---
ai_generation_date: '2026-07-10'
ai_model: gemini-3-pro-preview
audiodharma:
  talks:
  - date: '2021-09-23'
    mp3_url: https://audiodharma.us-east-1.linodeobjects.com/talks/14268/20210923-Nikki_Mirghafori-IMC-happy_hour_working_with_unpleasant_physical_phenomena.mp3
    speakers:
    - speaker_name: Nikki Mirghafori
      speaker_url: https://www.audiodharma.org/speakers/229
    talk_start_time_seconds: 0
    title: 'Happy Hour: Working With Unpleasant (Physical) Phenomena'
    url: https://www.audiodharma.org/talks/14268
    video_unavailable: false
location_city: Redwood City, CA
video_unavailable: false
youtube:
  id: ZCL-7QM_POc
  imprecise_upload_date: '2022-05-04'
  title: 'Happy Hour: Working With Unpleasant (Physical) Phenomena'
  upload_date: null
  uploader_str: Insight Meditation Center
  uploader_url: https://www.youtube.com/@InsightMeditationCenter
youtube_url: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZCL-7QM_POc
---

# Happy Hour: Working With Unpleasant (Physical) Phenomena - [Nikki Mirghafori](https://www.audiodharma.org/speakers/229)

*This is an AI-generated transcript from auto-generated subtitles for the video above. It likely contains inaccuracies, especially with speaker attribution if there are multiple speakers.*

## [Happy Hour: Working With Unpleasant (Physical) Phenomena](https://www.audiodharma.org/talks/14268)

## Introduction
Hello everyone. Hello and welcome to Happy Hour. Hi, I've missed you! And if the audios are right, give me thumbs up. Yes, fantastic, you can hear me.

So hi, welcome. Let's start as we always start by warming the space with just greeting each other with friendliness. I'll start by saying hi, I'm Nikki in Mountain View, California, unceded Ohlone[^1] land. Who wants to say hi? Hello Kenneth from Albuquerque, miss you too! Hello Neil in New Hampshire. Wayne in Richmond, very nice to see you. Hi Marie Christine in Sydney, Australia, it's lovely to see your face. Hi Dawn from DC, thank you for welcoming me back. It is so sweet to be back to the sangha after being away. Hi Mark, and hi Larry from Seattle, who welcomes me back as well. Thank you, along with Morgan. Hi Marianne from Burlingame. Hi Lydia in Baltimore. Hello David on YouTube. Ricky from New Hampshire, Diane from Santa Cruz, and Johnny from San Francisco, first time here. Welcome Johnny, wonderful! Welcome to the sangha, lovely to have you. And Megan from South Bay, hi Deborah in San Francisco. I feel like the space is warmed up with all these kind, warm hellos from different places in the country and the world, being afternoon where Marie Christine is in Australia.

So let's begin formally. Thank you Neil for sharing information about the Happy Hour Google group in the chat where folks can join, share information with one another, and resources are shared there. At this point, I change the settings so that accidental unmuting won't be possible, so that we can have some quiet in the space, and the chat will be quiet for this period. I'll open it up again later. And remember the preliminaries: turning on recording for Audio Dharma. Here we go.

Hello and welcome to Happy Hour, everyone. Lovely to be with you. For today's practice, I've been wanting to touch in and reconnect with the question that came up last time. Fred asked a question about tinnitus—ringing in the ear—and other people expressed appreciation for that question and follow-up in the Google group. We wanted to actually dedicate this sitting, this practice, to the idea of something challenging arising. And perhaps expand on the invitations I was giving that night, and to actually invite all of us to practice. 

Whether or not we have something physical—let's say very specifically what was brought up as tinnitus, ringing in the ear, that can show up as very unpleasant and as a distraction—it can also be pain in the body, discomfort in the body, a headache, a backache, anything. But even more generally, this can be anything that we don't want to be present in our bodies, in our mind, or in our heart, in our emotional space, or in our lives. Anything that's unpleasant. 

So if you don't have tinnitus or pain in the body, please consider these invitations I'm about to give, and the way to work with them specifically as we'll enter in a moment, for anything that is happening in your body or in your life that is unpleasant. A sense of, "You don't want it to be here. It's unpleasant. You don't want it to be here." All of us, being human beings, have something we can relate to in this way in our life, so that can be a general practice for everyone.

I'll say a couple of words and then we'll practice with it more extensively. Something to consider is that when there is pain, discomfort, or something unpleasant, there is the thing itself. Whatever it is—the event, the happening, the pain, the sound. There's the thing itself. And then, as we quiet our minds, as we settle as we will do in our meditation in a moment, you'll notice that separate from the thing itself is the unpleasant feeling tone. There's the unpleasant feeling tone that *this is unpleasant*. We can recognize that to be separate when we quiet our minds. 

And separate from these two, the third is a reaction that comes up, which is pushing away. There is, "I don't like this. I don't want this. Make it go away." There's a resistance, there's a pushing away, there's aversion. There's this pressing of the aversion. 

So three different things: the thing itself, the feeling tone—in Pali, *vedanā*[^2]—which in this case happens to be unpleasant. But please know that the feeling tone is separate. The same sound, the same sensation, actually seen from a different light at times could have a neutral or even a pleasant feeling tone. This is not a function of the object itself. It's a function of the way we see, of the mind, which is more subtle. It's okay if you're like, "Oh, I don't get that." It's okay, but I do want to bring it in. You don't have to force believe this, just know that the feeling tone is very flexible. It really amazes us when we see that. 

And then the third, that aversion, the pushing away, the "make it go away, I don't like this," really comes up not from the thing itself, but really from the impact of the way we perceive unpleasantness habitually. We're human beings, we all do that. But the reaction to unpleasantness tends to be "make it go away"—aversion. And it's really that aversion, the pushing away, that both keeps all of this in place and also causes the pain, the suffering. 

As you've all heard by now, pain is inevitable, suffering is optional. If you think of the thing, the physical pain for example, as the first object, the suffering is that pressing, it's that rejection which really holds it in place. 

So in tonight's practice, as a part of Happy Hour, I'd like to invite you—and again, it could be a sensation, pain, it could be something in your life which is like, "This is unpleasant, I don't like this, make it go away"—we'll notice all these parts. And then the invitation is: what if there is an acceptance of the rejection? Because sometimes the rejection gets fixed, and this whole piece becomes a vicious cycle. It gets hooked, it becomes a dam. The flow of water gets stopped. The dam that's built up is from that aversion, from that pushing back. So if we accept, open up viscerally, feeling into opening into relaxing into giving space for this aversion... that relaxing can actually open up the latch of the dam and the water can flow. 

The water can flow in the way that the object may still be there—the sensation, the pain, whatever it is in your life, the unpleasantness may or may not be there. It might still feel unpleasant, or it may not feel as unpleasant as it once did. But this sense of suffering, pain, and distraction that it's providing, that goes away. This thing, whatever it is, can still be here. It can still be present, but without taking so much energy. Without taking so much energy to push it away. It just is. It's just a part of so many other stimuli or so many other things that are happening in life. 

As to how it relates to *mettā*[^3] and warmth and friendliness, it is a way of cultivating friendliness and kindness towards ourselves to see all these relationships and open to what arises with just a little more receptivity, kindness, and patience. 

I have spoken plenty tonight to set up this structure. I hope it's been helpful. Let's meditate together.

## Guided Meditation
Let's land. Let's arrive. Let's land in our bodies. And let's just arrive, take time, letting go of all the words, whatever has come before this. Letting go, letting go, letting go. Letting go some more. Just here. Just simple. 

Feeling this body connected to the earth through our feet, our legs, our bottom on the cushion. Landing, relaxing into this body, to the chair, the cushion. Taking refuge with each breath. And if you find thoughts and memories arise, it's okay. Smiling, smiling at them, and releasing. "Thank you, come back later. I'm just giving myself wholeheartedly right now." This is the practice of being here now. Settling with the simplicity of the breath in the body in this moment. 

This in-breath, this out-breath. Settling, arriving, more and more. Receiving each breath, the sensations of it in the abdomen. Sensations of the breath soothing, calming like a lullaby. Tilling the soil, tilling the soil. Calm awareness abiding with each breath. Enjoying the entirety of each breath. 

Letting there be a kind awareness. Receiving, meeting each breath in the abdomen. Receiving each breath in the abdomen. Instead of breathing in kindness, breathing out kindness and gentleness into this body, into this heart and mind. Not letting the breath be work. In fact, breathing has been happening all this time, so let breathing happen naturally, just as it has been. 

Just simply bring awareness as if a smiling awareness to the belly area. "I know it's happening. Breathing is happening on its own, how nice." As if awareness was receiving a gift, didn't have to work for it. You could relax, just receive the gift of each in-breath and out-breath smilingly. With the same appreciation we have when you receive a gift. A cherished gift. 

Each breath received with kind awareness. This is your whole body, your whole being energetically. You're sitting in a space of kind awareness through your body, around your body. You can relax into it. 

You're welcome to continue to sit with kind awareness, the space inside and outside, if this is what your heart needs right now. If you'd like to try on the invitations that will follow, you are welcome also. You decide. 

So as you feel connected to your body—your bottom on the cushion, your feet on the floor, your breath in the abdomen, through your body—so you feel connected, embodied. This is important. As you feel embodied, staying embodied, bring to your heart-mind—not to your head, but bring to your awareness, as you continue to breathe—whatever is happening, the sense of something in your life, in your body as discussed earlier, where there is some rejection. There's pushing away, there's aversion. Maybe it's a pain in your body, ringing in your ear, or something in your life. 

And let yourself feel into the contraction, to this energy of pushing away, not wanting, resisting, hating. Let yourself really know it. As if you're a scientist of your own mind and heart. Scientists are curious, they don't judge. They're just curious about phenomena. So too, be curious about this "not liking, I wish it weren't here, make it go away" feeling. 

Where do you feel it in the body, this aversion? Is it a tightness in your chest, in your belly, somewhere else? Your shoulders? Be curious about it and see if there is aversion to this aversion. If you don't like this tightening, this not wanting it to be here, see if there are extra layers of aversion not wanting it to be here. And if so, bring gentle loving curiosity to that. 

See if that's the case. And if you bring curiosity, a sense of spacious, open inquiry, non-judgmental, whether that extra layer of aversion on top of what you're feeling opens up. It feels a little more spacious, as if it says, "Okay, alright, I'm just gonna release, let you study this tightness in your chest or your belly. Okay, it's fine, it can be here. It's here already. Okay, I'll let you study it." Maybe it says this extra aversion layer of it letting go. If so, smilingly bow to it, relax, and study. 

Feel this pushing away. If it's still here, what if you allowed it to be here? This tightness, this aversion. Completely. This tightness, maybe it shows up in your belly, your chest. However it shows up physically, this aversion to the sound, to the pain, to something in your life. You don't want it to be here. What if you let the aversion be here? It's okay. Give it space. Breathe around it. 

"Okay, alright, you can be here." Plenty of other things that can be here. There can be joy, there can be ease, there can be sensations on my feet. And you too, you can be here too. Dear knot, or whatever it is. 

There's plenty of space here in the sphere of awareness for everything to be here, without the aversion sucking the air out of everything. It doesn't have to if we don't give it primacy. If we don't make it the focus. Just acknowledging it's here. Yeah, it can be here. We don't try to push it away, give it all our energy. 

It's as if what was once this scary giant becomes tiny, small. It's still here, but it's not so threatening anymore. Just space around it. Breathe around it. Hold it. Take your time. 

Give it a lot of space. Not trying to push it to go away. Not at all. Relax your body. Relax your body. There's plenty of space for comfort, for ease, sensations that are pleasant. Awareness being so spacious, like the sky, holding the body, the breath, and this too. This can be here. 

This next step might take some time. You can try it on tonight if you like, or maybe later in your own time. And maybe you are ready to check in and see if the original pain, ringing in the ears, or issue in your life... if there is more ease around that now that the aversion to it... there's more ease around it. This too can be here more easily. It's not central stage anymore. 

And if bringing awareness directly to it brings up the unpleasantness and brings up the aversion, it's okay. Go back to the aversion. Make a lot of space for the aversion. It's okay. Breathe with it. Breathe around it. Relax your heart. Dear heart, dear heart, you can hold so much, dear heart. Dear courageous, compassionate heart. 

You may need to go back and forth a few times, or bring awareness more spaciously to your feet, to your hands. The space of kindness you're sitting in, that can hold this all, hold all that arises and passes away. Stimulus in our life and our body, whatever phenomenon it is, unpleasantness that the mind labels it as, and any aversion which may come and go. This heart, this body, this mind is so spacious. 

And for the last moments of this practice, holding yourself spaciously, lovingly, for whatever arose or did not arise during this practice period. It's all okay. Give it all the causes and conditions. It had to be exactly as it was, or it would have been different. Appreciating yourself, thanking yourself. Offering the goodness of your practice to yourself and to all beings everywhere. May all beings be free, including myself. 

Thank you for your practice. 

## Reflections and Q&A
So, there's a lot that can come up with this practice. What we did is we started by settling, arriving, feeling embodied with kind awareness. And we brought into our awareness some phenomenon in our body, in our life, that's challenging. And then I invited you to notice the aversion to the unpleasantness that's associated with this phenomenon. We worked mainly with making space for the aversion, which is this pushing, this making it go away, this dam that keeps it in place. Noticing if there's an aversion on top of the aversion—"Oh, I don't like this. I don't like this tightness in my chest. I don't like the fact that I have this thing." Okay, alright, can we bring acceptance, spaciousness to that? 

And noticing if that allows some softening in the mind and the heart. And noticing if the phenomenon itself, there's more space for it to be at times. And if you notice that brings more aversion again, okay, going back to the aversion. Going back and forth, and over time really working with giving space, giving a lot of space. Because when we narrow our mind to what is not working, what is challenging, what is difficult, it feels like we bring it into our face and that's the only thing we see. There is no space to breathe at all, it just sucks the air out of the room. Whereas, oh, there's so much space, my feet feel pleasant, and it's all okay. And we realize there's so much more space for this thing to be just as it is. It becomes a practice. 

And over time there can be a sense of working through layers of acceptance more and more. So if radical acceptance doesn't happen with this short meditation, it's okay. Don't expect it. It might happen—hallelujah, great, I'd love to hear about it—and yet be patient. Be patient with yourself. More and more layers of acceptance will happen. And the time might come where there's a subtle aversion still, pushing away is there, and when the question comes you can ask yourself, "Well, am I going to be okay if this thing, this pain, this situation never goes away?" And at that point if the answer is yeah, there's enough space that I will be okay, there's okayness, and this thing can be there, that feels like the final layer of acceptance. And then it'll stop bothering us, it can still be there. 

I had this experience years and years ago, I'll share with you. As you know, I have a chronic illness and a lot of body pain which I've had for years and years, and I've been practicing with it for a long time. Years ago I was practicing, I felt like I had accepted, "Yes, pain, I can be with pain. Yes, unpleasantness." I see the unpleasantness, and it actually stopped being unpleasant after a while. The unpleasantness can shift to actually be neutral or even be pleasant at times, which is wild! That's another—I'll leave that for a moment on a proverbial post-it note. But the time came where I noticed that I was still practicing with the discomfort, with the pain, and there was a tiny, tiny, subtle "Oh, I want it not to be here. I want it to go away." When I saw that, there was just this complete acceptance like, "No, we can be here. It's fine." Then there was complete freedom that yeah, the pain can really be here and I can be free, I can have ease. There can be well-being, even if in the conventional sense there is no well-being. 

So lots and lots of layers of practice over time. Be patient, be patient, be patient. And I'd love to hear if there are any questions, reflections you'd like to share. Yes please, Fred. 

**Fred:** I just want to thank you for your kindness in bringing this forward to the group. I understand it's something we all experience, but you did it very specifically with me reaching out to you last week, and it's very generous and I very much appreciate it. 

**Nikki:** Thank you, Fred. Thank you for sharing your practice, your experience for the benefit of all beings, for the benefit of the sangha. Thank you for letting us all support you as you are supporting others with sharing your practice. Thank you. Marie Christine, please. 

**Marie Christine:** For me, it was a little bit complicated. I found in terms of wanting to push away the aversion, that there was room, that I was bringing openness. But even though I was bringing openness to it, the actual density or the intensity of the pain actually heightened. But I wasn't feeling aversion, I was just aware that the pain had kind of increased, and I wasn't quite sure if it's because I was focusing too hard on it or... 

**Nikki:** Thank you, Marie Christine. So what I'm hearing is that by bringing your attention, by bringing aversion more into the sphere of experience, it seemed like the pain itself intensified, and you wonder whether it's because you're focusing on it too much. 

**Marie Christine:** Because it wasn't my aversion that was intensifying, I was quite aware of letting go. 

**Nikki:** Yeah, interesting, right. It's beautiful that you're aware of the letting go. What I would invite you to explore a little bit is your attention, your awareness. Bring attention to the quality of your attention. Bring awareness to the quality of your awareness. Is your awareness laser sharp? Like, really paying attention to this right here, now? Or is it more diffuse? Which could be more spacious and helpful. Great, thank you Marie Christine. Great. Yeah, Megan, please. 

**Megan:** I have a question with a little bit of a reflection. I was curious if you have advice on times when the thing feels like a threat to personal safety, sort of for the safety of others. I had this experience today that was a bit frightening and left me feeling uneasy, and I just used that since it was there. And I noticed, unlike physical pain or even other emotional pain where that spaciousness just kind of works and I can see it, I just felt this vulnerability the whole time. And so I actually switched over to *tonglen*[^4] because I couldn't do anything else. I didn't know if that was aversion coming up kind of, but when I did do the *tonglen*, it felt like it was the only thing that would help it to move. 

**Nikki:** Thank you, Megan. And if you need to stay unmuted... because what you're describing, actually something that felt threatening and unsafe for you and others, is slightly of a different category than the invitation for this particular practice, I think. So it sounds appropriate to more have *tonglen* for that in a way. I'm appreciating your inner wisdom to have decided that yeah, actually, *tonglen* feels more appropriate for this particular thing that feels unsafe for me and others to work with. And it's not just aversion to something that is unpleasant, it feels of a different category, Megan. You're welcome to unmute yourself if you want to make another comment. 

**Megan:** Yeah, I guess I liked that you brought up the possibility that it would be in a different category because I think it might be. I'll have to keep exploring. The thing that happened with the *tonglen* was I felt like there was almost some agency in terms of... it's like that fierce compassion sort of energy that I felt like needed to be there. 

**Nikki:** And here's another clue I'm having right now. It seems like this thing that happened was regarding some being, some person. So *tonglen*, the practice of compassion, especially fierce compassion, has to do with people, whereas what I was describing has to do with phenomena. Like pain, ringing in the ear, something that's happening, or something in your life which is like something happening, but not a person. Whereas what you're working with was something happening with a person who did something that made you feel unsafe. So definitely *tonglen* and other people-related practices are more appropriate. Thank you. 

Okay, wow. Alright, so we've had so many wonderful reflections and questions, and I've talked a lot. Let's quickly go into having some time together in community. I realize I'm running late tonight for our breakout group, so let's turn our attention to the breakout group so that we can have some time to connect with one another. It's so sacred, so beautiful to have time to share. So here we go. I'm going to open the rooms. Take care of yourselves, take care of each other with kindness, and here we go. 

*[Breakout groups]*

Okay, welcome back everyone. Everybody's back. So given that we had more reflections and questions earlier and it's already time, let us formally close and dedicate the merit. I will stay a few minutes extra tonight if anybody has questions or comments and would like to stay. 

Thank you all for your practice, for showing up and cultivating your heart and mind for yourself and all beings everywhere. May all beings be happy, may all beings be free, including ourselves. Thanks everyone, take care.

---
[^1]: **Ohlone:** The Ohlone are the Indigenous people of the San Francisco Bay Area and Monterey Bay Area in California. Original transcript said "oh lonely", corrected to "Ohlone" based on context. 
[^2]: **Vedanā:** A Pali word typically translated as "feeling" or "feeling tone." It refers to the pleasant, unpleasant, or neutral valence of any experience. Original transcript said "politics veda", corrected to "Pali, vedanā" based on context.
[^3]: **Mettā:** A Pali word meaning loving-kindness, friendliness, or goodwill. Original transcript said "mental", corrected to "mettā" based on context.
[^4]: **Tonglen:** A Tibetan Buddhist meditation practice of "giving and taking," where one visualizes taking in the suffering of others on the in-breath and sending out compassion and relief on the out-breath. Original transcript said "tongue line", corrected to "tonglen" based on context.