---
ai_generation_date: '2026-05-04'
ai_model: gemini-3-pro-preview
audiodharma:
  talks:
  - date: '2021-07-14'
    mp3_url: https://audiodharma.us-east-1.linodeobjects.com/talks/13792/20210714-Nikki_Mirghafori-IMC-happy_hour_protective_parental_metta_for_self.mp3
    speakers:
    - speaker_name: Nikki Mirghafori
      speaker_url: https://www.audiodharma.org/speakers/229
    talk_start_time_seconds: 0
    title: 'Happy Hour: Protective Parental Metta for Self'
    url: https://www.audiodharma.org/talks/13792
    video_unavailable: false
location_city: Redwood City, CA
video_unavailable: false
youtube:
  id: yVjxsbErSp0
  imprecise_upload_date: '2022-05-04'
  title: 'Happy Hour: Protective Parental Metta for Self'
  upload_date: null
  uploader_str: Insight Meditation Center
  uploader_url: https://www.youtube.com/@InsightMeditationCenter
youtube_url: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yVjxsbErSp0
---

# Happy Hour: Protective Parental Metta for Self - [Nikki Mirghafori](https://www.audiodharma.org/speakers/229)

*This is an AI-generated transcript from auto-generated subtitles for the video above. It likely contains inaccuracies, especially with speaker attribution if there are multiple speakers.*

## [Happy Hour: Protective Parental Metta for Self](https://www.audiodharma.org/talks/13792)

Hi, hello, and formally welcome to Happy Hour, now that it's being recorded for Audio Dharma. For the theme of our practice together today, I'd like to invite us to explore another dimension of metta[^1], which is fierce metta. This is an energetic metta. Metta can feel soft, soothing, tender, and calming, and it can also feel fierce. It can also feel strong and energetic. 

There are different ways to practice it. For example, in the Metta Sutta[^2], there is a line that says, "Even as a mother protects with her life her child, her only child, so with a boundless heart should one cherish all living beings, radiating kindness over the entire world." 

I want to bring your attention to this metaphor: "Even as a mother protects with her life her child, her only child." That image of a mother protecting her child can bring up many things. With metaphors, of course, there are a lot of different things they can conjure up and refer to. One thing that this metaphor can conjure up is fierceness. If a mother is protecting her only child with her life, I suspect there will be a sense of fierceness. The love is big, it's huge, it's powerful, and there's a fierceness about it. 

Can we conjure up that same sense of love for ourselves? For the only child that is us? Our inner child. The child that we take for granted, that we usually beat up: "You're not good enough, you're not working hard enough." This being that is us. What if we had this sense of an energetic, powerful mother protecting with her life her child, her only child? It is both a sense of love, metta, and profound care, but also a sense of fierceness. There's a strength to this powerfulness. There's a powerfulness to this love. 

Can we explore that for ourselves? What does that feel like if we explore that for ourselves? Does that bring us more energy, more aliveness, more recognition of our true nature, of the goodness within? Let's explore together and see what we discover in this way of practice, being scientists of our own minds. 

With that as the preamble, let's settle. Let's arrive.

## Guided Meditation

Landing. Landing, arriving. In this body, in this moment in time.

With a sense of uprightness, whether you're sitting or lying down, can there be a sense of uprightness? A sense of integrity in the spine and the body posture.

Noticing, perhaps, that you're uplifted. Uplifted vertebrae by vertebrae. As if there is an invisible string connected to the top of your head, giving you an uplift.

You don't have to try, you don't have to force. In fact, your body can relax. Your muscles can settle in this sense of integrity, this uprightness. It is maintained on its own with this invisible string.

You're both uplifted energetically—the breath, the aspiration, uplifting you—while connected and deeply rooted in the earth, to the earth. Feeling the touch points of your feet, your legs, your sit bones, your bottom, connected. Earthed, deeply rooted.

As if you both have wings, uplifted, and you have roots deep into the ground.

The breath nourishing, nourishing your natural breath. Uplifting, energizing. Energizing especially around your heart center, your chest, the middle of your chest. Enlivening, awakening. Both awakening and soothing, healing at the same time.

Both energized and calmed in this moment. Rooted and uplifted with the breath. The earth element rooting, connecting, settling. The air element uplifting.

Settling and arriving for a few more minutes before we turn our attention to metta.

Now, continuing to feel embodied. Connected to the earth through the feet, sit bones, legs, while uplifted. The spine uplifted, open with aspiration, both figuratively and literally. Aspiration through breath filling the body. Energizing. 

Now bringing to mind, if you would, a felt sense, an image of yourself, of this being that is you at a younger age. Any age is fine. It might be that there is a photograph or an age that you can really connect to, to parent, to re-parent this younger version of ourselves. To protect, to love, to care for. 

Bringing this image, this felt sense. Connecting, taking time to connect in ways that work for you, in loving ways that work for you. Maybe you have a vivid image of a photograph, or how this child moves, talks, maybe plays with their favorite toys or activities, whatever it might be. Connecting, conjuring up their image. 

And just as it is said in the Metta Sutta: "Even as a mother protects with her life her child, her only child." As if this child, this younger version of you in this moment in time, is your child. Your only child to love, to protect, to cherish, to soothe, to comfort. 

And as the mother, as the parent, as the parent of this child, you have more resources. You're stronger, you're capable. As you breathe and you feel the energizing of your heart center, your heart fills with care, compassion, love, and energy. Both a tender and fierce love for this child. Protective, protective. 

Connecting at first with an image, a felt sense. Holding, protecting. A sense of uprightness and energy. Strength, fierceness for this child. 

Especially if the child is hurting in some way. Either is hurt, or maybe ill, if that feels relevant. Feeling your strength, the strength and power of your love, your metta. This body well rooted into the earth, your breath energizing, holding and caring for this child in this moment, your only child. 

Radiating metta. Radiating fierce, loving metta. Protective, protective, loving metta. 

And if you like to add phrases of metta, you're welcome to, or use your own phrases. I'll offer some alternatives. The traditional, typical phrases of metta:
May you be safe from inner and outer harm. 
May you be happy. 
May you be healthy. 
May you have ease. 

Or alternatively:
I love you. 
I care for you. 
I'm here for you. 
You are loved. 
You are cherished. 
You are okay. 
You are beloved. 

Whatever phrases work for you to share, to shine your protective, fierce, parental metta for this younger self. 

You are welcome to continue with your younger self, or see if your mind and your heart would like to treat your present-day self as your child, your only child. No difference. See what your heart and mind need in this moment. 

And if you do choose to move to your present-day self, try the phrases of metta, if you wish, with "I":
May I be safe. 
May I be happy. 
May I be healthy. 
May I have ease. 

You can also stay with "you." Feel free to experiment, see what works for you. An expression of fierce, energetic metta for yourself. 

And what if the one loving and being loved—the fierce, powerful, metta-filled parent and the child, the self—are one and the same? They meld, they merge. What if? See what might arise.

And now shining this bright light of fierce metta, shining outwards. It touches you first. It shines out, touching all those you care for, all those you know and those you don't know. Radiating, radiating kindness over the entire world. Spreading upwards to the skies and downwards to the depths. Outwards and unbounded. 

May all beings wake up to their true nature. May all beings be free.

Thank you. Thank you for your practice, everyone.

## Reflections and Q&A

So you have a few minutes for reflections. You can either type them in chat—what you discovered, what you noticed, questions, comments—or raise your hand. Bill, please.

**Bill:** Hi. I got tripped up over the word "fierce," and it just raised connotations in my mind. Once I started to think about that, I couldn't put it down again, and so I didn't do that well. Without making this too long a story, I think in one of your earlier sessions you said that you could have metta in terms of falling asleep and calming. I related that I did not experience that, because of the level of excitement and ferocity. To me, my mind indicates intensity and excitement, and therefore not sleep. I'm sorry my mind got hung up on this, but I just couldn't get past that.

**Nikki Mirghafori:** So what I'm hearing is a couple of things. One is that the word "fierce" had connotations, and the mind got tripped up with that. What I would suggest is to use a word that works for you, Bill. See what works for you. "Protective"—you know, I was trying to offer some alternatives. "Protective"—there's this protective, loving image. If that works for you, use that, so tune out the word "fierce." 

Also, what I'm hearing is that this brought up some energy for you. If you sometimes fall asleep with the very tender, soothing, calm, gentle, peaceful metta, this was an energizing metta. Part of that you're chalking up to the confusion of the word "fierce," but part of it could also be that this practice is more energizing. It's really awakening. This is not the type of metta that makes you fall asleep; it really enlivens you. You feel powerfully loving. So that's the aspect I think you're talking about, right?

**Bill:** Yes, I think so. So you're saying there's different types of metta?

**Nikki:** Yes, that's exactly what I'm trying to say. Not all metta needs to be sleep-inducing. That's exactly right. We were exploring a different kind of metta tonight. If you don't like the word "fierce," it's an energetic, energizing, protective, powerful metta. Maybe the word "powerful"—a parent that's really lovingly powerful, like a lioness. Powerful, loving. You got it. You're so welcome. 

Let's see, I see Fred's hand. I'll ask you to unmute in a moment here. While I do, I'll also read from Nicholas: "Was 'metta for' an intentional pun or did I mishear?" [Laughter] Oh my god, that's hilarious. That was not intentional, but I love it. "Metta-phor!" That's good. Good catch, Nicholas. 

Neil says, "That was lovely. The image of loving and protecting my younger self was so dear." Thank you for that. That is dear, Neil. Thanks for sharing that. 

And friendly greetings from Ireland from Kirkel. Thank you Nikki and Sangha[^3]. So nice you're joining, Kirkel, and Graham, Tulip, Royal joining from Belgium. We have a parallel sangha joining us on YouTube, very sweet. Please, Fred.

**Fred:** I found that very powerful. I was able to envision myself as a teenager with real clarity. Perhaps because I had just finished walking around Lake Merritt with an old friend that I knew as a teenager. We had sort of rekindled a friendship during the pandemic, but I could see myself as he probably saw me when we were kids. I was able to embrace that self with all the parental energy that I would want to bring to it. Not particularly fierce—that didn't really feel quite the word—but adult and protective. I could feel my younger self confident in the embrace of my older self, and getting a lot of solace[^4] from my presence, advice, and encouragement.

**Nikki:** Thank you, Fred. I am so touched and buoyed by that. Beautiful. Thank you. And "protective"—I appreciate this trust of this protective parental care and love that you connected with and named. Thank you. 

Gargal says, "This fierce lioness love goes nicely with my Latin blood. Brazilian in Ireland here." That's sweet. I love all these metaphors, as Nicholas pointed out. 

So dear ones, let's turn to practice in small groups together with this protective, loving, energetic metta. I think that's what I'm trying to really tune into. For me, there is this sense of really feeling awakened and energized. There's this powerful metta that can shine onto the world from this practice. It's different from the gentle, soft practice—what Bill was calling the "sleepy metta," which I like to call the gentle metta. This energetic metta can also be very powerful. This power of kindness radiating over the earth. Just tuning into these different frequencies. It's not one thing. Let us surprise ourselves by the capacity of the human heart and mind every time we practice, instead of just doing the same thing: "May you be happy, may I be happy." Let us surprise ourselves with this capacity. 

With that, let's join each other and explore, and speak about what we discovered. Support each other in this exploration, in this experiment of being human. Sangha practice is so precious. I'm creating the rooms now, and let's start with 15 seconds of silent metta. Here we go.

*[Breakout rooms session]*

Welcome back everyone. We have a couple of minutes for reflections. What did you discover practicing together, especially in sangha? If you haven't reflected or commented in a while, you're especially welcome to share your reflections. What did you notice? What worked? What was challenging? It's all good, sharing your practice for the benefit of the sangha. 

Jerry says, "I like my adult life much better than my childhood." Oh, yeah. And it's wonderful to be able to reparent ourselves in this way. It's a very powerful practice actually, this protective parenting, re-parenting. We can fill our own cup, and hence not need others to do that. 

Marianne says, "Same for me, Jerry. My 13-year-old self was very happy to get the attention." That's very sweet.

**Participant:** I just want to share that I was able to revisit a moment when I was so scared as a child. I really wanted to have someone to protect me, but I never had it. Maybe I did at some point, but most of the time I didn't. I was able to go back to that moment and I was parenting myself. I was doing it before, but this time it was like, "Oh my gosh, it's such a profound practice." It was just a precious moment. I actually shared it in a small group, and another person also shared his experience. I really wanted to hug that person when he was a child. It just gives so much and brings me to tears.

**Nikki:** Thank you for sharing this. Two reflections. One is how powerful it is to actually connect to these tender moments in our past when we wanted protection, and to even go back in time and offer that to ourselves. The other is being able to see the child in each other. There's something precious and beautiful when the heart opens up. As you're talking, you wanted to hug the younger version of this person. Beautiful. Thank you for that.

Morgan says, "Protective metta could be a way to fight back from self-judgments imposed by society, for example, internalized isms." Yes, right on, Morgan. Very astute observation. This is a really powerful practice for self-judgment because there's the sense of protecting ourselves, protecting this part of us that's hurting. Very powerful practice. 

I have more questions for you, but it is seven o'clock, so let's end. As I always like to end, by thanking you for your practice. Thank you for showing up and cultivating your heart and your mind for the benefit of yourself and all beings everywhere. May all beings be happy, may all beings be free.

Thank you.

---

[^1]: **Metta:** A Pali word commonly translated as "loving-kindness," "goodwill," or "friendliness." It is the first of the four Brahma-viharas (sublime attitudes) in Buddhism.
[^2]: **Metta Sutta:** (Also known as the Karaniya Metta Sutta) A famous Buddhist discourse traditionally attributed to the Buddha that teaches the practice of loving-kindness (metta).
[^3]: **Sangha:** A Pali word referring to the Buddhist community. It can refer specifically to the monastic community of monks and nuns, or more broadly to the entire community of Buddhist practitioners.
[^4]: **Solace:** Original transcript said 'soldiers', corrected to 'solace' based on context ("getting a lot of solace from my presence").