--- ai_generation_date: '2026-08-25' ai_model: gemini-3-pro-preview audiodharma: talks: - date: '2020-07-13' mp3_url: https://audiodharma.us-east-1.linodeobjects.com/talks/11676/20200713-Diana_Clark-IMC-difficulties.mp3 speakers: - speaker_name: Diana Clark speaker_url: https://www.audiodharma.org/speakers/240 talk_start_time_seconds: 0 title: Difficulties url: https://www.audiodharma.org/talks/11676 video_unavailable: false location_city: Redwood City, CA video_unavailable: false youtube: id: ollM8jrjCT8 imprecise_upload_date: '2021-05-04' title: 'Dharma Talk: Difficulties' upload_date: null uploader_str: Insight Meditation Center uploader_url: https://www.youtube.com/@InsightMeditationCenter youtube_url: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ollM8jrjCT8 --- # Difficulties - [Diana Clark](https://www.audiodharma.org/speakers/240) _This is an AI-generated transcript from auto-generated subtitles for the video above. It likely contains inaccuracies, especially with speaker attribution if there are multiple speakers._ ## [Difficulties](https://www.audiodharma.org/talks/11676) Good evening again. I am finding myself smiling. It is quite something. I feel happy thinking about sharing the Dharma in a way that is meaningful for me, even though I am here by myself. I feel happy imagining that it might be supportive and helpful for others in whatever way it might be. So, welcome for being here. I recognize some of the names here, so it is nice seeing you all, even if I am seeing your names rather than seeing you literally. Tonight, I want to talk a little bit about a few things I alluded to during the guided meditation. One is how we respond to difficulties. A clear benefit of meditation practice is that it supports us when difficulties arise. Just in case there happens to be a pandemic, just in case there happens to be really awful racial injustice, or just in case there happens to be some economic uncertainty, it is good to have a practice that can support and help us. The Buddha, of course, had teachings on how this might help—not only with the difficulties I described from our greater environment, but also with the difficulties we experience more personally. How do we respond when our buttons get pushed, so to speak, when someone does or says something that really gets under our skin? Our practice prepares us to be with these challenges. It doesn't make them go away; it just helps us respond in a skillful way. That is not the only thing practice is about, and it is not the only consequence of having a meditation practice, but it certainly makes a difference in the way our daily life unfolds by preparing us and giving us resources for when difficulties arise. I would like to share some of the stories the Buddha taught about this. Some of these stories might sound a little outrageous or exaggerated, at least for our ears in 2020 in California. I don't know how they landed on the people at the time of the Buddha, of course, but perhaps because they are a little outrageous, they are memorable. I'd like to share a few of them and tie them together with this idea of how our practice can support us during difficulties. Some of you might be familiar with these stories. One is the story of Kali the maid and Mistress Vedehika[^1], someone who runs a household. This housewife, Vedehika, had a good reputation; she was sweet, even-tempered, and calm. Kali the maid, who worked in the household, was skilled, tireless, and well-organized in her work. Kali the maid thought to herself, "My mistress has a good reputation, but does she actually have anger in her and just not show it? Am I just helping to create all the perfect conditions so that she never has to show any anger? Is it just because she has all of us running this household, putting things just so? How is it when things aren't just so?" So, Kali the maid decided, "I am going to test her. I am going to test Mistress Vedehika." She woke up late the next day. Vedehika said to her, "Hey, Kali!" I don't know what the intonation was, of course. Another translator says, "What the hell, Kali?" which I found a little surprising, but it conveys that exasperation. "Yes, ma'am?" "What is the matter that you got up so late?" "Nothing, ma'am, nothing is the matter." "You wicked girl! You get up so late!" Angry and upset, Mistress Vedehika scowled. She made a look on her face; she clearly was not pleased. Then Kali thought, "Oh, my mistress actually has anger in her and just hasn't shown it. It is just because my work is neat that she doesn't show any anger, though it is actually present in her." Vedehika had this good reputation of being calm and even-tempered, but then the maid gets this inkling that maybe she's not quite so calm and even-tempered. Kali thought, "Maybe I'll wake up even later tomorrow." So she did. Vedehika said, "Hey, Kali!" "Yes, ma'am?" "What is the matter that you got up so late?" "Nothing, ma'am, nothing is the matter." "You wicked girl, you get up so late!" Angry and upset, Mistress Vedehika blurted out angry words. _(Excuse me. Sometimes when I speak, my throat gets a little scratchy. I am coughing not because I am sick, but just because I am speaking.)_ The second time Kali woke up even later, her boss used angry words. You can imagine how the story goes. The maid did it for a third time, and this time Mistress Vedehika grabbed a rolling pin and hit the maid on the head. The maid's head was bleeding, with blood pooling out, and she ran outside to the neighbors. She said, "See! See what my boss does! See what the even-tempered one did! See what the calm one did!" She was showing that some people only appear a certain way because all the conditions are just right. The Buddha used this story as a way to explain how to train so that you are not like Mistress Vedehika. It is about how to respond appropriately—without scowling, saying bad words, or resorting to violence like hitting somebody over the head with a rolling pin—when things don't go the way you want them to. The Buddha then gave these instructions to his monks: "Abandon what is unwholesome and devote yourself to the wholesome." This makes sense; we know that abandoning what is unwholesome is a way to have more ease, steadiness, peace, and freedom in our lives. But it is not so easy. The word that gets translated as "devote yourself" is also associated with "connect yourself to" or "yoke yourself to." To be devoted to is to really be connected to. The Buddha continued with more instructions: "You should train thus: 'My heart will not be warped.'" We could also translate "warped" as "turned," "perverted," or "twisted" in a way that isn't what was meant. Another way to understand that phrase is, "My mind will not be affected." He said: "You should train thus: 'My heart will not be warped, and I shall utter no malevolent words. I shall abide caring for others' welfare with a mind of goodwill, with no secret ill will.'" The Buddha is saying, "Here's how to practice," but we might feel we need a little more guidance. "My heart will not be warped"—okay, but how can we do that? How can we increase our capacity to show up in the world in such a way that when difficulties arise, we are not saying malevolent words, scowling, or hitting people over the head with rolling pins? The Buddha gave more stories that shed a little bit of light on this. These are teaching stories, not necessarily true, but an invitation to see what they invoke or point to. Part of the Buddha's skill as a teacher is to use colorful language to have us look at things afresh and really engage with them. He said: "Monks, suppose a person came with a hoe and a basket and said, 'I shall make this great earth to be without earth.' They would dig here and there, scatter the soil here and there, spit here and there, urinate here and there, and yell, 'Be without earth! Be without earth!' What do you think? Could that person make this great earth be without earth?" "No, venerable sir." "Why not?" "Because this great earth is deep and immeasurable." Even though a person is yelling at the earth, hitting it with a hoe, moving things around, urinating, and spitting—doing things considered disrespectful and impure in ancient India—the earth is not bothered because it is deep and immeasurable. Putting aside that the earth is not a person, the Buddha is pointing to being deep and immeasurable. Then he told another story: "Monks, suppose a person came with a blazing grass torch and said, 'I shall heat up and boil away the Ganges River with this blazing grass torch.' What do you think? Could that person heat up and boil away the river Ganges with this blazing grass torch?" "No, venerable sir." "Why not?" "Because the Ganges River is deep and immeasurable." Again, he is pointing to having depth. Instead of the word "immeasurable," we could use the word "immense," meaning really big or broad. These things don't get affected by the difficulties happening, even if somebody is trying to heat them up or get a rise out of them, like how the maid was trying to get a rise out of Mistress Vedehika. What does it mean to be deep and immense, or deep and immeasurable? We can talk about cultivating depth so that we are not thrown off course when challenging situations arise. We don't want to be blown from one side to the other, spinning out and creating damaging stories or actions. Or, if we do, it is just for a short while. Becoming immeasurable in the early discourses of the Pali Canon[^2] is associated with having a mind and heart full of loving-kindness—radiating goodwill in all directions without end. To be deep could mean having mindfulness, steadiness, and wisdom. To be immense and immeasurable would be having loving-kindness and goodwill. Let's unpack this a little bit more. ## Cultivating Depth and Immensity Mindfulness practice helps us find steadiness. Part of the way it does that is by helping us become more comfortable with being uncomfortable. It helps us gain confidence that when things aren't quite going right, it doesn't mean it's the end of the world or a catastrophe has struck and we must go and fix things. To be sure, sometimes things need to be fixed, but through mindfulness, we learn that it is possible to sit through the end of a meditation period waiting for the bell when there is tremendous restlessness—that feeling of wanting to jump up and bolt, thinking, "I just don't want to be doing this right now." And yet, somehow we stay. It might just be by the skin of our teeth, but the more we do it, the greater our confidence becomes. We realize, "I've done this before." Often, we discover there is a sweet spot on the other side. We learn not only that we don't have to white-knuckle everything, but that relaxing into and allowing the difficulty creates the conditions for something better to arise, as opposed to constantly wrestling with it, shoving it away, or trying to make it different. That was a big learning for me. I used to have uncomfortableness sitting. During my very first meditation retreat, I thought it was the most amazing thing that the person sitting in front of me sat still for the whole 45 minutes without changing her posture. I didn't even know that was possible! I could not sit still for 45 minutes; I had to shift my posture and was incredibly restless. Now I can, but seeing someone else do it made me think, "Okay, maybe I can relax into this." My confidence started to grow. My foot was falling asleep, but that was okay. When the bell rang, the feeling came back. Practicing meditation to notice what is happening, allowing it to be there, and noticing our reaction without pushing it away helps us gain skill, familiarity, and confidence. One way to do this is by having curiosity about our experience. Curiosity doesn't feel heavy-handed; it doesn't feel like something you _should_ do. Instead, it has a playful, experimental quality: "Wow, what is this? What is it like to sit here with a foot that is tingling and falling asleep? Can I sit still with it?" We can investigate: "Is it just one foot, or both? Is it just the foot, or part of the leg?" I'm using physical sensations as an example, but there are many things to be curious about. We might notice ill will rising in the mind while meditating and think, "Wow, what does that feel like?" Often we feel emotions in the central axis of the body, so we can be curious about that experience. This mindfulness and curiosity help us find what is deep. It isn't a stressful striving of, "I have to find it, everyone else has it, and I don't even know what they're talking about." Instead, an attitude of openness, attentiveness, and playfulness allows us to hold what is happening. With that engagement, our depth can show itself, become obvious, or be discovered. Another practice that helps us discover this depth and stability is contentment in our daily life. Just notice those moments when things seem okay or neutral. There are so many of them, but we tend not to notice them. Bring to mind or to your heart, "Okay, right now, in this very moment, things are okay." This allows something to relax and settle. "Things are okay this very moment, and this very moment too." Through this settling, we can touch into what is deep and steady, which helps us when difficulties arise. Of course, we can bring in wisdom. There are many ways to do this, but I'll mention the common phrase: "This too shall pass." Seeing the bigger picture gives us perspective. Yes, there is what is happening right now, but we can put it into the context of our greater life or the greater community. In his teachings about the earth and the river being deep and immeasurable, the Buddha also pointed to the value of loving-kindness and compassion—the opening and warmth of the heart. You can do this in a formal way, you can chant the Metta Sutta[^3], or you can do a simple gratitude practice. It is quite something to think at the end of the day, "What am I grateful for?" When I started this practice, I didn't realize how much I was touched by other people. What I was grateful for often had to do with conversations I had or connections with others, which is heartwarming. Some people think of three things they are grateful for right before going to sleep, or when they wake up in the morning. This taps into the experience of being "big" instead of "small"—moving away from focusing on what we don't have, toward an openness to what we do have and what is going okay. A gratitude practice helps us feel like we have enough, allowing us to relax and open up. The Buddha encouraged us to practice this way: "My heart will not be warped, I shall utter no malevolent words, I shall abide caring for their welfare with a mind of goodwill, with no secret ill will." One way to work with this is simply setting the intention to do so. Just as some people have a recollection practice every day, we can set an intention: "My heart will not be warped (closed), my mind will not be affected, and I will maintain my steadiness of mind. I shall utter no malevolent words, and I shall abide caring for their welfare with a heart of goodwill, with no secret ill will." Then, when difficulties arise, we won't find ourselves doing things we later regret—like hitting somebody over the head with a rolling pin. May whatever benefit came from our practicing together and exploring how we might show up in the world create some steadiness, depth, and immenseness in our experience, so that we can support others during difficult times. Thank you. --- [^1]: **Mistress Vedehika and Kali the maid:** Characters from the _Kakacupama Sutta_ (The Simile of the Saw), a well-known discourse in the Pali Canon where the Buddha teaches about maintaining a mind of loving-kindness even when provoked. [^2]: **Pali Canon:** The standard collection of scriptures in the Theravada Buddhist tradition, preserved in the Pali language. [^3]: **Metta Sutta:** A primary Buddhist discourse (_sutta_) that outlines the practice of loving-kindness (_metta_), encouraging boundless goodwill toward all beings.