--- ai_generation_date: '2026-07-12' ai_model: gemini-3-pro-preview audiodharma: talks: - date: '2022-02-07' mp3_url: https://audiodharma.us-east-1.linodeobjects.com/talks/15030/20220207-Nikki_Mirghafori-IMC-happy_hour_metta_and_ubuntu_i_am_because_we_are.mp3 speakers: - speaker_name: Nikki Mirghafori speaker_url: https://www.audiodharma.org/speakers/229 talk_start_time_seconds: 0 title: 'Happy Hour: Metta and Ubuntu (I Am Because We Are)' url: https://www.audiodharma.org/talks/15030 video_unavailable: false location_city: Redwood City, CA video_unavailable: false youtube: id: XIQ6M5ECE0s imprecise_upload_date: '2022-05-04' title: 'Happy Hour: Metta and Ubuntu (I Am Because We Are)' upload_date: null uploader_str: Insight Meditation Center uploader_url: https://www.youtube.com/@InsightMeditationCenter youtube_url: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XIQ6M5ECE0s --- # Happy Hour: Metta and Ubuntu (I Am Because We Are) - [Nikki Mirghafori](https://www.audiodharma.org/speakers/229) *This is an AI-generated transcript from auto-generated subtitles for the video above. It likely contains inaccuracies, especially with speaker attribution if there are multiple speakers.* ## [Happy Hour: Metta and Ubuntu (I Am Because We Are)](https://www.audiodharma.org/talks/15030) Hello, formally, hello and welcome to Happy Hour. Lovely to see you, lovely to be with you. I have missed you, I'm delighted to see you all in the sangha[^1]. So for our practice for today, I'd like to invite us to sit with and reflect on, and of course, as always, I'll offer a few words and then a guided meditation on the theme of inter-being. Inter-being is a word that the late Thich Nhat Hanh[^2] used a lot in his teachings. The sense of inter-being, that our being, that my existence depends on you, depends on so many causes and conditions. So it's not as if I'm an independent being going around in the world as we perceive, often, or wrongly perceive it to be. It's an inter-being, an interconnectedness, interdependence that if we stop and pay attention, we get to appreciate and really be in awe of. This concept of inter-being is also related to another concept that I want to bring in tonight, which is the teaching or the concept of Ubuntu, which is, "I am because we are. I am because you are." The concept of Ubuntu is from Africa. It's a beautiful concept in Africa. In fact, there are a series of articles that showed up recently in *Lion's Roar*, one of the leading Buddhist magazines. I will put the pointer to the articles a little later when we come back. You don't have to look for them right now, I'll provide them. But the idea here, similarly, is this sense of, "I am because you are." And also, in many African countries, it's part of the greeting. The answer to, "How are you?" is, "I am well if you are. I am well if you are." Wow, what a beautiful way of recognizing, yes, my well-being is interdependent with yours. Another greeting also, as you'll see these articles beautifully talk about the sense of Ubuntu, "I am because we are." There's this greeting when people greet each other—now I'm escaping on which country it was, but I'll remember later—the greeting is, "I see you," and the answer to that is, "I am seen." I am seen. What a beautiful greeting, what a beautiful way to have this sense of, "Yes, my being is dependent on me being seen, is another consciousness that's holding me." This sense of inter-being, "I am because we are," challenges the sense of independence that we often have in the culture. It's in the Zulu culture, thank you. In the Zulu culture. So with these as themes, "I am because we are," let's actually think about it, bring it home right now. I am because we are. I wouldn't be here if you were not here at Happy Hour. My being here is dependent on your being here, and your being here is dependent on me and others being here. I am because we are. It's as simple as that. It's not independent, but it's dependently co-arisen[^3]. How we are is dependently co-arisen, and we often forget that. It's this perception that we have, this delusion of independence. This is a delusion, and how beautiful to lose this delusion now and then, and realize how interdependent we truly, truly are. There is a tenderness, there's a beauty to this interdependence of all beings. Not just all us humans, but all animals and the planet Earth and beyond. And when I say beyond, it's like, wow, blows my mind to think of all the galaxies and stars. And yet it is true, I am because we are. All of this, I am stardust. I am because we are, because the Big Bang happened at some point. So many directions this contemplation can go, and yet there's a particular way that I would like to invite us tonight to sit with it, and let our heart open to this interdependence with care, with metta[^4], with love, with appreciation of holding. Because you are not alone; even if you think you're alone, you are not alone. You are being because everything else and everyone else is. To bring that into our consciousness. Without further ado, I would like to invite us now to start meditating together. ## Guided Meditation So let us land. Let us land in our bodies. Ah, let us land in this body, in this moment. Letting go of all the words that have come for the purpose of arriving, for the purpose of settling here. Here. Just simply here. This breath. Sensations of the body. Not complicated. Just here. Inviting the body to land, to arrive, to relax. To give its weight to the earth. Filling the soil of awareness by arriving, settling. Connecting with the in-breath. Ah, connecting with the out-breath. To the body, to the seclusion of this moment. Into the seclusion of this moment, this mind-heart moment of refuge. And if thoughts arise, as they will arise, it's okay. No need to chastise yourself or yell at yourself. It's okay. Simply notice what the beloved puppy of the mind has gone after. It's okay. It's all right, sweetie. It's okay. Smilingly, maybe even petting as if you're petting a wandering mind. Okay sweetie, let it release. Let it release the juicy bone. Let it release the juicy bone. Ah, noticing that being here with the breath, with the body, taking refuge, is juiciest of all. What a gift, here, now. This breath, this body. Just this breath. Ah, this body here. Here. Now I would like to invite you, if you wish you can stay, if it feels calming, soothing, to stay with the breath and the body. And if you wish, consider to open your heart, not so much your head, your thinking, but drop in this contemplation as if dropping a pebble in a pond. The person you are, how you are, everything you have done and do, the past, and let's say in this moment, it is co-dependently arising with so many other factors, other beings. So many other beings. Your life in this moment is intertwined. Is completely intertwined with so many other beings' lives that it could boggle the mind. It could be one of the imponderables[^5], as the Buddha shared, if you really contemplated it. So we don't want to get too lost in thought, but just to touch into this contemplation. Maybe bring one aspect, maybe the fact that you're here right now, practicing, listening. Intertwined. Intertwined, deeply embedded. So many other beings' actions. You don't exist or feel or do independently. Not possible. Just letting your breath breathe this contemplation into your heart, into your heart center. A few breaths with a sense of awe, without words. It might help for a moment to step out of yourself, and see yourself from a third-person perspective. This being who is you, their life so intertwined with so many other beings in this moment. Let's start with this moment, the present moment. As if you're watching the movie of your life. Yes, you seem to be the protagonist, the star of the movie, and yet there are so many plot lines, so many heroes. It's not an independent one. Let yourself appreciate the richness of the tapestry. The tapestry of all these threads. Of all these threads interwoven, yours is just one. Interwoven. See your thread deeply interwoven with each breath. Interwoven with each thought. Interwoven with each emotion, each sensation too. Interwoven. It's not independent. Allowing your heart, allowing there to be appreciation, gratitude, awe, metta. Whatever flavor shows up for you. Goodwill for all these threads, all these threads interwoven with yours in this tapestry of being human, of life. As you wish well for your thread, may all the threads be well. May all the threads travel in safety and happiness, in health and ease. Knowing that as you wish well-being for all the threads, you're wishing well-being for yourself. It's inextricably connected, your thread to the others. So there is no difference really, you wishing well for others and wishing well for yourself. At the ultimate level, they're one and the same. One and the same. I am because we are. Here. May all beings be well. I am because we are. May all beings be well. Have a sense for the threads, those you care about, those near and dear in this tapestry. And the threads of those you don't know. So many threads. And the threads of those with whom you have, or have had, challenges. Inter-being. I am because we are. All of us. Opening your heart to care, to love, with the entire cloth. Even if you don't understand it, you don't have to understand it. We don't have to understand. And it's possible to share, to spread our goodwill, our appreciation for the vastness of this interconnection. May all beings be well. I am because we are, all of us. Because all of us are, I am. I'm part of the cloth. I am not independent, I'm not alone. I am. I am because we are. Both power and humility in this. Okay. This body is... this being is... this here. I am here now because we are. Okay. And maybe if you wish, the last few minutes of the practice can fill your heart with those who have touched your path. You are because they are. They have been. With appreciation and metta with each breath. Notice what arises when you bring a few of these beings to your mind, to your mind-heart. I am because we are. I am because we are, dear one. May all of us, may all of us practitioners, all beings everywhere, may we awaken to the grace, the magnitude, the beauty, the awe of our inter-being, our interdependence. That we are not alone. We are deeply, deeply embedded with and for each other. May all beings everywhere be well. May all beings be free, including ourselves. Thanks everyone. Thank you for your practice. I am because you are. ## Reflections So we have some time for reflections, comments, questions, reports from the field for the benefit of the sangha. And you're welcome to type in chat, and if you type to me alone I won't read your name, it will be private. If you type the chat to everyone, I will read both the chat and... I also see a reflection here. Oh yes, this is a quote, let me share this first. This is from Martin Luther King Jr. from a letter from a Birmingham jail: "We are caught in an inescapable network of mutuality, tied in a single garment of destiny. Whatever affects one directly, affects all indirectly." Beautiful. Thanks for sharing that. I'll read it one more time. Such a beautiful quote from Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.: "We are caught in an inescapable network of mutuality, tied in a single garment of destiny." The garment, yes, the garment, the cloth. "Whatever affects one directly, affects all indirectly." Can I see your hand, please? **Ken:** Yeah, hi Nikki. I've noticed for a long time that when I try to send loving-kindness out to other beings, that I end up sitting in a puddle of loving-kindness. Whereas this time, having the connections out there already, just feeling loving-kindness just automatically went out, those strings to other beings. So that was very nice. Thank you. **Nikki:** Oh, that's lovely. Thank you for that report from the field, Ken, that's lovely. Let me reflect that back. What you were saying is, in the past as you were sending loving-kindness to other beings, your heart, yourself, would be filled with loving-kindness. And here, what you noticed was, with this practice, automatically with bringing to mind this sense of interconnection with all beings, already this thread, bringing the sense of metta, loving-kindness, already became shared. It already went out through all these networks. So it's just a different way of being, and it's lovely to experience a practice in different ways, right? Thank you. Beautiful, thank you so much. That's lovely. Thank you, Ken. Any other reflections, please? Kristen, please. **Kristen:** Hi. So right now I'm in the process of applying for jobs and waiting to hear back. And so it struck me as we were meditating that part of what feels so hard is kind of just this vulnerability that it's other people's decision whether I'm going to get a job and what my life is going to be like. And I noticed that you said that this practice sort of brings both humility and power. And I was able to feel the humility with more ease, so I really appreciated that. And I wonder if you could talk just a little bit more about the power that you see coming from this. **Nikki:** Yeah. Thank you so much for sharing, Kristen. And also your question, and also where you are in your life right now with looking for a job, applying, which can feel vulnerable. Of course, it is. It can feel vulnerable. And yet, to feel that actually the places you're applying, they depend on you, right? There is a dependence on your skills, on your gift, on what you give to the world. So the sense of humility comes from, wow, yes, as you experience there is such a sense of interdependence. And then the sense of power is the sense of agency, that you are part of this cloth. You're an important thread in this cloth, and everybody else is because you are, because of what you offer. And finding, giving your gift to the world in whatever ways might be appropriate and show up. You may not know, you may not see right now. You might be attached to one idea, but maybe life has another idea for you how to show up and share your gifts, your agency, your beauty, your goodness. So that is the sense of power: "I am part of this cloth. Yes, I am part of this cloth of humanity. I am. I am. Wow." How amazing is that? Yes. And you're welcome to comment, or you can let it go as you wish. Yes. **Kristen:** Yeah, helpful. Thank you. **Nikki:** Thank you, Kristen. And Jamie, please. Let this be the last comment. **Jamie:** Nikki, I think we all know that trauma can radiate out, you know, lasting effects on ourselves and others. I'm thinking especially about adverse childhood experiences where there's just really great research that's been done on the long-term mental and physical health impacts, and there's growing research about those being transmitted down generations. So I was just thinking about that. So a lot of compassion during that exercise too, yeah. **Nikki:** Yeah, I appreciate you bringing that in. Yes, there are so many causes and conditions and interdependence, and I also really appreciate how your mind is holding all of that with compassion. It's not a way to be distraught, like, "Oh, so much trauma, it's generational, radiating out." But yes, trusting in the power of goodness that is bigger in humanity, the power of compassion and wisdom to hold all the traumas as we navigate this being human together, towards more wisdom and compassion. Yeah, I'm reminded of the book *The Better Angels of Our Nature*. The author is escaping me... if any of you know it... Steven Pinker, thank you Melanie, yes. That humanity has become so much kinder and less cruel over ages and ages, and that's the direction we're going. So that gives me hope, that gives me hope. I'll share a couple of reflections in chat before we turn. Ko says, "Even Donald is one of the threads in the tapestry of my life now. How to be matter of fact about this? Compassion, compassion, compassion." We are, yes, because we all are. There's so many reasons why every being is the way they are. Jerry says, "It was very helpful to see your power and agency coming from everyone including yourself. I am because you are." Yes, power and agency. Exactly. Beautiful. So we have time now to turn and have a sense of inter-being in small groups with one another. Small groups. And here's the greeting I'd like to invite us to share with one another when you get into groups together tonight. To share the greeting, "I see you." And there will be three of you, so one person says it, and the other two people will say it back, and then you maybe take turns. So, "I see you," and then, "I am seen," or "We are seen." "I see you. We are seen." And let yourself actually be seen, be held by the other being, and see how powerful it could be to see someone and let yourself be seen by them. And then take turns. Maybe the person with the first name closest to the beginning of the alphabet starts, and go around and do this, and do it as a practice. See how it feels. And then, of course, you can share as much about your practice. These groups, these small conversations can be so precious. They already know this, this is a special sangha. So I'm going to create the rooms now, and here we go. Okay. All right, so take care of yourselves, take care of each other, be kind, and here we go. Opening all the rooms. Okay, all the rooms are closed. Everybody's back. Welcome back everyone. Nice to see your smiling faces after talking together. It's very sweet. And here is the link to the article about Ubuntu in *Lion's Roar*. And we have maybe just less than a minute if any quick reflections or comments you'd like to share, perhaps about being together and sharing together. It's welcome, otherwise we will... yeah, I think maybe this is enough. So I'm just seeing the smiles and I'm so appreciating the smiles that I see. Heartwarming. So let's dedicate the merit of our practice together. Oh yes, Dawn says, "Such joy." Oh, that's lovely. What a lovely note to end on, such joy. Ah, may our practice together be a cause and condition for freedom, ease, joy, for ourselves, for all those whose lives ours touches, and all beings everywhere. May all beings be free. May all beings be happy. Thanks everyone. Be well. --- [^1]: **Sangha:** A Pali and Sanskrit word meaning "association," "assembly," "company," or "community," typically referring to the Buddhist community of practitioners. [^2]: **Thich Nhat Hanh:** (1926–2022) A Vietnamese Thiền Buddhist monk, peace activist, prolific author, and teacher. Original transcript said 'take not han', corrected to 'Thich Nhat Hanh' based on context. [^3]: **Dependently co-arisen:** Refers to the Buddhist concept of Dependent Origination (Pratītyasamutpāda), stating that all things arise in dependence upon multiple causes and conditions. [^4]: **Metta:** A Pali word meaning loving-kindness, benevolence, and goodwill. [^5]: **Imponderables:** Refers to the four *acinteyya*, questions or concepts the Buddha identified as incomprehensible and advised against dwelling upon, as doing so leads to madness or vexation (e.g., the exact workings of karma or the origin of the universe).