---
ai_generation_date: '2026-08-29'
ai_model: gemini-3-pro-preview
audiodharma:
  talks:
    - date: '2021-04-19'
      mp3_url: https://audiodharma.us-east-1.linodeobjects.com/talks/13360/20210419-Nikki_Mirghafori-IMC-happy_hour_releasing_love_as_a_gift.mp3
      speakers:
        - speaker_name: Nikki Mirghafori
          speaker_url: https://www.audiodharma.org/speakers/229
      talk_start_time_seconds: 0
      title: 'Happy Hour: Releasing Love as A Gift'
      url: https://www.audiodharma.org/talks/13360
      video_unavailable: false
location_city: Redwood City, CA
video_unavailable: false
youtube:
  id: lD9M4fVwL5g
  imprecise_upload_date: '2021-05-04'
  title: 'Happy Hour: Releasing Love As a Gift'
  upload_date: null
  uploader_str: Insight Meditation Center
  uploader_url: https://www.youtube.com/@InsightMeditationCenter
youtube_url: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lD9M4fVwL5g
---

# Happy Hour: Releasing Love as A Gift - [Nikki Mirghafori](https://www.audiodharma.org/speakers/229)

_This is an AI-generated transcript from auto-generated subtitles for the video above. It likely contains inaccuracies, especially with speaker attribution if there are multiple speakers._

## [Happy Hour: Releasing Love as A Gift](https://www.audiodharma.org/talks/13360)

## Introduction

Hello and welcome everyone. Welcome to Happy Hour. It is wonderful to be with you, wonderful to see you.

For the theme of today, practicing together, I wanted to bring in the support of practicing loving-kindness, cultivating the sense of safety, care, and goodness in our heart, and how that can actually be a support for letting go. Diana and I just taught a retreat that ended yesterday, Sunday, on the theme of—we called it _Released into Love_. So there was about letting go, letting go, releasing, and about love, spaciousness, peace, ease—so many things that we let go into. Letting go isn't just this bleak thing that the heart does, letting go into nothing, but it's letting go into more peace, more ease, more freedom, and love. Many of you actually, I see you were part of the retreat. Yay, good to see you again. Long time no see since yesterday!

What else do I want to say before practicing together? Well, if you are new to Happy Hour, welcome. Everything you need to know will be shared with you. We always start the guided meditation with some settling, just bringing some attention and awareness to the body, to the breath, to till the soil of the mind, just to settle and arrive. Then there will be some invitations to try something on for size: cultivation of kindness, goodwill, maybe exploring something that we want to release or being with it gently, seeing if it wants to be let go of. We'll see what happens. We'll enter all of this with the spirit of curiosity, exploration, and humility.

Let's give our hearts to cultivation, to goodness, and see what wants to arise, what needs to arise in this moment. Let's start together.

## Guided Meditation

I'd like to invite you to settle into your meditation posture. If you need to move and shift, maybe you need to move your body a little bit before settling, finding your sit bones. Maybe you need to move to lie down or move to a chair or cushion, it's all okay.

See how you can be comfortable. How you can be comfortable for this practice, comfortable while your spine is straight, whether sitting or lying down, having an integrity in your posture.

And then landing, arriving. Arriving in the body, in this moment.

I'm inviting you to let go of any thoughts or preoccupations that you might have had just minutes ago, and also let go of all the words that just came before this in the introduction. Letting go, letting go. It's okay. Letting go into the simplicity of this moment, with this breath.

Taking refuge. Taking refuge in just being, however it shows up in this moment. The mystery, the magic of the breath being breathed on its own. With each out-breath, releasing. Releasing into the body, releasing any tightness or holding tension.

Any tension in the forehead, in the face. With the next out-breath, asking, can it be released? As if gently posing the question, ever so gently: "Dear darling forehead, dear jaw, would you like to let go of any tension that's being held around you, in you?"

Similarly, at the next out-breath, now seeing the neck and shoulders where we often carry a lot of tightness. "Dear hardworking neck and shoulders holding up this head, is there any tension you'd like to let go of at the next out-breath?"

Similarly, moving the attention down the arms, the hands. Inviting them to release, to soften. Inviting the chest, the abdomen, the lower back, the upper back, to relax.

The lower abdomen. At the next out-breath, releasing.

The sit bones, the contact points of our bottom with the cushion or the chair. Releasing into the chair, into the earth. The upper legs, the lower legs, and feet. Giving their weight, releasing their weight onto the earth, letting gravity pull down. And the whole body, and all the muscles.

No extra effort needed to hold ourselves up. Letting the body relax. Let go of any extra unneeded effort.

Letting the breath be breathed. You don't have to make breathing into a project. Notice that it happens on its own. It's been happening for years on its own. Simply notice the breath is breathing itself.

And as thoughts arise, as they inevitably do, for the sake of our training together, our practice together, can they be released in this moment, kindly, gently? As if opening your hands holding helium balloons, letting them go.

It's okay. You might need to release them many times. It's okay. Do it gently during this period of practice. Gently, gently.

Letting awareness, loving awareness receive the breath in the lower abdomen. As if the breath, moving on its own, meets awareness in the abdomen, not in the control tower of the head. As if the lower abdomen is an organ of perception receiving the breath.

If you're thinking about something, it's okay. Notice. Notice the balloons of thought that are being held, being clung to. It's okay. Can they gently be released in this moment, for the sake of this practice, this training? Letting them go. Feeling lighter, landing in the body with the calming, soothing in-breath and out-breath.

And now I'd like to invite you to bring to mind, as if sitting in front of you, a good friend, someone you care about with whom you don't have a complicated relationship. It could also be a benefactor, someone who's been there for you, or even a child or a pet. Someone about whom you have warm feelings, and care, and goodwill.

Maybe when you think of them you feel safe, a sense of ease overcomes you. Maybe a smile shows up on your face. Connecting with the felt sense of this being. Maybe what they look like if you're visual, or their felt sense or how they sound if you're auditory. Getting a felt sense of them. As if you're talking to them, interacting with them, or having a FaceTime or Zoom call with them. Just conjuring their presence up, and how you feel about them.

Wishing them well. Wanting them to be happy.

And from a sense of connection, staying connected to this being, you can say the metta[^1] phrases you have, or I'll offer the traditional ones, four phrases.

"May you be safe."

May you be safe, dear one.

Sharing it as an offering, it's a blessing. As if your heart is gifting, gifting these good wishes. Releasing, gifting these good wishes to this being. May you be safe. I wish you safety.

"May you be happy."

Giving a gift from your heart, your wish for happiness. May you be happy, dear friend, dear one. May you be happy.

"May you be healthy."

I wish you health. As if offering them this wish of well-being, goodness, giving them a gift. Maybe giving them a flower, petals, whatever imagery works for you. This offering of goodness.

And the fourth metta wish, "May you have ease."

May you have ease, dear one. Gifting this gift, giving this gift of generosity of spirit. May you be filled with ease. May your life unfold with ease.

May you be safe.
May you be happy.
May you be healthy.
May you have ease.

Feeling each phrase as an act of generosity. Giving a good wish, a wish of goodness.

May you be safe.
May you be happy.
May you be healthy.
May you have ease.

Feel the rhythm of your breath with the words, calming and serving this gift-giving.

Safe.
Happy.
Healthy.
Ease.

Imagining that with each phrase, you're giving them a gift of goodness. Offering, giving away, offering up goodness.

If you find your mind is filled with thoughts, see if you can let go. The same letting go, same act of release that your heart has been practicing with this gift-giving, giving of blessings. Is it release? Is it giving? Is it letting go, not keeping goodness just for yourself but sharing it with others? The same embodiment of a hand releasing. In the same way, see if thoughts, preoccupations, ruminations could be released. Let go of.

As if put on the altar. "Dear Buddha, dear Kuan Yin[^2], embodiment of compassion, hold this one for me, please. I'll put it on the altar. I offer it up. I offer it up, I release it, I let go of it."

And inviting your awareness, your attention back to offer phrases of goodness, metta, friendliness, goodwill. Dear friend, benefactor, whomever you've chosen, giving gifts, releasing goodness onto them.

Same practice, same movement of the heart.

May you be safe, dear one. I offer you a wish of safety in my mind, in my heart.
May you be happy, dear one.
May you be healthy, dear one.
Imagining, visioning an act of giving of goodness.
May you have ease, dear one.

And for the last minutes of this practice period, connecting, connecting with this movement of the heart which is releasing, giving away, giving a gift, a blessing. It is generosity. Every release, the other side of the coin is an act of generosity, giving. Connecting with this movement of the heart in giving goodness, goodwill, friendliness, giving it away.

And noticing if your heart feels any brighter or happier for having given it away, having released it. To know it's also the same movement of the heart when we release thoughts, judgments, preoccupations, emotions when they're ready. Same letting go.

And now letting go, releasing into appreciation whatever this practice period was like. If the mind was sleepy, distracted, it's okay. You did your best. You showed up as best as you were able to show up in this moment. Appreciating that you showed up. You did your best cultivating seeds of goodness and kindness for yourself and all beings everywhere.

May all beings be free. May all beings be happy, including ourselves.

Thank you everyone. Thank you for your practice.

## Reflections

So what I wanted to bring attention to is how this act of releasing, this movement of releasing or giving, this movement of giving blessings, giving goodness, sharing metta, sharing good wishes, that also is the same as the release when we release, when we let go, as I mentioned, the thought or preoccupation.

There is this beautiful word _cāga_[^3] that I mentioned on the retreat, which both means release, relinquishment, giving away, and also it means generosity. And with generosity, we have this association of brightness. There is a sense of gladness. Generosity, ah, what a bright beautiful sense. It's the same movement of the heart: releasing, giving away, and the heart gladdens. It feels fuller, it feels happy. And _cāga_, generosity, is a precondition for happiness in Buddhist teachings. A heart that is generous, that doesn't cling to—you name it—doesn't cling to bitterness, doesn't cling to preoccupation, doesn't cling to stuff, it's a generous heart, it's a happy heart.

And one more thing to say is there's plenty of research about how our cognition is embodied. Embodied cognition. So these words that we use, "release," really they were based on actions, activities. So if you're wondering, "Well, how do I let go? How do I let go?" if that's a question that comes over you, then practice giving things away. Practice that physical, tangible giving away. Give gifts, give smiles, give things away. It's the same action, either physically or emotionally, mentally. So, plenty to work with and practice with.

## Q&A

So we have some time for reflections or questions. What you might have noticed that came up for you. You can raise your Zoom hand or you can type them in chat. And if you type them to me alone, I will not say your name, it will be private. If you type them to everyone, then I'll say your name, you'll be public.

So, reflections. Eric, please.

**Eric:** Thanks, Nikki. I guess the difference for me that made it hard to connect the two was that giving somebody a gift of peace or happiness seemed nice, and giving away all my ruminations didn't seem like anyone would want those or something bad to give away.

**Nikki:** Yeah, yeah. I appreciate you bringing that up, Eric, and that's something that comes up a lot. So the invitation, as I brought it during the guided meditation, is imagine that you're releasing them, first of all, releasing them into goodness. Because whenever something is released, there's a sense of freedom, you know? When you're freeing the ruminations, there's a goodness that's being generated. And yet with the question that you're asking, "Well, nobody would want the burden of the pain, the sorrow, the ruminations," imagine you're putting them on the lap of the Buddha or Kuan Yin, an embodiment of compassion, or whatever figure that represents compassion for you. And they're strong enough, their heart is so big, they'll hold it with you, they'll hold it for you. "Here, the sorrow. Hold it with me, please, will you? I'll put it on your lap, I'll release it." It's like, "Ah, it's not personal, it's more universal." It's a part of the human condition. So that's the invitation I have for you to consider. How does that sound, Eric?

**Eric:** I'll try it. Thank you.

**Nikki:** Great, thank you, Eric. Other questions or reflections that came up for you? What did you notice? Did any of you notice your heart was happier, more glad, there was more lightness from actually this act of offering, this generosity of giving someone else in your mind goodness?

Yes, I see Nicholas says "Yay," has a celebratory—Nicholas, do you want to say more?

**Nicholas:** Yeah, just feeling into the presence of the person is very supportive. And yeah, I was playing with—there was tension in my shoulders and neck, and there was warmth towards the person, and kind of feeling the interplay between those. I mean, as there's release, it was fun to feel that physically a little bit. That was really great.

**Nikki:** Nice. So the sense of just the warmth in the heart and releasing some tension in the back, and the interplay of this release and that release. Is that what you were saying, did I hear that right?

**Nicholas:** Yes, exactly. So there's kind of a sense of bringing some attention to the tension and then naturally it settles out a bit, and then there's a little bit more space to feel goodwill, and into that space there's a little bit more room towards the person.

**Nikki:** Oh, sweet. So what I'm hearing is kind of being with the goodwill, and then bringing attention to this tightness. It's like, "Oh, it released a little bit, there was a little more space." And then there was more space for the goodwill, and then there was more goodwill, and then there was more space for the tension to release. So it was a virtuous cycle. A virtuous cycle. Ah, lovely, beautiful observation. Yes, that's how it works. Yes, the virtuous cycle, that's lovely. And it's the same release. I'm so glad you brought this up, because it's the same gift, it's the same release. It's kind of like, the tightness, "Oh yeah, just a little bit of release, oh, here there's a gifting." So thank you for reporting that, because it's the same movement of the heart.

**Nicholas:** One more reflection is that it also helps because I'm more okay with not forcing release of tension, but there's a sense of forcing goodwill. So it kind of informed both ways because it was like, "Oh, I don't force a release, the tension just lets go." And in the same way, "Oh, I didn't have to press the gas pedal, it filled the space that it was given."

**Nikki:** Brilliant! Oh, I love that they both informed each other. Yeah, the gentleness of the release, of this like, "Oh yeah, this could just be gentle, just be an offering." It's kind of like opening. The same way that you kind of invite the tension: "Ah, do you'd like to release? Oh yes, it's safe, it's kind, it's nice, it wants to release." In the same way, "Would you like to offer kindness and goodwill in this moment? Oh yes, I feel I like this person, I do want to offer goodwill." Yeah, great. Thank you so much, Nicholas, lovely.

And Jerry says, "It was helpful to start the focus on the abdomen than the mind." Yes, well, I would say that maybe I would shift that, and say focus on the abdomen instead of the head. Because where is your embodied mind? Your mind might be—your mind is in your abdomen, Jerry. So you _are_ focusing on your mind, it's just that it's in the abdomen. Love that. Love that.

So dear all, let's—Eva, hold that for when we come back from small conversations, because I want to make sure we have time for that. So I'd love to hear from you, is that okay? Great, thank you.

So now the invitation is practicing in sangha[^4], in small groups of three, which many of you love, and many of you at this point think, "Ah, I'm gonna get off." So if you'd like to stretch yourself just a little bit, the idea here is it's just six or seven minutes of speaking with like-minded practitioners. And we start with 30 seconds of metta, just silent metta, goodwill for each other, and you receive it also: "May you be well, may you be happy." And then sharing whatever you like to say about your practice, and holding others, holding you, you holding them in safety and in care. It can be so powerful to connect and practice with others. And anything you say is fine, there's no right or wrong, but speak from your own practice. What did you experience? Even if it was confused or distracted, it's okay. You just showed up like this in this moment, it's all fine. So with that, I invite us all to be in practice groups. And let's see, oh I need to, sorry, I need to create... okay, so ready? About to open. Here we go.

_[Break for small groups]_

Hi everyone, welcome back. The rooms are closed. So we've got a couple of minutes for reflections, and Eva had a hand up. Eva, if it's still relevant, if you would raise your hand again so I can see you and ask you to unmute, please. There you are, fantastic. Okay.

**Eva:** I shared what I was about to share in my small group. Basically what I shared was that this is my second time coming to the Happy Hour. And the very first time I joined the group in the small group, you asked us to start with 30 seconds of sending metta to each other, and that feels very awkward. And I felt very awkward, and that was the first time that I was asked to do that. But then today, this is my second time. And then after practicing releasing the stress, and then actually sending the good wishes to everyone, I all of a sudden remembered that instruction you gave us my first time. And I actually was conscious about each one of these—you know, we are on the Zoom squares, but actually these are all people right now sending the good wishes to me, and I'm receiving on the end. And when I'm practicing alone, the world seems really tight and small, and especially COVID, we're not seeing each other and are alone. But then all of a sudden it expanded, and then, "Wow, we are doing this together, and everyone's actually sending me the metta right now." And that really expanded my world and I felt connected. And that's what I shared in a small group, and that's what I wanted to say earlier. So thank you.

**Nikki:** Oh beautiful. Thank you, Eva. Thank you so much for sharing. What a beautiful note to end our session together on. What a heartwarming note. And I see lots of loves, people are—oh yes, their heart signs are showing up. Hard yes, oh lovely. Sweet. And Neil says, "I'm honored to be part of your expanded world, Eva." Oh sweet. We're all honored to be part of your expanded world, Eva. Yeah, the sense of connection that just is here and it pops up. So thank you so much for being part of this. All of you, thank you for being part of Happy Hour. Thank you for showing up for your practice, for cultivating your heart to serve both this being and all beings everywhere. Thank you.

May all beings be happy, may all beings be free.

Thank you, everyone.

---

[^1]: **Metta:** A Pali word often translated as "loving-kindness," "friendliness," or "goodwill."

[^2]: **Kuan Yin** (or Guanyin): The bodhisattva associated with compassion in East Asian Buddhism. Original transcript said "quranian", corrected based on context.

[^3]: **Cāga:** A Pali word typically translated as "generosity," "relinquishment," or "letting go."

[^4]: **Sangha:** A Pali and Sanskrit word referring to the Buddhist community of monks, nuns, novices, and laity. In modern Western Buddhism, it often refers to the community of practitioners.