--- ai_generation_date: '2026-07-15' ai_model: gemini-3-pro-preview audiodharma: talks: - date: '2021-08-04' mp3_url: https://audiodharma.us-east-1.linodeobjects.com/talks/13955/20210804-Nikki_Mirghafori-IMC-happy_hour_the_joy_of_metta.mp3 speakers: - speaker_name: Nikki Mirghafori speaker_url: https://www.audiodharma.org/speakers/229 talk_start_time_seconds: 0 title: 'Happy Hour: The Joy of Metta' url: https://www.audiodharma.org/talks/13955 video_unavailable: false location_city: Redwood City, CA video_unavailable: false youtube: id: SoDhDrapX1U imprecise_upload_date: '2022-05-04' title: 'Happy Hour: The Joy of Metta' upload_date: null uploader_str: Insight Meditation Center uploader_url: https://www.youtube.com/@InsightMeditationCenter youtube_url: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SoDhDrapX1U --- # Happy Hour: The Joy of Metta - [Nikki Mirghafori](https://www.audiodharma.org/speakers/229) *This is an AI-generated transcript from auto-generated subtitles for the video above. It likely contains inaccuracies, especially with speaker attribution if there are multiple speakers.* ## [Happy Hour: The Joy of Metta](https://www.audiodharma.org/talks/13955) So, a warm welcome everyone, wherever you are in the world in this moment of time, coming together to practice. Today's practice, the title I want to give it is "The Joy of Metta." It is this practice of metta[^1]—wishing well, cultivating goodness, cultivating kindness for ourselves, for other beings, for all beings. It is a happy-making endeavor. It's not a grim, "Okay, may you be very well, very happy." That would be kind of antithetical to the whole idea of cultivating goodwill. It brings up joy. A couple of ideas I want to bring in tonight as we explore. One is, no matter how grumpy you might be given the causes and conditions of something happening in your day, your body, or how challenging the day might be—and I've tried this—the days that the mind and heart have been challenged, if I went for a walk, for example, just wishing well for all the passersby. Or if I couldn't go for a walk, I would be just wishing well as if I'm giving gifts to others. Just give gifts of kindness to myself and to others. And sure enough, I find that I become happier. There is the joy, the happiness of gift-giving. It's like Christmas, but you don't have to go shopping for gifts! You're just giving all these gifts from your heart—gifts of goodness. "May you be safe, may you be happy, may you be well." There's a sense of abundance, and the heart really wakes up to the joy, to the abundance of itself, and it nourishes us. It supports us especially if we're going through a hard time. If we're not going through hard times, we're already happy, yay! It becomes a party of happiness. But especially if we're going through a hard time, if there is a challenge, it supports well-being. It supports goodness so that we can be with what is difficult, support ourselves, and support others. So that's one thing I wanted to bring in for exploration today with this theme of the joy of metta. Another inspiration for tonight is there were some emails on the Google Group the past few days. Some folks were sharing how the practice of the brahmaviharas[^2]—metta—has transformed them, how they have been changed. This, I think, was inspired by an invitation that Diana gave yesterday, or maybe two days ago—time is elastic anyway. For me, reading those accounts, a few of you had shared stories of how this practice of metta has transformed you, shifted the way you show up in the world, the way you feel about others, the way you feel safer and happier. It made me so happy. It brought me so much joy to read those accounts. I am actually getting goosebumps remembering what I read, and also feeling into what I know of many practitioners that I have worked with over the years, myself included, knowing how transformative these practices can be. I'll just offer one thing to you. I was thinking there are so many ways that I have changed, the way I feel. It would be a long dharma talk, which I don't want to give right now, but just one thing that came up for me is I noticed the way I talk to myself has changed. I think when I was younger, before I started this practice, I don't know how I referred to myself, but I certainly didn't call myself "sweetie" and "darling." And that's how I talk to myself now, which is quite sweet. Like, "How you doing, darling? What do you need, sweetie?" It has become a part of the way I relate to myself, and I didn't relate to myself that way years ago. I just wanted to share that with you as one of the very many ways that this practice has transformed me, my life, and the way I show up for myself and others. So with that, dear ones, let's practice together. ## Guided Meditation Let's land. Let's land in our bodies. Let's land in this moment, letting go of all the words that came before. Just landing, feeling our feet, our legs, our sit bones connected to the earth. Landing, landing, landing. With each out-breath, letting go some more of what is not needed right now. Imagine your mind, your body, is a snow globe, and perhaps up to this moment it was shaken. Lots of flurry of bright little thoughts, agitations in the body and mind. Setting down the snow globe, letting all the little shiny objects of the mind and body settle with the breath, with the sensations of the body. Connecting with each breath. The calming, soothing breath. The entirety of the breath—the abdomen, chest, throughout the body. The peace, the nourishment of the seclusion of the mind. Just here, just right now. The peace, the joy of seclusion of the mind. Just this breath, within the sensations of the body. What a gift, to be able to sit and practice, turning the gaze of awareness internally to connect with ourselves. What a gift, this breath. This amazing moment of consciousness. And now, I'd like to invite you to bring to mind someone who is dear to you. An easy person. When you think of them, you feel safe; maybe a smile shows up. Now, imagine you're giving this being—this person, or this child, or this pet even—a gift of care. A gift of your affection, wishes of well-being. As if you're giving them a gift of goodness. A care package which is exactly right for them. Feel free to use your imagination, whatever works for you. It could be a care package you're giving them with some undisclosed contents, just knowing this is right for them. It's just a gift. "May you be safe. May you be happy. May you be healthy. May you have ease." Feel free to imagine whatever works for you. It could just be that you're blessing them, flashing the blessing. Or maybe this blessing is in the form of a blanket. It's cold, and you're giving them a warm, safe, comfortable blanket, wrapping them in your love. Whatever works for you. Be creative, inviting your imagination. It could just be a beam of light. You have this magic wand, and you bless them: "May you be well, dear one. May you be well. May you have the gift of goodness." Then inviting others into this practice. Sharing this gift of goodness, this magic wand with another being. "May you be safe. May you be happy. May you be healthy. May you have ease." Taking a couple of minutes with this being. Starting first with people who are near to you, who you care about, and then we'll expand. Take your own time, wishing them well, sharing gifts of metta, and really connecting with each being you bring to your heart and mind's eye. The same way that when you give someone a gift, you look into their eyes. You look at them; you behold them. When you share a gift of goodness in your mind's eye, look into their eyes and wish them well. Bring in another being to share the gift of metta. Friends, family. For this practice today, spending a couple of minutes with each person. We usually spend a long time with each being, but today we're giving gifts to lots of people. Connecting with them, looking into their eyes, inviting lots of people, and sharing gifts of metta with them. In this gift-giving party where you're giving gifts of metta, feel free to invite an image of yourself. As if you're looking into your own eyes, wishing yourself well just as you're wishing well for others. Giving a gift of goodwill, care, and kindness. "May you be safe. May you be happy. May you be healthy. May you have ease." Lingering with this person who is you, as if a beloved other. And now expanding the circle further, inviting more beings to this party. People you don't know so well, neighbors, people you might have seen at the grocery store, cashiers, etc. Giving them gifts of goodness, wishes of well-being for these human beings just like you. As they want to be happy, may they be happy. As you wish to be safe, may they be safe. Giving gifts—a magic wand, confetti, whatever image works for you. Inviting more beings. It's okay to connect for just a few seconds with each being. Connecting with their humanity, wishing them well. Wishing them happiness, goodness, health, safety, ease. A being you might have seen earlier today, virtually or in person, or in the days before. As you invite more and more beings to your mind's eye, sharing gifts of goodness and blessings, notice if your heart-mind is feeling uplifted, more joyous, more abundant, even if only slightly more so. Feel free to expand, if it feels accessible and easy. Don't push it. Expand this well-wishing to some people who are a little challenging. Not the *most* challenging perhaps, just a little challenging, if you wish. Don't push it. You're welcome to stay with the easy category or the neutral beings. Just sharing goodness with more and more beings, so many beings. Connecting with each being as you wish them well, with their common humanity. *Just like me.* Connecting with yourself again, as if a beloved other. Wishing well for all these beings, including yourself. May all beings everywhere, including this being that is ourselves, be safe, happy, healthy, and have ease. May all beings be well. May all beings be free. Thank you all. Thank you for your practice. ## Reflections We have time for reflections. You are welcome to type your reflections in the chat. If it's to me, then I'll only read the reflection, not your name. If it's to everyone, then I will read your name and the reflection. If you haven't shared in a while, you are welcome to raise your Zoom hand and share your reflection. What came up for you? What did you discover in this practice? What was it like for you? Your reflections are a gift to the sangha[^3]. It's always enlightening to hear what worked, what didn't work. It's all supportive. Please, Claire. **Claire:** Thank you so much. I just wanted to emphasize something that you shared at the beginning. One of the loveliest things that happened to me during COVID was right before, I got myself a little Pomeranian, not knowing we were going to be shut down. But I had to go out to walk her, and all the dog walkers in New York were talking to each other. I have met so many people in my neighborhood I didn't know before. It's been such a gift. You're talking about the joy of passing kindness onto others, and we were doing that. We were the only happy people in the whole neighborhood. **Nikki:** That is sweet. I love what you're describing, this neighborliness. Basically, that's metta. When you're meeting your neighbor's dog, like, "Hi, how are you? How's it going?" That's metta by any other name. A rose by any other name! That's metta. That's lovely, and how happy-making that has been for you. Thank you, Claire. That makes me happy to hear. **Claire:** Some night I'll bring Dolly to the meditation! **Nikki:** Please! [Laughter] That's lovely. Thanks, Claire. Other reflections, please? Questions, comments, complaints, it's all welcome. Ah, one more reflection from the chat: *"Thank you for your tip about metta and how you talk to yourself, Nikki. I will try it. I think inner speech is related to Right Speech[^4]."* Oh, yes, you are so welcome! I am so happy to share that with you and inspire you to try it out. I think for me, it just happened kind of naturally. I became dearer to myself, and everybody has become dearer. I encourage you to try it on for size and see what actually happens. You know the expression, "Fake it till you make it"? But actually, I think more appropriately, it is, "Do it until you become it." So you keep doing it, you call yourself by sweet names, and one day it's like, "Yeah, actually, sweetheart! Yeah, darling, what do you need? Are you okay?" Thank you for that reflection. **Carol:** Hi, Nikki. I just love how there are different things we say, and we say them a lot, like, "May you be healthy, may you be at ease." It's so interesting how those things mean different things on different days. Sometimes it's almost like a mantra you're just repeating, and then some days it really pierces down to a deeper place. For me today, when you said at one point, "May you be healthy"—I had to go to the doctor today. It was not that eventful, but I went through a period of several years where I was chronically ill. I still have these remnants of PTSD from that, where a part of me goes into this, "Oh no, what if I lose everything again in my life?" And so just you saying, "May you be healthy, may you be at ease," really helped me connect to this different part of myself that has developed in the ten years since then, that is more loving and is at ease. So I just wanted to say thanks for that, and also I just love our beautiful practice and how it is always different every day. **Nikki:** Thank you, Carol, for your practice. And it is, isn't it? It's always different every day. This gift of impermanence keeps it interesting. And just as you said, these different wishes land differently. "May you be happy"—oh, sweetheart. "May you have ease"—oh, yes. It lands differently. The practice is like a sweet onion, with different layers being peeled. What a beautiful insight. Thank you, Carol, thanks for being here. Oh yes, one more reflection from the chat: *"I've been trying to observe more closely how I speak with myself as an extension to Right Speech practice, and the way you, Nikki, speak has been very inspiring. Thank you."* Thank you for that reflection. It's inspiring to me that you're inspired! We inspire each other; we keep giving these gifts to each other. And yes, definitely, our inner speech is an extension of Right Speech. Sometimes we may speak to ourselves the way we would never speak to others. Good heavens! What if we treated ourselves as a beloved other, as a being with whose care we are entrusted? So dear ones, let's turn our attention to practicing in small groups. Here is the invitation for tonight: let's start with 15 seconds of silent metta, as always, for ourselves and each other. Then, if you'd like to, you can share a story of how you have changed, the way you show up for yourself or others, or how something has shifted in a difficult situation through the practice of metta. Inspired by those sharings on the Google Group, you can share that if you wish. Or, you can share about the practice tonight, how the practice was for you and what you discovered. For me, it was really joyous; I felt so happy. So these are the invitations. How lovely to have fellow practitioners to speak with! Take care of yourselves, take care of each other. The rooms are open. *(Breakout rooms commence and return)* Welcome back, everyone. We have a few minutes for any final reflections, any insights that came up from discussing in community. **Anthony:** Thank you, Nikki. Something that came up in the small groups is we were talking about how we notice our progress through the practice. One thing that I noticed about myself, and it's similar to what the other two were saying, is that it's hard to pinpoint the actual growth. A thought came into my mind that it's kind of like a goal for weight loss, or learning a musical instrument. You don't always see the actual growth day to day because it's such a long process, but you do feel it. **Nikki:** Yeah, exactly. It's like any other practice, like a musical instrument. It doesn't happen overnight, but over time, progress definitely happens. In some ways, you don't want to evaluate your practice like the stock market! One day you might not be feeling well, or you might be grumpy, and you think, "Oh, I'm a failure, I can't practice." No, no, no, look at it over the long term. Look at the months and years of metta over the long term. That's very wise. Thank you, Anthony. [Laughter] One reflection just came into the chat: *"We need a before and after picture."* Before and after pictures! I love that. That's exactly right: before metta, after metta. I love it. So dear ones, we've come to the end of our time together, and I thank you all for showing up, for practicing, for cultivating your heart for your own sake and the sake of all beings whose lives you touch either directly or indirectly. May all beings, including ourselves, be happy. May all beings, including ourselves, be free. Thank you. --- [^1]: **Metta:** A Pali word often translated as loving-kindness or goodwill. [^2]: **Brahmaviharas:** The four "divine abodes" or sublime states in Buddhism: loving-kindness (metta), compassion (karuna), empathetic joy (mudita), and equanimity (upekkha). [^3]: **Sangha:** The Buddhist community of monks, nuns, novices, and laity. [^4]: **Right Speech:** Also known as Wise Speech, this is one of the components of the Noble Eightfold Path in Buddhism, focusing on abstaining from false speech, slanderous speech, harsh speech, and idle chatter.