Happy Hour: Practicing Metta as Generosity

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The following talk was given by Nikki Mirghafori at Insight Meditation Center in Redwood City, CA on October 05, 2021. Please visit the website www.audiodharma.org for more information.

Happy Hour: Practicing Metta as Generosity

Introduction

Nikki Mirghafori: Hi everyone, welcome to Happy Hour. If you can hear my voice okay, give me a thumbs up. Fantastic, great audience. All right, good. Hello and welcome to Happy Hour! Let's, as always, start informally by saying hello to each other, saying hello to ourselves, and welcoming ourselves to this space. I'll start by saying hi, I'm Nikki. I'm in Mountain View, California, on unceded Ohlone land. You're welcome to unmute yourself if you'd like to put your voice in, that would be nice. Let's do that. We're a smaller group so far, so take it away. Who is here?

Ken: Hi Nikki, it's Ken. I just noticed that you're not on the calendar today.

Nikki: Oh no! We're supposed to be on the calendar. Somebody erased us by mistake. Wow, okay, well I just put us back on the calendar. Thanks so much, Ken, for that update. That's why we're a smaller crowd today, people are like, "Oh, it's canceled, it just disappeared."

I noticed earlier today—or was it yesterday?—there were lots of events added at the wrong time for this week and next week. So I think whoever tried to fix those additions probably went a little overboard and erased Happy Hour. That explains it. Thank you, Ken, I appreciate that. Well, who is here?

Trisha: Hi, I'm Trisha. I live in Manhattan Beach. My friend from New York, Claire, shared about it, so I thought I'd join today.

Nikki: Awesome, welcome! Thanks. Who else wants to say hi?

Fred: Hi, it's Fred from Oakland. My screen tells me that I'm on YouTube, although I clicked into what I thought was Zoom, and apparently this is Zoom, I guess.

Nikki: Yes, you're on Zoom. You're in the right place at the right time on the right channel. Things are a little funky tonight, but people are joining bit by bit. Thanks, Fred.

Bill: Bill in Dallas. I'm glad I'm not the only one that makes mistakes.

Jerry: Likewise, Jerry in Toronto. I make lots of mistakes. [Laughter]

Claire: Hi Bill and Jerry, it's Claire in New York. One of my favorite lines is, one of the joys about being imperfect is the joy it brings to others.

Nikki: Yes, exactly! That's right. We all make mistakes, so to err is to be human. Mark and Poppy say hi from Sequim, Washington. Hi Mark and Poppy, good to see you! Jesse is from San Rafael. Anybody else want to say hi? Oh, we have Neil! Hi Neil, good to see you. Sarah in Flagstaff, welcome. And we have Mandy from the rainy Hudson Valley in New York, and William from Chicago joining us on YouTube. Violet in San Francisco, good to see you.

We also have a smaller crowd tonight on YouTube, I think probably because they didn't see it on the calendar. But here we are. Anybody else want to say hi before we get started?

Participant: I came from rainy Tofino to Phoenix.

Nikki: He came from rainy Tofino to Phoenix, that's great! I'm glad notifications work so as not to miss you. Yes, we do have folks getting notified on YouTube and joining now, that's awesome.

So let's get started. Hi Lydia from Baltimore. Thank you, Neil, for sharing information about the Google Groups in the chat where folks can join, get quotes and resources, and connect with folks offline. This time I ask you to please mute yourself if you are unmuted. The last thing I do is turn on recording for the sake of AudioDharma. Here we go.

Practicing Metta as Generosity

Hello and welcome, everyone. Welcome to Happy Hour. For today's practice theme, I wanted to invite us to consider the practice of metta^[1]. The practice of cultivating kindness, loving-kindness, warmth, and goodwill. There are so many different ways to relate to and translate this lovely word from Pali, metta. I invite you to relate to it as generosity.

This week I'm subbing for Gil at the 7:00 a.m. sits. He's hiking and on vacation, and the theme I've chosen to explore in the morning—to invite everybody's minds to swim in—is the theme of generosity. It is a deep, deep practice. It's not just about giving material items, but it's a deep practice of letting go and cultivating an attitude of generosity. An attitude of relinquishing with goodwill.

It's not letting go like, "Oh, I have to let go." When you think of metta, for example, wishing, "May you be well, may you be happy," you're letting go of your good wishes. You don't want to keep this well-being all for yourself, right? It's an act of generosity, this practice of metta. "May you be safe, may you be well." You're blessing, you're generously wishing, you're generously offering this goodwill for others. And you're also generously offering it for yourself. Not to exclude ourselves! Generosity doesn't mean that you just give it to others and not to yourself, but rather you also generously wish, "Oh, may I be happy. May this being who is me be happy. May I appreciate the blessings of my life. May I rejoice in the blessings of my life. May I have well-being."

There's a sort of generosity that is part of metta. So that's what I'd like to invite us to explore tonight as we practice: this aspect of generously opening our heart and offering metta, first to ourselves and then to others. Actually, maybe we'll start with a dear being, and then somewhere in the middle there, we'll bring ourselves in. Sometimes it's easier to do that.

Guided Meditation

Let's get started with our formal practice.

Landing in our chair, landing on our cushion. This chair, this cushion offered—can we accept it? Can we land in it with accepting generosity, with graciousness? Maybe even saying, "Thank you, chair," as if we were giving a little bow to the chair. Thank you for supporting me, supporting my weight, dear cushion, dear chair.

Relaxing. Inviting the body to relax, to soften. Starting from our hands, softening, giving their weight to the earth. Inviting our arms, our hands, wrists, lower arms, upper arms to relax and soften. Our neck, our shoulders, our face, our jaw. Inviting the chest and the upper back to soften, relax, and receive the breath. The lower abdomen, lower back too, giving their weight to the earth. Making space for the breath.

Relaxing into the chair, the cushion. The sit bones, the bottom on the cushion. Releasing the weight of the lower legs and feet onto the earth. Just receiving this in-breath, this out-breath in their entirety. Tilling the soil, inviting the mind to settle in.

As we receive each breath, receiving the gift of each breath in this body, in this moment. Can we invite ourselves to appreciate the breath? The life-giving breath. Soaking it in, relishing it as a gift of generosity offered to us. Not taking it for granted. Not rushing for the next breath or trying to hold on any longer. It comes and goes. Gifts come and go. Relishing each coming and going of this gift bestowed to us every minute.

And as if we were giving ourselves a gift, just as the breath is offered as a gift—because generosity is a gift that we give others and we give ourselves—bring to mind someone who's dear to us. Someone who's easy. Bringing them to our mind's eye. And as if we had a bag of gifts, generously giving them gift after gift. Gifts of metta, gifts of goodwill.

Blessing them with these wishes of goodwill: "May you be safe." Knowing that life is unsafe, that being human is not inherently safe. Things change all the time, anything can happen at any moment, and yet I offer you a wish of safety. I generously, from my heart, wish: "May you be safe." Expressing my intention for your well-being as this wish. Not hanging on to it, just sprinkling it, giving it freely.

"May you be happy." "May you be healthy." "May your life unfold with ease."

Feeling the goodness of the generosity in your heart with each wish of metta for this dear being.

Now, if you'd like, can we allow ourselves to be seen through the eyes of this dear being? With their eyes of generosity, let ourselves be the recipient of generosity. Can we accept their gifts of goodwill graciously? Not to deflect and say, "Oh, I'm unworthy, I don't deserve it." The kindest way to show up when someone offers generosity is to receive it graciously.

Can we receive generous metta, goodwill, good wishes offered from a dear person, a dear being? Open our hearts and receive them graciously, with gratitude, appreciatively.

Imagining in your mind's eye that they say to us, "May you be safe." We let it land. "Yes, may I be safe." Imagining they say, "May you be happy." We open our hearts and let it land. "Yes, may I be happy." Imagine them saying, "May you be healthy." Graciously receiving this gift. "Yes, may this body, may I be healthy and strong." Imagine them wishing us, "Please, may you have ease in your life." Receiving it. "Yes, may I have ease. May my life unfold with ease. I wish that for myself too."

Receiving with generosity, graciously offering it to yourself, this metta. Graciously receiving, smilingly receiving, and offering. Generously offering.

This bottomless well of metta. The more you give to yourself and to your dear being, the more there is. The more goodwill gets generated. It doesn't run out. Feeling the abundance of your own heart. Showering yourself, showering your dear being with goodwill, friendliness, generously. "May both of us be safe," and so on.

Now, if you wish, you can shower not just your dear being and yourself, but others. Generously, with your goodwill. It feels so good to be generous in this way. Maybe offering it to the sangha^[2]. All these travelers who support you with their practice, with their showing up. Maybe bringing each being to mind, their face, their name, wishing them well.

If imagery works for you, you're welcome to use images. Maybe you have a bag of seeds, seeds of metta, and you're sowing all these seeds from this bottomless bag. Maybe it's flowers you're tossing. In the past, we've used the image of playfully showering them with cooling waters of metta with a hose. Playfully, whatever image works for you. Maybe showering others with metta dust, like fairy dust, that touches their heart.

Your wishes of goodwill. Friends, family, colleagues. People whom you don't know very well. Neutral beings. Maybe neighbors, people you see at the grocery store. And definitely, let's include the person who mistakenly deleted Happy Hour from the IMC calendar tonight! Showering them with metta. "May this volunteer be well, be happy." They've done their best. All human beings, just like us, just want to be happy. Just want to do their best in this life. We all make mistakes. May they be well. May all humans, all beings, be well.

It is said that generosity and metta gladden the heart, free the heart. See if your heart is a little gladdened, more glad compared to when you arrived. If it's a little lighter, just a little freer. Appreciating your own heart's abundance.

And offering the merit, the goodness of your practice with generosity, to all beings everywhere. "May all beings be happy. May all beings be free."

Thank you for your practice, everyone.

Reflections and Q&A

Nikki Mirghafori: Practicing metta as an act of generosity brings two beautiful practices together, and it's happy-making. I feel happier and more at ease in my body, heart, and mind compared to when we arrived. Being very, very tired tonight, I feel refreshed by the practice of metta as generosity. I would love to invite you for your reflections, for your questions.

Fred, please.

Fred: Hi Nikki. So, I had great difficulty at the very beginning reposing into the gratitude for being here. I'm a little self-conscious about going back into this again, but this is what I'm experiencing: just seven weeks now into my ears ringing all the time. I'm just very, very uncomfortable, and it's really hard to feel the gratitude of physical existence.

I did feel something shift slightly as I started to think of my beloved person. It wasn't difficult to wish metta for them. And then it was entirely possible, when I pictured that person looking at me and knowing that she would wish with great urgency that I be safe and happy and well and at ease. So that was a really significant turn. I won't say it eradicated what I was feeling before, but it was different, and I appreciate that.

I guess I also want to ask you, when I'm physically overwrought and exhausted with this constant ringing, do you have any advice about how I might try to step into the physical pleasure of existence, which I could tap kind of easily before seven weeks ago?

Nikki: Thank you, Fred. First, I'm really feeling for you, and I'm so sorry. Tinnitus is challenging. As I hold with compassion what you're going through, I also celebrate with mudita^[3] what you just shared regarding this transition. Noticing this shift is profound—just a little more lightness, not being stuck in that state.

Holding both of those: Yes, it's challenging, and wow, notice this shift. It was possible to wish well, to not keep being in the state of being overwrought. It was possible to step out of that! Hooray, hallelujah! To offer metta for a dear being, and then see them offering it to you. Beautiful! Really lean into that. Lean into the possibility because that really opens up even more of what is possible for you right now, in this moment, in this heart, in this mind, and in this body. With everything that's going on, yes, it is possible. A little more freedom is possible right here, right now.

I appreciate you smiling. These are mini-nibbānas^[4]. These are mini moments of freedom. Freedom is like this. There was more contraction and pain and being overrun, and ah, now the heart is opened. "I've stepped out of myself wishing this person well. The ringing is still present, but there's less suffering in that moment." So I really want to point that out, just for you to see that you are capable. The freedom is here for you.

To add one more thing: In the moments when there is exhaustion and you are overwrought, yay, you already know this practice of metta for the dear being helps you step out of yourself, out of the prison-like feeling. You know that's possible. And surprisingly, wow, then you wish it for me, and then there's just some lightness. The buzzing can still be there, but you can be above it. There's some level of transcendence.

Sometimes it could also be skillful to turn your awareness—if you wanted to explore this other invitation—to something that is pleasant in your body. Because I'm willing to bet there is something that's feeling good. Maybe it's the weight or the warmth of your hands, or something that just feels pleasant and warm or cool. Turn your attention to that. Do not allow tinnitus to be the only game in town. As human beings, there is so much sensory information that we receive every second, and perception can be selective. Select something else. Turn the channel.

Fred: Thank you very much.

Nikki: Thank you, Fred. Wayne, I see your hand.

Wayne: I just want to thank everybody, and thank you Nikki, and the teachers at IMC. I am so grateful for the practices that you've given me and all of us. This has been the most difficult day I've had in a long time. It was so helpful to just try and stay in touch with my body, and think of giving... feeling compassion for these parents that were giving me hell today. So anyway, thank you.

Nikki: Thank you, Wayne. Thank you for showing up. You're supporting yourself, and also knowing that you are a teacher right now in these very, very challenging times. Good heavens, these very, very challenging times! Thank you for what you do for so many students, and so many parents who, in your words, gave you hell today. And in this practice, sitting with opening your heart and holding them with compassion, that is wow. I feel chills. If every teacher practiced in this way, as you do, it would transform not only the lives of the teachers, but the students and parents. So thank you for doing this for everyone.

On YouTube, Richard says, "Thank you Fred for sharing. I'm living with tinnitus since two months ago and sending you metta for your difficulty." Thank you for sharing, Fred, and I trust many other people appreciate the shared common humanity of tinnitus and similar conditions that are ongoing.

So dear ones, the time has come for us to share with generosity our presence with each other in small groups. I'm going to create the small groups now, and as always, we start with 15 seconds of metta silently for each other, and then you can share as little or as much as you wish about your practice. Be kind, take care of yourselves, take care of each other. It's a tender sangha. The rooms are created and now they are open. Enjoy.

(Breakout rooms session)

Nikki: Okay, welcome back everyone. We have about a minute for any reflections or questions that have come up. Especially if you haven't spoken today or recently, please don't be shy. I'd love to hear from you. You can also type in chat if you wish, but it's nice to hear your voice. Anything you noticed about the practice? Neil, please.

Neil: This was just such beautiful imagery, right? When you're giving affection to someone you care about, and then suddenly you're receiving it. It was lovely. Everyone in my small group thought it was lovely. It was just wonderful. Thank you.

Nikki: Thank you, Neil. Thank you for engaging and practicing in this way, and finding it lovely—you as well as everyone else in your group. All the practitioners, these are just invitations, and what you make of them is what you make of them. So we share the gratitude for each other. Thank you, Neil.

And thank you all. I'm just absolutely delighted. It makes my heart so happy for your gift of generosity, as Neil and others have mentioned, which is your practice. What you're offering to each other, to yourselves, and to the world just makes me happy. Generosity brings happiness, so thank you for the gift of your generosity.

Let's dedicate the merit of our practice tonight. May all beings know the goodness of their own heart. May all beings be happy. May all beings be free. Thank you.

(Oh, and I forgot to restart the recording. Bummer. Oh well, mistakes happen!)