--- ai_generation_date: '2026-09-10' ai_model: gemini-3-pro-preview audiodharma: talks: - date: '2020-09-21' mp3_url: https://audiodharma.us-east-1.linodeobjects.com/talks/12135/20200921-Nikki_Mirghafori-IMC-happy_hour_participation_in_co_creation.mp3 speakers: - speaker_name: Nikki Mirghafori speaker_url: https://www.audiodharma.org/speakers/229 talk_start_time_seconds: 0 title: 'Happy Hour: Participation in Co-creation' url: https://www.audiodharma.org/talks/12135 video_unavailable: false location_city: Redwood City, CA video_unavailable: false youtube: id: dui7P-7MjEg imprecise_upload_date: '2021-05-04' title: 'Happy Hour: Participation in Co-creation' upload_date: null uploader_str: Insight Meditation Center uploader_url: https://www.youtube.com/@InsightMeditationCenter youtube_url: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dui7P-7MjEg --- # Happy Hour: Participation in Co-creation - [Nikki Mirghafori](https://www.audiodharma.org/speakers/229) _This is an AI-generated transcript from auto-generated subtitles for the video above. It likely contains inaccuracies, especially with speaker attribution if there are multiple speakers._ ## [Happy Hour: Participation in Co-creation](https://www.audiodharma.org/talks/12135) ## Introduction Welcome, welcome everyone to this rendition of Happy Hour. For today's practice theme, one thing I've been contemplating and sitting with is the theme of participation. Participation both in the worldly way, but also in a much deeper way of how we participate in creating every moment of our experience. I'll say a little more before we start with the meditation. I think I mentioned last time that I'm actually sitting a retreat right now at home, and I'm mostly offline except for brief offerings, Happy Hour being one of them. This is one theme that has been coming up in my own contemplation that I've been sitting and practicing with: the idea of participation. I'd like to offer this for your consideration: not only are we a participant in the creation of our life—sometimes there might be the sense that events happen to us, or perhaps people feel sorry for themselves or experience victimhood—but in a very deep sense, consider that we're always participating. We're always a co-creator of our reality. That's a pretty profound statement, so I like to pause and let that sink in. Always, in every single way actually, we are participating. We are a co-creator of our experience. One way that shows up is in the perspective that we take. Given the perspective we take, the way we see events, the way we participate, interpret, engage, and experience them, our inner experience is profoundly co-created by what is happening. It's not just the external events that are happening, but our engagement with them, the way we perceive them. There are many ways to relate to this. One way I like to offer briefly is the Buddhist teaching of the Five Aggregates[^1] of experience. The word aggregate is a heavy one, but basically, these five things create all of our experience in life. I'll briefly mention them. The first one is form. Form is not just the body—sometimes it's interpreted merely as the body—but the way we relate to the body. For example, how we perceive and interact with our age, how short we are, how tall we are, how thin we are, or how fat we are. It is the experiential way we engage with the form of the body. The second of the aggregates is feeling tone, which in Buddhism is pleasant, unpleasant, or neutral. We might think, "Oh, something unpleasant showed up, a pain showed up." But really, our perception creates the feeling tone. Say a friend shows up or calls you—pleasant. But let's say in a month you have an argument with them, and they call you up—unpleasant, right? It's the same friend, but the way you're engaging and interacting changes it. The third aggregate is perception. In Pali, this is _saññā_[^2], which is really our recognition. For example, when you see something on the road, you might wonder, "Is it a stick or is it a snake?" Based on your previous experience, how awake you are, or if you've been bitten by a snake before, you will perceive this external stimulus as either dangerous or friendly. Again, it's your engagement, the way you co-create reality through perception. The fourth aggregate is mental formations. There are many things in this heap. There is intention (_cetanā_[^3] in Pali), mind states, emotions, and the stories that we tell ourselves. Of course, we can really see our participation here. An emotion might show up—like, "Oh, I'm sad today"—but then how we participate and engage with it ("Why am I sad? Why is this happening? Oh, this person...") fuels all these stories. Alternatively, an emotion might just be an emotion arising and passing. The fifth and final aggregate is consciousness. There is a way that we participate in how consciousness is directed and co-created. This one is harder to conceive and talk about, so without overloading us too much or getting too hypothetical, I'll just leave it simply as considering that what we attend to is an act of participation. What we choose to be conscious of is an act of our co-creation. Science tells us that we get so much information in every single moment from our internal and external environment. What do we choose to participate in? What do we choose to have consciousness towards? I've talked about a lot of things, but just to bring into our consciousness again, I'm inviting us to participate with how we co-create our reality. Not just in the past and future, but in this present moment. This act of co-creation and participation—to really become aware of that, not in a way of burdensome responsibility, but in a way of empowerment. Wow, we are empowered. These amazing human beings we are, we are empowered in this way. I've spoken plenty tonight, longer than I anticipated, so let's get into our guided meditation. ## Guided Meditation I'd like to invite you to get into your meditation posture. If you need to move, to shift, to be comfortable, this is the perfect time. Landing in this body. Choosing to participate, to fully participate in this practice. Turning your awareness with intentionality. Setting the intention to fully participate as much as possible, to be engaged in this practice in this moment. Turning your awareness inward, and relaxing. Softening the body. Softening, relaxing. Allowing the sit bones, your bottom, to be well-rooted and planted. And inviting your torso, your spine, to rise up with integrity. Tall. Sitting with integrity and intentionality. See if you can sit a little taller, as if an invisible thread is pulling you up. Letting all your muscles and soft tissue relax as your spine, your skeletal structure, holds you well-rooted into your sit bones. Inviting your muscles to relax, to soften. Your face, your forehead, letting your forehead smooth out. Notice if there's any tension in your eyes, your cheeks, and your jaw. Relaxing them all. Choosing to soften and participate in a relaxed, soft, receptive way. Inviting and choosing to relax your neck and shoulders. Softening your hands, your arms. Turning the gaze of your awareness towards your chest and abdomen. Receiving the breath, and with each out-breath, softening and relaxing some more. Noticing that you have a choice in all these participations, in how you are co-creating the reality of this moment. Receiving the breath, relaxing the body. If thoughts arise in this moment, choosing to let them go. Choosing to relax them. Not that there's anything wrong with thinking in general, but for the practice of this moment as we're settling and arriving, inviting thoughts to relax. Letting go of them. Receiving the breath in the lower abdomen. In your sit bones. Your legs and feet. In your entire body. With each in-breath, feeling your participation in this moment, in this moment's perceptions. With each out-breath, relaxing and letting go, which is also a way to engage, to participate. Spend a few minutes just receiving the breath in the abdomen, to settle in the body. As you're sitting, receiving the breath in the abdomen. With the in-breath, opening up through awareness of your co-creation, your participation in the moment. With the out-breath, relaxing and letting go. Drop a question into your body. The question being: _How am I participating? How is this moment's experience being co-created by my participation in it?_ Drop into your body, not into your head. Not in a way to think about it, but feel into this inquiry. Is there a sense of participation in wanting something to happen? Tight clinging? Trying to make something happen in this moment? Or is there a sense of non-clinging, spaciousness, letting go? Is there a sense of being caught, knotted up with what's arising, or a sense of ease and spaciousness? Maybe even spaciousness around a knot that's formed. Making a distinction between a tight fist of clinging and an open hand of holding. Now, another invitation to drop into the body, noticing just the participation, the way that this moment is co-created. Is there some ill will, some resentment, or judgment towards yourself or others? Is there a story of, "Oh, I can't do this, my mind keeps wandering, oh terrible, bad." That's a kind of judgment. Or if there is a discomfort in the body, is there a sense of fighting it, resenting it? "Oh, not you again." Versus, can there be goodwill, friendliness, _mettā_[^4] in this co-creation? If you're sleepy or if the mind's wandering: "Oh sweetie, you're having a hard time aren't you? It's okay. You're doing your best." Or if there is discomfort in the body: "Oh dear body, let me breathe around and behold with kindness this part of the body that's suffering right now." Judgment versus goodwill and friendliness. Can there be more friendliness and goodwill in the way this moment's experience is co-created? Again, not heady. Don't start to think about making stories. Drop into the body. See what arises as an observation. If there are too many thoughts, let them all go. Come back to the breath. Check in with the body to make sure it's relaxed and soft. If any tension has crept in, relax, soften. How am I choosing to participate? How am I choosing to co-create these moments of experience? Am I engaged? Am I checked out? And for the last minutes of this practice period together, can I intentionally intend to bring more goodwill and friendliness, generosity of heart, generosity of spirit, into how I engage and co-create this moment's experience with whatever might be arising? Notice if the experience of this moment shifts. Notice if it feels different, if there is more friendliness towards whatever phenomena are arising. Really appreciating your own participation, the co-creation of this moment's experience, and generally your life. As we come to a close, choosing to participate with appreciation for yourself for whatever arose or did not arise. Whether you were sleepy or the mind was filled with thoughts, no problem. In this moment, choose to have generosity of spirit, gratitude, and goodwill that you showed up as best you were able to. Offering your goodwill both to yourself and to all beings everywhere. ## Reflections and Q&A Thank you all for your practice. There's a lot in realizing and appreciating our own participation. I'll open up the chat so we can chat with everyone, or you can unmute yourself if you'd like to share any quick observations or anything that came up for you that was new about realizing your own co-creation and participation in this moment. **Student 1:** I've thought about how I sometimes come to these with predetermined expectations, and I can see the frustration that sometimes is part of that. **Nikki:** Thank you. Thank you for naming that and saying that clearly. And how does it feel now that this has been seen and named? **Student 1:** Not sure yet. **Nikki:** "Not sure yet" is what I heard. So my invitation is to sit with it, with openness, with appreciation that this has been seen now. It's so powerful to see this way of having engaged up to now. Not trying to unknot it, but just seeing it. **Eric:** Hey Nikki, this is Eric. I have listened to about a hundred of these since the pandemic started and was really looking forward to participating live. And then I found participating live was less pleasant for me because I was more anxious about how I'd be viewed or what I might say. Then I tried to participate with that feeling and just be comfortable with that and compassionate to that. When I did that, it felt lighter and warmer. **Nikki:** As you share these words, Eric, I feel there's a sense of grace that just passed through for you to both witness that for yourself and the courage it takes to share the anxiety publicly. Because that was the anxiety, right? How you'd be viewed. To share that, and then to sit with it both privately and openly... to let it open up and see that. I feel a sense of energy and joy, really. Grace is the word I can use—a brightness for your having witnessed it. Do you feel that, Eric? What's coming up for you, I'm curious. **Eric:** Yeah, I'll take grace. I felt kindness, but I like grace. **Nikki:** Great, lovely. Beautiful. And I'm so glad you're joining in person, yay! See, new things are opening up in this way also. Thank you. Okay, let us have some time at the end for some reflections and questions. I'd like to invite us now to turn to practicing in small groups together, and seeing how we show up, how we co-create, how we participate. I see there are more questions that were sent to me, and I'll address them when we come back because I think for some of them, the context is much bigger than I'd like to engage with before we go into the groups. The invitation for practicing in small groups together is to show up with kindness towards yourself and towards others. It doesn't matter what you say, what comes out of your mouth, really, it's how you hold yourself with acceptance. You're perfect just as you are. And also hold the perfection of others just as they are. See if you can participate with generosity and kindness for yourself and for others in this moment of practice, and see what that feels like. This is such a lovely, caring community with _mettā_, so participate in that. If you feel a little unsure, fine, show up with that and see how that can be held with kindness towards yourself, and with others holding you and you holding others. For whatever reason, if participating in small groups is not appropriate for you right now, it's okay too. No judgment about that. But I hope you don't sign off out of fear, but rather meet the fear with kindness. "Oh sweetie, I know you're afraid, but it's okay." See if that can work. I will now create the breakout rooms. Always as I create them, sizes shift and so it's going to take a moment for me to rearrange. Please be patient with me. Okay, alright, so I am going to open rooms. Remember it doesn't matter what you say. Show up with this magnificent grace that is within you, hold that with kindness, and let that be held with kindness. Here we go. ## Breakout Rooms and Final Questions _(Breakout groups return)_ Welcome back everyone. We have a few minutes for any reflections that came up or questions. Please, you're welcome to unmute yourself. **Student 3:** I have a question about the role that one person co-creates or is responsible for. As I was saying in my message to you, in the context of racial violence and discrimination, or sexual violence, I have difficulties coming to terms with the person who's unfortunately on the receiving end co-creating that moment. **Nikki:** Yeah, um, so it's more about this realization of participation and co-creation on an internal level. The teaching is about the phenomenological experience of this moment. It's not positing what's out there in the world, because Buddhism is a phenomenological teaching. From the inside, what is your experience of the moment? It's not positing what's out there in the world. So that would be taking this a little too far. It's applying it to areas that's not really helpful to apply it to. Does that help? **Student 3:** Great, thank you. **Nikki:** Other questions or reflections, please? **Violet:** I have a question that's been percolating for a few sessions, which is I feel like I come here to be more regular in my practice, or more accountable, or more serious. And then I come and it's like, "Oh, be friendly when your mind wanders and you fall asleep." Sometimes I feel like I want to be kind with myself in the moment when I stray, but I worry that if I'm too nice when I stray, I'm not actually going to be disciplined enough to progress in my practice. **Nikki:** Excellent question, Violet. Being too hard on oneself is definitely the best way to never progress in your practice. It's really a balance of what's called wise effort—and I don't like the word effort—wise engagement. The way to engage with energy, bring energy forward, and have kindness. Those two actually go together; it's not one or the other. Absolutely, you're showing up. You've been showing up a few times, yay, that's engagement, that's energy. That's fantastic. And as you're sitting, to set the intention. Here's another nuanced way I like to point it out. When your mind wanders—say you realize your awareness is resting on something else—in that moment, if you think, "Oh come on, I'm thinking about ice cream... oh it's okay, I'll just think about ice cream, it's meditation but that's okay, I'll be kind to myself and think about the ice cream." That's not the right way of being kind to yourself. But if you've been thinking about ice cream for a few minutes and realize, "Oh wow, I've been thinking about ice cream. Darn it." You shouldn't be like, "How dare you!" Instead, "Oh sweetie, it's okay, you've been doing your best." Do you see the difference? You're doing your best, and you're being kind to yourself, but you are making the effort, the engagement, the energy. Because being hard on yourself like, "How dare you! You shouldn't be thinking about ice cream!" That's the sure way of you hating your practice and never wanting to sit down again, because you will start developing an antagonistic relationship to your mind. Does that help, Violet? **Violet:** Yes, thank you very much. **Nikki:** You are very welcome. And let's see here, we have one last offering from Yuka. _"There was a flower field inside me and it was very peaceful. There was a place where flowers did not grow next to it. The soil was hard there. It turned out that it was necessary to water the soil to soften it."_ Oh, that is so sweet. I love your use of language and the way metaphors come to you. And also your group saying, "What a wonderful world. What a wonderful time." Well that's so sweet. That's awesome. You guys are great, you make me happy. [Laughter] Yes, Rich says Yuka is our group poet. I completely agree. Such beautiful poetry. Yes, so I thank you all. Thank you for showing up. Thank you for the sincerity of your practice, with intentionality, with kindness, and how you engage and co-create your moments' experience. May you be well, safe, happy. May all beings be well, safe, happy, and free. I'll see you guys on Friday. I'm going to be sitting on Wednesday, so Diana will be with you for the next three sessions. Take good care. Bye everyone, you can unmute yourself and say bye. _(Various goodbyes)_ --- [^1]: **Five Aggregates:** Also known as _khandhas_ in Pali, these are the five physical and mental factors that constitute a sentient being's experience and grasp on reality. They are form, feeling tone, perception, mental formations, and consciousness. [^2]: **Saññā:** A Pali word typically translated as "perception" or "cognition." It refers to the capacity to recognize, identify, or label an object of experience based on memory. [^3]: **Cetanā:** A Pali word for "intention," "volition," or "will." In Buddhist teachings, it is the key mental factor that drives action and generates karma. [^4]: **Mettā:** A Pali word often translated as "loving-kindness" or "goodwill." It is the foundational Buddhist practice of cultivating unconditional friendliness toward oneself and all beings.