Guided Meditation: Available; Dharmette: Wise Listening (2 of 5) Listening to What is True.

This is an AI-generated transcript from auto-generated subtitles for the video Guided Meditation: Available; Wise Listening (2 of 5) Listening to What is True.. It likely contains inaccuracies, especially with speaker attribution if there are multiple speakers.

The following talk was given by Gil Fronsdal at Insight Meditation Center in Redwood City, CA on September 05, 2023. Please visit the website www.audiodharma.org for more information.

Guided Meditation: Available

Hello everyone, and welcome to IMC, into our meditation together.

As we begin, I want to mention that the attitude with which we meditate might be more important than how we meditate, or the specific meditation practice we do. If we do a practice that is striving, we are just developing more striving. If we do a meditation practice that has a lot of focus on myself as a "good meditator" or a "capable meditator," we might just be developing more preoccupation with self. If we do meditation half-heartedly, we might be cultivating more half-heartedness in our lives. But if we do a meditation practice wholeheartedly, as if each moment is arriving, each moment is fulfilling the purpose of meditation. So we're not ahead of ourselves, not trying to make something happen, but cultivating more a deep groundedness, a deep settledness here in this experience. Then we're developing that for ourselves: a way of being at home in this moment.

And if we meditate with the attitude of deep listening—that we're here to listen to ourselves in a deep way—then we cultivate a number of things. We cultivate listening, we also cultivate respect, and we cultivate an openness that allows something inside of us to reveal itself.

If we're with a friend who's quite shook up about something and not really ready to speak, we just sit with them. We walk with them, we bring them tea, and we attend to them. We're present for them, but we don't push them to speak. If someone has something very important to say but they can't find the words, they're challenged, or it's difficult emotionally to start speaking, then again we don't push them. We sit with them, and we're available. We're attentive, waiting, ready for when they want to speak. And then eventually, our friend begins speaking.

So it is something similar with ourselves. What's deeper in us, the deeper truths about who we are and what's going on, might be shy. They might be quiet. They might need us to be quiet so we can hear. Also, what's deeper in us might not be ready to reveal itself to us until we have the right attitude of acceptance, openness, or non-assertiveness. We must be available in a wholehearted listening. We're not coming with our judgments and expectations and desires, or perhaps even with our fears. All those are allowed to settle for an attitude of availability.

So, assume a meditation posture. Perhaps find some way of elongating your spine a little bit, or maybe elongating a little bit in the neck and letting the chin tuck down a little bit towards the chest. And then, either lower your gaze or close your eyes. Let the eyes be relaxed. There's no need to be looking at anything, searching for anything. The eyes can rest in their sockets.

And now, taking some deep breaths, listen. Feel your way to the beginning of the inhale. Where in the body is the first indication that you're going to breathe in, the first movement? Where's the first indication you're going to exhale, the beginning of that movement? And where does the exhale end? What is the last sensation that characterizes exhaling?

And now, from the beginning of the inhale to the end of the inhale, breathing in deeply, connecting to your body from the inside, feeling the expansion of the torso. And let there be a lengthy exhale, all the way to the end of the exhale. Breathing in deeply and fully, and relaxing on the exhale. Letting your breathing return to normal, and for the next three or four breaths, continue settling in on the exhale, relaxing.

On the exhale, relaxing the thinking mind. Softening the mind, and then settling into breathing. Without any concern for anything that's before or after one inhale. Without any concern for anything that's before or after the exhale. It is as if each breath, no matter how comfortable or uncomfortable it is, is arriving here. Here is the destination.

To be with each in-breath and out-breath, it's not the beginning of a process of meditation; it's the completion of it for that moment, in that breath. With each inhale, you arrive in the present moment. With each exhale, you arrive here and now. To be content with that, as if that's the fullness of it all.

And then, to the degree to which you're here with each breath, here in the moment, see if you can have an attitude of being available to whatever wants to reveal itself deep inside. What do your depths want to say, and how can you listen?

Nothing more to do but to be here, available to hear, sense, and feel what is here.

And then, coming to the end of the meditation, taking a short period here to maybe let go of whatever meditation you've been doing, and instead just to listen deeply to yourself. If you're available quietly, not searching, not trying, not looking for something, just available for yourself—what shows itself to you? And might it feel good for how you are to be received and known in the simplest possible way? Hello. To be as you are.

And may it be that what we learn about listening to ourselves, being available to hear, feel, and discover how we are in some deep way—may it be that we can apply this to others. We could learn to do it in our relationships: to be listeners, to be present, to be available for them, so that what's in them, in their depths, can have space, can be accepted, can be known, even if they don't tell us. Maybe it's good for them to have this respect and care.

And may it be that the benefits of our mindfulness, our ability to be present, serves for the welfare and happiness of the world. May all beings be happy. May all beings be safe. May all beings be peaceful. And may all beings everywhere be free.

Thank you.

Dharmette: Wise Listening (2 of 5) Listening to What is True.

Good morning everyone, and welcome to the second talk on wise listening. It's really a fantastic thing to become a listener—to listen well to ourselves, to listen well to others. I want to read a poem by a Japanese poet named Shinkichi Takahashi^[1]:

I don't take your words merely as words. Far from it. I listen to what makes you talk, Whatever that is, And me listen.

So, it's not just listening to what people have to say. Certainly, that's important, especially if they want us to understand, but it's also listening to what makes them speak. What's the motivation? What's the underlying inspiration or movement to speak? Because there is the message of the words, and also there's the message of what's making a person say what they're going to say. Is it the movement to feel more connected to you, or is it a movement to pull away, to avoid you? Is it a movement to praise themselves^[2] and get affirmation? Or is it a movement to apologize for themselves and to somehow make themselves smaller in relationship to you?

Is it because they want to get something from you, or is it because they want to support you and see what they can offer you? Are they saying what they're saying so that they feel safer with you, or feel a sense of friendliness or connection? Or are they saying what they want to say because they want to be safe and they're trying to create some safety? The list can go on and on. But if we are only taking the literal meaning of the words into account, we might actually be missing a huge part of what's really happening in the conversation.

So, to go along with the teaching last week on Right Speech^[3], where the second criterion for Right Speech is, "Is it true?"—so for wise listening, what's most true here? What's really true? Sometimes the literal meaning of the words people speak might be true enough, but not really the truth that needs to be expressed—really the truth of what's happening here for the person.

If a person is praising you, it might feel nice, and you might get distracted by the niceness of the praise. But if you listen to what's behind the praise, maybe people feel insecure and they're looking for some way to make themselves safe in your presence. Because if they praise you, you'll relax and not threaten them. If that's what's true under the words, that's a powerful and important truth to recognize. And if we care for them and offer them genuine care, then we take that into account, and maybe the praise is not that important. What's important is that we show them that they have nothing to fear with us.

If what they want is to manipulate us to get something, that's actually important to see. That's actually more true than the words. The words might actually be deceptive. And so if what's true is they're trying to trick us into getting something from us, then if we know that, how do we care for them? Do we simply cut them out and say no, or avoid them? You can also keep asking more deeply: what drives them to want to try to get something from me? Are they afraid? Are they insecure? Are they poor and desperate? What's happening for people? This idea of listening for what's most true in others is a powerful gift we give to people.

What is most true for this person, here, now? Going under the words, going deeper—what is most true? My suggestion, and the assumption or theory that I operate under, is that if you can find what is most true in yourself, and most true in others, you discover beauty. You discover something precious. Just whatever is tender^[4], something that is easy to love, or care for, or be generous towards.

Even when people have the worst behavior and horrible words of hate, if we can listen, if we can be present enough behind the hate, behind those words, behind the attitude of hate that's there, we might ask: what is most true at the depths of who they are? I'm not saying this is universal at all, but what comes to mind right now is that we might find that even though the person is a grown-up, we find a scared three-year-old. Somehow, no one ever cared for that fear, and it never got resolved. The hate is just an expression of trying to be safe, trying to have a temper tantrum to get attention or something. So again, I'm not assuming that all hate is this way. But this theory, this assumption that I like to operate under, is that if you go deep enough to find what's most true, you find something beautiful. I'm not going to claim that's always the case, but very often, if that's the assumption and we listen for it, then it has a chance to come forward. It has a chance to be discovered. If we don't have that theory, it may never be discovered.

So, to listen to what is most true. What is the most important thing here? What is the root of all this behavior that we hear and see? To listen, to be available, to sense. I love the idea of this kind of listening being an availability, because we're not rushing people. We're not necessarily probing to get to the bottom, unless they're asking us, "Can you help me explore something?" It is just this deep sense of availability.

And the lesson of that kind of listening and availability is that we can be complete. We can be at ease. We can be at home in this world in that availability, which is available for what's here. We're not anxious about what's here^[5], or greedy for what's here, or expecting something, or wanting it to be different. There's something very powerful about just feeling and sensing, "Oh, this is good."

I saw this when I was raising young children—how significant the attitude of the adults around them was. If the adults were anxious, they were somehow teaching the kids that the world is a dangerous place and you should be anxious. But the parents who, even when things were difficult and challenging, had a sense of being at ease and at home here, taught the children this lesson: "Oh, this world is a place where I can feel at home. I can feel at ease even when there are challenges." So this idea of listening, available as if there's nothing else we need to do, and we're just content and happy to be present and available here and be a listener—I think it's medicine for many people to do this. To listen for what is most true.

I believe that to do that well, we have to also have done that for ourselves: to listen, to hear, to sense what is most true here. Not to do it searching into the future, but more as arriving here and being available, so what's deep inside of us stops being shy, or feels it's okay to come forth and reveal itself. So it's creating in ourselves an attitude of welcome availability to ourselves and to others.

If these words about listening today seem interesting for you to experiment with during the day, you might be a little bit wise about the time to do it. Don't automatically do it everywhere you go, with all conversations you have. But you might see what happens if, in your mind, you ask yourself the question: "What is most true here, under these words, behind these words that this person is speaking? What is most true? What's making them say what they're saying?" Don't be probing, and don't be a microscope staring at them. Rather, be available to sense and feel. Be available. If you're really asking that question and are available, maybe something will be revealed. You don't have to figure it out.

So, thank you very much. I will look forward to tomorrow, and thank you.