Happy Hour: Appreciation and Calm Abiding

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The following talk was given by Nikki Mirghafori at Insight Meditation Center in Redwood City, CA on December 05, 2020. Please visit the website www.audiodharma.org for more information.

Happy Hour: Appreciation and Calm Abiding

Introduction

Oh, hello and welcome everyone. Welcome to Happy Hour. Lovely to be together and to practice together. For the theme of the practice for this session together, I'd like to invite us to consider the relationship between appreciating the present moment—whether it's appreciating the sensations in the body, or the breath, kind of a sense of appreciation for this present moment—and the relationship between this attitude (this perspective of opening up, appreciation, seeing the good, liking what the experience is even if it may not be pleasant at all times, but a sense of openness to the experience) and its relationship to samadhi^[1]. Samadhi is also translated as concentration, or better perhaps translated as unification of mind. Let's just say the mind settling, feeling comfortable and cozy, and not wanting to go all over the place.

Intuitively this makes sense, right? If the mind is appreciating, liking, resting with a sense of coziness—say, with the breath, I'm going to use the breath as an example—just appreciating the breath, the soothing, calming nature of it, then the mind is happy where it is. It doesn't want to go roam around, think about this, think about that, or have more excitement. It's like, "Oh, this is so good. This is so good. Right where I am is delicious."

Whereas, if the mind goes to a thought, and if you yank it back and say, "Okay, stay with the breath. Stay here, the breath," the mind will start to not actually like the breath. Like, "Oh, okay, back to the breath, in-breath, out-breath," and it can't wait to get away.

Instead, the invitation—what I invite us to really work with—is this sense of kindness, this sense of appreciation. In the mind, when perhaps a distracting thought arises (I don't even want to call it distracting, but when a thought arises), recognize it and say, "Okay, interesting. Thank you." Maybe it's a pleasant thought, maybe it's an unpleasant thought. Then, have the intention of, "Oh, actually I prefer the breath. Thank you, thought. Thank you for arising, thanks for being here. Interesting, please come back later. I have something more interesting and more nourishing, something I'm exploring, having fun with. I'm being with something that's actually more fun, which is the breath." Come back with that perspective, with that intention.

You can choose your perspective. You can choose your intention. You can choose the perspective of, "Oh, the breath is just like cardboard and boring, and oh my god." Or you can choose a sense of, "Ah, this is interesting. Let me explore this. Let me see what's here."

This sense of appreciation, a sense of metta^[2], a sense of goodwill, a sense of coziness—there are so many nuances that you can play with here. The sense of coziness... it's like when it's raining outside, and you are bundled up with a warm, fuzzy blanket, a good book, and a cup of tea. It's like, "Oh, this is so cozy. I don't want to go anywhere. This is great." But if you thought, "Oh, this is so boring, here I am with a cup of tea and this blanket," you'd want to go outside and play and splash in the puddles. Of course. So check in with the perspective.

Why is this helpful in this practice? Choosing the perspective—by settling and calming, by having a sense of coziness and settledness, appreciation for this moment—when the mind really has a sense of unification and calm, spaciousness, then it's much more available. The mind becomes a lot more malleable for practicing with loving-kindness, practicing compassion, and forgiveness. It can tap into these practices on its own, in addition to it being beneficial for insight practice.

In a way, the sense of metta and appreciation brings up a settledness of mind, which then can give rise to more metta, appreciation, and insight. They play together, and it all starts with the perspective that we choose. So, without further ado, let's practice together.

Guided Meditation

I'd like to invite you to get into your meditation posture. If you need to shift, sit up straighter, if that's what your body needs. If you need to lie down, move to a cushion. See what your body needs.

And then, starting with setting the intention. Ever so gently. Intention can be smooth, can be soft, gentle, like your favorite song or music. It doesn't have to be harsh. It can be just a gentle whisper in your own ear. It can even be an inquiry, the intention: "How can I have a sense of ease, peace, settledness, appreciation for this moment's simple experience, just as it is?" To rest in it. To completely rest... rest in its coziness and its calming, soothing, nourishing nature.

Allow yourself to set this intention for this attitude towards the present moment experience. An attitude of warmth, care, kindness with the sensations of the breath as they arise in the body. A sense of interest, appreciation, warmth. As if you're holding a little newborn and rocking this tender newborn back and forth. Interested, curious, not wanting to drop it.

And when thoughts arise, when friends—buddies—come and say, "Hey, let's go, let's go play," say, "Thank you, I'll come another time. Come back later. Ask me again later. Right now, I don't want to drop this precious little baby. I'm rocking this tender little baby gently, tenderly."

Letting yourself rest, relax. Settle into your body. Settle into a sense of receiving, appreciating, holding, as if holding the breath—the in-breath and the out-breath. As if meeting this breath for the first time. Every breath new, fresh, and newborn.

Holding a newborn, you want your body to be relaxed and soft, not rigid. Allow your body to be soft, relaxed, settled in the chair or on the cushion.

As thoughts arise, these buddies arise, friends come to take you away, then you realize, "Oh wait, I've left with these friends." Say, "Thank you. Thank you, friends." Without any judgment to yourself. Just friendliness. "Thank you for stopping by, but you know, I want to go hold the little newborn. It's cozy, so lovely, so sweet. I'll come hang out with you another time." And just smile. Smilingly returning to the breath.

Appreciating the breath. The sensations that you may have never felt before. So many aspects, dimensions of this moment's experience. The breath in the body, the miracle that it is. To appreciate what an amazing opportunity, what a gift this time is to relax and just be. To be with this loveliness called the breath.

As if you were wearing glasses, particular lenses through which you perceive the miracle that is this breath. See the breath with a sense of awe. See it with a sense of appreciation, warmth, care. See what works best for you: the metaphor of the newborn being rocked, or these glasses that allow you to see differently, perceive differently. Explore for yourself a perspective of appreciation.

And now I'd like to invite you, if you wish, you can keep the image of the newborn by your belly, being held, rocked tenderly, the breath received in the abdomen. Or the glasses. You can keep the breath as the foreground if you wish.

And also if you wish, you can open up to appreciating this moment's experience, whatever else is arising and passing, with the same perspective. Maybe a sensation in your knee or your foot arises. Can there be a sense of receiving that with a sense of appreciation? "Ah, this too." Opening up to it, resting with it. And when no longer prominent, maybe returning to the breath. Wholeheartedly appreciating the breath.

Then maybe a sound becomes prominent. Appreciating the sound with a smile. When no longer prominent, returning again to the newborn. Appreciating, holding, rocking, smiling at this miracle.

Or perhaps opening more widely to the sphere of experience, with appreciation as things arise and pass. Even if challenging, yet resting calm, soothed, stable.

It's okay to just rest with the breath, the newborn, and appreciate it throughout the session. Imbuing your awareness with appreciation.

Maybe dropping in an appreciation that you can sit right now. Have this opportunity for practice in sangha^[3], with community.

And you may need to repeat coming back to the breath newborn a hundred times. It's okay. No need for self-judgment. Be gentle, be kind. It's impossible to connect and sustain the appreciation, the connection, with the entire in-breath, entire out-breath, and the pauses in between.

And for the last moments of this practice, whatever arose or did not arise, if a lot of friends came by and took you away for some time, it's okay. Even if there was connecting with the breath, this moment's experience, for one second... it's infinitely more than zero seconds. If there was just a millisecond of connecting with appreciation in this moment's experience, you're planting seeds. You're planting seeds.

Letting go of judgment. Just appreciating yourself. Bringing the appreciation for your own wholesome engagement, however it showed up. Appreciating yourself, all the causes and conditions that brought you to this point now. Your practice, however shoddy it might feel, is planting seeds for awakening, for happiness, for freedom, for yourself and to serve all beings everywhere.

Thank you, everyone. Thank you for your practice.

Reflections and Q&A

I'd love to hear some reflections. You can type them in the chat for everyone to see if you wish, or raise your blue hand.

While you do that, I'll say a couple of words about the practice. If there's a sense of appreciation, connecting intentionally, appreciating a sense of metta, appreciation as one aspect of goodwill intertwined with awareness of the present moment's experience—say with the breath as the anchor—it tends to support settling the mind for concentration or samadhi, unification of mind, to arise more easily.

Of course, your mileage might have varied tonight, because you might have had many "friends" visiting, and maybe not. But it's all okay. Just learning, exploring. So if you wish to share anything you realized or noticed, you're welcome to do that. If you noticed that there were actually a lot of distractions, that's okay too. What worked, what didn't?

Jesse says, "Oh, you're welcome." You're very welcome. The appreciation from Jesse, thank you. Any reflections, anything you noticed? Do you feel more settled than you did?

One participant says, "My first moment of stability in days." Yay, it's great. May you build on that. May it continue to grow for you.

Ellen on YouTube says, "A very soothing practice. Thank you." Thank you, Ellen. Violet says... oh yes, that was from Violet, thank you Violet. The name thing on Zoom is sometimes funky.

Kim says, "My body is still gently rocking with my breath." Oh, it's lovely, Kim. Thanks for sharing that.

Bill shares, "Wasn't able to focus on any one visualization, had some success thinking of being in a zendo and thoughts being clutter." Great, fantastic, Bill. I love your creativity. Whatever works for you.

A sense of appreciation is what I would really like to support you to bring into the present moment experience.

So before we go into practice groups today, I have a question for you. Many of you have asked if there's a way to connect and communicate outside of Happy Hour. A couple of options have come up. One option that we're contemplating is having a Google Groups mailing list where folks can join and people can send each other emails. The advantage being that as long as you have an email address, you can join that and be part of the community. There could be announcements on there or sending questions to each other, etc.

The second option is a closed Facebook group, which is a private group. The advantage is that it has more functionality for sharing, but the disadvantage is that it's on Facebook, with a lack of privacy, and people may not be on Facebook.

[Laughter] So these are the two options we are contemplating. Let me see if I can quickly create this poll, which got erased. Let's see here. So the first option is a Google mailing list. The second option is Facebook. Let's see if it's going to work. The third option is 'either', and the fourth option is 'neither, I wouldn't join any of them'. Let's see if this is going to work. Let's try this, doing this real time. Okay, here we go.

Oh no, it erased it! Oh god. Alright, well, so tell you what. Zoom is not helping me out right now. [Laughter] So maybe those of you who have opinions, please put them in chat and I'll go through them later. Actually, that's another possibility. Let's do this: people who prefer a Google mailing list, please click 'yes'. There's a 'yes' button, and I can see how many yeses for a Google mailing list. No, don't raise your hand, just click on 'yes'. People who are on the phone, I'll count you. Okay, so we have ten yeses. Great, nine yeses and one raised hand. Fantastic.

So now I'm going to clear all that, and now let's do people who prefer Facebook. Please click 'yes'. I see 'nos' are going, that's great if you prefer that. If you click on 'reactions', it will give you that option. Okay, so we have three yeses. It seems like Facebook is losing. Three, maybe four. Okay, great. Thank you all, I think the community has spoken. Ten versus three or four. It seems like the majority prefers a mailing list. Thank you for taking the time! Yay, community participation! Love you guys.

With that, now that I've riled up all your preferences without the settling, let's see if we can go back to the settledness that we had. Rocking the breath. And with that, let's practice in community. I will create the breakout groups, and the prompt tonight is any reflections you want to share with each other about what came up for you about this practice, this sense of appreciation.

[Breakout sessions]

Welcome back everyone! So any reflections you'd like to share? You can either raise your hand and I'll ask you to unmute, or you can type them in chat. Any reflections about anything, I'd love to hear from you.

Kathleen says, "Group was a gift. Let's get the Google bit going." Great, I appreciate the enthusiasm, Kathleen.

Yuka says, "We know true relaxation when we connect with ourselves and go home and relax inside. At that time I learned that I could only know what I really was." Beautiful, thank you for your poetic words, Yuka.

Phil says, "I really love the baby metaphor." Great, Phil. Fantastic, and you can use it any time, it's yours to take.

Paula says, "Three of us, all essential workers. Two teachers and one healthcare professional." Wow. Thank you to the three of you.

Claire says, "Appreciate how much the practice is changing me." Thank you, Claire, for sharing that. I get chills reading that.

Nav says, "Gratitude for this year of support from you and the team at IMC^[4] that made this possible over the last few months. It's been incredible." Oh, thank you, Nav. Thank you for your words of gratitude. I'm touched.

Phil says, "We pondered the difference between gratitude and appreciation." Good question, we'll leave that for next time, Phil, because we're already running out of time.

Jesse says, "Agreed. Thank you, IMC. Such wonderful support." Yay, thank you.

And Alana adds, "Agreed as well, what a beautiful resource."

Thank you all. Thank you for your beautiful presence. I guess all the thank-yous are pouring in. The sense of appreciation for this present moment is now catching fire on everything, on this offering. So thank you all, really appreciate your practice, you showing up, supporting each other, supporting yourself, being changed, feeling changed. May our practice support the awakening of ourselves and all beings everywhere. Thank you all, I have deep appreciation for you.