "Oh yes, somebody hurts," and you feel pain with them. And there are research studies that actually show when you see someone suffering, the same areas in your brain that experience physical pain light up. So empathy alone is not compassion. What is compassion? It is empathy plus metta[^2] plus loving-kindness plus care. Plus this feeling of warmth, that I care, I am present for you, with you, breathing with you, holding. So it's both. It's not just empathy alone, and it'll become more clear in the guided meditation as I will invite you. And at any point if you find yourself in empathic distress, know that empathy alone, just feeling the pain without metta to balance it, can fall into empathic distress. So my invitation will be at that point to stop and bring compassion, bring care to yourself. Because in that moment you're the one who's suffering. So again, if at any point you find you're in empathic distress and overwhelm in grief, stop compassion for others, turn a compassionate gaze to yourself so that you have enough stability. And at that point you can turn back out or maybe just stay with yourself. So know what is best for you, what is best for you. So the particular practice actually... you know, I won't say anymore. I'll just lead you into whatever you need to know. And whether this is your first time or a hundredth time in Happy Hour, whatever you need to know will be shared with you during this guided meditation, okay? So trust, trust yourself, trust the practice. And again, if at any point it becomes painful and challenging, turn compassion to yourself, just remember that. Okay. All right, so with that, let's begin. Let's begin our practice formally. ## Guided Meditation Landing, landing in this body. Landing in this moment. As always we begin, we begin by just arriving. Letting go of any thoughts, stories, expectations. And just landing, landing in this body, in this moment in time. Inviting awareness to connect with the sensations of your feet connected to the earth, of your sit bones, your bottom connected to the earth. With each breath, ah, landing. Landing, connecting more deeply. Feeling your feet, your lower legs, your sitting on the cushion, your bottom. The contact points, all the contact points, feeling them more and more to feel solidly connected, embodied. Well rooted to the earth. Feeling your hands. Feeling your lower abdomen expanding and contracting with each breath on its own. Each breath breathed, each breath breathed on its own. The breath has been breathing itself, breathing you for all this time, so don't make it effortful. Let it flow just as it has been flowing all this time. Just simply notice the movement of the abdomen, the breath received. As if the body becomes more and more alive, more present. More settled, more relaxed. Through each breath. I'd like to invite you to imagine the breath, as if the breath is being received naturally, on its own, through the middle of your chest. The peripheral heart center, middle of the chest, as if the breath has entered. And with each breath received, this capacity of care, of warm-heartedness, friendliness, kindness, is breathed into, enlivened. Again, not so much that you are doing it, but I know there is friendliness here already. As if the breath is bellowing, bellowing on the embers on the fire, making it bigger. It's just happening on its own. As much as it's available right now, just witnessing, letting the breath be received gently. It might be a little tiny fire, and that's okay. A few more minutes allowing the breath to be received from the heart center, bellowing throughout your whole body. Calming, settling, letting go of whatever is not needed. Whatever is not necessary. If thoughts are not necessary right now, letting them go. Thank you, not needed right now, please come back later. Coming back here, just here and now. Imagining, imagining that your heart center, middle of your chest, is this holy fire. Holy fire of love, of care, of compassion that is both yours and is not yours, it's not personal. It's holy fire of universal compassion. Burning brightly, beautifully in your heart. As if it were a gift, a gift from the beyond, a gift of grace. Ah, it's not mine, it's just here. It's part of being human. Breathing, breathing with. Breathing with holy fire, this holy fire of compassion. And imagine that with each out-breath, each out-breath breathed out of your heart center, each out-breath carries this goodness, goodwill of compassion. Shining, shining the light onto the entire world, yourself, and all beings who are suffering. And the out-breath brings them comfort, soothes, brings the message of goodwill, of care from you. And now imagine that the sorrow, the sadness, the suffering, naturally as it gets breathed in, into this incinerator, this holy fire in your heart, it gets transformed. It's not yours, this transformation, it's not yours to do. It's not yours to keep. Suffering, as if it's smoke, as if it's a dark cloud, it's breathed in. On its own, it gets transformed, incinerated, transformed in this holy fire of compassion, goodwill, to care, into goodwill, into a self-soothing and breathed out. Breathed out. Delivering your care, your compassion, to all who are suffering, which may include yourself. And as this transformation continues, as dukkha[^3], as suffering is breathed and transformed in your heart, breathed out, bringing comfort and ease. There's a sense of courage, heart, and strength[^4] in your heart, there's a sense of courage, more and more courage to not turn away. At first it could be just a tiny little bit of courage, not to turn away, to hold witness. To breathe with all these beings, all these humans who are just like you, just like me. Just like me, they want to be safe. May they be safe. Just like me, they want to be happy. May they be happy. Just like me, they want to be healthy. May they be healthy and strong. And just like me, they want ease in their lives. May they have ease. Just as I don't want to suffer, may they be free from suffering. At any point if you feel more empathic distress, you can turn the compassion, care, love, metta to yourself. You can also lean more into the care, to the warmth, to the goodwill for others instead of leaning into the suffering. Lean more into the goodwill to balance. I care. I care for your suffering, I care. May you be well. May you be free. May there be ease. May there be peace. To breathe with. To breathe with the times when there is nothing else within our ability or power to do. To hold witness and breathe with. To breathe, to breathe with those who are suffering, which can include ourselves. Breathing with the pain. Letting the sorrow be. Breathing out care, compassion. For the last moments of this practice period, connecting with the compassion, the care for yourself and all beings. Whatever this period of practice was like, whether it was distracted, sleepy, whether there was falling into empathic distress, sadness, grief. It's all okay, it's all okay. It's all okay. You tried, you showed up. You did your best to align your actions, the training of your mind with your intentions, and now letting go. Letting go of the rest. Letting go of what you cannot control, given all the causes and conditions that have come before. May all beings be well. May all beings be free from suffering, including ourselves. Thank you all for your practice. ## Reflections and Q&A So the practice today was the practice of tonglen[^5], compassion as it's practiced in the way of tonglen, the practice in Tibetan Buddhism. Breathing in sorrow, letting it be transformed, breathing it out. It's a different way of doing compassion than we tend to usually do. And also I try to bring in, and to say that tonglen can often be a very challenging practice. So however it was for you, whether it was challenging, it's okay, it's okay, it's okay. You showed up, you tried. I also in this practice brought a little bit of equanimity practice, which is being with, holding witness when causes and conditions are above and beyond our control, to acknowledge that. And acknowledge the being with, holding presence, and trying to have a bird's-eye view. So you are welcome now, you're invited to share your reflections if you like. Questions, comments. And you can type them in chat. If they're typed just to me, I will not read your name. If they're typed to everyone, I will read your name. You can also raise your Zoom hand if you like to share your reflections. I'd like to hear from you, what was the practice like for you? What did you discover? What did you learn? It could be a question, it could be what was challenging, what was a discovery. And know that when you offer an insight, a question, you're offering it for the community, for everyone's practice, so not just for yourself. Especially if you're new to Happy Hour, I'd like to invite you not to feel that you're in the hot seat, but if you'd like to share, please. Sharon. **Sharon:** So today, especially reflecting on Afghanistan, I've also really taken into my heart today... I'm sure you're familiar with Joan Halifax[^6], and she has a brilliant, beautiful teaching of _strong back, soft front_. And your holy fire went beautifully with my reflections today. Thank you so much. **Nikki:** Thank you, Sharon. And thank you for bringing in, naming Afghanistan. Again, as it is in the space, of course the common humanity. Just like us, we're human beings, we could be born as them. And to bring in the beautiful practice of Joan Halifax, this _strong back, soft front_. And a holy fire in the heart. Beautiful, thank you, Sharon. Beautiful pair of reflections. Thank you for that. Yeah, _strong back, soft front_. Yeah. Thank you for that reflection. **Sharon:** Now I don't know how to put my hand down. **Nikki:** I will do it for you, dear. Okay, thank you. Thank you. And others, please, you are welcome. What did you discover? Philip says, "I knew your voice is quite soothing. I didn't realize you were guiding using tonglen. Quite nice, was helpful to my nervous system. Namaste." You are welcome, Philip. And you're also welcome, if you like, not to feel on the spot, but if you wanted to raise your hand you could say more. But not needed. Nothing for anyone else? Got another moment, another reflection here: "I appreciate your reminder to turn toward pain instead of turning away." Yeah, thank you for that reflection that was sent to me. It's important. It is important. Yeah. It's been quite... I have to say. I'll wait another beat for any reflections that might come from you, dear sangha. Oh, here's another reflection from Richard on YouTube: "I had distraction due to physical pain and difficulty tending towards pain. The realization came towards the end of practice, your invitation that it was all welcome blossomed a bud of compassion." Oh, thank you, Richard, for sharing this beautiful bud of compassion of your practice. To welcome it all, turning towards. One more reflection: "The breathing out compassion was interesting. It felt forced at first, but it went well after tuning into it somehow." Beautiful. Great. I appreciate that reflection that, yes, if it feels forced then bring in this reflection of this holy fire, that the breathing happens on its own. This holy fire of compassion, in some ways it is yours and in some ways not, so letting it just as if you're witnessing. As if you're witnessing something. So I'm delighted to hear that that happened. One more reflection: "I discovered how to have compassion for myself." Beautiful. Thank you for that. And Neal, I see your hand. Please. **Neal:** First of all, I really appreciated this. It was great timing. How do you remember that, you know, in particular in Afghanistan, that despite all the terrors that are happening, there are people deserving of your love on both sides of that? **Nikki:** Yeah, absolutely. I'm so glad you brought this up. I'll share something with you from my own practice that came up for me tonight. Because as I was practicing for the terror of so many people who are scared, so many people who are scared right now. And once I... I was also seeing the other side, I was seeing the other side. These fighters as children, because at some point they were children. And in some ways they are... they... there's a particular way they see the world, and that is causing so much suffering to others and to themselves. And I'm reminded in Buddhism, the root, the root of all suffering, all ills in the world are greed, hatred, and confusion or translated as delusion. And in fact, delusion is the root of greed and hatred. Delusion really isn't anything but also translated as ignorance, but it's not an ignorance of not knowing, but it's like a not seeing clearly. Not seeing your true nature, not seeing, not knowing how particular ways of being causes harm to yourself and causes harm to others. It's similar to the prayer of Jesus, "Forgive them, Father, for the harm they cause," I'm paraphrasing, "as they do not know what they do." They do not know what they do. So there's a sense of, oh, they don't know what they do. If they saw clearly, if they saw without dust in their eyes how the way of being is causing pain for people, for women, children, etc. So in that way my heart can be open to compassion to all sides. "Forgive them, Father, as they do not know what they do." So this is what comes up for me, Neal, and I offer it as a reflection to you. Thank you. Thank you. So dear ones, time has come for us in this sangha, in this community to turn to practice in small groups. Which is what we do at this time, holding ourselves, holding each other especially tenderly tonight. And we will practice in small groups of size three or four, and holding each other and ourselves. First in 15 seconds of silence, a silent metta and compassion for ourselves, for each other. And then after the 15 seconds of silent compassion for ourselves and each other, we'll share however much or however little you like to share about your practice. And again, hold yourselves, hold each other with care, with tenderness. Take care of yourselves, it's about supporting each other, not about impressing each other at all. So the rooms are created, and again, take care of yourselves, take care of each other. Here you go. _(Small group practice break)_ And the rooms are all closed now, and everybody's back. Welcome back, everyone. So we have just about a minute if anybody would like to share a reflection, something that you learned or came up for you in the practice. And Diana, please. **Diana:** It's just a question. I have a problem with the image of fire, holy fire. I find it kind of menacing. I've been trying to think of another word to substitute that and I haven't come up with anything yet, but if you have one for that... **Nikki:** Lovely. Fire, it's a purifying thing. Another, I'll tell you another, if you know, one other image you can have is an orb of light. It's just an orb of light. So it gets, come in, it gets transformed through this orb of light. **Diana:** Okay, all right. Thank you. **Nikki:** You are so welcome, Diana. Thank you so much for that question. Yeah. I'll mute you, okay. So thank you all. Thank you so much for your practice. For showing up, for cultivating your heart, your mind, for the benefit of yourself and all beings whose lives you touch. May all beings be free from suffering, may all beings be well. Thank you, and I will stay a few minutes extra today on Zoom. --- [^1]: **Sangha:** A Pali word referencing the Buddhist community of monks, nuns, novices, and laity. [^2]: **Metta:** A Pali word translated as loving-kindness, goodwill, or friendliness. [^3]: **Dukkha:** A Pali word often translated as suffering, stress, or unsatisfactoriness. [^4]: Original transcript said 'and fringe', corrected to 'and strength' based on context. [^5]: **Tonglen:** A Tibetan Buddhist meditation practice of "sending and receiving," in which one visualizes taking in the suffering of others on the in-breath, and sending out comfort and compassion on the out-breath. [^6]: **Joan Halifax:** A contemporary Zen Buddhist teacher, anthropologist, and author, known for her work in engaged Buddhism.