--- ai_generation_date: '2026-07-01' ai_model: gemini-3-pro-preview audiodharma: talks: - date: '2021-05-12' mp3_url: https://audiodharma.us-east-1.linodeobjects.com/talks/13494/20210512-Nikki_Mirghafori-IMC-happy_hour_the_paradoxical_power_of_practicing_as_if_sick.mp3 speakers: - speaker_name: Nikki Mirghafori speaker_url: https://www.audiodharma.org/speakers/229 talk_start_time_seconds: 0 title: 'Happy Hour: The Paradoxical Power of Practicing As If Sick' url: https://www.audiodharma.org/talks/13494 video_unavailable: false location_city: Redwood City, CA video_unavailable: false youtube: id: hH43kChOTUM imprecise_upload_date: '2022-05-04' title: 'Happy Hour: The Paradoxical Power of Practicing As If Sick' upload_date: null uploader_str: Insight Meditation Center uploader_url: https://www.youtube.com/@InsightMeditationCenter youtube_url: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hH43kChOTUM --- # Happy Hour: The Paradoxical Power of Practicing As If Sick - [Nikki Mirghafori](https://www.audiodharma.org/speakers/229) *This is an AI-generated transcript from auto-generated subtitles for the video above. It likely contains inaccuracies, especially with speaker attribution if there are multiple speakers.* ## [Happy Hour: The Paradoxical Power of Practicing As If Sick](https://www.audiodharma.org/talks/13494) Hello and welcome, everyone, to this rendition of Happy Hour. For today's practice, I wanted to invite us to explore an invitation that I have often given on retreats to people as a way of practicing, and I've heard other teachers in the past have done this too. The invitation is: practice as if you are sick. Practice as if you are sick, as if you are ill, as if you don't have a lot of energy. You might wonder, why would that be a wisdom invitation? Why would that be wise at all? The idea here, of course, is that we'll be doing mettā[^1], but we'll be practicing mettā as if we are sick, as if we don't have a lot of energy. The wisdom here is that the way we approach practice can often, for many of us, bring the same mind of wanting, doing, and getting. It needs to be the "right" way, it needs to look pretty, it needs to be this, it needs to be that. There is a lot of clinginess, a lot of wanting, and a lot of energy that we bring to both the self-judgment—judging practice—and the wanting. It can get very tight, and we can topple over our own shoestrings that we tie so tight. The idea of practicing as if you're sick, as if you're ill, is to consider when you're sick: you don't have a lot of energy. The mind doesn't have a lot of space for what is extra. There is no space for fighting, no space for cajoling, for self-judgment, for just all the tightness. There's simply no energy for it. There's only energy for what is essential. Only energy for what is essential. Consider when you were sick last time, or maybe you're not feeling well right now. Did you want to call up far-flung friends you hadn't talked to for years, especially if you had an argument with them, to really work it out? Oh no. What is essential? What is essential is care. What is essential is care for this person, for this being, and maybe the people who are around you. Just a simple care. Life gets very simple. Very simple. When we're not feeling well, the ambitions for more, more, more—they go away. It becomes very simple. In fact, what is essential becomes visible. I also wanted to bring in this quote from Antoine de Saint-Exupéry in the book *The Little Prince*, which we could spend a whole dharma talk and a whole other Happy Hour on. The quote is: "It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye." What is essential is invisible to the eye. So sometimes, when we don't have a lot of energy, when we're actually sick, the simplicity of what is essential can become more visible to the heart. So that is the invitation for exploration today. I will walk us through it. For this practice, you're welcome to be sitting, or you could lie down to actually take a position of not feeling well, that sense of, "Oh, I don't have a lot of energy." If you're worried you might fall asleep lying down, one thing you can do is have your arm at a 90-degree angle, either all the way up or at a 90-degree angle at your elbow, like this if you can see it. If you fall asleep, your arm will fall and hit you and will wake you up. So this is one trick you can use if you want to do this practice lying down, which I do invite you actually to try out. Especially if your judging mind thinks, "Oh, sitting practice is where it's at." No, the Buddha taught four different postures: sitting, lying down, standing, and walking. They're all just as good. You can have insight[^2] and concentration, and beauty. A lot of dedicated, deep practice can happen in any of those four poses. So don't let your mind privilege one over the other. If you think it's only sitting, kindly challenge yourself. Gently, like a sick person, challenge yourself to lie down and see what might actually come up for you, what insights. Since you won't see me if I lie down, I'm going to sit up. But rest assured, I do most of my practice actually lying down. Most of my deepest practice and insights have come in lying-down practice. ## Guided Meditation So without further ado, let's get started. Making yourself comfortable in whatever posture you like to take. Landing in this body. Landing in this body. What if this body in this moment is taking a posture as if you are not feeling well, as if your energy was limited? Letting go. Letting go of ambitions of more, more, and more in this moment. As if you were not feeling well, as if you were sick, let your body sink. Let your body sink into the cushion. All the tension, tightness, fighting with the circumstances—letting them sink. Letting them drain away. Letting the breath be received, nourishing, keeping this body alive. As if you were sick, each breath is precious. Each breath is not to be taken for granted. The entirety of this breath, just this breath, embraced, gently received. Remember, you're practicing as if you were sick. You don't have too much energy for wanting or fighting the circumstances, wanting things to be different. Just receiving, letting go. It's like this right now. Explore for yourself for the next few minutes, just receiving the breath in the body. What does it feel like for you? What does it feel like for you to practice as if you were sick, as if you were ill? There can be a sense of contentedness when we are sick. A sense of contentment to just be, and breathe, and be breathed. No fighting, no resisting. Letting go. Just receiving the breath. Practicing as if you're sick, there is not enough energy in the mind and the body to get entangled in thoughts. You can watch them come and go, but not so much energy to get entangled in them. It's watching them come and go. This breath is received. The breath comes and goes. And a light touch and lightness that awareness can have, receiving phenomena. Not getting entangled in phenomena, just receiving phenomena. Our functioning is reduced to what is essential. What is essential. Like a sieve, only what is essential is tended to, is participated in. A light touch. When the mind comes up with self-judgments—ah, not enough energy to get entangled and follow that thread to beat ourselves up. Not enough energy for self-flagellation. Just let that thread go. Come back with a sense of contentment to the breath, the body, with this light touch of awareness. Just enough energy to be aware and receive phenomena. Let there be a light touch of care. Not forceful, not tight. Just a gentle care for this body, for this being, as if you were sick, wishing yourself well. Not being hard on yourself. This is not the time to be hard on yourself. You wouldn't be hard on a child who was sick. You would take care of the child because having a fever is ill. That attitude, that perspective is available to you. See what it feels like to put it on, as if putting on glasses that you look through. A sense of gentle care, as if you were a sick person, as if you were sick right now. Care for this being, for this body, just breathing. If there's enough energy in the supposedly sick body for the mettā phrases, bring them in. And if they feel like a lot of work, don't. Or you can simplify them: just *may I be well, may I be well*. A sick version is an ill person's version. Simplified, low energy. *May I be well*. Practicing as if sick, so many things can be let go. Whatever is extra, not needed, over-efforting, can be let go of. Simply receiving breath, sensations, the sense of care and kindness for this being, this body that is myself. Only what is essential. Everything gets simplified when we're sick. With not enough energy in our minds to go after what's not essential, see if you can feel the simplicity in your body, in your heart and mind. The mind goes after a thought or a story or a self-judgment. Ah, I'm sick, I don't have energy for this. Coming back to the simplicity of this moment. For the last few moments of this practice period, if there are any judgments arising for what this practice period was—whether the mind was restless, or sleepy, or filled with thoughts—again, as if you're a sick person without the energy[^3] to fight with yourself. Ah, letting go. Letting go of what's not essential. These self-criticisms are not important, not essential. They don't need to be followed or believed. Letting them go. Practicing like a sick person, the mind staying with what is essential. *May all beings everywhere be well. May all beings everywhere be free in their hearts and minds.* Thank you for your practice. ## Reflections and Q&A So, this invitation to practice as if you are sick can be quite radical for some. And for some, you may not have connected with it, and that's perfectly fine. Not every practice works for everyone or at a given time. Maybe it will work at another time when you try it. But for some people, you might find this completely revolutionary, the sense of ease, a sense of letting go, practicing as if you were sick. A couple of other things also to say before I open the floor for insights: at some point in your life, you will be sick. And this can also serve as a practice period for that. How do we relate when our mind doesn't have the energy? What is the attitude we will take? Is it one of wanting things to be different, or is it one that embraces things as they are and really relishes this low-energy state for how it serves us to just engage with what is essential? On retreat, sometimes when folks get a cold or they get sick, they're upset, saying, "Oh, I came to practice this whole week, and now I'm going to be in bed with a fever." I actually celebrate that. It is an opportunity. We learn so much. And usually, after they turn towards it and practice with it, it becomes such an opportunity for insight. I've had many people, including myself—I remember the very first retreat I was sick on, I was bummed, years and years ago, like, "Oh, I came here to practice." And then I got this invitation to actually use it as an investigation, as an opportunity to see how the mind that doesn't have a lot of energy relates. It was so insightful. So now, using this as a practice guidance, I'd like to open it up for your insights. You can type them in chat, either privately to me (I won't say your name) or publicly for everyone (in which case I'll read your name), or you can raise your Zoom hand. I would love to hear your insights. What did you discover? What was this like for you compared to the usual way? Please, what did you notice? Was it easier to let go of thoughts, habitual tendencies? Was there more ease, more spaciousness, or maybe less? What did you notice? Arya says, "Definitely more ease." Nice, thanks for sharing that. And Lisa, please? **Lisa:** Hi. I noticed I was able to offer compassion to my young self, who was sick during a time, and it was a challenging time. So that was helpful. It also made me reflect on my attitude toward being sick, which I actually experienced at the mettā retreat with you, and I really struggled. Until getting the instruction, "It's like a perfect time to practice mettā." So that, combined with this, I think it's just helpful to see my own attitude towards myself when I'm sick and be able to be a bit warmer and understanding. Thank you. **Nikki:** Thank you, Lisa. Lovely, beautiful. Thank you for sharing your insight. Nav[^4], I saw your hand for a split second. Did it get resolved? There you are. Yeah. **Nav:** Hey Nikki, hey everyone. What came up for me in this practice was a question of, "When am I really well?" I think in some ways, there's always a reason that somehow arises on why I can't practice sometimes. In a way, connecting with this idea of when we are sick kind of reinforces, I think, something you've always said, Nikki, which is that practice extends beyond sitting. It extends beyond our formal ideas of what sitting is. So I just wanted to share that with everyone. **Nikki:** Thank you, Nav. Yeah, I appreciate your reflection. I'd love it if you would say a little more so I can understand better when you brought up the inquiry or the question, "When am I ever well?" What do you mean by that? Say more. **Nav:** As you were guiding us through thinking about sickness, for some reason I thought, what does it mean to be well? And again, sometimes when I haven't wanted to practice, it's been because of one reason or the other. There was a retreat, actually, that I was not well at, and I remember thinking, "Okay, I'm not going to practice now because I'm not well." But if the practice is simply observing ourselves and meeting ourselves where we are, then in a way, the idea of being well and being sick are all just different kinds of practice. **Nikki:** Yeah, I see. Absolutely, I see what you're saying. Exactly. Given that they're all different ways, different filters, and with putting on what we assume being sick is like—this low-energy state—I actually found it to be so freeing. So freeing. The times that I've crashed and I have been sick, oh, the mind just doesn't want to go after what's not essential. There's a sense of just natural letting go, a realization that, "Wow, my mind knows how to do this." It knows how to do this perfectly well. I don't need to go into a monastery and become a monk and all that. It knows how to do this. Taking on this perspective of sickness can really light up this realization like, "Oh, this mind knows how to let go, how to not go after what's not essential." So yes, just different ways of meeting ourselves. Thank you, Nav. Beautiful. Tanner says, "The invitation to come to practice from a place of meekness almost was a relief." Oh, beautiful. Thank you for putting it that way. And another reflection sent just to me, so I won't read the name: "I noticed myself holding my breath in more, a tendency I am aware of in general, and perhaps has resurfaced as a result of not having meditated as much as I have in the past. I have a chronic condition which has caused some pain, and while practicing, I realized even more my body has been asking me to take care of myself." Oh, beautiful. Thank you for sharing that beautiful insight, that realization. And Frederica says, "I really recognized how gentle I am with myself when I am sick, and how I accept support from myself and others. I really felt how the past year, when the world was sick, I was gentle with myself and supportive of myself, and it was healthy. I want to hold on to that gentleness as I'm emerging back into society." Beautiful, thank you, Frederica. That's a beautiful insight. Yeah, just gentleness with ourselves, with the whole world. Lovely. Thank you all for your reflections and your insights. So rich, this community is so rich. So, I'd like to invite us to turn to practicing in small groups in community together now. Let's start with just 15 seconds of silent mettā for these beings who might appear healthy, but either have aches and pains, or some sickness, or have been, or will be. Starting with this sense of mettā compassion for each other, for ourselves, and then sharing however much or little you like to share with each other. So I'm about to open the rooms, and here we go. *[Group sessions occur]* Welcome back, everyone. We have about a minute or two for maybe a final reflection. We'd love to hear from any of you who haven't spoken yet. The person whose name says "iPhone"—I see your hand. There you go. **Participant:** Hi, how are you? I am new to practice; this is probably the fourth day. I never practice in this manner, to be honest. But it was at the end of my workday, and it just resonated[^5] so much because I was already feeling very tired. I just felt like I let go, and I feel so relaxed. I never felt such a relaxation like that. I felt more grounded, and I was able to completely concentrate. It's so funny, isn't it? I didn't even try anything at all, but I was so concentrated on how I feel. I just wanted to acknowledge that. Thank you so much for giving us this opportunity to experience such a different stage of meditation. I appreciate you. **Nikki:** Yeah, thank you so much. Thanks for sharing your reflections. As you were speaking, I saw other people nodding their heads saying, "Yep," agreeing with you. It was useful, more concentrated. Yes, this is it! You said it so beautifully. We often think of meditation as, "Okay, now I'm gonna meditate. I'm gonna meditate." Whereas really, it's more about letting go. It's more about just relaxing the body as if you were in a different state of mind. A different way of being reveals itself, and that is the way to meditate. Not what we think it is. It's not another accomplishment, it's not another badge to add, another thing to attain. It's more about letting go, relaxing, and just as you said, the mind concentrates. It lands. The body lands. There's nowhere to get. So beautiful. Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom. **Participant:** Of course. Thank you, thank you. **Nikki:** So dear all, thank you so much for your practice together. We don't do this practice just for ourselves, but for all the beings whose lives we touch. *May all beings be happy. May all beings be free, including ourselves.* Thank you. --- [^1]: **Mettā:** A Pali word often translated as "loving-kindness," "friendliness," or "goodwill." [^2]: Original transcript said "ins," corrected to "insight" based on context. [^3]: Original transcript said "end," corrected to "energy" based on context. [^4]: Original transcript said "now," corrected to "Nav" as it appears to be a name based on context. [^5]: Original transcript said "vaccinated," corrected to "resonated" based on context.