---
ai_generation_date: '2026-08-21'
ai_model: gemini-3-pro-preview
audiodharma:
  talks:
    - date: '2020-07-22'
      mp3_url: https://audiodharma.us-east-1.linodeobjects.com/talks/11765/20200722-Nikki_Mirghafori-IMC-happy_hour_metta_as_generosity.mp3
      speakers:
        - speaker_name: Nikki Mirghafori
          speaker_url: https://www.audiodharma.org/speakers/229
      talk_start_time_seconds: 0
      title: 'Happy Hour: Metta as Generosity'
      url: https://www.audiodharma.org/talks/11765
      video_unavailable: false
location_city: Redwood City, CA
video_unavailable: false
youtube:
  id: r0ctkIJu0n8
  imprecise_upload_date: '2021-05-04'
  title: 'Happy Hour: Metta as Generosity (Nikki Mirghafori)'
  upload_date: null
  uploader_str: Insight Meditation Center
  uploader_url: https://www.youtube.com/@InsightMeditationCenter
youtube_url: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r0ctkIJu0n8
---

# Happy Hour: Metta as Generosity - [Nikki Mirghafori](https://www.audiodharma.org/speakers/229)

_This is an AI-generated transcript from auto-generated subtitles for the video above. It likely contains inaccuracies, especially with speaker attribution if there are multiple speakers._

## [Happy Hour: Metta as Generosity](https://www.audiodharma.org/talks/11765)

So another very, very warm welcome, wherever in the world you are in this moment joining this online Sangha[^1]. You are the Sangha. Wherever you are, wherever in the world you are, we are connected by being together in this moment and practicing together.

I want to invite us just to take a moment, if you want to be in gallery view, just to see each other for a moment. Just appreciate all these beautiful beings from all over the world who are sitting with you and practicing with you, cultivating these beautiful practices with you. So just taking each other in, taking this community in.

With that, the theme I'd like to offer for the guided meditation and exploration tonight is related to the last one. If you've been joining the past couple of times, Monday and also last week, we've been exploring the theme of metta[^2]. Loving-kindness translated as friendliness, translated as goodwill, translated as love. There are so many different ways to translate loving-kindness, but we've been exploring the cultivation of metta, kindness for ourselves and others, and the different nuances that this feeling of friendliness might have.

We explored the theme of patience as a strength, as a quality of this friendliness, metta, goodwill. Last time we explored the interplay of generosity and friendliness, kindness, goodwill. One thing that we explored last time was how we started actually with generosity. We entered by sensing generosity, giving gifts, receiving gifts, and how there is a quality of goodwill in a heart that is generous. That's some of the exploration we did.

I realized after our guided meditation last time that there is a whole other area that we left unexplored which is just as juicy. The other aspect is entering from metta, from loving-kindness, and seeing how loving-kindness, this quality of goodwill, actually has generosity in it. There's a lot of generosity. Your heart has so much to give, even if you feel like you have no resources. You have plenty to give. Even a smile is a gift, as an offering of goodwill.

So in brief, last time we explored generosity as metta. This time I wanted us to explore physically in our bodies metta as generosity. If you're going, "Whoa, I don't know, I'm just showing up, this seems complicated," don't worry. We'll explore it physically, and the beauty of all this is we don't know what we're going to find. I'm just inviting us to know that there are all these nuances in our heart, in our bodies, that we already know. As a human, you already know this stuff. I'm not saying anything you don't already internally know. Your heart already knows this.

In the invitation and the guided meditation, these invitations allow us to explore these qualities a little more fully, to become more familiar with them consciously, to bring awareness to these qualities. So that they become more available to us more readily, they imbue our life, our way of being, our way of paying attention. That is the invitation for tonight's exploration. No experience necessary, complete beginners welcome. Just have a sense of curiosity and see what turns up.

The only thing to remember is whatever comes up—even if I'm giving instructions on whatever and something completely opposite comes up—let's say you're sleepy, your mind wanders. As long as you hold it with kindness, as long as you hold yourself with kindness: "Oh sweetie, you're really sleepy tonight. Darn it, you showed up to meditate and here you are sleepy. Okay." As long as you hold yourself with kindness, you are doing it perfectly right.

Because this whole idea of this happy hour is about cultivating kindness, cultivating goodwill. And wherever you do that, wherever it is, great. It doesn't have to be in generosity and kindness. If, amidst all of that, you go a different direction and some memory of the past when you were angry comes up: "Oh sweetie, anger is really hard. Oh, this is painful. Ouch, it's okay." It's okay. If you hold yourself with kindness, then it's all good. You're doing this practice exactly as intended tonight.

So the bigger picture is cultivating our heart in the habit of kindness towards itself, towards others. As long as you remember that whatever comes up, even if it's a band of sorrows, remember kindness. Okay? Yes, agreed. With that invitation and request, let's explore and see what arises.

## Guided Meditation

I'd like to invite you to become comfortable in your posture. If you need to move, if you need to shift to move from a chair to a cushion, or a cushion to a chair, or lying down, it's all good. For practicing metta, loving-kindness, it's important for your body to feel comfortable, so be comfortable. It's nice also to have a sense of integrity in your body. If your spine can be straight and not curved, that can also support a sense of awakeness. But again, make sure you're comfortable.

Inviting your body to be comfortable, soft, and landing. Landing in this body. Inviting yourself to let go of all the thoughts that came before, all the words that came before, all the descriptions. This isn't bad. Letting go, letting go, letting go. And inviting yourself with a sense of kindness, with a sense of ease, a sense of benevolence, to land in this body. _Hello, dear body._

Inviting your breath to move through the abdomen as it pleases. It's not so much that you are breathing; the breath is breathing you. It's happening on its own. So let it arise and pass.

Allowing, inviting your body to settle. Settle into a contented presence with every in-breath and every out-breath, letting the movement of the breath in your body feel soothing, calming. The movement of the breath in your belly, feeling like a soothing internal massage. Lovingly calming, settling. Inviting every cell of your body to relax, to give up its tension. Spend a few moments just receiving the breath. The abdomen, the chest, the head, the arms, the shoulders and neck, and your sit bones receiving the breath. Your legs receiving the breath. Your entire body receptive. Being breathed, being massaged, being kneaded like dough. Becoming softer and softer, more settled, more grounded.

Each breath calming and settling, helping you arrive more deeply into your body. This moment, this moment as a refuge, as a resource. If some memories are arising, no problem. It's part of this practice just to notice what's arising with kindness. _Hello thoughts, hello memories._ It might be wise not to say that there's anything wrong with thinking in general, but right now, as you're trying to settle and calm, to till the soil, maybe it's wise to say, "Thank you, but not now. Come visit later, dear thoughts," with kindness. Offering them up like helium balloons that are light, letting go, letting them be free in the skies. Not needing to cling to them, to hang on to the thoughts.

Letting there be a sense of settlement, spaciousness in the body. Nothing to do, nowhere to go, but just enjoy being breathed. That's all. Enjoying, relishing, taking delight in the simplicity of this act now. This body being breathed. What a miracle.

Now I'd like to invite you, now that we've spent a few minutes tilling the soil to become more settled, to plant some seeds of metta by bringing to mind first someone whom you think of with kindness, with goodwill. Maybe a smile shows up when you think of this being. Maybe there's a sense of safety that you feel in the presence of this being. It could be a friend, benefactor, parent, a teacher. It could be a pet. It could be a child, a little being whom you delight in their presence. There's just a natural care and affection for them.

It's best to start with some being that's really easy, very easy, not complicated. You don't have a complicated relationship of chores and expectations. Just simple. If there is a teenager in your life now, maybe imagining them when they were little might make it simpler. Bring some being into your mind. Just choose someone, it doesn't matter. Later you can choose someone else; it doesn't mean that you prefer them over everyone else. They are just lending themselves to you in this moment for planting seeds of metta.

So bringing this being to mind in your mind's eye. Seeing them clearly if you're visual, as if they were in front of you, or having a felt sense of them, maybe what they sound like if you're an auditory person. Just getting a felt sense of this being in your life. And noticing what arises in you, in your heart. Maybe there's a sense of delight, or a smile shows up, a warmth. Simply whatever arises. It might be very subtle. This gift of your heart is called metta. It's not something obscure; it's just this gentle friendliness, care, goodwill for this being. A sense of openness of heart, a sense of care. Maybe see how it's expressed for you with this being.

As you're feeling this feeling, number one: keep their image or felt sense in your mind's eye. Number two: seeing what arises from seeing them, feeling them. This feeling in your heart, holding that with your awareness. So both holding their image or sense, and holding what arises. Holding both of these with your awareness, ever so gently. The first one gives rise to the second, so just acknowledging whatever it is.

Now let's do some classical phrases of metta. For the first few minutes, I'll say the phrases, and you can recite them silently, allowing them to arise from this feeling in your body, in your heart. This goodwill, this friendliness, the smile, these wishes for safety, well-being, and happiness for this being. Just showering them with your goodwill verbally. If you have your own phrases of metta, feel free to use them; otherwise, here are the ones on offer.

The first one having to do with safety. Again, keeping the image or felt sense is number one. The feeling that arises in your heart is number two, and number three is the phrases. Let the phrases come from the feeling if possible. Here we go: _May you be safe. May you be safe from inner and outer harm._ Dear one, or you can say their name. _Dear so-and-so, may you be safe. I wish you safety._ Seeing these wishes for safety offered to them without any expectations, without an attachment to outcome. Just offered freely from your heart. _May you be safe. I wish you safety._

The second phrase of metta having to do with emotional happiness and well-being: _May you be happy._ _May you be happy, dear one, and have joy in your heart. May you know joy in your heart._ Seeing their image. _May you be happy, dear one. I wish you happiness. I wish you joy._

The third phrase having to do with physical well-being: _May you be healthy. May you be healthy and strong, dear one._ Or dear so-and-so. _My dear so-and-so, I wish you safety, I wish you health, I wish you strength. May you be as healthy as possible. May you be healthy and strong._ Connecting with them, with their felt sense.

The fourth phrase of metta having to do with peace, with ease, with taking care of oneself happily: _May your life flow with ease, dear one. Dear so-and-so, may you take care of yourself happily._

Again, the traditional practice of metta could be thought of as a three-ring circus. The first ring: the image, the felt sense of this dear being. The second one: the feeling that arises in your heart, this feeling of metta, however subtle it might be. This feeling of goodwill and care, friendliness, affection, love, whatever the nuance might be for you. And the third ring: the phrases. So just keeping it going, keeping it going.

_May you be safe. May you be happy. May you be healthy. May your life flow with ease. May you be safe. May you be happy. May you be healthy, dear one, and may your life flow with ease. With as much ease as possible._ If at any point any of this wanes, bring their image to mind, really connect with the felt sense of this being, and the rest will follow. _May you be safe, may you be happy, may you be healthy, and may you have ease._

I'd like to invite you to tune in, really, to your heart, to the sense of care, goodwill, benevolence in your heart. Sharing these wishes, tuning into the frequency, the quality of goodwill, sharing the goodness in your heart, your good wishes for this being. Without any expectations, without any attachment to outcome, just sharing your goodwill, sharing your wishes. It may not happen, but _I wish you, I share with you my goodwill. I freely offer my good wishes, the warmth, the care from my heart._

See if you can sense the offering, this quality of offering metta, offering goodwill, which is part of its cultivation. Just offering, just basking, enjoying this act of offering goodwill. And as it is beaming out of your heart, this sense of goodwill is like a bright light.

The bright light shining. There's nothing you have to really do but to just not create a shadow by covering it. As long as you don't cover it, this goodwill, kindness, friendliness for this being just shines. The goodwill of your heart is offered, realizing that it's a gift. Your goodwill is a huge offering. It's the biggest gift. Friendliness, your goodwill, your care, your love without attachment, just caring, is a gift. The generosity of your own heart, your dana[^3], your generosity. Recognizing the quality of generosity, your heart has so much to give. Just not getting in its way, not covering the light, taking your hand out of the way so that you let the goodwill shine, the gift, the generosity. Recognizing that in so many ways it shows up as generosity; it is an act of generosity.

It could show through your smile to someone you care about, or even a stranger. A gift of goodwill, a gift of care, a gift of friendliness in this world. As if saying, "Hello, fellow being, hello. I offer you safety, I offer you care." A soulful gift, a gift of the soul. Friendliness, goodwill, generosity of the heart, shining unto those you care about.

And also it can shine all around, on all beings. And as it shines, shining on yourself first. First and foremost, shining on this being that is you. This gift of metta, this gift of kindness, goodwill shining on yourself. As it leaves your heart, as it shines out of your heart, it shines on your own body first. Your whole body shimmering with this bright light of kindness and care.

A gift of beauty, a gift of grace to yourself. In some ways from yourself, and in some ways not from yourself. It just is, it just shines out. It both belongs to you, and it also doesn't belong to you. It is both at the same time. So letting it shine, what you own and don't own at the same time. This friendliness, goodwill, shining unto yourself, covering yourself with light of care. Recognizing the generosity, the radical act of generosity, that radical care and goodwill without any expectations of returning, without any attachment to outcome. A gift unto yourself and beyond.

## Reflections

Thank you all. So I'd like to invite you, you can type it in chat if you wish, if there are any reflections arising right now in your body, in your heart from this practice. You can also unmute yourself if you wish to just share.

I'll start by sharing that, for me, it's so lovely to explore this other aspect of metta as generosity. We have so much to give, such a gift of care or goodwill, even our smile. There's a story I heard some time ago—I forget the reference—but it's about someone who was very depressed and apparently suicidal. They would go out for walks every day, and would see a neighbor every day, and this neighbor would smile at them. Just give them a big smile.

Years later they meet up through circumstances, and the person says, "You kept me going. You kept me going in the midst of grief, in the midst of my hardest days. I looked forward to those walks when I would see your face and you were just offering me a smile. And your gift of care, of humanity, saved me. I'm here alive because of that today." So we have so much to give. Even the smile is an act of generosity, an act of metta.

And anything that comes up is okay, anything that came up during the practice is alright. If challenging emotions came up... someone wrote to me privately that a lot of anger came up through the meditation towards the people that they care about because they've been hurting, because they've felt hurt. And that's what needs to come up. So holding the anger. Can you hold yourself with a sense of care? Because when we are angry, we are the ones hurting. Can we hold ourselves with a sense of care and not even think about others in that room, because our heart needs the care?

Any other reflections you'd like to share before we move on? Any realizations, any insights, questions, comments, complaints?

Katie offers her deep relaxation. Casey says, "I can't unmute myself." Let's see Casey, if you raise your hand here, I'll try to unmute you. Whoops. Try it again. [Laughter] Thank you, Casey. Thanks for raising that. I didn't hear everything clearly, but one thing that I heard you clearly say was that the statement about anger and about self-care was really important for you to hear, and for you to hold yourself with that sense there. So I appreciate you raising that. And yes, as instructions or as invitations come, and if something else arises, hold that with care. Hold the anger with care, or hold yourself with love. So feel free to adjust the instructions so that they work for you at any given time. Thank you. Laura, you have your hand up, please.

**Laura:** Yes, hi. Thank you so much. It was interesting at the beginning, just such a barrage of negativity. And you were speaking of loving-kindness, love, and accepting everything, and it was just so many different things. And then when you called us together to start our meditation with you about metta, everything just stopped. It was like my mind was without a purpose, and then I had a purpose. It was so beautiful, and I was warm and strong, and my mouth was actually salivating with the sense of wholeness and happiness as I held my person. Oh, it was lovely. I appreciate you so much, thank you.

**Nikki:** Thank you, Laura. It's beautiful. Thank you so much for sharing. Starting from the busyness, and moving into the sense of calm and stability, and the warmth inside all of that. Beautiful. Thank you so much for sharing the ride. It's lovely to hear. Linda, you have your hand up, please.

**Linda:** Is unmuting working? Not quite, okay... Oh great, it said something about the host. Okay, um, I was giving metta to a person who has just gone through some really, really hard things, and I saw her teary smile, and it was very sweet. And then I was overwhelmed with sadness for what she's going through. And yeah, the sadness just kind of took me over. I wasn't sure what to do with it, but I certainly felt it. That was the experience in that moment.

**Nikki:** Yes, thank you for bringing that in. So what you're describing is when metta, when this sense of care, loving-kindness, when it meets suffering, it turns into compassion[^4]. So this loving-kindness, this care for this friend, was meeting their suffering because they're going through a really hard time. So it became the practice of compassion. And then you're not quite sure how to hold it. Maybe it veered a little bit towards empathetic distress, like there was a lot of sadness. And then in that moment, you're the one who's hurting. You're the one who's overcome with grief, with sadness. So you turn it towards yourself, to hold yourself so that you have stability again, and then when you have stability, then you can turn it outwards.

So thank you so much for raising that. It's similar to the anger, because when anger arises, we're the ones hurting. When grief arises for a dear friend, you're the one who's hurting. The wise thing is to say, "Okay, thank you, now turn and take care of this being." This being is as important as any other being in the world, so you need to take care of this being right now. Ah, stability. Now the love could be turned outwards if it seems appropriate. Yeah.

Thank you all for your lovely reflections. So many of you know that one of the highlights of our practice time together at happy hour is that we get into small groups now for just a very brief time and connect and meet other beings who have been practicing with us. So tonight, the invitation is with metta as generosity: holding yourself with a sense of care, and holding others with care and generosity. And just connecting. How is this practice for you? You can say anything you want. "I fell asleep," "I was distracted," "There was a lot of anger," or "I loved it," "There was a lot of warmth." There's no right or wrong. Nobody's grading you. What you say is not as important as how you hold yourself while you say it. Can you have a sense of acceptance and love and care for yourself? Can you have love and care for others as they share? Each person will just speak for maybe a minute and a half.

_[Small Group Breakout Sessions]_

Welcome back. So we just have a minute before time runs out. We took a lot of time on the other end with reflections, but if there's anything you'd like to add... I've had a lot of different reflections folks have sent to me privately on chat which have been lovely, so thank you for all your offerings. I loved hearing how you went to a deep place tonight, very quiet. It's sweet to hear that. Any last-minute reflections you want to share from the practice in your groups? Please go, no pressure.

_[Addressing technical issues]_
You can't unmute yourself? Oh goodness, tonight we're having technical problems. All right, let me see if I can unmute you.

**Participant:** Yeah, I wanted to say I really enjoyed the group that I was in today. I was with Jeanette and with Elizabeth, and I think all of us had one thing in common, which was giving metta to ourselves in one way or another. And I also wanted to show some appreciation for Jeanette. I thought it was a really cool idea; she said that giving without attachment also applies to giving to yourself without attachment. That's how she posited it, so I thought it was super cool. I wanted to just float that out to the group because I thought it was really great.

**Nikki:** Yeah, great! Love that, absolutely. Giving metta to yourself also, you don't have to be any particular way. Like, "I'm going to love myself so that I will achieve a lot." No, or whatever version it might be. I also appreciate Jeanette's offering of the helium balloon floating away for thoughts, and also for attachment. Lovely. Thank you for both of those sharings, for Prasanna and Jeanette.

We're very much running out of time tonight, so let's bring our session to a close. I'll stay maybe five minutes extra tonight if there are any questions afterwards, but we're going to formally close the evening. So thank you all for showing up and practicing for yourself and for everyone whose lives you touch. May all beings be well. Take care, be happy.

---

[^1]: **Sangha:** The Buddhist community of monks, nuns, novices, and laity.

[^2]: **Metta:** A Pali word often translated as "loving-kindness," "friendliness," "goodwill," or "benevolence."

[^3]: **Dana:** A Pali word that translates to generosity, giving, or gift.

[^4]: **Compassion:** In Pali, _Karuṇā_, one of the four Brahmaviharas, alongside Metta.