Happy Hour: Pillars of Joy (1/8) - Perspective III

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The following talk was given by Nikki Mirghafori at Insight Meditation Center in Redwood City, CA on October 03, 2020. Please visit the website www.audiodharma.org for more information.

Happy Hour: Pillars of Joy (1/8) - Perspective III

Introduction

Welcome to Happy Hour. It's lovely to see you all, to be with you in this moment in time. Whether it's afternoon, early evening, late evening, or morning—wherever you are, welcome. I'm excited to practice together. I've already sat earlier today, and I've been wanting to sit again. I thought, "Oh great, I'll get to sit with the Happy Hour sangha^[1]." So I'm really looking forward to sitting together.

In terms of the theme and the meditation for us to practice together, since we've been working through the theme of the Eight Pillars of Joy, let's continue with that. We've started with the first pillar, which is perspective. The perspective we have in life is the most important determinant of our happiness or unhappiness. We spent a couple of sessions already, on Monday and Wednesday, exploring perspective from different perspectives—I'll be redundant! There are so many different ways to still explore perspective. As we all know, there are not just two ways to bring a wholesome approach to cultivate kindness, compassion, mettā^[2], and karuṇā^[3].

I want to invite us to continue to explore that, yet in a different way tonight. There are so many nuances to these practices. I'll say a couple more words before launching into the guided meditation.

The next pillar is humility. The way we're exploring perspective today is by bringing perspective together with humility. It's a perspective of humility in order to cultivate mettā, kindness, and compassion for ourselves.

One thing to consider is that sometimes we might have to be wisely and kindly aware if we have a perspective of, "Oh, poor me. Everybody has a great life, everybody has it easy, and I'm stuck with these problems. I'm stuck with this challenge. Oh, poor me." It's a less-than perspective. Just notice if that comes up and don't try to squash it or have a conflictual relationship with it. Just realize, "Oh, here's the poor me narrative. Interesting to see that." The invitation there is to actually see our own abundance, to turn towards gratitude.

Similarly, there could be the sense of, "Oh, I have so many privileges in my life. I am so blessed. I have so many gifts. I don't deserve compassion. I mean, those poor other people, they need compassion, they need karuṇā, they need support. I don't need it. I shouldn't need it because I have so many things. Am I even deserving of wishing myself well? I need to serve others." There is a lack of humility in that. It is a lack of seeing the part that we play, the interconnectedness. The truth is that just like anyone else, we suffer. Just like anyone else, we have gifts and blessings. And just like anyone else, we're deserving of kindness and compassion. In fact, the Buddha said that if you search the whole world, you wouldn't find anyone more deserving of your own kindness, care, and love.

So the invitation for this practice today is to first settle in the body and the breath to till the soil with some calmness, then invite and cultivate care and compassion for ourselves with humility. We will tap into our strength, our abundance, and our blessings—which are plenty, no matter our circumstances—and also tap into the humility of our circumstances. Just like everyone else, we're not different. We could have been born as others; others could have been born just as us. To see that sameness is the invitation.

I've talked plenty, so I'd like to invite us now to get into our meditation posture.

Guided Meditation

If you need to move, if you need to lie down, if you need to shift posture... arriving and landing. Letting go of all the words, everything I said. Letting go of all of that. Letting go of all the thoughts, all the stories, all the preoccupations. Offering them up as if with humility, putting them on an altar. Lightening our heart and landing in this human body.

Landing in this human body with its sensations, with its vitality, with its pains and aches. In the raw, pulsating human body that is ours. This one. Nobody feels the sensations of this one. The sensations are intimately felt by this consciousness, right here.

Landing with the breath. Opening up to the sensations of the breath in the body. The abdomen opening up and receiving the breath. The abdomen receiving each breath as if greeting an old friend with jubilation, as if jumping up and down with happiness greeting the sensations of the breath that arise with the in-breath and the out-breath.

Letting yourself enjoy and relish the joy, the ease, and the calm of each breath. Noticing that if the mind feels happy and cocooned, it doesn't want to go anywhere. The thoughts, plans, and memories can just stay. Relishing, as if tucked in under a comfortable blanket. Soft with the breath and the sensations of the body.

Letting the body land and relax deeply with every out-breath that leaves. Every in-breath a jubilant greeting. Every out-breath relaxing and letting go.

Noticing if the mind is resting on a thought, an emotion, or a memory. It's okay. Just notice this is what minds do. Notice what it's resting on right now and gently invite it, with kindness, generosity, and ease, back. Inviting awareness back to rest, to be rejuvenated with the sensations of the breath and the body.

Bringing awareness to the lower body right now, as if you're receiving the breath in your lower abdomen, close to your sit bones, just above the groin area.

Now, I would like to invite you to bring to mind a compassionate being who, for you, represents unconditional love and acceptance. This could be someone in your life, alive or deceased, or it could be an archetype. A living human or an archetypal figure: the Buddha, Jesus, Mother Mary, the Dalai Lama. It could be a being of light, Divinity, Kuan Yin, or whatever being or image works for you. It could be the sun, sharing its light and life-giving energy benevolently, or even a well-rooted tree. Choose whomever or whatever works for you as your symbol of unconditional love and compassion.

Bring this being close to your heart, close to your mind's eye. Just for a minute or two, sitting and breathing. Just as you're receiving the breath in the body, see if you can receive the breath in the center of your chest, your heart center. Relax. Sitting in the presence of this loving being awakens something in your heart. It doesn't have to be specific; just receive the breath in your heart center, feeling the presence of this being in your mind's eye.

Notice if, just sitting and breathing with this unconditionally loving and compassionate being, there's a sense of ease, safety, relaxation, or gladness in your body. If there is, welcome it. Invite it to grow. If there isn't, it's okay. Keep sitting with this compassionate image and breathe. Letting yourself soak in their presence.

Letting your heart relish and delight in being in the presence of this completely compassionate, loving being who sees you and holds you with unconditional acceptance and care. Regardless of anything you need to do or have done. Just receiving and breathing in this presence.

And now, appreciate that this compassionate being holds you with unconditional care and love. There's nothing you have to do, act, or say to deserve it; it's just offered. Your body can relax, your heart can relax. You're fully seen. All your gifts, all your challenges, fully seen and loved just the way you are.

Now, I'd like to invite you, in the presence of this being, to step out of yourself, a few feet away. Share a challenge that you're experiencing with this compassionate presence, but tell the story using your name—not "I" and "me," but using your name or your appropriate pronoun. Tell the story of the challenge from a third-person perspective, sharing it in the presence of a loving, compassionate being, feeling safe.

As you're telling the story, realize that the compassionate being is holding the you having the challenge with utter compassion, utter love, and care. You are completely deserving of love and care. As you watch yourself telling the story, the love and compassion of the compassionate being awakens your own care and love for yourself.

Both you and the compassionate being are gazing with compassion, holding the challenge that you're going through with care and big-heartedness. Holding this third person that is you with complete compassion and care. Not overwhelmed, because you feel the strength. You're fed by the strength and stability of the compassionate being. Their love and care is a source of strength.

Holding the challenge with care, love, utter affection, and tenderness without feeling overwhelmed. Feeling the strength in your heart and your abdomen with the breath, empowered by the unconditional love. Stability, strength, care, love, and tenderness all at the same time.

Now, for the last minutes, invite other beings around the world who are having the same challenge, who have had the same challenge, or who will have the challenge you're experiencing. Bring all of them into your heart in the presence of this loving, compassionate being. Both you and the compassionate being holding your challenge and their challenge with love and care. Wishing ease, wishing goodness in the midst of this sorrow, pain, and challenge for all of you, for all of us. Each of you may have a different gender identity, color, race, age, social status, etc., yet you share this bond. You suffer in the same way. You are the same in this respect. It's not so personal.

Letting go of any judgment for what this 30 minutes of meditation was or wasn't. Appreciating yourself for having shown up. "Thank you, me, I showed up."

Thank you for your practice, everyone.

Reflections and Q&A

I will change the settings now. If you'd like to share any reflections in chat or unmute yourself, you're welcome to.

I'll share something from my own practice. I noticed how just sitting in the presence of the compassionate being was joyous. A sense of ease, calm, and happiness arose just in the simplicity of that. If any of this practice, or any shift in perspective—even for a moment—worked for you, know that it's available to you. You can do this anytime in the privacy of your own home. You don't have to wait for Happy Hour. You can conjure up the compassionate being, sit in their presence, breathe with them, and conjure up all the beings who suffer with you in the same way.

Bill offers in the chat, "So humility is recognizing similarity to others."

There are so many different ways to explore humility, Bill. This is not the only one. I wouldn't say it's strictly equal to it; I would say this is one way through it. There are many doors to the temple. We'll explore more dimensions of humility next time. In the way we explored it today, it's the sense that you're not more than or less than. You're just human, just like everyone else. Recognizing common humanity is one aspect. Next time we'll explore interdependence as another dimension of humility. Stick around for that.

Neil offers, "At peace, overflowing with compassion." Lovely.

Any other reflections you'd like to share? Any questions, complaints, or anything new?

Holly says, "I had difficulty imagining people having the same issue/experience as me. I managed to do it, but it seemed there was some attachment to my issue being unique and personal to me."

I appreciate you saying that, Holly. I have one question for you: Did you also come on Monday? I did a very extensive meditation on imagining other people then, so today I did a very shorthand version, perhaps presuming that people had already established that foundation. Was this practice new to you?

Holly: Yeah, it was new for me.

Got it. So that was my presumption there. I would suggest, if you have the time and inclination, please listen to the meditation from Monday, which is the first perspective we did. I really explore this there. Send me an email through my website if you listen to that and still find the same attachment to the uniqueness of your issue.

Participant: Nikki, I wanted to share a story which I think is relevant. I was very fortunate to have gone to a world-famous therapist here in New York. He used to join in the group sessions, and we'd all go around talking about the misery we were in and how awful things were. He would occasionally say, "Yes, we're all fallible human beings." This was a man who was globally recognized as one of the best in his field ever. It was just so real, so authentic to him. I learned so much from him about the human condition.

Yeah, it's the human condition. We all suffer in different ways. We imagine everybody else has it all together, but we all suffer. It's just part of human existence.

Phil asks, "Where do these eight pillars of joy come from?"

Good question. This is actually coming from a book called The Book of Joy^[4] by the Dalai Lama and Archbishop Desmond Tutu. I trust this is a Tibetan teaching. As we go through it, you'll recognize all of these concepts in Theravada^[5] too. I think the Tibetans have packaged it in a nice way. Given how much suffering there is in the world right now, I think we can use joy. Turning our attention to what can support joy—hence this series.

Community Reflections

Before it gets too late, let's go into our practice meetings together in small groups. The invitation for the small groups is to show up as you are. Show up with a sense of compassion, holding yourself from this third-person perspective—this being that you are who suffers just like anyone else. Show up with the humility of, "Hello, dear human beings. Yes, we are in this together." You can share as little or as much as you want. Take care of your heart. You can say very little and just hold compassionate presence for yourself and others, or share whatever you want. Show up with heartfulness and care for yourself and your fellow human beings who suffer just like you.

I'll open the breakout rooms now. If participating tonight is not right for you, it's completely understood. But I hope you don't sign off just out of fear, because these practice meetings are such a rich opportunity to practice and be together. Give me one moment to organize the groups. Here we go, dear ones, they're open.

[Breakout rooms commence and conclude]

Welcome back everyone, the rooms are closed. I heard "super sweet!" as soon as the rooms closed—I think it was Michael on the phone! Sometimes when the rooms close, people on the phone get transferred and the automatic mute doesn't happen, so it was really nice to accidentally hear the words "super sweet!" [Laughter]

It's 7:00, but I would love to hear at least one comment about how your practice in the groups was. Is there something really juicy that came up for you?

Nancy: It always impresses me, Nikki. I talked to somebody from Australia and somebody from Boston. I'm so thrilled that through IMC our world has expanded this much.

Thank you, Nancy, and I know you're in California! Someone from Australia, someone from the East Coast, and here in California. This just makes my heart expand too. This is one of the gifts of COVID-19. There are many challenges and difficulties, but this interconnection we're feeling has definitely been a huge gift. Thanks for bringing that up.

Gita: Connected me more deeply in five minutes than with some people in 50 years.

Wow, thank you, Gita. I see other people are nodding their heads. That gives me chills. The power of connection! When our hearts are open, amazing things can happen.

Let's wrap up. Mary Christian, regarding your question about the new Zoom ID for each sit—no, the Zoom ID actually is the same. We have just had to introduce a password. All of you have the password because you're here: it's "mettā" (m-e-t-t-a). We might put the password in the calendar link going forward so you won't have to type it, but it's the same Zoom address.

Susan: I just want to say it was really amazing for me. I thought it started at 7:00, so when I jumped in you were almost done with the meditation. But it was so powerful for me because that connection I felt—and I said that in my small group—just gave me so much peace. I was feeling emotional pain and thinking, "Oh shoot, I'm so late." But I noticed how much connection it gave me in that short moment of you doing the very last part of the meditation. It does so much good just to be connected with others and knowing you're not alone.

Thank you for sharing that, Susan. It's the human condition. Even though you came at the end, coming into this space—this special space co-created by everyone—makes a difference. If you want, you can go back and listen to the full meditation on YouTube shortly.

Thank you all for joining and sharing your practice. We don't do this practice just for ourselves; we do it for all beings whose lives we touch. Directly and indirectly, in our wildest imaginations, we have no idea how our practice can support others. Be open to that possibility.

May all beings be happy, joyful, well, and free—which includes all of us. Love you guys. See you on Monday.