--- ai_generation_date: '2026-10-07' ai_model: gemini-3-pro-preview audiodharma: talks: - date: '2021-02-10' is_meditation: false mp3_url: https://audiodharma.us-east-1.linodeobjects.com/talks/12916/20210210-Nikki_Mirghafori-IMC-happy_hour_our_body_self_as_the_beloved_other.mp3 section_slug: happy-hour-our-body-self-as-the-beloved-other speakers: - speaker_name: Nikki Mirghafori speaker_url: https://www.audiodharma.org/speakers/229 talk_start_time_seconds: 0 title: 'Happy Hour: Our Body & Self As The Beloved Other' url: https://www.audiodharma.org/talks/12916 video_unavailable: false collapsed_sections: - guided-meditation location_city: Redwood City, CA video_unavailable: false youtube: id: MXpaxwHLmPA imprecise_upload_date: '2021-05-04' title: 'Happy Hour: Our Body & Self As The Beloved Other' upload_date: null uploader_str: Insight Meditation Center uploader_url: https://www.youtube.com/@InsightMeditationCenter youtube_url: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MXpaxwHLmPA --- # Happy Hour: Our Body & Self As The Beloved Other - [Nikki Mirghafori](https://www.audiodharma.org/speakers/229) _This is an AI-generated transcript from auto-generated subtitles for the video above. It likely contains inaccuracies, especially with speaker attribution if there are multiple speakers._ ## [Happy Hour: Our Body & Self As The Beloved Other](https://www.audiodharma.org/talks/12916) A warm-hearted welcome to all of you wherever you are in this moment, in this world of ours, this being human. Whatever the weather externally, whatever the weather internally, whatever is happening—here we are together practicing. As we've been practicing, I'm going through the categories of _karuṇā_[^1] together. We're lingering a little longer with self-compassion, _karuṇā_ for self, because you can never have enough _karuṇā_ for self, compassion for self, filling our own cup. So tonight we'll continue with that. There are so many different ways to do this practice; there is no right or wrong. These are all skillful means. You can try different methods, see what works. One thing I wanted to bring up today in our exploration for the practice is to explore the relationship between self-compassion and resilience. You might wonder, "Okay, what's the relationship between self-compassion and resilience?" Some aspects might be obvious, some may not be. I'll offer a couple of thoughts, and then we'll just explore and experiment on our own. One reflection about resilience is the sense that when something challenging happens in life, it doesn't so much mean that you don't get knocked over. Yes, you do get knocked over, but how quickly do you stand up? How quickly do you get up? How quickly do you right yourself? There are studies supporting that mindfulness meditation, and this practice in general, increases resilience in this way of getting knocked over and getting up more quickly. Whereas something would happen and perhaps you would berate yourself or be upset or depressed for days or weeks, you bounce back more quickly. You may have already observed this about yourself if you've been practicing for a while. There are areas of your life that don't get you down as much or as long as they used to. One thing to consider about the practice of self-compassion and its relationship with resilience is that when you're more compassionate to yourself, there is a sense of soothing. There is a soothing self that supports you to stand up, to get up more quickly. It's a sense of support, a sense of empowerment. Imagining compassion to be weak is incorrect; actually, it's a powerful expression of our own strength and love for ourselves to hold ourselves with care. To hold our difficulties with care and love. So there is a sense of resilience. Instead of being down—especially if we keep being down with self-recrimination[^2], with self-judgment, it will keep us down. It will keep us miserable and depressed. With a sense of self-compassion, we can actually take responsibility: "Okay, I did my best given all the causes and conditions. It didn't turn out as well as I aspired to, but it's okay, sweetie. I forgive you. I love you. I care for you. Let's aspire to our values, to show up in the way that we really want to." Instead of, "Oh, you're terrible. You're a loser. You're awful." It can really support us in resilience in that way. Not to give us a free pass, that's not the idea, but to support us in resilience. Without further ado, let's practice together. ## Guided Meditation I'd like to invite you to get into your meditation posture. Landing in this body with this breath, spending a few minutes just settling and arriving and taking refuge. The simplicity of this moment in this breath. I invite you to feel your body, your entire body, as the breath is breathed into it both physically and energetically. A sense of the body billowing with air. As if your body extended a few inches beyond your skin, relaxing into this energetic sense of your body. Letting go into it, and feeling the body energetically breathe, expanding and contracting. Feeling your whole body physically and energetically be breathed. Energized. Relaxed. Feeling your chest, your heart center, fill through the breath both physically and energetically. Feeling bright, more filled, more awake, more full. Appreciating this body. This body breathing. And all the functions of this body—how it does its best to support you in breathing and digesting, in healing cuts and wounds as best as it can, and moving. Seeing, hearing, understanding, perceiving, processing information. This amazing, miraculous body should not be taken for granted, both yours and not yours. Deeply appreciating this body breathing. Deep appreciation. It does so much; it has done so much for us, for you, throughout your life. It is often taken for granted or even berated for not being the right shape or size, or not functioning, or hurting. Oh, dear body. Oh, dear, dear body. As if you were bowing in your heart with appreciation, love, and care. As if this body is miraculous. This miracle of nature, your body as if it were a beloved. As if it were a beloved other. Thank you to your body. Can there be appreciation, care, love? This dear beloved other, this good friend that's been taken for granted. Now you decide, "Oh darling, let me connect with you. Let me see you, appreciate you, love you." Relating, connecting, perceiving this body with appreciation, care, love. As if you were sitting and caring for a dear beloved friend, having tea with them. Telling your dear friend, "Sweetheart, tell me, how are you? What's been challenging for you? Are you hurting? Have you been hurting?" Being open to holding, to receiving the challenges, the pains, the aches, the difficulties, the suffering of the body with love, with compassion, with care. This beloved other. This body, this beloved body, may speak to you about physical pains or heartache, or emotional challenges that are also felt in the body, experienced in the body. Making space for those too. "Oh darling, this is hard. This is hard, and it's okay. I love you, I care for you. I hold you dear. I don't and I won't berate you. In this moment it's safe. It's okay to just be. Do not feel you have to be in any particular shape or form or way. You're accepted and loved just as you are, with all the challenges that you're holding, physically, energetically, emotionally." The empowerment of love and compassion for yourself. A powerful loving stance. Connecting with yourself physically, emotionally, energetically with your heart however way it's appropriate for you in this moment. Connect with this beloved other in your own way, in time. Are there ways that you underestimate yourself? Diminish yourself? See yourself with not enough depth, perspective, dimensionality, grace, and beauty, such that this being that is you actually is a beloved other you don't completely know or understand? They are far more unfathomable. May there be love and compassion for this beloved other, and their beauty and challenges. For the last few minutes of this practice, see what's needed. Whenever it feels appropriate, opening the circle of care and compassion to all those who are practicing with you, with their physical, energetic, emotional challenges, and all beings everywhere, in your own time. All beings everywhere, all beings practicing with you as these beloved others. You only get a sense of them—perhaps a limited sense in small groups—but they are far more complex. Not reducible to either our or their conceptions of themselves. Wishing all beings everywhere goodness. May all beings be free and happy and at peace. ## Reflections Thank you for your practice, everyone. The idea of ourselves, our bodies, our hearts, this being who is us, as a beloved other. The way we would treat a beloved friend, a beloved being—treating ourselves in the same way. In the same way that we give them the benefit of the doubt and allow them to have their complexity, not letting them be reduced to a limited understanding. Doing the same for ourselves and holding ourselves with compassion and care. I'd love to invite you, if you like, to share something about your practice, something that came up, an observation, or maybe something that was challenging. If you'd like to share the wisdom of how you worked with that or how you were stuck with that, it's all okay. You can either raise your hand if you haven't shared in a while, or ever, or you can type it in chat. Ben says in the chat, "The benefit of the faith." I'm not quite sure what you mean by that, Ben. "Oh, benefit of the doubt, okay." A play on words, I see. I like that. The benefit of the doubt, benefit of the faith. Bill asks, "What did you mean when you used the word energetically?" That's a great question. It's something to open up to and explore. Often, as we sit and practice for a while, there's a physical sense of the body. There's also an energetic sense of the body, that the body is breathing. There is, as I was describing in the meditation, a feeling as if the edge of your body is a few inches beyond your skin. Here's a simple way to relate to it: Have you ever felt like you're buoyant, like you can walk on air, you feel so good energetically? You feel expansive and light. And sometimes you feel heavy and contracted. It doesn't just feel physical at those times; there's an energetic sense of buoyancy. So that's what I'm inviting you to become more sensitive to and tune into. There is so much to discover about ourselves. Susan shares, "I noticed that sometimes I feel some confusion with accepting. I have some challenging health issues. So, accepting my body and loving my body, but yet wanting to heal and get better and not get caught in identifying with the illness. Sometimes I have a problem when I want to love my body and tell myself it belongs, all of it belongs—the pain, whatever I'm feeling belongs. If I'm allowing that all to be there, and I'm identifying with it, then I won't get better. I won't heal. Can you see that confusion?" I hear that conflict. Let me reflect back: there's a sense that when you get into meditation, you're trying to love the body and all the ways it is suffering, and accepting the pain, feeling it belongs. But then feeling like if you accept that, you're not going to get better because you're allowing it all to be. Here's the slight shift in perspective I'm going to suggest: instead of identifying with the pain as you're turning to love and appreciate the body, appreciate and love all the ways the body is hurting. Not the pain, but all the ways the body is struggling, is trying to heal, and is having a hard time. Like a good friend who's really doing its best. In that way, you're not identifying with the pain, but identifying with the body hurting and just having a hard time aligning itself with health. So in that way, you're accepting, and there's an inspiration for health. Susan responds, "Yeah, I think so. It's like not identifying with the illness—and I'm just using 'pain' as an overall word because it's easier to identify with—but just being really kind and loving with my body, all the sensations, and my feeling. Giving that care, love, and compassion, and knowing that that is probably the most healing thing for my body." That's exactly right. Right on. Thank you, Susan, for that. Other reflections, questions, or realizations that came up for you in this practice? Mara Christine says, "It makes me think our practice needs to be proactive." Tell me what you mean by that. She explains, "As opposed to being passive recipients, we're active in the process of how we feel about our body and where our mind inclines." Yes! Absolutely. The way I usually say it is our act of perception, the way we're perceiving, creates our world. Every act of perception is a weaver of worlds. The way we perceive is weaving a particular kind of world. So in this proactivity that you're naming, it's the way we choose to perceive. There are so many different perceptions we can have. Are there other reflections? How is the idea of the body as the beloved other connecting with this friend, the unfathomability, the dimensionality? Ben says, "I've only recently started paying down the debt of love I didn't know to give my body growing up." That is sweet. The debt of love. It's wonderful to pay it down, Ben. I appreciate your use of words, they're beautiful. The invitation for tonight, before we jump off to breakout groups: one unique way to relate to other human beings and take this as a little sandbox that you can then take to people in your life, is to see if you can see them as people who you are getting just a small, two-dimensional or three-dimensional perspective of. There's so much more to them. Can you listen to them, and listen to yourself, appreciating this uniqueness that you haven't quite explored about yourself or about the other people? Really giving them the benefit of the doubt, or benefit of the faith, as Ben was saying. Just opening up to each other and seeing what it feels like if you held the other people in this way. Do it as an experiment, as if you're a scientist of your own mind. Nothing might happen, but something profound might happen. I'd like to invite you to relate in that way with each other, and start with thirty seconds of silence holding each other—these amazing beings that you are, each of you with so many talents and capacities and challenges too. _(Breakout rooms)_ Welcome back, everyone. We have a couple of minutes if you'd like to share what that was like. Terence shares, "I love your perspective of considering the body the precious other. That's brilliant. Everything out there is the other, right? This is other too." Very good. Thank you, Terence. Kim says, "My co-group member said it was heartwarming and I agree it was." Sweet. I hear that it was challenging to share some difficulties with your group when you reflected. That's completely understandable. It can feel very vulnerable to share something that's very challenging right now—sadness, depression—with the group. I hope you felt supported in that, and I'm happy to stay a couple of minutes afterwards if it would be helpful to reflect for the person who sent me that message privately. So, dear ones, thank you all. Thank you for your practice, for showing up, for practicing for yourself and for all those whose lives you touch directly or indirectly. May we all be safe, happy, healthy, and free. May all beings everywhere be free, safe, happy, healthy, and have ease. Thank you, _sangha_[^3]. You are awesome. I love you, beloved others. --- [^1]: **Karuṇā:** A Pali word often translated as "compassion." It is one of the four _brahmavihāras_ (sublime attitudes) in Buddhism. [^2]: Original transcript said "self-recognition," corrected to "self-recrimination" based on context. [^3]: **Sangha:** A Pali word referring to the Buddhist community of practitioners.