Guided Meditation: Listening; Dharmette: Wise Listening (1 of 5) Listening Deeply

This is an AI-generated transcript from auto-generated subtitles for the video Guided Meditation: Listening; Wise Listening (1 of 5) Listening Deeply. It likely contains inaccuracies, especially with speaker attribution if there are multiple speakers.

The following talk was given by Gil Fronsdal at Insight Meditation Center in Redwood City, CA on September 04, 2023. Please visit the website www.audiodharma.org for more information.

Guided Meditation: Listening

Hello everyone, and welcome. On this Monday morning in the United States, we are observing a holiday called Labor Day. It is a day to celebrate and appreciate all the people who offer innumerable labors for our well-being and the well-being of our society—to make everything run. So, I guess it is a time of gratitude. Thank you.

There is a metaphor for mindfulness—sometimes it is not just a metaphor, but an actual practice—and that is listening. Sometimes there is listening meditation, where rather than focusing on the body or focusing on breathing, the focus is on the sounds that are around. Some people find that it is more relaxing to be in the present moment with sounds. This is partly because with sounds, there is less of this idea of control, less of an idea of trying to make something happen, or some idea that we are supposed to have "better" sounds in order to listen.

Sometimes listening is a little bit outside of the ordinary flow of self-consciousness, of self-preoccupation, and the kind of self-conscious orientation we might have about how we go through our lives. That can relax and settle, and there can be a feeling of just receptivity. There is no defensiveness, no trying to justify or apologize, just allowing the sounds to come.

Listening can be intentional, but as we relax deeply, it becomes more about hearing. The difference between listening and hearing is that in listening, there is an active engagement. Hearing can occur without intending to hear; there are just sounds, and there is hearing. Moving from listening to hearing is also part of this relaxing.

As a metaphor, mindfulness practice is understood to be like listening, maybe sometimes in the form of sensing. The sensing that we do has that same quality of non-defensiveness and non-control, just allowing things to arise. There is also a movement from intentional sensing to the intentionality settling down and relaxing. We are not going anywhere else; we do not need to intend to sense because we are just resting in the sensing experience of the body or of the breathing. Some people find that the idea of listening deeply to what is within allows for a different sensitivity, a different curiosity. It is a different way of getting out of the way and being connected to subtle signals, subtle messages, and subtle experiences within.

We will use that metaphor today for meditation. Assume a meditation posture. We will start first with sounds and then listen within. Lower your gaze or gently close your eyes. Taking a few long, slow, deep breaths. Relaxing on the exhale—a long exhale.

Letting your breathing return to normal. Continue, as you exhale, to let your attention roam around your body to see where it feels good to soften and relax on the exhale.

Then, also bring the attention into the head, the center of the head, the area of the brain between your ears. Sensing and feeling whatever sensations there are in that area. If there is any tension, pressure, or agitation, on the exhale, soften and relax. If you don't feel that part of your body much, that's fine. Just relax around it, to soften, as if you are letting the mind, the brain, expand and open, and settle down.

And then open your ears to the sounds around you. Maybe on the inhale being receptive to sounds, even if they are the sounds of silence. On the inhale being receptive. On the exhale resting with the sounds, resting in the receptivity. On the exhale, relaxing the effort to try to listen or searching to hear sounds.

If you find yourself thinking, it is okay, but let go of your thoughts so you can create more room in the mind to listen. Not chasing sounds, just allowing whatever sounds want to come. Whatever sounds you hear—the sounds of my voice—we don't interfere with the sounds as they travel to the ear, as they are first heard in the air. We might have thoughts, judgments, and reactions to sounds, but that is a second step in the mind. The raw sound itself arrives and is there. Sounds are always in the present moment.

Then, if you'd like, you can continue with the sound meditation, the mindfulness of sound. Or, using the attitude of listening as a metaphor, settle into your body and listen to what's inside of you. Sense the body, sense the breathing, with the same non-interfering receptivity of listening. Let it be the raw sensations or breathing of the body. Without getting involved or reacting, stay close to the first step: just listening to the sensations, listening to the changing flow of sensations in the body.

Listening to sounds, listening to yourself. Let it be a very simple practice, as simple as it could possibly be. Just listening and nothing else.

And then coming to the end of this sitting. Gently take a few deeper breaths, relaxing on the exhale.

And now, listening metaphorically to the sounds of the world, to the suffering of the world. There is a saying in Buddhism about listening to the suffering of the world, the cries of the world. Not to do so with despair or anxiety, but as if listening is part of the medicine the world needs. The world needs people who listen deeply to what is happening, to be witnesses to the challenges. It needs us to have meditation practice be a foundation from which to listen and see in a caring way. First and foremost, to understand before we act, before we speak.

And even before we speak, to extend our well-wishing, our goodwill, out into the world. May all beings, with no exception, may all people, with no exceptions, be happy. Be safe. Be peaceful. Be free. And may our ability to listen to people well support the possibilities of the happiness and well-being of others. May our listening be of benefit to this world.

Dharmette: Wise Listening (1 of 5) Listening Deeply

Good day, and welcome to this Monday, the first talk of our next series. Following last week's discussion about wise speech, I would like to focus this week on wise listening. I thought it might be nice to use the same five guidelines for speech^[1] and apply them to listening: listen in a timely way, listen in a truthful way, listen in a nourishing or pleasant way—listen in a way that can really touch people's hearts, listening from the heart—and then listen in a way that is beneficial. Know how to listen in a beneficial way, and finally, listen with goodwill. So, that is what we will do.

Listening is both a practice in itself and a metaphor for practice. There are times when we are communicating where it is not literally listening. Some people are deaf, so it is not literally listening, but there are ways in which we receive into our lives, into ourselves, the communication that other people are providing. That could be with an email, sign language, or other ways that people communicate. There is something about being receptive to that in a deep way, where we are sensing, feeling, or observing in a deep way what is being communicated. It is sometimes said in therapy that a good part of successful therapy is the listening skills of the therapist. A good part of the skill of being a good friend is their ability to really listen to people.

Listening is also very closely associated with spirituality. The people who listened to the Buddha, his first disciples, were literally called the "listeners"^[2]—not followers, but those who listened. Back in the time of the Buddha, there was no written communication. There was no radio, TV, or monitors. All communication happened orally. People had to listen or use their mouths for all the news, knowledge, education, entertainment, music, songs, and poetry. They were received from someone speaking them. Knowing how to listen was essential, and I believe because of that, people listened in a different way 2,500 years ago. It wasn't like you could go look up a poem or teaching later to review it; you had to either memorize it yourself or go find someone who could recite it. To really listen deeply enough to hear it so that it goes deeply into the memory banks is actually an art, a skill that many people in the modern world have lost or never developed.

I believe in the Rule of Saint Benedict^[3], the Catholic order, the rules begin with the word ausculta, Latin for "listen." So, listening is something really, really significant. The qualities of listening that make it genuinely healing or beneficial arise when we can listen without asserting or inserting ourselves into the process. We let go of our agendas, our desires, our wants, and our rejoinders to the conversation. Often, we are full of what we think, raring to go like a thoroughbred at the start of a race, just waiting for the start button so we can speak. Instead, we hold back. We listen as if what we are hearing from someone else needs to be complete. We are interested in the whole thing in a deep way, letting it register, hearing almost as if we are listening between the lines.

There is a little story I've heard—maybe it is made up—of a man who is having trouble with his marriage. The therapist tells him, "You have to really listen to your wife." So, he does that, comes back the next week, and says, "Well, I listened, but nothing changed." The therapist replies, "You have to also listen to what's between the words—to what is not being said."

This ability to listen to the words, the feelings, the attitudes, the concerns, the history, and the context—there are so many things to really take time to feel and sense. That cannot be known if we rush to judgment or rush to speak.

In Buddhist mindfulness practice, listening can serve as a model or an example of what mindfulness can be. Mindfulness has similar qualities to listening: we are not asserting ourselves, and we are not inserting ourselves into the situation. We are receptive. We are taking the situation in deeply, letting it register, and feeling how it impacts us on many different levels—in our minds, in our hearts, maybe even in our bellies. We are really feeling, listening, and asking, "What's happening here?" We can do the same thing with another person. How is their expression coming from their background? How is it coming from their context in the world and society? Where is it coming from in the context of the joys and suffering of their life? How is it coming from their hearts? How is it coming from their belly, and what is happening for them? To listen deeply is a powerful thing to do.

For people who are undertaking mindfulness training and developing the capacity for mindfulness, this is a ready-made possibility for practice in communication, out in the world, and in relationships with others. If you want to develop greater mindfulness, simultaneously develop greater skills to listen.

There is a story in my book, The Monastery Within^[4], about a young person whose family moves away for a year to some distant country where there is a Buddhist monastery. The young person goes and learns about meditation, finding it very meaningful. But then, after a year, it is time to return to their own country where there is no Buddhism, no meditation, and no one seems to know anything about it. The young person asks the abbess, "Now that I go back to my home country, how can I continue my training in meditation?" The abbess says, "Ask around for the person who is the best listener in your community, and then learn from them."

Listening well is so akin to mindfulness; it is a way of developing mindfulness in daily life and in our relationships.

So, for today, the idea of being timely is to listen at the right time. Probably, it is always the right time to listen to someone deeply. But if we only listen to them and they are not interested in us or our response, at some point, of course, the time to listen is over.

Listening is not just listening passively, but listening actively. That is often the key to good listening: not being a passive listener who just lets people speak, but showing them that you understand them. Active listening often means you say, "Oh, I understand you're having trouble listening, and that's a challenge for you," or, "I understand you're having a lot of trouble at work. I hear that, and that must be hard." It involves just little things that show you are listening and attentive.

I have been a conflict mediator in my life alongside being a Buddhist teacher, and the one thing I've learned is that conflict gets resolved much faster if the parties in a conflict understand that they have been heard. Being heard means people have listened and understood. So, I think a nice guideline is that it is almost always the right time to listen.

There's a saying I've heard that goes, "God gave us one mouth but two ears so we can listen twice as much as we speak." You can probably adjust that saying in different ways, but the idea is to prioritize listening more than speaking. Because then, when you do speak, your speaking might be much more effective. You won't have to say as much, you won't have to repair as much, and you won't have to explain yourself or clarify as much. If you have listened well and really understood what is happening with others, then when you speak, it can be much easier to speak following the five guidelines for speech.

So for today, if you would like to practice this over the next 24 hours, look for opportunities to listen well. If you are mostly alone but listening to a podcast or the radio, that is actually an interesting place to train in listening in a good way. Watch your mind. See what you are doing as you listen. How much are you losing yourself and losing some deeper way of listening? How much are you judging or reacting and losing a deeper way of listening—listening below the words that are spoken, or to the fullness of what is being said?

It could be just listening to something on the news. That is a particularly useful place to practice, because the news is often presented in a way designed to hook us in or get a reaction from us. Try to listen in a deeper way; listen to politicians in a deeper way. But also listen to your friends, your coworkers, and your neighbors. See what it is like to listen in such a way that the people you are listening to understand that they are being heard, before you come back with your rejoinder. Of course, this doesn't always apply if there is just a fun, light back-and-forth that is playful. But anytime there is a slightly more serious conversation, listening deeply is a wonderful practice.

Thank you very much, and I look forward to tomorrow.