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Thanksgiving

Well, tonight we have a surprise guest speaker. I was surprised when I got a call at 5:30 that our regular guest speaker wasn't able to be here tonight, so Hillary asked me if I would fill in. So I started putting a few thoughts together about what to talk about tonight. And not only what I want to talk about tonight, but I'm hoping that I'll be able to hear from at least some of you tonight as well.

As you know, in a couple of days, it'll be Thanksgiving. It's a national holiday. We're obviously not the only nation that engages in thanksgiving. I've thought about thanksgiving a lot in my life. I started out thinking that thanksgiving, or giving thanks to other people, was sort of a social nicety, kind of an obligation that I'd have when I would get clothes for Christmas instead of toys or tools, both of which I really liked.

So I started out with a certain sense of thanksgiving as being a little bit artificial, a social ritual or something. But I think particularly when I came to the Dharma, I started to recognize the ways in which I'm supported by so many people, living and no longer living, and that thanksgiving, in a way, is a recognition of that connection with all of the people, primarily people that support me in my life. So if I go sort of quasi-chronologically...

I give thanks for my parents. They both took care of me in many ways that I didn't really appreciate or feel grateful for at the time necessarily, but they kept me fed, they kept me housed, they kept me clothed, and they kept me educated. I was in school from the age of three, in preschool, all the way through graduate school when I was 29. So I got a lot of years of education, and through that all, my parents supported me. Some financially, but mostly just by encouraging me. They knew that this was something worth pursuing. Even though, as a chemistry graduate student, I'm sure they didn't understand what it was that I was learning, but they knew that it was something valuable, so they encouraged me that way.

And then, as I said, they made sure that I stayed healthy and fed, and also looked out for my spiritual well-being, not just my physical and intellectual well-being. They took me to church, which, as a young child, I didn't feel particularly thankful for. I could think of a lot funner things to do on a Sunday morning than put on a sports coat and get all dressed up with a tie and these uncomfortable clothes, and have to sit still for an hour. But they did instill in me a lot of qualities of heart and mind, of ethics.

If I go through what the Buddha considered were the foundations for practice, even before you start meditating: things like generosity—my parents were very generous. Virtuous, that sense of ethics, of treating other people fairly and kindly. Simplicity, renunciation; we didn't have a lavishly appointed house, it was fairly simple, but it was supportive and enjoyable. The need for paying attention. The need for exerting energy; getting strongly encouraged to get out of bed in the morning and face what the day had to offer. Patience, truthfulness, honesty, determination, goodwill towards others, and equanimity. So those are the ten paramis^[1] that the Buddha encouraged people to develop before they even started to meditate. I realized that as I looked at that list, those were all qualities that my parents encouraged in me and also modeled for me. So I feel real thankful. I didn't know that they were preparing me to be a Buddhist. Not that those qualities are by any means strictly owned by Buddhists; I think they are qualities that are probably valued in many, if not all, traditions.

And I'm thankful for the larger family that I had. My grandparents, we'd spend every Sunday night with them, gave us many books and experiences. My brothers and sisters, my aunt. I realized that I really had a, I'd say a, I don't know exactly how to say, a non-dysfunctional family. They're quite functional. [Laughter]

I'm thankful for the friends that I had. I've had a whole series of friends starting from before I started school, from kindergarten through grade school and high school. College brought me a whole another set of friends. Graduate school brought another set. Getting married brought me another set. Getting divorced brought me another set. Going to work, and then coming here, coming to IMC, has brought me in contact with a whole another set of friends and people who have supported me, have given me a sense of being appreciated, heard. Many friends have come and gone, and I've seen changes, to a certain extent, in the people that are around me, but I still have a friend from kindergarten that I've remained friends with for I don't know, 65 years now.

I'm thankful for my health. I've been fairly healthy, and when I haven't been, I've had the resources to get the needed procedures and surgeries for a detached retina and stents in my heart, things like that.

So those are some of the, I'll say, almost ordinary things of life that I feel thankful for, that I think everyone has had some experience with. But in addition to all of those things, I feel real grateful for this practice. This practice that the Buddha uncovered or realized, and passed down for approximately a hundred generations. I went through what's called the Refuge Class that's offered here every couple of years, and at the end of it there's a ceremony where Gil Fronsdal would hand each one of us a little parchment that had a list of—I don't know if it was an entire list of every single teacher, but kind of represented all of the teachers—going back approximately 100 generations to the Buddha.

So I can say that I'm thankful, first of all, that the Buddha decided, after he saw what was possible for a human being to realize and what level of freedom could be experienced, he had to make a choice. I think at first he didn't even believe that anybody could learn this. He figured this isn't even teachable. But he did, the story goes, have a discussion with an enlightened being, I think a god or a deva^[2], that he should teach. And because of that, he taught his students, and that got passed down and passed down and passed down and ended up with people like Gil and Andrea Fella, Joseph Goldstein, Jack Kornfield, and many other teachers.

And about, well, I guess it was almost 25 years ago that I came to IMC. I was 45 at the time. And even though I had quite a good life—I mean, as all of the things that I had described, I had been well supported, I had been well educated, I was in good health, I had a good job with NASA—and yet I recognized there was just some lingering dissatisfaction, something that I couldn't quite put my finger on. I couldn't quite tell you why I was dissatisfied. All the indicators were that you've got it together. But I knew that there was something off. There was some restlessness, some lack of peace or contentment.

And so when I walked into the IMC meetings, which at the time were in Palo Alto, the first talk I heard was Gil talking about the Four Noble Truths and talking about the truth of suffering. It was that night that I recognized I've come to the right place. This is the place to be. This guy is talking about exactly what I'm experiencing: this suffering. And not only that it's worth paying attention to, but that there's a cause for it, there's the possibility of the ending of it, and that there's this Eightfold Path. There are things to be done, to be cultivated, to be pursued in some ways, to bring an end to this suffering.

I can't tell you exactly how I came to IMC. Almost on a whim, somebody had told me about Spirit Rock, and from looking at their website I found a link to IMC. IMC happened to be ten minutes from my house. And so I came and I sat and I listened to Gil, and I saw, Oh, this is the practice. This is what I'm looking for. This is the kind of practice, the potentiality that I want to spend the rest of my life pursuing.

So it's hard for me to just express how much gratitude I have. Not only for Gil, who's a wonderful teacher and has really helped me a long way, but then all the other teachers that he exposed me to. I'd say about half the time he would give a talk on a Monday night, and about half the time it would be somebody from Zen Center, somebody from Spirit Rock, lay people, monastics. People from a wide range of backgrounds and experiences that presented the Dharma in ways that seemed very different and sometimes almost at odds with what I had heard the week before, but yet gave me a sense of just what the breadth of what practice can encompass.

So in some ways, coming to IMC 25 years ago brought an awareness to me of the first refuge: the Buddha. Not that I had developed anywhere near the level that the Buddha had, to be as free as he was able to become, but that that was a potentiality. The years and years of talks like this, the Monday night talks that I've been attending really for almost 25 years, except when I'm out of town. Books, sutta studies, residential retreats; there's just so many ways in which the practices that the Buddha taught have been presented to me and I've been mentored in. I'm grateful for all of those teachers and mentors.

The third refuge is the Sangha. And really, at first I didn't really recognize what... I thought the real important thing was the teacher, having a good teacher. I think after about the first six months that I was at IMC, I came up to Gil and I said, "You know, I really want to get ahead in this practice. I want to meet with you at least once a week or once every two weeks." And he didn't laugh, like you all are. [Laughter] I think he took me seriously, but it was also clear that he has so much that he does that that wasn't really a possibility. But what he told me was that one of his teachers at Zen Center—it might have been Mel Weitsman—had told him many years ago, when he sort of said the same thing to his teacher, that some large fraction of what you're going to learn, you're going to learn from your peers. You're going to learn from sitting with other people, like we are tonight, and talking about practice. What are you seeing? What insights are you having? What struggles are you having?

It was one of the things that was said to me over and over early in my practice when I was doing a lot of retreats: we don't do this practice for ourselves alone. There's some way in which nobody but us can sit and close our eyes and pay attention. I mean, there are things that we have to do, that only we can do. But the benefit of it and the result of it isn't limited to this being I call "me". There's very much an interaction between me and the other people that are part of my Sangha. At this point in time, there's three groups that I'm part of: there's one that meets once a month, one that meets every two weeks, and one that meets every week. In both the talking and the listening in those Kalyana-mitta^[3] groups is where a lot of the insight and the strengthening of qualities can occur, and a lot of the encouragement, a lot of the inspiration.

So that's Sangha. On this Thanksgiving week, I don't know whether it's karma or dumb luck that I was able to come across IMC when I did, right when I was looking for what it had to offer. But I'm really thankful for the teachers, the Sangha, and the teachers going all the way back to the Buddha.

The other thought that came to me this evening around Thanksgiving, and around recognizing and expressing gratitude, is that it's a little bit like a form of mindfulness. It's remembering those things that happened that support us, that have supported us maybe today, or yesterday, or earlier this week, or this month, this year, this lifetime. It's not necessarily a feeling, or just a feeling. Gratitude, I think, is also an ability, an ability to remember and recognize those things that support us and connect us with other people.

One of the practices that I've heard about in regards to gratitude is some people will keep a gratitude journal. They'll have a journal oftentimes next to their bed, and either just before they go to bed at night or maybe when they wake up in the morning, they write down things that they remember that they're grateful for, that supported them. It could be something like just the way somebody smiled at you today, some small gesture of goodwill, or whatever it is. That's one particular way that this quality, this strength of this muscle of gratitude, can be developed.

I think it's also helpful to not just recognize it internally, but also to express it verbally. I mean, maybe not all the time, but I've had this practice for about the last fifteen years of when I get food or get drinks from Starbucks or something like that, I always like to thank the person that's made whatever it was for me, and also give them a tip. But I'm often surprised at how surprised some people are when you just thank them for making you hot chocolate. Just that recognition that there's some connection there.

So that's as much as I've prepared for tonight, but I would like to offer each one of you the opportunity to express what you might be grateful for. You're not obligated to say anything, but this is your opportunity to just express, share with us something or some things that you can remember from today, or the last couple of days, or whatever length of time it is that you've been gifted. If you feel moved, raise your hand and Sveta will bring the microphone.

Community Sharing

Nancy: Thank you, Jim. First of all, I am thankful for your practice. It's a pleasure to be in the same Sangha with you and to practice with you. I think you're a great model for equanimity, and thank you for filling in for tonight. I did also want to say that I am grateful for my relationship with indigenous people, for whom this particular holiday is problematic. I extend my love and respect to them, and for the conflict it presents for them. I just want to recognize that on their behalf.

Jim Podolske: Thank you, Nancy.

Audience Member: Well, thank you also for the surprise talk. This is the fourth time I've been here to IMC on a Monday evening, and I'm happy I found it. I used to sit a long time ago at Kannon Do for a few years, but then I was looking for a place I could get to that was on the Caltrain. This was perfect, so I'm really enjoying it so far. Thank you.

Audience Member: I'm grateful to hear your talk and recognize the heritage that we've inherited, the lineage and the relationships that you've built and that are available. As I look at wanting to feel connected with friends and see the ones that are there for me—because there's been a death in the family—I really do have that need for people reaching out and those relationships. I know in this community that's the priority, relationships and growing together. To me, that's heartening, that it's a priority.

Audience Member: Thank you for your share. I have come on and off to IMC, and I happened to come Sunday, and both your share and that one were very connecting for me. Particularly, the concept of change came up, and I think the fall season is really one where we visually see change. I got a lot out of the realization that that's one thing that will always be happening. It gave me the insight to realize that there's a little struggle for me a lot of the time about change, and that if I can remain compassionate with my resistance, but then be aware of it, I can let it be exactly what it is. So thank you again, very nice of you.

Jim Podolske: Thank you. Thank you.

Audience Member: Thank you for a great session and also sharing your experiences. I'm very grateful to be here to be part of this group. In particular, when I see you, you remind me of Gregory Peck of Indian theaters, wearing a red top and black trousers—Dev Anand^[4]. Guide is one movie, based on an English novel, from 1965. I grew up in a rather modest setting where access to TV or entertainment was limited. But today, I am grateful that just with the click of a button on the internet, any child throughout the world, through the invention of the internet and cell phone technologies, can watch movies and musicals and songs featuring individuals like you and whatnot. In another movie, he goes on to talk about Buddha's preaching, Ahimsa Paramo Dharma^[5], and there also he is wearing this red top. What I am grateful for is for all the people around the world, all the children, that they have access to the internet and access to entertainment or music or movies or theater or news, by the invention of the internet. And also keeping the cost down so it's affordable for most people. If it is even more affordable and accessible, I will be even more grateful, being able to share that with other people. Thank you.

Jim Podolske: Thank you. By the way, Gregory Peck is my favorite actor, so that was quite a compliment for me.

Audience Member: Jim, thank you. In the meditation before this, I was sitting here and I have a lot of difficulty keeping on the object of meditation. My mind is often going off somewhere, and I guess lately I've become a little bit more equanimous about that. So when awareness comes back, I just note what's going on. In the meditation before this, when awareness came back, I was often thinking about how warm and cozy I felt, not just because I'm bundled up and wearing gloves, but also just feeling very secure in this place and with these people around me. So I'm very grateful for this place, of all the volunteers that help maintain it, and everybody that comes here to practice and sort of makes this a warm and cozy place spiritually as well.

Jim Podolske: Thank you. Thank you.

Lydia: Thank you. I like what you said and I want to echo that: the warm, fuzzy feelings here. Jim, I'm so impressed you got a phone call at 5:30—no, it's 7:30, you have to give a Dharma talk—that's a wonderful Dharma talk. Thank you. I appreciate how somebody said earlier all these service people, and always see Nancy sitting in front, and walking in, just so happy to see you, Nancy. Sveta is over there helping us to do the recording.

I cannot say more about Buddha's teaching because what each one of you shared is really touching. Each of us takes what can nourish us and help us to move forward in our life. To me, it seems like it takes layers. I have to get on a certain level to see there's additional teaching that I can comprehend. This environment, this IMC, is so precious. There's no pressure, it's very relaxed, so that we can be nourished and learn. I just so appreciate it. And thank you, Jim, for giving us this opportunity to reflect on what the Sangha offers to each of us. Everybody's different, and that's what's great about the Buddha. We learn, we practice, and we learn based on our own experiences. It's an inside-out, not an outside-in practice. Thank you.

Jim Podolske: Thank you, Lydia. We have a couple more minutes. Is there anyone else that would just like to say anything?

Sage: At the risk of being a little bit of a buzzkill, I wanted to say that I'm grateful for the folks here and out on YouTube who find it very difficult to go through the holidays, both Thanksgiving and the rest of the season. Those who find it difficult to remember when the last time they had something to be grateful about was, I just wanted to say that I'm grateful for you. In the Rinzai Zen tradition, there's a practice of looking at koans^[6], which are like sort of inscrutable puzzle questions. For a lot of us, these times kind of present themselves as a koan to work through. Yeah, and I hope you keep pushing to figure out what the answer is.

Jim Podolske: Thank you, Sage. There's a Tibetan teacher that I listen to every other Sunday, Anam Thubten, and the last talk from about two weeks ago was about welcoming what challenges us. So there's always the possibility of being thankful for the challenges. I think we don't always welcome them, but they hold potential.

Okay, well, thank you all. I've really enjoyed hearing what you had to say. Have a good week.