--- ai_generation_date: '2026-07-05' ai_model: gemini-3-pro-preview audiodharma: talks: - date: '2021-06-25' mp3_url: https://audiodharma.us-east-1.linodeobjects.com/talks/13687/20210625-Nikki_Mirghafori-IMC-happy_hour_putting_down_whats_extra_from_our_hearts_nest.mp3 speakers: - speaker_name: Nikki Mirghafori speaker_url: https://www.audiodharma.org/speakers/229 talk_start_time_seconds: 0 title: 'Happy Hour: Putting Down What''s Extra From Our Heart''s Nest' url: https://www.audiodharma.org/talks/13687 video_unavailable: false location_city: Redwood City, CA video_unavailable: false youtube: id: fAbC430qZ0k imprecise_upload_date: '2022-05-04' title: 'Happy Hour: Putting Down What''s Extra From Our Heart''s Nest' upload_date: null uploader_str: Insight Meditation Center uploader_url: https://www.youtube.com/@InsightMeditationCenter youtube_url: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fAbC430qZ0k --- # Happy Hour: Putting Down What's Extra From Our Heart's Nest - [Nikki Mirghafori](https://www.audiodharma.org/speakers/229) *This is an AI-generated transcript from auto-generated subtitles for the video above. It likely contains inaccuracies, especially with speaker attribution if there are multiple speakers.* ## [Happy Hour: Putting Down What's Extra From Our Heart's Nest](https://www.audiodharma.org/talks/13687) Hello and welcome, everyone, to our practice space together. For the theme of today's practice, I'd like to pick up in a similar vein to where we were practicing on Wednesday, with the theme of putting down or letting go. I want to bring another nuance, another consideration into it: this idea of letting go of what is not beneficial, what is not wholesome, and what is not needed in this moment in order to make space for what is wholesome. We make space for peace, for quiet silence during our meditation, as a way of self-care and as an expression of love for ourselves. We take care of ourselves and take care of others when we're more available, when there is more care, and we care for ourselves with more stillness and love. One quote that I like to bring in to serve as an inspiration for our practice together is by Thomas Merton. He was a Trappist monk, theologian, mystic, poet, social activist, and scholar. He passed away in 1968, long before the age of the internet, so whatever he is saying about the busyness of modern life, you can put it on steroids and imagine just how much more profoundly this applies to our situation. He says: "The rush and pressure of modern life are a form, perhaps the most common form, of its innate violence. To allow oneself to be carried away by a multitude of conflicting concerns, to surrender to too many demands, to commit oneself to too many projects, to want to help everyone in everything, is to succumb to violence. The frenzy of our activism neutralizes our work for peace. It destroys our own inner capacity for peace. It destroys the fruitfulness of our own work, because it kills the root of inner wisdom which makes work fruitful." I will reread a part of this again: "The rush and pressure of modern life are a form, perhaps the most common form, of its innate violence. To allow oneself to be carried away by a multitude of conflicting concerns, to surrender to too many demands, to commit oneself to too many projects, to want to help everyone and everything, is to succumb to violence." So powerful, these words. This busyness of our modern lives, to want to help everyone and everything, to be carried away by a multitude of conflicting concerns, surrendering to too many demands—it kills our inner peace, which really is the foundation for service, to care for ourselves and for others. ## Guided Meditation With this as an inspiration, I'd like to lead us into a guided meditation, especially this Friday, and for some of you Saturday—like Mary Christina in Sydney, Australia. Let us find stillness in a way to let go, to put down all the multitudes, just to come back to our heart, to this moment. I'd like to invite you to land in your meditation posture. Find whatever is supportive for you in this body, whether sitting or lying down. Can we let go in this moment? Our preoccupations are not necessary right now. Let us set our intention at the outset with uprightness, with a sense of integrity and dignity. Can we set our hearts and our intention to put down and let go of what is not necessary right now, what is extra? Put down the preoccupations and worries as much as possible, as much as it may be available. Having set our intention with wholesomeness, letting go and putting down, can we release? Is it possible to invite the tension in the body to be softened and released? The tightness, the holding. Let go of thoughts, preoccupations, and stories. Can we put down the stories right now? Release them. Say, "No stories right now, thank you, stories. Not needed in this moment." Gently invite our awareness to the body, to the experience of breathing, of being breathed. Let the breath fill the abdomen, the chest, the whole body on its own. No work needed. Just notice that it's already happening. Simply be aware. No extra effort is needed. Put down the extra effort. Can this putting down of what is not needed in this moment, what is extra, be seen as care, as mettā[^1], as love for ourselves? This relinquishment is a foundation of inner peace. Make space for care and love for ourselves, others, and the world. Can we let go and release this inner violence of our times, in the words of Thomas Merton? The inner preoccupation with all the demands we have taken up in this moment. Relinquish, release in favor of peace, stability, and space to be and not do. Non-doing. Can we see the equivalence of relinquishment and love? Relinquishing what's not needed, what's extra, what's burdensome, to release into love and care for ourselves in stillness and spaciousness. Can inner silence be a place for loving oneself, caring for oneself, stilling the mind, and feeling nourished? Even if it's a mindstorm in this moment, simply ask, "Is it possible to put it down in this moment?" Just gently ask the question without forcing. Often, with that question alone, things are let go of. And if not, it's okay. Be patient, giving it space, a lot of space. It doesn't have to be center stage. Give plenty of space for stillness and silence. Put down, again and again, whatever is extra, whatever doesn't serve. It needs to be put down again and again. It's okay. Do it with patience, gentleness, and ease. It's a way to nourish and care for yourself. Rest like a little bird in a comfortable, nurturing, soothing nest of your heart[^2]. Let go of whatever is extra in the nest. Take space. Rest in the nest of the heart without clutter, without what's extra. For the last moments of this practice period, as we come to a close, if any criticism or self-judgment arises about how it went or didn't go for you, it's extra. Self-criticism doesn't need to be in the nest of the heart. Let go, relinquish, release. Appreciate that you showed up and tried as best as you were able to, given the causes and conditions in this moment. Let go of whatever arose or did not arise, and meet this moment fresh and anew. May all beings be free, including us. Thank you all for your practice. ## Reflections and Q&A Before we turn to practicing in small groups in our Sangha[^3] and community, I'd like to invite you to share any observations from your practice. You can type them in the chat. If it's to everyone, I'll read your name; if it's just to me, it'll be private and I won't say your name out loud. You can also raise your Zoom hand, especially if you haven't spoken for a while, if you haven't shared, or if you're new. I would love to hear your reflections, questions, comments, or observations as a gift offered to the Sangha, to yourself to be held witness, and to others. All reflections and questions are always of benefit. As I wait for any reflections that might bubble up from you, I'll share that for me, what I noticed with this practice was a lot of inner stillness and inner care. The stillness as a way of nourishment and care became more and more prevalent. Putting things down—preoccupations and thoughts—over and over again with patience is just part of this practice. When we've gone through the whole day or whole week with lots of demands, especially given our modern lives, it's natural to have to gently incline the mind to put things down. Sometimes it's not possible, and that's okay. We set the intention, but we're gentle with letting go when it's not possible. Nicholas says, "The phrase *sowing seeds of presence* came up as a kind response whenever the mind got swept up." That's lovely. Thank you, Nicholas, for sharing that. *Sowing seeds of presence*. What a beautifully gentle and wholesome image. I love it. Thank you for your appreciation, sent to me privately. And another reflection: "I love the little bird in the nest, just like our hearts." Nancy, please. **Nancy:** I think you were saying something about "it's extra." I have too many fans going to have heard the entire context of what you were saying, but in my meditation, I was trying to let go of all of this stuff that was extra. So I heard those words and it was very helpful. I hope you actually said them and I didn't misunderstand you! **Nikki:** Yes, I did say that, Nancy. You heard it just right, given all the fans. That's exactly right, and I'm delighted it caught you and was helpful. Thank you, noticing what is extra is great. Beautiful. Casey, please. **Casey:** Hi Nikki, thank you so much for another beautiful guided meditation. There were a lot of phrases tonight that really resonated with me, and I had a visceral response. I think it was the part where you talked about putting down, as well as leaving enough space for stillness and silence. My body just relaxed, and there's this appreciation coming forward. It was interesting also when you talked about silence. This past year and a half, I've been really hypersensitive to sound. I'm not sure if it's because I haven't been able to sleep very well, but there's a lot of noise around me, and I crave silence. Because I'm so hypersensitive to sound, I feel like I've developed dog ears. I wish my hearing wasn't so good! I'm wondering if you have any advice or guidance, because I have such aversion to a lot of different sounds because my nervous system is out of balance. I really crave silence, and I know people have mentioned going into inner silence, but I haven't been able to master that. Any tips would be greatly appreciated. **Nikki:** Thank you, Casey, for what you brought up. What you're sharing is not uncommon for the past year, with everything that has happened—becoming hyper-vigilant. Even here, I don't know if you could hear the sound of the ambulance going by through the mic. What you're describing—the hypersensitivity to sound and the craving for silence—is really being co-created by what you mentioned: the aversion. The aversion to sound is what is making the "dog ears" and the hypersensitivity. If there wasn't the lens of aversion—thinking, "I don't want sound, I want silence"—it wouldn't happen the same way. If I suddenly told you the color red is terrible and bad, then all you would see in your environment is the color red. You'd think, "Danger, danger, I don't want the color red! Oh my gosh, he's wearing red!" You become hypersensitive to it. The clue for how to work with it is through the aversion itself, which is what's hooking it in place. Notice the aversion. Notice the feeling of "I hate sound." Why? It's just sound. It's not good, it's not bad; it's just in the environment. This association is bringing the suffering in the way the mind is seeing it. Bring your attention with kindness and gentleness to the aversion. "Oh, sweetie, it's just aversion. It's okay." Make friends with the aversion. Then, make friends with what's underneath the aversion, which is the unpleasant *vedanā*[^4] (feeling tone). "Oh, my mind just perceives it as unpleasant. Okay, it's just unpleasant, big deal." Slowly, it will lose its hold on you. There can be a lot of sound without the reactivity, and then there can be nourishment in enjoying the inner silence even with noise around. I'm pointing to the aversion, which sits on top of the reactivity to the unpleasantness. When the reactivity to the unpleasantness is met with, "Ah, it's just unpleasant. Okay, it's not going to kill me," then you're not giving it power. Otherwise, you're giving power to the unpleasantness, saying, "Here, take power over me." That's what I'd like to offer you as a way to work with it. I'm happy to reflect again later; come back and you can share how it went. Thank you, Casey. ## Small Groups and Closing So dear ones, the time has come for us to turn into small practice groups to practice together. I'll create the small groups, and the invitation is to start with 15 seconds of silent mettā for each other, and then take care of yourselves. It's really important to be sensitive to each other and yourselves. Let go of what is not needed. Just say only what's needed. Maybe you'll spend time in silence, and if there's awkwardness in silence, that awkwardness is not needed! Let the awkwardness go from your mind. See if you can be in community with just care and ease. It can be a profound practice. Put down what is not needed. Whether it's "I want to sound impressive" (not needed) or "I don't have anything to say of value" (not needed). Just put it all down, explore, and experiment. All right, I'm opening the rooms. *[Group break]* Welcome back. The rooms are closed and we have about a minute for reflections. If you noticed something in the practice meetings and haven't shared, we would love to hear from you. Neil, please. **Neil:** I was in a room with three, and we all found this to be a very warm and sweet experience, each in a different sort of way. I will tell you, while you were talking, I'm like, "What is she doing? This isn't mettā!" But you know, it was lovely. **Nikki:** Thank you, Neil. I appreciate the report back from the group. Mettā shows up in so many ways without phrases, and making space for mettā, making space for care and love in this way, is actually quite radical. And I like to share radical teachings! [Laughter] Let's make this the last comment. Your name says iPhone, please go ahead. **Participant:** I just want to practice letting go of everything, and it feels like letting go of whole series. It scares me, like losing my power over something that I want to accomplish. It just keeps haunting my mind, which causes me not to let go. I hope you can give me some advice, or maybe I'll just practice more. **Nikki:** The question you're asking is complicated enough that I need to ask you more questions about what you mean. So I'll tell you what we'll do: we will formally close, and then I'm happy to stay a few minutes extra afterwards to talk about it. Jennifer says, "Nikki, as you responded to Casey's question, I really appreciate your comment about how we co-create our experience." You're welcome, Jennifer, and this is very important. Someone on YouTube also appreciated Casey's question and the response. Yes, it's so much about co-creation. Maybe next time, on Monday, I'll talk more about how we co-create our reality; it's so important. Dear ones, thank you so much for co-creating a beautiful reality of your practice and showing up to cultivate this for yourself and for all beings everywhere. May all beings be well. May all beings be free. Thanks all. Take good care, be well, and let go of what's extra. See you next week. --- [^1]: **Mettā:** A Pali word often translated as "loving-kindness," "goodwill," or "benevolence." [^2]: Original transcript said "as if you're a little tricky the comfortable nest", corrected to "like a little bird in a comfortable, nurturing, soothing nest" based on context and a later student comment about a bird in a nest. [^3]: **Sangha:** A Pali word meaning "community" or "assembly," traditionally referring to the monastic community but commonly used in the West to describe the community of Buddhist practitioners. [^4]: **Vedanā:** A Pali word meaning "feeling" or "sensation," specifically the pleasant, unpleasant, or neutral feeling tone that arises with any sensory experience.