--- ai_generation_date: '2026-07-10' ai_model: gemini-3-pro-preview audiodharma: talks: - date: '2022-04-25' mp3_url: https://audiodharma.us-east-1.linodeobjects.com/talks/16167/20220425-Nikki_Mirghafori-IMC-happy_hour_just_like_me_just_like_others.mp3 speakers: - speaker_name: Nikki Mirghafori speaker_url: https://www.audiodharma.org/speakers/229 talk_start_time_seconds: 0 title: 'Happy Hour: Just Like Me, Just Like Others' url: https://www.audiodharma.org/talks/16167 video_unavailable: false location_city: Redwood City, CA video_unavailable: false youtube: id: ZHup835aDPM imprecise_upload_date: '2022-05-04' title: 'Happy Hour: Just Like Me, Just Like Others' upload_date: null uploader_str: Insight Meditation Center uploader_url: https://www.youtube.com/@InsightMeditationCenter youtube_url: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZHup835aDPM --- # Happy Hour: Just Like Me, Just Like Others - [Nikki Mirghafori](https://www.audiodharma.org/speakers/229) *This is an AI-generated transcript from auto-generated subtitles for the video above. It likely contains inaccuracies, especially with speaker attribution if there are multiple speakers.* ## [Happy Hour: Just Like Me, Just Like Others](https://www.audiodharma.org/talks/16167) ## Introduction Okay, so formally, hello and welcome to Happy Hour. Lovely to be with you, lovely to practice together. It just warms my heart every time, even if right before it, it's been a really busy day and full. And here I arrive and, ah, just my heart already is warmed up sitting together. I invite you to perhaps put those who are on Zoom on gallery view so that you can see each other for a moment if you want. It brings just a sense of, "Oh, here's a community of like-minded people coming to cultivate their hearts. I'm not alone in this." Fellow human beings, just like me. Hopes and dreams, just like me. Challenges, just like me. Just like me. In fact, the phrase "just like me" is going to be our theme for tonight. That "just like me" teaching can be a powerful tool or support for metta[^1], for compassion, both ways. One way is for us to take it easy on ourselves. Like, "Oh yeah, I'm like anyone else. I'm just like anyone else." Anybody else who would be in this kind of situation, in this physical situation with this illness or with this emotional challenge, they would be having a hard time right now. They would be having a hard time, so I'm not separate. I'm not different from anybody else. Just like others, I'm just like others. Just like me, or just like them. So you get the one way, right? Because we're usually so hard on ourselves, like, "Get it together, come on, get it together. You should be able to do this." Like, "Oh sweetheart, anybody else would be having a hard time. I'm just like others. A human being, not superhuman. I have my foibles, my challenges, just like anyone else." That's one way this "just like me" can be supportive. The other direction where it can be supportive is when we see others. Maybe others are suffering, and we feel with them. We feel for them that, "Oh, just like me, this is a human being. They're just like me. They have hopes, dreams, challenges. They have a body that aches, I know what that's like. Well, they get sad, they get lonely, they get angry, they get distracted. Oh, you're just like me. Oh, just like me, may you be well. May you be free from all these, just like me." And that can expand our heart to have kindness towards others, to all beings, expanding through concentric circles. Those two different ways that this beautiful, empowering phrase—"just like me" or "just like others," "just like them"—can be a superpower, can be really supportive in our practice. What I'll do tonight in guiding us in practice together is, as always, we'll start with settling into our bodies with our breath. We usually take roughly about 10 minutes just to settle. It's so important to settle in the body and the breath before starting metta. We always do that, very important. And then we open up. What I like to do is to actually start with... well, I'll keep it a surprise. You'll go explore. As always, I like to say, especially if you're new to this practice, or even if you've done it a million times: whatever arises, even if—or especially if—it's not what you expect, as long as you're kind towards it, as long as you're kind towards yourself, you are doing this practice right. So if there's a little voice that comes, "Oh, you're distracted, you're sleepy, you're not doing this right, you're terrible," if you're kind towards it—"Oh sweetheart, you're having a hard time. It's okay. It's okay, dear. It's okay."—you are doing this practice right. As long as you have kindness towards whatever arises. That's what we're cultivating here. Okay? So be kind to whatever arises. ## Guided Meditation With that, I'd like to invite you to settle. If you need to move to your cushion or to a chair, or maybe even lie down if that's what your body needs right now, take care of this body. My body wants to shift a little bit before settling in my chair. Sitting such that you can be comfortable for the next 30 minutes. Sitting, lying down, standing, it's all okay. All postures of meditation are welcome. Arriving, arriving in this body. Letting go in this moment from how busy the day might have been, or full, or sad, or up, or down. You're here. You're here. I'm here. Ah. Touching the earth. Touching the earth, this precious, precious earth with your precious body. This human body, mine, however it is. However it is in this moment. Treasured, unique, and impermanent. Only mine for a short time. Relaxing. Inviting this body to release. Release, release. Release any tightness, holding weight, into the chair or cushion. Letting go, releasing thoughts in this moment, releasing preoccupations. Of course there are many, and it's okay. Trust that they're important enough, they will come back at the end or later. Right now, give your heart to this practice. Give your heart to this practice and the delicious seclusion of the mind. Letting all the busyness be outside, be away, dancing on its own. You can rest, rest in your heart. Take rest, dear heart. Turning your attention inward, and letting the breath be received. Each breath, let it be received in your abdomen. Not from the control tower, no, but as if the body is an organ of perception, receiving each breath. The entirety of the in-breath, the entirety of the out-breath. Like a lullaby. Soothing breath, calming, calming. As if you're a baby being rocked with the breath. Caring for yourself, receiving the breath with gentleness, with kindness to yourself. And if thoughts arise, it's not a problem, not a problem at all. See if they can be received smilingly, and then gently, gently released. Released from your heart, your chest, your shoulders, becoming lighter. Ah, thank you, thought, please come back later. Being with the lullaby of the breath to settle, be soothed. It's so sweet right here. We don't have to get entangled in the busyness of thoughts. It can be so calm and sweet. Enjoying the breath being received. It's not a chore, it's not a grim duty. Let it be enjoyable. Your treat for the day, for yourself. This moment of peace. And I would like to invite you, if you would, to bring someone to mind who's easy for you to have warmth, care, and kindness towards. It could be a pet, a child, a friend, someone who has been kind to you in the past, a benefactor. Someone with whom you have an uncomplicated relationship. Ideally, a little bit of complication is okay, but not too complicated, so when you think of them, a smile naturally shows up. A sense of safety, just a natural care. Bring this person or being, their image, their felt sense to your mind's eye. Feeling the sense of connection in your heart with them. And let there be a sense of kindness, the phrases flowing out of the sense of connection you have. The four traditional phrases, or you might have your own. Simply: May you have ease... actually, I usually say that at the end. May you have safety, let's start with that. The basis for all the other ways that we feel happy and well. May you be safe, dear one. May you be safe from inner and outer harm. May you be safe. May you be happy and joyful, dear one. Connecting with their image, their felt sense. May you be healthy and strong, dear one. And may your life flow with ease, dear one. May you be safe. May you be happy. May you be healthy. May you have ease. And realizing that this dear being of yours, you're not so different from them. You're not that different at all. They have a body, you have a body. They have been sick, have had pain—the same for you, it's not unique. They've had sadness, sorrow, loss, as you have. There are people they care about, they love, as do you. They have hopes and dreams, aspirations, just as I do, just as you do. They want to be happy. This being wants to be happy, does not want to suffer, wants to be free from suffering, to have a sense of ease. Just like me. Just like me. I am not different, I'm not separate. I'm not different than this dear being of mine. Just like them. Just like them, I want to be happy. And just as I wish them to be safe, I wish myself safety. May I, may this being who is me, be safe. Just as I wish happiness for them, may I be happy. May I be healthy. May I have ease. Just as I wish it for them, may I have well-being. If you like, you can wish both of you well. May we both have safety, happiness, health, and ease. Continuing with the phrases and wishes of metta for both of us. Safe. Happy. Healthy. Ease. I am not different than they, than anybody else in the world in wanting to be safe, happy, healthy, and to be free from suffering. If there's a challenge right now you're having in your life—a physical or emotional situation, a challenge in a relationship—consider that anybody else with the same causes and conditions, the same background, would be suffering in the same way. They would be feeling challenged. It's not unique to you, you're not a bad meditator, a bad person, a bad human being. Just like others, I suffer in these ways. May I be free from this challenge. May I have ease. I am no different. I am no different from anyone else in this way. It's common humanity. Appreciating my own common humanity, that this is hard, and it would be hard for anyone. May I have ease in the midst of it. And I'd like to invite you to choose someone who is neutral for you. A person maybe you know a little bit, or maybe someone you have just a slight bit of irritation with, a tiny bit, not the number one person on your list. And realize that this person, the stand-in for all of humanity, this other being, this human being—or maybe just choosing a random person you don't know here on Zoom, practicing together in sangha[^2]—just like me, they're a human being. They suffer, they have hopes and dreams. Just like me, they want to be happy. They want to do their best in this world, in this life. They're an object of affection of someone, and they care for others. They have a tender heart for others. Just as I wish to be happy and healthy and have ease, I wish you the same. You are just like me, in our common humanity. Of course our life circumstances are different. Maybe our gender identity, or size, or age, background. But the basic humanity: you're just like me, I'm just like you. Two human beings on this earth without a manual. Just as I wish to be happy, I wish happiness for you. I wish you well. Just as I'm finding my way, may you find your way to ease and freedom. I wish you well, familiar stranger, I wish you well. If you feel like it, you can open the circle wider to all beings. All beings, just like me. Seeing your common humanity, or your common beingness. We're all stardust, alive, doing our best. All beings everywhere, I share my goodwill freely, generously, openly. I wish you all well. Just as I wish to be safe, I wish you all safety, knowing that full safety is not possible in the world, but I offer it as a wish, as a gift of well-being, of kindness, of goodwill from my heart. May you be safe without attachment to outcome. I offer it. May you be happy, all beings. May you be safe. May you be healthy. And may you have ease. Generosity, your goodwill and our goodwill. Just like me, you're no different. And just like you, I'm a human being who lives and dies and suffers. Not so different. Including yourself, may all of us, all of us beings, may we all be well, at ease, be free. And for the last moment of this practice period, releasing, letting go of any judgment for anything that arose or did not arise. You showed up, you did your best. Just like anybody else with this background, the causes and conditions of your life. Maybe everybody else would have been distracted or sleepy or whatever arose, it's okay. Just like me, just like them. Give yourself a break and be kind to yourself. Appreciate yourself, you showed up. You showed up and you're still here till the end. Yay, you showed up and you did your best. Let go of the rest, and with generosity to ourselves, with generosity to all beings, we share, dedicating the goodness of our practice. Trusting there is goodness generated. Trusting there is goodness—of course there is. I dedicate, I share the goodness of my practice with all beings everywhere. Just like me. May all beings be happy. May all beings be free. ## Reflections and Q&A Thank you all for your practice. *Just like me, just like them.* Powerful phrases. So we have some time, if you'd like to offer any reflections, any insights, any "aha" moments, any challenges, or questions for the benefit of others and yourself too. Not as a way to impress, but just as a way of saying, "Oh, this is what came up for me, it might be of support to me and others." So you can type in chat if you like. If they're typed to me alone, I will not read your name. If they're typed to everyone, I consider them public and I will read your name. And you can also raise your Zoom hand. If you haven't shared in the community in a while, please do. If you have, pull back, let others pull forward. I would love to hear from you, so please, what did you discover? Anything that was powerful or challenging? One private note: *"I find it difficult to accept calming."* Yeah, one way to work with that is to relax your body. Don't try to accept it in your mind, just relax the animal of your body. Let your body accept it. Kim, I see your hand, please. **Kim:** Hi. If it's okay, I want to share a birthday card that my granddaughter sent to me, and she was the person I chose. I'll show it to you in order too. **Nikki:** Oh, I see pink hearts. Lots of hearts and flowers. Sweet. **Kim:** She's six years old. She wrote to Grandma, "I love you more than anything or anyone on this planet. I love you so much that whenever I see you, my heart bursts for joy and love for you from L." Oh, it's almost too much to take in, I don't feel worthy. **Nikki:** Oh, take it in. Take it in. Thank you. Oh, it's so beautiful that this child is clearly feeling so loved, so seen by you, that whenever she sees you her heart bursts with joy. Oh my, it just makes my heart burst with joy that there's a child in this world that just seeing this favorite person she's like, "Oh my God, Grandma, I love you." That is so sweet. **Kim:** She spells burst B-E-R-S-T-E-S. **Nikki:** Oh my gosh, that is so precious. Thanks for sharing that, Kim. Oh my God. It brought me so much joy feeling her joy and your joy, and please take it all in. Let yourself take it all in. It's soothing, it's healing to be seen in this way by children. Thank you Kim, that just brought me so much joy for you and your granddaughter. It's so sweet. Let's see. Serena says, *"I was able to see Putin as a human being who also suffers and cares about his family. This is a big step for me, I have been hating him."* Thank you, Serena. Yeah, that is powerful. Thank you for bringing that in. To separate the actions, which are not condonable, from the humanity of the human being. There is so much delusion, so much confusion, so much hurt that turns around and hurts others. So thanks for bringing that in, Serena. What an opening for you. "Mudita[^3] for Kim," says Peggy. Beautiful, yes, same here, lovely. Mark says, *"The Five Remembrances[^4] tell us that it is inevitable that we will all get old, sick, die, and lose all we love. How does it fit that we wish everyone health and happiness knowing they, and we, will get sick and lose all we love?"* Oh yeah, of course. Yeah, Mark, of course. It's not a problem. It's that, of course we know that that's what happens, and yet we wish it. It's without attachment to outcome. That is what's important, because if you're attached to outcome, if you want it to happen, then of course you'll feel like, "It's not going to happen, so why am I wishing it?" But you offer it as a generosity, as a gift to train your own heart in generosity. It's a training for your own heart. It's not an outcome in the world that you're attached to. So that is the way, and these two practices actually are perfectly compatible with one another. So I invite you, Mark, to sit with that. Sit with what you're cultivating. Knowing that there is no safety, I wish you safety. "May you be safe," as a wish from my heart. I've said enough, I'll let you sit with this. There is a lot more here but I trust you will sit with this and you will find your way. Peggy, please. **Peggy:** I've been having difficulty with a woman who is just annoying... but this helped me see we both probably have just the same wants and needs, and we're just two different type personalities on opposite ends of the extreme. So it just helped me see her as more human and a little more like me. So it was helpful, thanks. **Nikki:** How beautiful. Thank you, Peggy. Yeah, I love hearing that. This is especially important for when we're working with people we have challenges with. Lovely. And Vicky says, *"I have difficulty thinking people with less security, as undocumented immigrants and unhoused people, are 'just like me'. How do we think our privilege is just like others?"* Yeah, so the idea of this practice here, and the "just like me," is not that everyone in every way is just like me. I mean, that's taking it too far, definitely taking it too far, and that's not the suggestion at all. The suggestion is that you see their needs—everybody else's needs for safety, for their wish to be happy, to be free from suffering—as just like you. To see people's humanity, not their background. Any practice we can just take it too far and make it ridiculous, so "just like me" does not mean that we're that, in those ways, "just like me." There's a way that we can get stuck, or get ourselves stuck with every practice, so I invite you not to do that. Pull back and stay with the humanity. Maybe this is the way in for you, Vicky. Think that you could have been just as well born as they are. It's so random. They could have been born as you are. It's so random, we have no control over it. And that's another way to enter into "just like me." Morgan, I see your note but I'll read this after we come out because I want to make sure we have time for the small groups. *[The group breaks into small breakout sessions to discuss the practice]* Okay, the rooms are closed. Everybody's back. Welcome back everyone. So, we are out of time but I will open the chat if you wanted to share anything. Actually, one thing that Kathy shared, I'll just read it out loud as an ending comment here: *"I have worked with many different people over the years in various contexts. I've learned that people are more similar than they are different. It's amazing to think about the similar questions, conversations, worries that I've heard from people."* Thank you for that. Yeah. I hope your practice tonight was fruitful. Thank you for joining, cultivating your heart for your own sake and the sake of all other beings. Just like me, just like others, we all suffer, are born and die. May we all have ease. May all beings be free. Thank you all. --- [^1]: **Metta:** A Pali word often translated as "loving-kindness" or "goodwill." (Corrected from "menta" in the original transcript). [^2]: **Sangha:** A Pali word referring to the Buddhist community. It can refer specifically to the monastic community or to the wider community of practitioners. [^3]: **Mudita:** A Pali word translated as "sympathetic joy" or unselfish joy in the good fortune and happiness of others. [^4]: **Five Remembrances:** A core Buddhist teaching reflecting on the inevitability of aging, illness, death, separation from all that is dear, and that our actions (karma) are our only true belongings.