--- ai_generation_date: '2026-07-05' ai_model: gemini-3-pro-preview audiodharma: talks: - date: '2021-05-17' mp3_url: https://audiodharma.us-east-1.linodeobjects.com/talks/13514/20210517-Nikki_Mirghafori-IMC-happy_hour_loving_silence_solitude.mp3 speakers: - speaker_name: Nikki Mirghafori speaker_url: https://www.audiodharma.org/speakers/229 talk_start_time_seconds: 0 title: 'Happy Hour: Loving Silence/Solitude' url: https://www.audiodharma.org/talks/13514 video_unavailable: false location_city: Redwood City, CA video_unavailable: false youtube: id: ej1SBKbF1Qw imprecise_upload_date: '2022-05-04' title: 'Happy Hour: Loving Silence/Solitude' upload_date: null uploader_str: Insight Meditation Center uploader_url: https://www.youtube.com/@InsightMeditationCenter youtube_url: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ej1SBKbF1Qw --- # Happy Hour: Loving Silence/Solitude - [Nikki Mirghafori](https://www.audiodharma.org/speakers/229) *This is an AI-generated transcript from auto-generated subtitles for the video above. It likely contains inaccuracies, especially with speaker attribution if there are multiple speakers.* ## [Happy Hour: Loving Silence/Solitude](https://www.audiodharma.org/talks/13514) ## Introduction Okay, great. So now, a formal hello. A formal opening of our time together, and Happy Hour. For the theme of today's practice, I'd like to invite us to explore love and silence, love and solitude, as a theme for our exploration today. A lot of times, we might think that this idea of love is only relational; it's only when we're in relationship with others. Whereas, actually, when we come together, or on our own when we practice cultivating mettā[^1]—loving-kindness, friendliness—we take refuge in seclusion. We take refuge in silence. We take refuge in our hearts, away from the busyness of our lives interacting with other people, in order to really tap into the sense of goodness and kindness, both for ourselves and for others. So this seclusion, this silence, is not a negative. It's not challenging; it's not a dearth. But it's actually rich with possibility. This seclusion, the silence, this taking refuge in the simplicity. So for us to really bring that into the forefront, because yes, of course, we know that, and yet, to really honor this taking time away in seclusion of our minds, in solitude. Giving our heart to it with loving it—not just because "Oh, I have to be in solitude and I have to be alone," but actually relishing it. What a beautiful, amazing opportunity it is to do this. And I'll share with you that this theme is quite relevant for me. And maybe I'll make the announcement here at this point, because for the next couple of weeks, I'm going into personal retreat, embracing solitude, embracing silence. So there will be a host of wonderful teachers for my Wednesdays and Fridays. I'll be embracing a sense of solitude, and out of love really cultivating love and wisdom in this beautiful container of solitude. I also want to bring this in because after more than a year of isolation, many of us might not have a very friendly relationship to solitude anymore, thinking, "Oh, isolate." We might equate it to loneliness or isolation. Solitude and silence is a beautiful thing. And again, I might be preaching to the choir; you may already know this. And yet, to really embrace the juiciness of taking refuge in silence and solitude. Even if it may not be a couple of weeks, but it might be just for 30 minutes together, taking refuge. Before we start, I wanted to share a quote by Thomas Merton[^2], the well-known priest and mystic. This is the quote from *Vocation to Solitude*: > To deliver oneself up, to hand oneself over, to trust oneself completely to the silence of a wide landscape of woods and hills, or sea, or desert; to sit still while the sun comes up over that land and fills its silence with light. To pray and work in the morning and to labor and rest in the afternoon, and to sit still again in meditation in the evening when night falls upon that land and when the silence fills itself with darkness and with stars. This is a true and special vocation. There are few who are willing to belong completely to such silence, to let it soak into their bones, to breathe nothing but silence, to feed on silence, and to turn the very substance of their life into a living and vigilant silence. So in praise of silence. Again, even if it may not be the complete whole day, but even in 30 minutes of silence, bringing ourselves to this vocation, giving our hearts to solitude, to silence as a cultivation, as a beautiful thing, as an honoring. Plenty of words, let's embrace more silence. I'd like to invite us to get into our meditation posture. ## Guided Meditation Landing. Landing in silence. Embracing precious solitude. Calming, comforting, like a whisper revealing secrets. Taking refuge in silence in our hearts. As much silence as is available in our minds. Letting the breath be the lullaby of nature. Calming, soothing. Relishing the deliciousness of solitude, of silence. Noticing if your mind rushes to fill the spaciousness of silence internally. Notice if that's the case. As if teaching a beloved pupil, a beloved youngster that is your mind, instructing, teaching, pointing out the expansiveness, the ease, the nourishment of silence. Notice how within the silence and solitude, inherent in it can be a sense of ease. Acceptance, being accepted just as you are. You don't have to do anything, or be anything or anybody. Ah, the heart can relax. Be accepted. Be loved. Put down the burdens of doing and be nourished. The spaciousness of silence, of solitude, how healing it can be. Notice that your mind has a choice. You have a choice in the way you see solitude and silence. Your mind can choose to see it as unwelcome, as lonely, as empty. Unwelcome. Your mind can choose to see the beauty, the grace, the spaciousness, the ease, the healing, nourishing, loving dimensions of silence. Precious, precious solitude. You have choice, more choice than you realize, than you give yourself credit for. The beauty, the grace, letting yourself be held in the safety and nourishment of silence. In the mettā, friendliness of silence. Now, if you wish, within your solitude and silence, you can invite someone who's dear to you, their image, their felt sense. If you wish, you could invite yourself as you have in here, as a beloved other. Or you could invite the whole world, if you wanted to, within this silence, the solitude of your heart. It's a safe, nourishing place to offer generosity of love and care, goodwill. Maybe just inviting, if you're relatively new to the practice, one being who's easy. Maybe a pet, a child. Someone for whom your goodwill and care flows with ease. Inviting them into your solitude, to this expansive, safe castle of silence in your heart. And hold them dearly. Offer goodwill, care, in silence. Or if you wish, with words of mettā, or maybe just silently today, with a smile, with a gesture of generosity and care, maybe a hug. Maybe your silent expression of love and care for this being is serving something for them to drink or eat. Thanking this dear being who has joined you in your silence, your solitude. Bowing to them, allowing them to take leave. And in your heart, the spaciousness of silence, showering yourself with goodwill, with friendliness. Holding yourself with kindness. And if judgments arise, or busyness of thoughts, or non-deserving thoughts, let them fade into silence. They don't have to be believed. Let them drop into the silence, lovingly engulfed in the silence. For the last couple of minutes, see if there is a sense of gratitude, appreciation for this expansiveness of solitude, silence, quiet reigning in your heart and mind. And as I ring the bell, I invite you to listen to the silence, the expanse of silence between the notes. And then maybe your mind will open up to the silence, the expansiveness of silence within the notes, within the sound. Thank you for your practice. ## Reflections So this practice of embracing solitude, embracing silence, the healing, the nourishing, the loving aspects of it. Tuning into those, like tuning into this expanse of silence. And seeing how solitude and silence is this beautiful castle where we can expand, where we can cultivate and nourish our hearts in kindness for ourselves and others. So many different things might have come up, and I would love to hear your reflections. What you noticed, what was surprising, what was interesting. You're welcome to raise your Zoom hand. You're welcome to type in chat. If you type to everyone, I will say your name. Otherwise, if it's private, it'll just be to me; I won't read your name. Mark, please. **Mark:** The breath was different. And I realized that it's always different because every day there's a different being experiencing it. That's it. **Nikki:** Thank you. Indeed, indeed. Every moment, a different being. Every day, a different being. Beautiful. Thank you for that astute observation of how the breath felt different today and every day. Yeah, lovely. Thank you, Mark. Bill shares: "Thank you for this. I noticed how easy and natural my breathing was during this. When I meditate on my own, my breath is sometimes uncomfortable." Thank you, Bill, for sharing that and for noticing that this tapping into the silent solitude, relishing that—ah, I'm delighted to hear how that brought in more ease for you. So know that that's always available to you when you practice on your own, tuning into these dimensions that are available. I'm delighted, Bill. Yay. Other reflections? What was surprising, what was challenging? Austin says, "Not sure how to raise my hand." Okay, I will find you, Austin, and I'll ask you to unmute yourself. And Taryn says, "I love the phrase expansive silence. Thank you." You're welcome, Taryn. Thank you. Austin, please. **Austin:** Hi. Yeah. So yeah, this really spoke to me. I think I'm on my eighth day of 10 days off right now from work, which always sounds really nice, and then there's a lot of free time. I run out of things to do, and people aren't as available as I am, so I have a lot of time to myself. And I've known—I usually tell people I'm like 100% extrovert. I love being around people. I feel the happiest when I'm around people. But I know that I need this solitude to kind of reflect, also to be productive and get things done and be creative. I need that time to myself. But I feel like just this last week, I've had a lot of time to myself, and I've just noticed that I get less clear. There's less clarity when I have so much time with myself. It's like more thoughts come, and almost a little bit of rumination. And I feel like I have the most clarity and I'm the most happiest when I have like a few hours of solitude per day where I can kind of reflect, be productive, get things done, and create, and then I can be social, have that dialogue with people, and get feedback from them. **Nikki:** Yeah, yeah, thank you for sharing that. Lovely. Thank you, Austin. I so appreciate the wisdom of knowing that your heart needs solitude and silence in order to nourish itself and be creative, and you've observed that a few hours of solitude and silence, and some interaction and feedback, is helpful. So one invitation: you can explore this. And I know you've done silent retreats where there's a lot of silence, and one is with other people, but there's still a sense of solitude. Yes, to honor what you know about yourself, what you're discovering about yourself, this balance, and not to completely believe it. Have a little bit of a question mark also about it too. It might be interesting to explore, like, "Oh, is it actually, is it *really* true that after some solitude and silence, then my mind gets restless and rumination happens?" Do you just take that for granted? You see what I'm saying? Taking that like, "Oh, this is just what happens, this is who I am," might actually be limiting more wisdom, more silence, more even deeper nourishment from happening. I don't know, maybe be curious about that. Who knows. Maybe it might be true, maybe not, but who knows? And again, you can just let this go if this doesn't land for you at all, Austin. Thank you. A few other reflections before we go into groups. America says, "Was empowering how we can bring love and ease to our inner world by connecting to silence." Yes, thank you. Another reflection: "I also feel benefit from just the quiet rest of it." Beautiful, thanks for that reflection. Nicholas says, "Exploring how silence can hold the thinking mind. I tend to assume that silence is threatened by thinking, but it seems silence has plenty of space for a busy mind." Oh, beautiful, Nicholas, I love what you said. And I especially—what Austin said about the ruminating mind, I wonder if silence is another way to explore silence holding that, instead of, "Oh, now I need to attend to the ruminations." Beautiful. One more reflection, just to me: "I noticed how I got attached to the silence. I didn't want you to talk." Yes, exactly, Sarah! Isn't that interesting? Our heart gets attached like, "No, I don't want any more talking now, let it continue." That's sweet. Oh, Jamie says, "The contrast this practice provided with the incessant mental chatter that fills most of my waking moments was breathtaking. Thank you." Thank you, Jamie. I really appreciate your astute observation, and your comment, your observation is breathtaking. So, thank you, dear ones, for taking this journey into silence. One last comment: "I was noticing how solitude is relational. When listening to the rain falling outside, there was no solitude, there was just experience." Ah, nice. Interesting. Thank you, David. ## Relational Silence So, dear ones, now let's take the sense of solitude, invite a couple of other people into our solitude wholeheartedly, with mettā, with care for ourselves and for others, and see how this can work. After some solitude, opening up to this relational field and practicing with others. So creating the breakout rooms, and again, we'll start with 15 seconds of silent mettā for each other, and then you can share as little or as much as you wish. So here we go. I'm opening the rooms. Hello everyone, welcome back. So we have a couple of minutes for final reflection or comment. What you noticed about the practice, or after connecting with others. Connecting to others through silence, solitude. You're all silent! You've taken the instructions well. I see people nodding and smiling. [Laughter] Oh, that's sweet. That's great. I love it. Yes, silence is delicious. Oh, Neil has something to say. Here we go. Neil. **Neil:** So, you know, it doesn't directly relate to tonight's small group, but you know, I find that sometimes I'm in a group with people who tend to be quieter, and there are potentially awkward silences. And other times, there are people who are very chatty and ask about the weather and what's behind me, and things of that sort. And I almost always find that the people who lean into the silence, I feel a deeper connection with them. **Nikki:** Thank you, Neil. What you said and your experience is profound. I mean, sometimes there could be genuine curiosity about what's in the background, where you're sitting. And yet, if it feels like it's just a rush to fill the uncomfortable silence, it doesn't feel very connecting. Whereas just sitting in silence with another being—and by the way, in meditation circles, we don't have such a thing as an "awkward silence." It's just silence. It's delicious silence. It's beautiful silence. So maybe that's one thing I'll invite from now on as we go into groups, for us to consider the silence as just precious, as a time to be. So really appreciate the "awkward chatter." Oh, there you go, that's it! It's delicious silence, awkward chatter. I love it, Neil. I love it! Maybe we'll add that to the things to consider when you go into breakout groups. So maybe this will be one of them, Neil. So dear ones, thank you all for your practice, for joining with words and with silence, and the solitude that we have shared together. I wish you a wonderful couple of weeks. As I said at the beginning, I'll be on retreat embracing solitude and silence myself, relishing it for the next couple of weeks, and I look forward to being with you, practicing with you on the other side. So thank you all. May all beings be well. May all beings be happy and free. Thanks everyone. Thank you for your practice. Be well. --- [^1]: **Mettā:** A Pali word meaning loving-kindness, friendliness, or goodwill. [^2]: **Thomas Merton:** (1915–1968) An American Trappist monk, writer, theologian, and mystic.