---
ai_generation_date: '2026-07-13'
ai_model: gemini-3-pro-preview
audiodharma:
  talks:
  - date: '2022-03-25'
    mp3_url: https://audiodharma.us-east-1.linodeobjects.com/talks/15275/20220325-Nikki_Mirghafori-IMC-happy_hour_love_and_death.mp3
    speakers:
    - speaker_name: Nikki Mirghafori
      speaker_url: https://www.audiodharma.org/speakers/229
    talk_start_time_seconds: 0
    title: 'Happy Hour: Love and Death'
    url: https://www.audiodharma.org/talks/15275
    video_unavailable: false
location_city: Redwood City, CA
video_unavailable: false
youtube:
  id: VhmUjuTJy9U
  imprecise_upload_date: '2022-05-04'
  title: 'Happy Hour: Love and Death'
  upload_date: null
  uploader_str: Insight Meditation Center
  uploader_url: https://www.youtube.com/@InsightMeditationCenter
youtube_url: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VhmUjuTJy9U
---

# Happy Hour: Love and Death - [Nikki Mirghafori](https://www.audiodharma.org/speakers/229)

*This is an AI-generated transcript from auto-generated subtitles for the video above. It likely contains inaccuracies, especially with speaker attribution if there are multiple speakers.*

## [Happy Hour: Love and Death](https://www.audiodharma.org/talks/15275)

Hello and welcome, everyone. It's lovely to be with you, to feel your presence from the different places in the world that we all are, and yet coming together in this heart space to practice together, to cultivate, and to share our humanity with each other.

For tonight's practice, I would like to bring in a practice that is near and dear to my heart. Many of you know this already; it's no news. It's a way that this practice enlivens life, enlivens the way we live, enlivens the way we love, and enlivens the way we interact. It awakens us right here and right now, and that practice is the practice of mindfulness of our mortality. Being aware, not with fear or trepidation, but with a simple acknowledgment: "Yes, of course, there is impermanence."

Bringing that awareness and perspectives from our impermanence—that this life of mine, this being, this precious being who is me is impermanent. This lovely being who is me, with all their gifts, aspirations, challenges, and difficulties in life... oh yes, there is a sense of impermanence. We really feel into that sense of impermanence and let that be an opening to loving more deeply. Loving ourselves more deeply: "Oh, sweetheart, yes, this is not forever; you're not forever." Loving ourselves more deeply, and loving others, because in the light of impermanence, everything can become more precious. It is not less valuable or something to throw away, but actually more precious, more sacred.

Tonight's theme is love and death. Love and death—enlivened loving and caring more deeply through knowing our impermanence.

I will be offering a guided meditation tonight. In many ways, we can think of guided meditations, any act of meditation, or even any act of being in the world as an act of perception. The way we perceive ourselves and the way we perceive the world—this idea of perception is fundamentally important. We can have perceptions that are helpful, or we can have perceptions that are not helpful towards peace, happiness, and service for ourselves and others.

With the guided meditation I will offer tonight, the intention is to invite and encourage particular ways of perceiving, particular perspectives that lead to helpful perceptions. By doing this, we encourage these helpful perceptions to arise to support us in our life, in our loving, and in our being. I will guide us, as we often do here in Happy Hour, with some invitations to take on certain perspectives. These perspectives will become clear in a moment as I guide you through this practice. 

Just to offer a few preparatory remarks: I will be locking the Zoom room tonight because I don't want people to join late. This is a comprehensive meditation, and if you happen to drop out, you won't be able to join back.

With the invitations that I will make, in no way is there an intimation that they are true—that there is life after death, or there is no life. We don't know. I haven't been there to come back and tell you, so I don't know! We take this on as an exercise. For example, if you're an athlete, you might imagine hitting the ball just to bring up a sense of what it is like. Or when you're practicing loving-kindness (mettā[^1]), you see your loved one and your connection to them, or you see yourself through their eyes, to bring up particular perceptions.

So, in the guided meditation at some point, I will invite you to see yourself as having died, looking from the other side. Again, do not assume there is another side; there may or may not be. Let's be agnostic. But these are devices I'm using in this guided meditation to bring up particular perspectives and perceptions that may support us right here and right now in our life. No assumptions, not positing anything, just trying to use skillful means to open up our perceptions. With that, I invite you to get settled.

## Guided Meditation

Let's begin. Let's land in our seat. Arrive.

As always, we arrive with the breath, with the body. Arriving, landing, and letting go of everything that has come before. All the words, all the conceptualizations—just dropping all of it. Releasing. No need.

A beginner's mind. Meeting this moment fresh. What's arising in this moment in the body? The breath. Connecting with the soothing breath. The rhythm of the breath, the sensations.

Releasing into the body. With each out-breath, relaxing, softening. Releasing into the body here. Releasing thoughts, releasing contentions, entanglements. Feeling your feet on the ground. Your seat, feeling your sit bones on the cushion, on the chair. Arriving.

Keep arriving every moment. And if the mind was distracted, it's okay; that previous moment is gone. Arrive afresh in this body, in this moment, here. This moment of aliveness. Releasing any thoughts. Smilingly, as if they're flying around you, not being entangled in the web.

Letting there be a sense of connection with the trust, the deep trust in your heart. A sense of trust that is there, even if it's hard to really connect to in this moment. In the sense of goodness, trust in goodness. Yours and others'. Awakening goodness, trusting in goodness, non-harming, and kindness. Taking refuge in benevolence, your own benevolence, not causing harm. The intentions for not causing harm, and those of others.

And now I'd like to invite you, as we feel embodied, feeling our bodies, the breath, a sense of connection here, now. Not in our head, but in the body, with the body.

Let us imagine, take on, try on this perspective, this perception, that you have died. You are no longer living. I am no longer living. And for the purpose of this meditation, not making any assumptions or positing anything about life or death, but what if you take on this perception of looking through our lives, what has been, through the veil of the beyond?

This person who is me, was me. As if you have stepped outside into a zone, an area where there is no agency. No agency. Trying on the perception where you can see yourself and you can see your loved ones, but you no longer have agency in your life. It's over.

This might bring up sadness. It might bring up grief. Can we breathe with it? Appreciating this person who is us, was us. Their challenges, their trials, their tribulations. All the ways in which they suffered. All the ways they served, they were kind.

Can we see ourselves from this distance as a beloved other? Appreciating ourselves. Maybe it brings up a sense of tenderness for this being who is me. They really tried. They tried their best. It was not easy for them.

Is it possible, from this perspective, to give our heart to ourselves? To this being who is me, who was me? Can we give ourselves our heart completely, lovingly? "Oh, sweetheart, you thought your struggles, your challenges were going to last forever."

Is there a wish for being more patient, more loving? Or to have been more patient, more loving with this being who is ourselves, who was ourselves? Playing with different perceptions.

Time was short. Time is short. How could we have loved, supported, and cared for this being who was ourselves?

Again, stepping out of this frame. Looking through our own eyes and looking at ourselves from a third person's perspective. Through a veil of lack of agency, no longer possible perhaps.

What does that bring up if we feel the opportunity is lost? For many, it can bring a sense of recognition of how precious the opportunity actually is. To light a fire before action. Not to take it for granted anymore.

Now let's also take a moment to recognize from this third-person perspective, stepping outside through the veil of lack of agency, looking at our loved ones, at the world, people we care about. Or maybe even people we had challenges with, and maybe others in the future, people we don't know, but people who could have benefited from our kindness, our action, or service.

Is the heart moved from this perspective? Recognizing that opportunity could be lost any moment, any time. Maybe from this perspective that it has been lost, it just brings us to more love, more care for our loved ones. To give them the best of ourselves. Not to miss any opportunity for generosity, for kindness, for love, because one day there will be no opportunities. It will be true someday.

And stepping back, stepping back into our first-person experience. From our first-person experience, we're alive! Gosh, here I am in this body, in this mind, this life. I can connect with loved ones. Perhaps resolve challenges with those I've had difficulty with. Love myself, be here for this person who is me. Care for them, support them, serve the world.

The opportunity is not lost. I have agency. Time is short, time is precious for loving deeply, for serving. Giving my best, offering my wholeheartedness, my kindness, the best of me to the world, to others. Not losing any opportunity for loving, for kindness, for generosity. Not missing it.

Entering the last moments of this practice, opening our hearts to our fellow practitioners in this sangha[^2] who practice together with us. We are here. The gift of our presence, our kindness, our care is the highest gift we can give to each other. In our hearts, offering our best, our care, our appreciation to one another.

Thank you, friends. Thank you for being here, and I am here supporting you with the most precious resource I have: my time, my presence, my wholeheartedness. Giving our best to each other and the world.

May all beings everywhere truly recognize how precious, how sacred this opportunity, to be human, this precious human birth really is. To love, to wake up, for the sake of ourselves and all beings everywhere. Do not waste it. Do not waste.

May all beings be awake. May all beings be free.

## Reflections and Q&A

Thank you all. Thank you for your practice.

The intention, as I mentioned at the beginning with this guided meditation, was to bring a different perspective—a perception of love, of care, of urgency that only through mindfulness of our impermanence can be enabled. So, enlivening, awakening to live from that perspective instead of just taking it for granted. "Here we go, yes, yet another day," etc.

Such profound practice this can be. I'd like to invite you, if there are reflections, aha moments, questions, or comments. You can type them in the chat. Type to me alone; I won't read your name. If you type to the community, I will read your name as well as your reflection. You can also raise your hand if you haven't spoken in a while, for the benefit of all beings, offering your practice, your insights, and appreciations. 

Any insights that you'd like to share, to be held with this and to support others? Any aha moments? Wayne, I see your hand.

**Wayne:** It brings me courage to speak. During it, I just thought of situations where I often don't have the courage to speak, but it brought up for me the feeling of courage. There's one specific thing related to my school and a parent that makes me feel courage.

**Nikki:** A beautiful sense of courage through the sense of uprightness and courage. Thank you for that.

Nancy writes: "Sobering. Reflecting on those living in the war zones where every moment brings the certainty of uncertainty. A heightened awareness."

Yes, thank you for bringing that reflection in. The certainty of uncertainty. In some ways, for all of us, there is the certainty of uncertainty. We just don't live according to it. We live as if the next moment is certain. It never is. Breathing isn't. And of course, living in a war zone, that's quite heightened for clear reasons. Having lived in a war zone myself when I was growing up in Iran during the Iran-Iraq war, there is an intensity to that.

Megan says: "I am feeling called to share some Dharma humor that came up today on this theme. One of the physicians I was working with in palliative care said life is a sexually transmitted terminal condition that many people do not realize they have."

[Laughter] That is funny. A sexually transmitted terminal condition. That's hilarious. It is sexually transmitted, and it's terminal! Birth is absolutely terminal. We all have a terminal condition. Thank you for that.

Somebody pointed out that I missed a comment. Oh my goodness, I've missed a lot of comments! 

Catherine says: "This one is hard for me. I live in constant anxiety of wasting my precious life, which causes me to suffer, seek distractions, and feel disconnected. Then I feel guilty for feeling anxious. But it feels like if I truly contact the reality of mortality versus conceptualizing it, it would help me wake up from this trance."

Yes, Catherine, absolutely. It's not a conceptualization. It's so profound what you've just realized. If we conceptualize it, then it becomes Terror Management Theory. If we're afraid of our death, then we actually end up wasting time. But if we actually touch into the reality of it, it actually helps not waste time, not distract ourselves. Your comment is very insightful.

Another reflection: "I struggled with the third-person perspective. When you mentioned having no agency, it dawned on me that I have and still do spend a lot of time feeling I have no agency."

Ah, what an interesting insight to have. You realize that you have the *feeling* of no agency, but actually you *do* have agency. So it might be helpful to really feel into what really not having agency feels like. It's like completely emptying the cup of tea. Then when you bring it back, it's like, "Oh, actually, there is some tea in here. Maybe it feels cold or stale, but there is tea in here; it's not empty." Thank you for that reflection, and continue to work with that.

One more reflection: "I have been doing five daily reflections for a while, but there doesn't seem to be any urgency, even now while we contemplate mindfulness of death."

I recommend the practice of "this could be my last breath." That can bring up a lot of urgency, and this practice I just brought up—try this, because maybe this thirty minutes was not long enough really. As the weekend is coming, take some time to just settle in the body and then bring up a sense of your death. There's nothing you can do, and then from that perspective, look at your life. It can be so profound.

It's 6:50. We should turn to small groups. Scott, I do see your hand. Let's reserve that for the end, I'll come back to you. I'd like to set up the breakout rooms. It's so precious to offer each other our presence after this practice.

My invitation is to speak from our own experience, close to your heart, or hold silence. Offer your kindness. We'll go around, and each person will say one nugget. If you have ten, just say one. Be kind to yourself, be kind to each other. This is where the practice meets the cushion, meets live human beings who, just like you, live and die. Take care of yourselves, take care of each other.

Welcome back, everyone. The rooms are closed. We're pretty much done, but I did promise to come back to Scott. Scott, if your comment is still relevant, you're welcome to share it.

**Scott:** What came up for me during this exercise, which I thought was very profound, is regret. The piece of it that I was thinking of was about ten years ago, my wife and I were deciding whether to have a child. I didn't want a child; my wife did. I thought about it, and thought about it. One day I thought, when I'm about to take my last breath, am I going to look back and regret the decision not to have a child? And I decided yes, I was going to regret it. My wife and I decided to have a child, who turned out to be a beautiful daughter, which has turned out to be one of the most profound experiences of my life. I think an exercise that highlights regret or potential regret is so powerful.

**Nikki:** Thank you, Scott. Thank you so much for sharing so beautifully. Indeed, I've gone through a version of that myself, imagining that I'm at my deathbed, would I regret not having taken a particular fork in the road? And the answer was yes, and there was just clarity. Before, it was like, "No, I'm not so sure, do I do this?" Yep, in the light of death, there's clarity. It has to be done. Thank you so much for bringing that in and sharing your experience. May it serve others.

Thank you all. Thank you so much for sharing your presence, your practice, and the cultivation to support yourselves, others, and all beings. May we all wake up together. May all beings be free. Thank you.

---

[^1]: **Mettā:** A Pali word often translated as "loving-kindness," "goodwill," or "benevolence." It is one of the four Brahmavihāras (sublime attitudes) in Buddhism.
[^2]: **Sangha:** A Pali and Sanskrit word referring to the Buddhist community of monks, nuns, novices, and laity, or simply a community of practitioners.