--- ai_generation_date: '2026-06-11' ai_model: gemini-3-pro-preview audiodharma: talks: - date: '2022-06-24' mp3_url: https://audiodharma.us-east-1.linodeobjects.com/talks/16517/20220624-Nikki_Mirghafori-IMC-happy_hour_happiness_sorrow_and_aspiration.mp3 speakers: - speaker_name: Nikki Mirghafori speaker_url: https://www.audiodharma.org/speakers/229 talk_start_time_seconds: 0 title: 'Happy Hour: Happiness, Sorrow, and Aspiration' url: https://www.audiodharma.org/talks/16517 video_unavailable: false location_city: Redwood City, CA video_unavailable: false youtube: id: Hac9it4wZSE imprecise_upload_date: '2023-05-04' title: 'Happy Hour: Happiness, Sorrow, and Aspiration' upload_date: null uploader_str: Insight Meditation Center uploader_url: https://www.youtube.com/@InsightMeditationCenter youtube_url: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hac9it4wZSE --- # Happy Hour: Happiness, Sorrow, and Aspiration - [Nikki Mirghafori](https://www.audiodharma.org/speakers/229) *This is an AI-generated transcript from auto-generated subtitles for the video above. It likely contains inaccuracies, especially with speaker attribution if there are multiple speakers.* ## [Happy Hour: Happiness, Sorrow, and Aspiration](https://www.audiodharma.org/talks/16517) ## Introduction Hello friends, and welcome to Happy Hour! If you can hear my audio okay, give me a thumbs up. Fantastic. Welcome, everyone. I'd like to invite us to warm up the space, as is our custom, by saying hello and welcoming ourselves and each other with *mettā*[^1]. I'll start: I'm Nikki, in Mountain View, California, on unceded Ohlone[^2] land. Welcome to Happy Hour. *[Greetings are exchanged with participants from various locations, including San Francisco, Dallas, New Hampshire, Oakland, Fairfield, Utah, and Bali.]* I feel the space has been warmed up sufficiently, and friends are joining us on YouTube as well, so hello to you. Let's formally get started. If you are new to Happy Hour, you are warmly welcome to join the mailing list—it's low traffic, but heavy on heart. At this time, I will change the settings so muting oneself won't be possible, and I will turn on the recording for AudioDharma. ## Quotes on Happiness Hello, and welcome to Happy Hour, wherever you are and whatever time zone you are in. For today's Happy Hour, I wanted to offer a guided meditation inspired by a few quotes on happiness. I thought it would be fun to do that tonight, given that this is Happy Hour. So, let's talk about happiness. The first quote is from Mother Teresa, and she says: "There is no key to happiness; the door is always open." I love this one. You know how people say, "The key to happiness is this or that"? There is no key to happiness; the door is always open. It is synonymous with the title of a book we've worked with before: *Happiness Is a Choice You Make*. It's always available; it's always here. Here is another one from the Dalai Lama: "Happiness is not something ready-made. It comes from your own actions." I think to that I must add that in Buddhism, actions are not just physical. There are actions of speech and mind, and decisions are actions of the mind. So these two quotes are related. This one is from Marcus Aurelius, a Stoic philosopher—and there is a lot of similarity between Stoicism and Buddhism, by the way. This is a great one: "Very little is needed to make a happy life; it is all within yourself, in your way of thinking." We've seen echoes of that in the other quotes and in what we've practiced. I like this one, too, from Chinmayananda Saraswati[^3]: "Don't put the key to your happiness in someone else's pocket." I was having so much fun that I couldn't choose just one, so I figured I would share these different quotes in my introduction and let you see which one you relate to the most. This next one is from Milton Erickson: "Life will bring you pain all by itself. Your responsibility is to create joy." Okay, one last one! Really, the last one. This is from Friedrich Koenig: "We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have." I could continue, but I think that is enough to set the stage for tonight's guided meditation. I will bring some of these themes in. Let's begin. ## Guided Meditation I invite you all to get into your meditation posture, whether lying down or sitting. Inviting yourself to land in your body. Greeting this body, this moment, and whatever is present. If heartache is present, welcoming that. Embracing that sadness. If there are challenges in the body, or pain, it's all okay. We don't have to push anything away for happiness to be here. It can contain everything. So, embracing whatever is here. Releasing the body. Releasing the tightness, the holding, the tension. Starting with the forehead, softening this part of the body, which usually signals how much tension and tightness there is in the rest of the body. Softening the jaw. Inviting your teeth to relax. This is almost like an invitation to make your face relaxed. Inviting your ears to relax. The muscles behind your face. There is no need to hold up any mask. Imagine you are attending a loving-kindness spa, and your face is getting an internal massage. Lovingly tell your muscles to relax. It's okay. Every breath massaging the muscles of the face. Hanging out here for a moment. No rush. We are not rushing anywhere. Inviting the breath to massage your neck and shoulders. Inviting the breath to give a mental massage to your heart center. Holding and making space for whatever is present, especially if there is tenderness and you've had a challenging day, or days. Inviting the abdomen and the back to release. Feeling calmed, cooled, or warmed—whatever the need is. Comforted by the breath. Sit bones landing on the seat, released. Releasing the tension in your upper legs, your knees, your lower legs, and feet. Letting the breath move throughout the whole body. Calming, soothing, like a lullaby. If there is pain in your heart, or any challenges in the body and the mind, let them be held kindly. Imagine a loving presence, a loving embrace holding you. Holding whatever is challenging with care and warmth. You don't have to be any other way than how you're showing up right now. Knowing and trusting that for every being, there are ten thousand sorrows. Being human is tough. And there are ten thousand joys. Letting the challenges and the sorrow be held with kindness and compassion. Knowing that the capacity of our heart is expansive. It can hold joy. We can turn to our good fortune at any moment. Not putting the key to our happiness in someone else's pocket, or even in our own pocket. There is no key needed. Mother Teresa said, "There is no key to happiness; the door is always open." Happiness is not found in getting what we want, which is endless. The list of what we want is endless. The mind will always come up with something else to want. Of course it does; it's the nature of *samsara*[^4]. Wanting this, wanting that. It's not a sin to want, it's not a problem, it just doesn't bring happiness. But to appreciate what there is already—this amazing life. Being alive. Having agency. Being able to think. Being able to touch other people's lives. So many gifts. To be alive and have this precious human life. I'll read another quote from the Dalai Lama. Let it drop into your body and your heart. See what might bubble up: "Every day, think as you wake up: Today I am fortunate to be alive. I have a precious human life. I am not going to waste it. I am going to use all my energies to develop myself, to expand my heart out to others, to achieve enlightenment for the benefit of all beings." I'll read the quote one more time. Try not to think about it, but let it shower your heart. Feeling the energy of these words in your body. Maybe something rings true for you and comes alive. "Every day, think as you wake up: Today I am fortunate to be alive. I have a precious human life. I am not going to waste it. I am going to use all my energies to develop myself, to expand my heart out to others, to achieve enlightenment for the benefit of all beings." Let us sit with the reverberation of these words in our bodies and our hearts. Not thinking, just breathing, or being breathed. See what else might bubble up. A profound time for reflection in silence, externally and maybe even internally. *[Silence for practice]* And whatever arises, whatever percolates, can we have kindness and acceptance toward it? Even if it's a crowd of sorrows, can we be kind to whatever arises? Meet it with a generous smile. A security blanket, a safety blanket. Knowing that every moment we can turn. We can know that our heart is expansive enough to contain challenges, contain joy, aspiration, and happiness. Knowing the blessings of our precious human birth, all the opportunities we have been given, and all the gifts we have. *[Silence for practice]* As we approach the end of this practice period, know in your heart that you are cultivating yourself. You are using your energies to extend your heart to yourself and to others. You are walking this path toward awakening. Know this without evaluating your progress every five minutes. Knowing that you are practicing—this in and of itself is a cause for happiness. Knowing this brings up happiness in the heart. Let us together gift with generosity. As another act of cultivation, generously offer our goodness. Our actions of mind, speech, intention, and the decision to create joy and extend our hearts. Offer this goodness to all beings everywhere. May all beings be happy. May all beings be free, including ourselves. Thank you all. Thank you for your practice. ## Reflections So we have some time for any reflections you'd like to share. Anything that came up, any questions, any complaints—everything is welcome. As we've weaved a few themes through quotes on happiness and joy, the idea that it's about turning our minds to it, and also the inspiring invitation from the Dalai Lama, I welcome any reflections on what came up for you. Anything that shifted or moved, or anything that didn't work, is all okay. Sharing your reflections is for the benefit of others. Fred, I see your hand. **Fred:** I'd just like to say what I experienced and see what you say. I was feeling a little agitation and some sorrow, and I was simultaneously trying to open my heart so that all these things could exist together. It wasn't a mental process, because you can't really think of three disparate things simultaneously, but it seems that emotionally or psychologically you can. I wasn't trying to have a battle royale between them, but just let them coexist, because they were going to anyway. The sadness and agitation would be there without my bidding, and I needed to open up to the heart being more welcoming and loving. So that's my experience. What do you think? **Nikki:** I love it, Fred. I love how you're talking about these disparate emotional states coexisting—the sadness, the agitation, and then opening your heart and letting them coexist in their own way. That is what I was inviting you to do tonight: allow the heartache or challenge to be there, and for there also to be a soothing, comforting, and welcoming of it. And to know that there could be a little bit of joy and happiness, acknowledging that there are gifts here as well as aspiration. It's like a big soup. That's our human condition, right? All of these things are present at the same time. The crux of my invitation was exactly that. It's not like you're pitting them against each other, or that the comforting is supposed to make the rest go away. **Fred:** I don't have a sense of it being a success, you know. It's just all things are present. I've been thinking off and on during Happy Hour of the ending of a novel by Anthony Marra[^5]. It involves really terrible things that happened in the Chechen War. At the very end, there are a couple of survivors maintaining a hospital in the midst of immense suffering. They do this with a kind of duty and determination, and occasionally joy, against all odds of things turning out well. But a young girl escapes, and they know that she's alive and that she will go on to do good things in the world. She's their missionary out in the world. It's almost worth the pain of reading this book to reach the last pages of it. So anyway, thank you. **Nikki:** Thank you, Fred. Thanks for sharing that. In what you're sharing about the book, there is a sense that yes, even in the midst of so many challenges, there was a sense of joy. And connecting that back to what you were saying: it doesn't feel like a sense of success where you've "managed" it. And yet, that *is* what the quote-unquote "success" here is. It's allowing all of this to be. It's the recognition that all of this can be—that the sadness and challenge can be there alongside the comforting, the *mettā*, the aspiration, and the joy. All of these can be present together. It doesn't have to be one or the other. It's the full catastrophe[^6] of being human, and can we embrace the beauty of the full catastrophe as you beautifully just talked about. Thank you, Fred. One reflection came in privately in the chat: "I have been feeling jealous and being left out for the past week. I tried to be mindful of it, but it feels a bit overwhelming. I was wondering if you have any suggestions on how to be with it." To the person who wrote the reflection: when jealousy or envy arises, or feeling left out, I think what can be even more helpful than just being mindful of it—saying, "Okay, I know you're there"—is actually holding it with compassion. There's a lot of pain when one is feeling left out or feeling envious. Hold that pain with a lot of compassion instead of blaming oneself. Instead of thinking, "Oh, you shouldn't be jealous, you should rise above it," just say, "In this moment, sweetheart, it's okay. It's hurting." For whatever causes and conditions in the past, from childhood or the zeitgeist of the world, this is what's here right now. That's what I would invite you and others who might be going through this to do. Really turn toward it with compassion. Give it a lot of space. See what's underneath feeling jealous or left out. And as you hold it with compassion and care, maybe a sense of generosity arises. Generosity toward yourself, and generosity toward others. When the hurt is cared for and held completely, generosity can arise from it. I hope that makes sense. Here is another reflection from YouTube: "Touched a nerve during the guided meditation... so many tears and so much love and comfort." Thank you for sharing that. Lovely. So dear friends, as the Dalai Lama talks about expanding our heart to others, let's expand our hearts to others in small groups. I will create the breakout rooms. See if you can extend your heart to yourself and to others. Not pushing, not trying too hard, but just extending your heart. What is it like to show up with an extended heart that holds suffering, joy, aspiration, jealousy, and the full catastrophe of being human? Speak just from your own experience. Offer what you like, or you can simply offer your silence. *[The group breaks into smaller rooms for connection]* Okay, the rooms are closed, we are all back, and we are at time. Let's respect the time and bring this session to a close. I hope you had a nice time connecting with each other. Thank you all for showing up, for practicing, for cultivating your heart, and extending your heart to others. May all beings be well, may all beings be free, including ourselves. Thanks everyone. --- [^1]: ***Mettā*:** A Pali word meaning loving-kindness, benevolence, or goodwill. [^2]: **Ohlone:** Indigenous people of the Northern California coast. The Insight Meditation Center (which hosts AudioDharma) is located on their ancestral, unceded lands. [^3]: **Chinmayananda Saraswati:** (1916–1993) A Hindu spiritual leader and teacher who inspired the formation of the Chinmaya Mission. [^4]: ***Samsara*:** The continuous cycle of birth, death, and rebirth, characterized by a worldly wandering driven by desire and suffering. [^5]: **Anthony Marra:** The author of the 2013 novel *A Constellation of Vital Phenomena*, which matches the description of the book set during the Chechen War. [^6]: **The Full Catastrophe:** A phrase originating from the novel *Zorba the Greek* by Nikos Kazantzakis, later popularized in Western mindfulness contexts by Jon Kabat-Zinn in his book *Full Catastrophe Living*, signifying the entirety of the human experience, including all its joys and sorrows.