Worry

This is an AI-generated transcript from auto-generated subtitles for the video Dharma talk on Worry with James Morrison. It likely contains inaccuracies, especially with speaker attribution if there are multiple speakers.

The following talk was given by James Morrison at Insight Meditation Center in Redwood City, CA on July 24, 2023. Please visit the website www.audiodharma.org for more information.

Introduction

Welcome to our teacher, James Morrison. James Morrison was ordained as a Buddhist monk in the Thai Forest tradition and lived with meditation masters in Thailand for 15 years. For the last 12 years, he has also practiced at his property in the Santa Cruz mountains, the Redwood Hermitage. James has now retired from his life as a monk but is continuing to teach the dhamma he has inherited from his teachers. Currently, he is staying at his peaceful hermitage surrounded by redwood trees. Others are welcome to join him, spending time on individual retreat, experiencing the tranquility, beauty, and simplicity of nature. Welcome, James.

Worry

Good morning. So this morning, I was on my way to give a talk on overcoming worry, and a funny thing happened to me on the way to the meditation center. The vehicle I'm driving in suddenly had a rear tire blowout. I made it here just in time. So, it was another good dhamma lesson in being prepared and overcoming worry about anything that might go wrong in the future. Fortunately, Nancy responded calm and collected, and she saved the day by getting me here in time.

Today I want to talk a bit about worry as a mental state. What it is, how it affects our life, and more specifically, what are some strategies that we can use to overcome it. I lived in New Zealand for a long time, and the classic saying there is, "Hey, no worries, mate." It's their way of saying everything's fine, no problem. But it's a lot easier to say than to actually have a mind that's free of worry.

Understanding what worry is and why it's such a stubborn, unhelpful mental state—it's basically fear. Basically, fear that something is going to go wrong in the future. The thing about worry is that even if everything's perfect right now—like every need and desire met—we can still ruin it by worrying about the future. Everything's great now, but I might lose it. Then we start to worry. If worrying becomes a habit, we will never really be able to enjoy our life, even if everything is wonderful, because worrying doesn't allow us to be joyfully present. We'll be thinking about the future and all the things that possibly could go wrong.

Because worry is concerned with the future, and the future is unknown—it's basically infinite—you could worry about anything. It's really only limited by the scope of our imagination. If you have a good imagination and a tendency towards worry, you can imagine any scenario, whether realistic or completely unrealistic, and think, "Yeah, that could happen. What about that? What if that happens?" That's a terrible way to live. It makes it very difficult just to enjoy life, even when everything is actually pretty good.

Now, as we know, there are realistic dangers or things that could go wrong in life, absolutely. We are always going to have things happen in the future that we don't want or that are unpleasant. But there's no reason why we can't live in peace and relative contentment in the present, knowing that will happen in the future. A wise monk once said: if there's a problem and there's a solution, then you just apply the solution, and there is no need to worry. And if there's a problem and there's no solution, then why worry?

Why is it that with all of the drawbacks of worrying—it's mentally exhausting, it's physically exhausting, it doesn't allow us to be present or fully enjoy what we have—why is it so difficult to let go of? It's because, unlike many other negative mental states, worry is often conflated with wholesome qualities such as care, love, or being a responsible person. It's as if we're not worrying about something, our children, our parents, or our partner, then we don't care. It's almost saying you're a bad parent if you're not worrying about your child, or if you're not worrying about your future, people think something's wrong with you. They tell you to learn how to grow up, be dour, and worry about the future like everybody else.

Being able to separate the wholesome qualities from the unwholesome qualities is not always easy, but it's essential. Yes, we want to be loving and caring. How do we do that without falling into the darker side of worrying? We think worrying is an expression of love. Actually, no, we will be able to love and care much more fully if we're not worrying. So we must begin to see how these are not the same thing and separate them out. The same thing goes for taking responsibility. There are so many ways that we do need to take responsibility for things in our life—finances, health care—that are maybe conducive to worry. There are all manner of things that we may need to look into and take care of.

But applying the solution or taking responsibility for something doesn't mean that we have to worry about it. Especially if worrying just becomes a habit, then maybe the same repeating thought is just cycling around over and over again, and it becomes very counterproductive.

So how do you actually stop worrying? It's not like we can just say, "Worrying is counterproductive, I'm just going to stop," because if it's an entrenched habit, and if we're not fully aware of what's going on, it has a lot of momentum and it will just keep going. It's not just a matter of deciding to stop, because before we know it, it starts cycling through our mind again.

I can give you four helpful strategies to work with. You can apply these basic principles to any situation where you might be worrying, whether it's worrying about a loved one, a situation at work, or finances.

The first strategy, which we should be fairly familiar with, is clear awareness. You just have to start by knowing when worry is present. It's so insidious. It can become a default position of our minds, an underlying anxiety about the future, a feeling of insecurity, like something's not right and things could fall apart at any second. Which is kind of realistic too, but the fear is the problem. If that becomes a basic underlying default position of our minds, then we need to see that clearly and not just accept that as reality or normal. Clearly see worry when it's present. Just watch and notice as soon as it arises.

In order to understand worry, you don't have to bring it up. If you're looking at your mind and you're free of worry, fantastic. Enjoy that and really pay close attention to a mind that is free of worry, because it's intrinsically pleasant. It feels peaceful, it feels content, even if it's just for a few seconds. Just clearly notice the mind that's free of worry because our minds will naturally incline towards that which is pleasant if we just give it the right information. If we're not paying attention to our mind when it's free of worry, and we're only paying attention to the thoughts that give fuel to it, then those worry-fueling thoughts become our entire reality. If we pay attention to when our mind is calm, quiet, or at least free of worry, what we pay attention to will become stronger, and our minds will incline towards that peacefulness. You don't have to bring up worry; there are plenty of times it will arise by itself. But when it does arise, notice its presence, and then also notice what preceded it without getting caught up in the story. Then notice its cessation. When it ceases, pay close attention to that mind which is at least temporarily not worrying.

The second recommended strategy is developing active wisdom or reflection. Try to understand the nature of what worry is, the nature of fear, how it arises, how it affects our life, and essentially the subjects about which we are worrying. If we truly understood the nature of things, we wouldn't worry. It's only because we have unrealistic expectations or because we identify with certain things. If we don't understand the true nature of something, it leads to delusion, and that is conducive to unwholesome mental states, particularly worry.

If you understood reality clearly, you would not worry. It's not a question of everything going right in your life to be free of worry. After the Buddha was enlightened, he had many difficult things happen in his life. He was managing the Sangha^[1], his cousin^[2] tried to kill him numerous times—things that most of us don't even have to deal with. And yet, as far as we know, the Buddha never worried about it. His mind would not go to worry. So it's not a question of getting everything externally perfect. It's not like sitting on a beach at an exotic resort surrounded by the perfect family with a drink in your hand is the definition of freedom from worry. Unfortunately, a lot of people at places like that are worrying about their business or their family. They're unable to fully enjoy it even when everything is externally perfect. Freedom from worry is really a matter of internal work.

Use active reflection to understand the nature of whatever you're worrying about. If it's a personal relationship, understand that every relationship is temporary, subject to cessation, and constantly changing. It's going to end someday. Most things in life are out of our control. If we can be at peace with those things, that alleviates a lot of sources of worry. We identify with other people's bodies and minds as if somehow they belong to us. The phrasing we use—my partner, my children, my parents, my dog—implies ownership. If we identify with something, there's possessiveness and a wish to control it. Challenge that unrealistic expectation. Other people and things don't actually belong to us. Even this body and this mind are mainly out of our control, to say nothing of other people's bodies and minds.

If we use wisdom to reflect and understand the nature of people, relationships, and the reality we create through our projected perceptions, we realize there's really nothing to worry about. Things may happen in the future that are unpleasant. So what? Unpleasant things have happened our whole life. Have we made it through? Have we survived? Is it sometimes difficult? Sure, but we make it through, and the future will probably be the same. Take the energy of that fear, look at it, and challenge it: "If that actually happens, would I still be able to survive, continue, and grow?" Sometimes it's the most difficult situations where we grow the most. If we can be at peace with the subject of what we're worrying about, it takes all of the energy away from that fear. It doesn't have the power to control us anymore.

But it's difficult to develop wisdom if our minds are very scattered and agitated. This leads to the third recommended strategy: meditative calm. It is so helpful to be able to develop this skill. Even if you're meditating today and it feels like most of the time you were thinking, if you have a short amount of time during meditation or throughout the day where you feel mindful, present, centered, and grounded, that's good. If you can just take a few deep breaths before your mind starts to spin out again, that's a start. It's a skill we all have the ability to develop. Generally, our wisdom will go as deep as our level of meditative calm. It's also a way to overcome worry at any given moment, because a mind of worry cannot simultaneously coexist with a mind of calm contentment. So if you just take a few deep breaths and feel a moment of contentment and calm, that at least breaks the cycle. It starts to break the habit, and the more we do that, the better.

The fourth strategy is to look at our lifestyle. Sometimes there are practical changes we can make to live a lifestyle which is going to be less conducive to worry. If we're regularly doing things that are illegal, we might worry more! Or if there are certain ways we relate to other people that are conducive to worry, we could change that. Taking responsibility for things can create a life which is less conducive to worry. Even if the changes we make don't seem to make a big difference, just knowing that we've made an effort and truly tried our best makes it easier to accept whatever happens in the future. Once we have that acceptance, we don't tend to worry anymore.

These four strategies can be applied to pretty much any situation or whatever fears might arise. It takes a while; you can't just say, "Now I've got the answer," and suddenly your mind is calm and free of worry. They have to be applied again and again.

One thing that helped me a lot to overcome worry was a practice I did when I was a monk called tudong^[3]. It comes from the Pali word dhutanga, which means ascetic practice. Real tudong meant I would take, say, a month and go to a distant location and give myself a month to get back to the monastery. But I would have no money—we weren't allowed to have money. We weren't allowed to store food, so I didn't have any food. I didn't have a vehicle, and most importantly, I didn't have any fixed plans. Having a bunch of places lined up where you're going to stay gives the illusion of security and the delusion that you know what's going to happen in the future. So I determined: no plans, no money, no food, and I didn't know where I was going to stay.

If my mind was conducive to worry, going on tudong would not be fun at all. It would just be, "Oh my God, where am I going to sleep? Am I going to have food tomorrow? How am I going to get anywhere?" I realized pretty quickly I had to learn how to trust. Trust that if my intentions were good, then I would trust in the results that came from that. That's the basic law of kamma^[4]. You can phrase it in different ways: if you do the right thing, the universe will look after you, or if you look after the dhamma^[5], the dhamma will look after you.

I realized that almost everything was out of my control in that situation, but one thing I did have at least an illusion of control over was my intentions. I could keep generating wholesome intentions: What is my purpose? Why am I here? What am I doing this for? Clarifying and purifying that, and then learning to accept whatever results came from it. Some would be pleasant, some unpleasant. What I found was that I never went hungry. I had some strange combinations of meals sometimes, but I never went hungry. I always had a place to stay somewhere, even if it was usually outside. I always got back to the monastery, and I had the greatest experiences that no amount of trip planning could have imagined.

If I had tried to control everything by planning it all out, it would have been much less enjoyable. By not doing that, I had the most amazing synchronicities happen. Every day I would wake up and say, "Okay, which direction do I go today? I'm going to wait for a sign or something to happen." Sometimes it would just be meeting someone who would say, "Oh, you can come this way if you want," or, "I'll give you a ride here." What I found is that when I wasn't trying to control the future and I wasn't worrying about it, life was the best. It was so much better than normal.

Of course, once I got back to the monastery, I had many responsibilities and schedules, so I couldn't always live like that. But this lesson of how to trust seemed to carry on—really trusting that if my intentions are good, I'll trust in the results. I did that practice every year.

So, give it a try sometime. The basic idea is that it is possible to overcome worry. If you put your trust into something larger, good things come from that and things work out okay. I offer this for your reflection this morning.

Q&A

Question: Thank you for your talk. Do you have any books that you've written or that you would recommend regarding what you've been talking about this morning?

James Morrison: Not specifically on this subject. I have written some books and articles, but mostly on samatha^[6] and vipassana^[7], not specifically on overcoming worry.

Question: I don't believe in worry. I've practiced not worrying for many years, and having confidence in my intentions really helps me not to worry. Regarding your month-long trip, if someone offered you a ride in a vehicle, were you allowed to take it?

James Morrison: Oh yeah, I could accept. I didn't have to walk the whole way, so it might take longer than a month otherwise.

Audience Member: When I was in my twenties, my husband and I hitchhiked through Europe. We didn't know exactly where we were going, we just went from day to day and place to place, and it was really lovely. I agree with you, worrying is useless—not that I don't do it, but it's counterproductive.

Question: That was really relevant to me, thank you. But I think in general, women tend to worry more than men. I think it's in a mother's nature to make sure that safety and things are taken care of. How do you strike that balance between being prepared and not worrying? Sometimes you prepare because you're worried.

James Morrison: When I would go off traveling around Asia, my mother would say, "Oh, I'm really worried." I'd say, "Don't worry," and she'd respond, "I'm a mother, I have to worry." Which isn't true, but I couldn't really stop her because her worry was tied up with caring and love.

How do you separate the destructive aspect of fear and worry from care, love, being responsible, and preparing? Of course, we need to make plans and contingencies to do our best and be responsible. But there's a big difference between being responsible and constantly worrying about what could go wrong. If our minds get in a habit of always seeing the negative and potential problems, that becomes how we see the world. It feels like there's always a big problem right around the corner. Many people base their actions and their whole lives on fear—fear of what other people think, fear of not pleasing our parents, so many types of fear. We have to separate that out clearly. I don't know what it's like to be a mother, but you can develop the nurturing, caring, loving side of things without the worry. Give it a try.

Question: I'm a mama too, and what was coming to me is that the art and dance of mothering is setting things up with good intentions and the trust that you spoke of. We manage a lot—ourselves, our little ones, our spouses. There's a lot of control going out. My twins just turned 16, and my journey has been arranging, offering, and then releasing. Making the choice not to fall into worry, but to instead embody trust and give energy to faith. Knowing that at every turn, the wave is going to be exactly as it needs to be. I practice that every day. I go tumbling constantly, but it certainly helps to abort the worry. You can't stop the worry completely, but you can ride it a little better.

Question: I try to look at it a little bit more logically. One of my biggest fears has been ending up a bag lady, so financial security, especially getting closer to retirement, has always been a big concern. I break it down into concrete steps that I can take, like using certain index funds and Roth investments. And then after taking action on the things you can control, you just have to acknowledge that there are things you can't control, like the market or politics. You can get involved in campaigns, but you cannot control how other people vote. The meditation helps you learn that you can't control everything. I think giving up that control is important.

James Morrison: The longer I practice, the more I realize the things that I can't control get bigger and bigger. Even my intention is sort of an illusion of free will rather than actual control.

Question: Being older and practicing for a while, I worry much less, and it's wonderful. Worry cancels out any sense of adventure toward life. When I don't worry about a situation, a sense of adventure replaces it. It's like, "This is going to be interesting to see what happens," instead of clinging on and being on the lookout all the time. When I have periods of time without worry, it's so relaxing.

James Morrison: Yes, life is an adventure. We don't really know what's going to happen. Even if we are very responsible and competent, things could go all sorts of different directions. Treat it like a big tudong.

Question: Is it human nature to worry? Like blood pressure going up, the idea is to really come back to that baseline fairly quickly rather than just saying, "Don't worry."

James Morrison: Worry can be completely eradicated through wisdom. You can say that worry is human nature, but you can also say that anger, delusion, and greed are human nature. That doesn't mean we have to live by those principles or be complacent about them. We can overcome those things by focusing on their opposites—selflessness, non-anger, and wisdom—which are also human nature.

If a habit is not conducive to happiness, we don't have to follow it, and the habit will get weaker. When we see the positive feedback of not worrying—feeling more at ease, recognizing blessings, feeling more content—it becomes easier to break the habit. But certainly, whenever worry arises, try to catch it quickly. That's the first strategy: mindfulness and clear awareness. Before your blood pressure gets too high, take a few deep breaths or do a quick reflection: "This isn't really mine, it's out of my control." Come back to being centered and balanced. The more quickly we can do that, the better.

Question: I was at an event with the Dalai Lama, and he was talking about an Ani^[8] in Tibet who had been tortured. He burst out crying, but then he calmed down. I was very surprised that he would show his emotions like that. Is that normal, or should he not have cried?

James Morrison: The Dalai Lama can do whatever he wants! [Laughter] There's nothing wrong with showing emotions. Love, loving-kindness, and compassion are all emotions too. We're just trying to emphasize the wholesome emotions that lead to happiness and peace for ourselves and everybody else. In a situation like that, he has a lot to worry about—representing his whole country and culture, threats against his life, his Sangha members being tortured. It's very painful to reflect on that, so it's not surprising that it touched him deeply.

Question: Regarding going without money on tudong, do you think the amount of worry changes based on the society you are in? You're basically describing a homeless person, and I feel like in America they have more struggle than in Asia where people might be more willing to help. Was your experience different based on where you were?

James Morrison: I went on tudong sometimes in Asia, which has certain benefits and drawbacks, but most of my tudong was in New Zealand—a Western, non-Buddhist country. I would go to remote places where they had never seen a real Buddhist monk before. You'd think they wouldn't feed you because they have no idea what you're doing. But we had to adjust slightly according to the culture. We're not allowed to ask for anything, so I would just stand silently in front of the grocery store.

It helps if you have a shaved head and a monk's robe. That's an archetype people can tune into. They'd recognize a spiritual person of some type. Often they would want to give me money, and I would say, "Thank you very much, but we're not allowed to accept money. We can only accept offerings of food." More often than not, they would say, "Oh, well just wait, I'll get you something inside," and they'd pop a sandwich or an apple into my bowl on their way out. This was a slight adjustment from Thailand, where people know exactly what you're doing when you walk with your bowl in the early morning.

But I think that's a good example. If you just listened to your fears—fears that people won't recognize what you are, that you'll go hungry, that people might harass you—you wouldn't do it. You'd miss out on some of the best experiences. None of that happened. It was 99% positive experiences. I met people who would never come to Buddhist meditation retreats, had fantastic conversations, and felt like I was really touching people. It was wonderful in every way. Even in any society, if you can really put yourself out there with the right intention, it's going to be a learning experience one way or another.

Question: Could you repeat the four strategies?

James Morrison: Sure.

1. Clear awareness: Recognizing when worry is present.
2. Active wisdom: Using reflection to truly understand the nature of the subject we're worrying about.
3. Meditative calm: It's difficult to have clear reflection if our mind is very scattered. If our mind is calm, our reflection has an opportunity to sink in deeply and be transformative.
4. Lifestyle changes: Making practical changes in how we live that are less conducive to worry arising.

Question: I have a really petty question. Why was the cousin trying to kill the Buddha?

James Morrison: Sangha politics, office politics! [Laughter] His cousin was a talented meditator, but he was unenlightened. He got the idea that he should be the leader of the entire monastic Sangha. He had a following which bolstered his delusion, and he thought if he just killed the Buddha, he would be the one to take his place and lead the community. So be grateful for all your cousins who aren't trying to kill you! [Laughter]

Okay, maybe we can bring it to a conclusion then. Thank you for inviting me, nice to see you today.