--- ai_generation_date: '2026-06-08' ai_model: gemini-3-pro-preview audiodharma: talks: - date: '2022-07-13' mp3_url: https://audiodharma.us-east-1.linodeobjects.com/talks/16623/20220713-Nikki_Mirghafori-IMC-happy_hour_grandmotherly_mind.mp3 speakers: - speaker_name: Nikki Mirghafori speaker_url: https://www.audiodharma.org/speakers/229 talk_start_time_seconds: 0 title: 'Happy Hour: Grandmotherly Mind' url: https://www.audiodharma.org/talks/16623 video_unavailable: false location_city: Redwood City, CA video_unavailable: false youtube: id: Kzq-ERMJABw imprecise_upload_date: '2023-05-04' title: 'Happy Hour: Grandmotherly Mind' upload_date: null uploader_str: Insight Meditation Center uploader_url: https://www.youtube.com/@InsightMeditationCenter youtube_url: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kzq-ERMJABw --- # Happy Hour: Grandmotherly Mind - [Nikki Mirghafori](https://www.audiodharma.org/speakers/229) *This is an AI-generated transcript from auto-generated subtitles for the video above. It likely contains inaccuracies, especially with speaker attribution if there are multiple speakers.* ## [Happy Hour: Grandmotherly Mind](https://www.audiodharma.org/talks/16623) Hello everyone. Lovely to be with you. Welcome if you're new, welcome if you're an old-timer, and welcome if you're returning after a while. Lovely to be in this space and time together, and also welcome to folks on YouTube who are joining us, because this is live-streamed. We are practicing kindness, practicing loving-kindness, practicing metta[^1], and the other brahmaviharas[^2]—the other practices of the heart. The theme I'd like to bring in today is this realization that when we treat ourselves, others, and what arises in our heart and mind—emotions, maybe even challenging emotions like fear and anxiety—with gentleness and kindness instead of pushing them away or being aversive towards them, then it feels like the world is responding to us with metta. If we share kindness, if our attitude is one of metta, we form our own perceptions; we form the world that we live in. It's similar to when someone is angry or upset and goes through the world feeling upset and angry at everyone, and they feel that everybody is angry at them. This becomes a very hostile world. We create our own reality with our actions. In Buddhism, actions also refer to actions of the mind. Thoughts are actions of the mind, speech is an action of speech, and of course, what you do in the world are physical actions. But your thoughts, the way you think, the way you react, the way you frame or reframe something—they are all actions of the mind, the mind door in Buddhism. For every action, there is a reaction. If we are sharing or have the perspective of aversion, anger, and fear, then that's how we perceive the world to be. We perceive the world to be a very unsafe and unfriendly place. Whereas with metta, we perceive a world that is kinder because we are being kinder to ourselves first and foremost, and kinder to others. One last thing I want to say to set the frame today is the story of how the Buddha started to teach metta. Many of you may know the story, but I like to bring it up again. It is said that a group of monks were sent by the Buddha to a forest to practice diligently on their own, and the tree spirits were very upset to have their peace intruded upon by these monks. So they scared the monks away. They created ghastly images and smells, and the monks were terrified. The monks ran back to the Buddha and said, "Oh Buddha, please send us anywhere but not that forest. It's a scary, scary place." They were trembling. And the Buddha, with his sense of humor, said, "Well actually, I'm going to send you back to the very same forest, but I'm going to give you the only protection you need." And that's when he taught them metta—the practice of sharing loving-kindness and goodwill. So they trusted the Buddha, came back to the forest, and practiced diligently. Loving-kindness, goodwill, kindness for the tree spirits. And the story goes that the tree spirits, after a while, decided they actually liked the monks. They started to care for them, protect them, and they lived happily ever after. Whether you take this story to be an archetype, the point here is metta as an antidote to fear. The monks in their minds were creating a sense of lack of safety; they were afraid this world was a dangerous place. Then they came back with a sense of metta for the tree spirits, whether or not they existed. Just the sense of metta and kindness filled their hearts, and they felt happy and practiced happily. We are not so different from those monks. ## Guided Meditation I think I have set enough of a frame for our practice today. I'd like to invite us all to settle. Settle in your chair, arrive in your seat. Whether you're sitting, standing, or lying down, turn your gaze inward to this body and invite it to relax. Invite it to soften. When the body relaxes, the mind can relax. Can you invite this relaxation in the body into stillness? Not moving. As an act of kindness to yourself, invite yourself to be still. When the body is still, the mind can be still. If the body keeps moving, the mind keeps moving. Turning the gaze inward and connecting with the breath in the abdomen. Sense a refuge in kindness and goodwill. Whether your body is tired, sleepy, or anxious, however it is, can you open up wholeheartedly to this body however it is right now? Offer safety and kindness. *Oh dear body, relax. It's okay. It's all right. Just be breathed.* This coming to practice together, for your own sake and the sake of others, is an act of kindness. In the space of practice, every breath is an act of kindness. Taking refuge, calming, settling, and connecting with your intention for cultivating goodness. As thoughts arise and pass, can we meet them with kindness, not with judgment? The same way that a beloved little puppy has started to wander away. You notice it's playing in another field. You don't kick it. Maybe you're kind, gentle, and you laugh with goodwill. *Oh sweetie, it's okay. It's all right. Come back here and settle. Come back and settle on my lap where I can pet you.* Let there be the same sense of kindness and gentleness to your thoughts, to your heart, and your emotions. Even if they're challenging ones, your body and your mind, can you offer them safety? Invite them to sit on your lap so you can pet them. *It's okay, fear, it's all right. Anxiety, it's all right sweetie, it's okay, you're just doing your thing. Hello, backache.* If judgments arise or doubt arises—*Am I doing this right? Is this the right way? Is this correct?*—invite the judgment or the doubt also to come sit on your lap and be petted. *It's all right, dear. It's okay, come.* Offering it safety, non-judgment, and kindness. Letting your body and your heart be relaxed. Whatever arises, treat it with kindness. And if nothing is arising and it's just the breath, just quiet, imbue the breath with kindness. Each breath, breathing in kindness, breathing out kindness. Simple. No need to make it complicated. Let there be an attitude and perspective of goodwill in the actions of your mind and your heart as much as possible. Even towards what is difficult, even if you have aversion towards something, can you be okay allowing it? Offer grandmotherly patience and kindness even to the aversion. Say when a child is cranky, upset, or crying, the wiser, older grandma doesn't become perturbed, but understands that the kid is tired, or is hungry, or is hangry. There's patience. There's love, knowing the causes and conditions that have given rise to this. So let there be a grandmotherly mind. You may not know all the causes and conditions of what's arising in your heart, your mind, and your body, but you can have kindness, a grandmotherly mind towards whatever is arising. Whenever you're ready, let there be a sense of expansiveness in your heart and your body expanding. This grandmotherly perspective pervading all around you, permeating through your life, all the aspects of your life. Kindness, patience, goodwill for all the people in your life. Sharing your grandmotherly metta, grandmotherly mind, and the goodwill of it with them. Whoever comes to mind is welcome. If thoughts are arising, can we be kind to everything? As we bring this practice period to a close, can we offer kindness, safety, and a grandmotherly mind to whatever arose, or whatever did not arise? No judgment. We showed up. We showed up as well as we were able to, offering generously this goodness, trusting there is goodness here cultivated within ourselves. Offering it to all beings everywhere. May all beings everywhere know their own goodness. May all beings everywhere, including ourselves, be happy and free. ## Reflections Thank you all, thank you for your practice. We have some time for reflections. If there are any questions, comments, complaints, or maybe aha moments, you can raise your hand or you can type in the chat. What came up for you? What happened? Hello Lars on YouTube from Sweden, it's a very early morning for you! Anything that shifted for you? Anything that you noticed, perhaps especially with the grandmotherly mind? Was it easy to offer grandmotherly mind? Did things shift? A private chat says, *"May all beings everywhere know their own goodness. Lovely. Reframes the situation."* Thank you. Jerry, please. **Jerry:** It was difficult initially. My grandmother had many children and thus even more grandchildren—numbers close to thirty. I was one of them, and for some of the younger ones, the older grandchildren could be their parents. She had a term she used, and it was *pet*. I would ask something and she'd say, "Oh pet, do you want some Juicy Fruit gum?" That word *pet*—I hadn't thought of that word in many years. It was like, oh, that's warm. That's kindness. It was a click of a switch, but until then it was seemingly a little academic. But I got that word and I thought, okay, I'm here. I hope that helps others. **Nikki:** That's very sweet, Jerry. It brightens my heart and helps me connect. "Hello, pet." It's just so sweet, just one word has so much kindness in it. Thanks for sharing that. Katrin, please. **Katrin:** I was having a daily life practice challenge because I wanted to be meditating outside in some grass, and people were loud. It just felt like, oh, this day has been so hard already, and I just wanted to meditate on the grass. Now there are these people, and I was really mad at everyone and mad at myself. I was feeling so bad. I felt like I should be meditating right now, instead I'm walking home and ruining my one chance to get calm for the day. So I was kind of hustling home. I was passing a neighbor, and she smiled and waved. I just stopped and took out my AirPods and asked her about her tomatoes. She said, "They're actually this guy's tomatoes." Then he came out with his 18-month-old and the mom, and suddenly we were all having this really sweet conversation about tomatoes. Three generations of humans just connecting. The rest of the night felt so good. On the rest of that walk, everything changed. Everything that had been dark and icky just suddenly opened up and felt so beautiful and transformed. It was that choice—a hard choice for me to make—to stop and just say something kind to her, and then allow that moment to open and to receive the sweetness of the connection. I didn't quite do the meditation practice, but I did a different practice, and I wouldn't have been able to do it without the teachings in my ears. So thank you. **Nikki:** Thank you, Katrin, that is so beautiful. What beautiful practice you did in this session! It's metta in all of its beauty. It's the action that you took, the action of the mind, saying something nice and opening up the perception. Same evening, same walk home, the perception just shifted in one moment. That's great practice. Gene, please. **Gene:** I was thinking that I felt like your guidance was helping me start to build a muscle that I don't have already. I was channeling my kindergarten teacher who used to hold me in her lap and rock me. I've been trying to deal with chronic pain and a lot of fear around that, and kind of grief and remorse, and it's really hard. I definitely resisted, so I think this was a good first step, but it really does feel like a capacity I have to build. I'm not sure I would have had the courage or opportunity without that beautiful guided meditation, so thank you. **Nikki:** Thank you so much, Gene, for sharing that. And sharing that there's something here that's opened up for you, this possibility. There's this memory of the kindness of this teacher, and the physical feeling of being rocked on her lap. What a gift that you remember that, and you have that available to reach into and support yourself with. Just that level of gentle kindness. Metta is not a hammer like, *"Oh, may you be happy!"* It's just sweetly rocking gently. I applaud you for recognizing that and opening up to it more and more. Let's see, a couple more reflections. Jennifer says, *"Very, very peaceful for me, thank you."* You says, *"I'm reminded of the vase that Kuan Yin[^3] carries. It is said that the jar contains a never-ending supply of compassion."* Thank you, You, for that reminder about Kuan Yin. One more private reflection: *"Fits with Diana's guidance from last night: may this uncomfortableness be held with kindness and ease."* Yes, lovely, beautiful. One last reflection from Pat on YouTube: *"A nice, smooth, quiet session this evening after an active day. Thanks Nikki."* You're so welcome. Very quiet, very peaceful, just a gentle rocking of the breath. One more reflection privately: *"At work today I had a difficult conversation with an old friend and was still feeling the effects. I was able to release it during the meditation. Thank you."* Beautiful. It's powerful to have this space of gentleness so that challenges can be released and can soften. So, dear community, with the same gentleness, with the same grandmotherly mind, we're all invited to join each other in small groups of roughly size three. The invitation is to share one thing about how this practice was for you. The next person will say something, and then the next person, and from your own experience. Not asking, not directing, not managing the group, just showing up how you are. Just offering what you have to be held and witnessed. You can also offer silence when it comes your turn and say, *"I pass right now, I'm just holding compassionate space for everyone."* That's okay, you might change your mind in the future rounds. Take care of yourselves, take care of each other, and take advantage of this supportive space, this beautiful community. I'm going to open the rooms. *[Break for small groups]* The rooms are closed and everybody is back, and I see some smiles, which is wonderful! It's always nice to see smiles when you come back from a room. We are at time. We had lots of wonderful practice reports before we went into the room, so we'll close now together. I appreciate the time that you have all spent cultivating kindness and grandmotherly mind. Gently, gently, gently with all the memories that have popped up for you. I love a couple that people shared: the word *pet* and being rocked on one's knees. Very sweet. Thank you all. Thank you for your practice, for being here, and for cultivating your heart for the benefit of all beings. May all beings be happy. May all beings be free, including ourselves. --- [^1]: **Metta:** A Pali word commonly translated as "loving-kindness," "goodwill," or "friendliness." It is the first of the four Brahmaviharas. [^2]: **Brahmaviharas:** The four "divine abodes" or boundless states of the heart in Buddhism: loving-kindness (metta), compassion (karuna), empathetic joy (mudita), and equanimity (upekkha). [^3]: **Kuan Yin** (or Guanyin): The Bodhisattva of Compassion in East Asian Buddhism, often depicted holding a vase containing the water of compassion.