Happy Hour: The Kindness of Sufficiency

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The following talk was given by Nikki Mirghafori at Insight Meditation Center in Redwood City, CA on July 21, 2022. Please visit the website www.audiodharma.org for more information.

Happy Hour: The Kindness of Sufficiency

Introduction

Whether you're joining us on Zoom, as many of you are, and also those joining on YouTube: hello, greetings, welcome to this rendition of Happy Hour.

The theme I'd like to invite us to practice with today is relating to mettā^[1]—relating to warm-heartedness, offering safety, offering goodwill, offering goodness. It is a sense of enoughness, just bringing a sense of, "It's enough. It's enough. It's okay. No, it's enough. This is enough. I'm enough in this moment." Just showing up is enough.

Maybe you've had a hard day. It's been a long day, and just showing up, sitting in sangha^[2]—or maybe if you're listening to this later on your own—just showing up, making an attempt, this is enough. This is enough. A sense of comfort, of not always driving ourselves ragged, more, more and more, but it's okay. Opening up to the enoughness of this moment, the enoughness of this amazing being who is ourselves and is doing their best, this is enough.

And maybe through this acceptance of the enoughness, or rather the plenty of this moment, we can appreciate and see and really touch into this care. The sense of care, the sense of holding of ourselves, this non-judgment. A sense of enoughness actually is the opposite of self-judgment. Because self-judgment is, "Oh, that's not good enough. You're not good enough. This is not good enough. You should be doing this, that, or not be doing that." It's, "Okay sweetheart. It's okay, dear heart." It's a sense of solace, calm.

So mettā, warm-heartedness, loving-kindness, showing up wearing the clothes of "it's enough, this is enough," can be a very soothing, calming mettā, not necessarily very energized or energetic. As you may know by now, you're maybe getting to know that mettā, loving-kindness, can show up in practice in so many ways. It can wear many, many different beautiful guises.

So this is one way I'm inviting us to explore it. It's not very energetic, but very calming. It becomes more expressive of itself, similar to equanimity. This is a calming, soothing equanimity, upekkhā^[3], a practice that's one of the Brahma-vihāras^[4], one of the Heavenly Abodes. Mettā being the first one, equanimity being the fourth one. They're related, of course, they're related.

So this way of, "It's enough, it's okay, it's okay, it's all right," is expressing mettā. It's expressing its similarity or its relationship with equanimity in this way of showing up, and this nuanced, comforting way of showing up. So that's all I want to say to set up the space for our practice together.

Guided Meditation

So let's meditate together. Let's meditate.

I'd like to invite you to land in your posture, whether sitting, standing, or lying down, and if it's comfortable for you, to close your eyes. Softening, relaxing this body. Opening up to it. Feel whatever energy is present. There could be a lack of energy, fatigue, perhaps at the end of the day. Maybe there's achiness present in the body. Maybe there is excitement about this period of practice, taking refuge together.

Allowing the breath to move through, showing up in the abdomen. And wherever there is tightness—maybe lower back, or your forehead—allowing the breath to move through and calm, soothe, like a soothing ointment. An ointment to whatever might be tight in the body, in the mind, and the heart.

Offering that: "Oh sweetheart, dear mind, this moment is plenty. There is so much here. Really no need to try to entertain the thoughts of the future, past regrets. This moment is plenty. It's enough. Let's rest, dear heart, let's rest."

Let there be kindness, not judgment, not kicking the mind for thinking. But inviting you to appreciate how much goodness there is here in this moment of just sitting, being breathed, being silent, contented. Such exquisite training. Such an exquisite way of being. Simple, enough.

Noticing the mind, the heart, wants to wander, is trembling, darting here and there. Again, with kindness: "Oh sweetheart, it's okay. Okay, this moment is enough. See, there is so much here. This moment is more fulfilling with kindness, with spaciousness, than darting to the past or future. Rest. Rest. Be cared for. Dear heart, dear mind, right here, with the lullaby of the breath."

Comforting the mind, the heart, that this moment is enough. There's so much here, and comfort in refuge. You can also bring in the wish, thanking you that just showing up, however you're showing up, with your intention, that this is enough. That showing up is enough. If you're knocking on the temple door, the proverbial temple door that leads to ease, awakening... just showing up is enough.

Let the body of ease be relaxed and soft. The breath soothing, calming, connecting you to the present moment. This breath can anchor you into the ocean of now.

Drop in the word "enough" or "plenty." This is enough, this is plenty. This right here, whatever this means, showing up. This being who is me, this moment, this body, this opportunity, all these gifts of the present moment.

Let there be kindness, as if your fairy godmother is showing you the enoughness of your heart, enoughness of everything, with kindness. And if the mind, or heart, or the body at any time becomes petulant, the fairy godmother is caring, loving, eternally patient. "This is enough. Please see." She shows you all the things maybe you haven't seen, or have taken for granted.

Notice the mind that feels scarcity: "This is not good enough, do something, or you're failing." Your mind is wandering, "This is not good enough." Notice that mind, and love it. Offer it kindness, safety. It's okay. So your mind wants something else. The fairy godmother of this moment loves everything that's arising, even the mind of scarcity. Offer it kindness, goodness. Let it relax, not feeling pushed out.

If there is a particular angle of insufficiency there about yourself, or the present, or what you have, or what you do, you can try the different incantations of enough, sufficiency: "I have enough." "I do enough." "I am enough."

My wholeheartedness, my goodness. To really turn the mind to see the good. Again, not a practice of complacency, but to really see sufficiency. Sufficiency which can still leave room for aspiration, but let's turn towards sufficiency. See the plenty. So that the heart feels replenished in its plenty. This is enough, this is plenty.

Nourish your heart for just these few minutes in sufficiency. Be curious what might happen. We can always go back to insufficiency, but just right now, what happens?

Bringing this period to a close. If it did not arise during this practice period, it was enough, more than enough. Can we see it, can it be appreciated with gratitude for whatever it was. Ah, exhaling into sufficiency, to completeness. I've done my best, trusting that seeds of contentment have been planted, of kindness, they will flower at the time that we least expected.

May all beings everywhere know their own goodness, their own sufficiency. May we too, may we wake up to our goodness, our completeness, our fullness, together with all beings everywhere.

Reflections and Q&A

Thank you all for your practice. Ah. We have time. There are questions, reflections, reports from the field. You're welcome to type in chat. If it's just to me private, I won't read your name. If it's to everyone, I will read your name. Also you can raise your Zoom hand. If it's your physical hand, I will not see you. And you're invited to offer any reflections, any aha moments, any challenges, anything that's a gift to others.

One of you says, "Thank you, fairy godmother." You're welcome, and all your fairy godmothers are welcome. [Laughter] Yes, Fred, please.

Fred: Thank you, Nikki. I find it relatively easy to think certainly I have enough in the material side of life and in the many ways that that plays out. But as I come back to feeling, am I enough now? Am I sufficient in my aspiration and my efforts to be as I want in the world—to be more open, to be more loving, to be engaged in useful ways? You know, the answer is no, I'm not. And I think you're asking us to simultaneously maintain two contradictory ideas: to not let go of aspiration and effort, but perhaps to also say, well, one can aspire and still feel some peaceableness in the present effort.

Nikki: Exactly, Fred, right on. And you put it so eloquently, thank you, that's exactly it. And don't mute yourself just yet. It's like the Suzuki Roshi^[5] famous line: "You are perfect as you are, and you could use a little improvement." How is that? That's exactly the intention. Because if the "you need a little improvement" alone brings tightness in the heart and the mind, as you know, and there's a sense of insufficiency and lacking and envy, or shame, or whatever... it's not conducive. So there needs to be a sense of "I'm enough," or there's enoughness, there's a sense of sufficiency, gladness, goodness, that the heart can feel settled and rested in, so that it can aspire for further goodness. Exactly. Yeah, right on. Okay, thank you.

Fred: Thank you. Not easy to do, but thank you.

Nikki: It's not, and yet I so appreciate that you verbalized it, you really brought out what the intention was here. So I really appreciate you for doing that. Thanks, Fred. Yeah.

A couple of reflections here. Let's see, Christine who says, "Enough. These few words are enough. If not these words, this breath. If not this breath, this sitting here. This opening to life we have refused again and again until now. Until now." David Whyte^[6]. Oh yeah, beautiful. I love that poem actually, I think I've seen that poem before. Had I remembered, I would have brought it in, but thank you for bringing it in. This is perfect, Christine, thank you. That's lovely. And maybe you would also share that poem later in the Google Groups.

[Name?] says, "Thank you for that question, Fred, that's been on my mind." Yes, thank you, Fred, that's great.

Pat says, "Such a relief for the practice of just enough after a long involved day." Yeah, sometimes it's appreciation coming.

Thanks Fred, thanks Christine. I think you sent that just to me, not to the group. This was private, so if you want to send it to everyone, you're welcome to.

Ah, Nadine, I just saw your hand, please.

Nadine: Yeah, so just something kind of funny happened. When I'm pushing thoughts away and just being present, the thoughts are always kind of words in my mind, or I'm just talking to myself. And suddenly my mind just shot me a picture! And I thought, "Oh sneaky mind, what a sneaky mind." It's like, you're not talking, you shot me a picture, and I could push that away too. That was the first time I had my mind ever trick me with a picture.

Nikki: Hmm, that's interesting. It's cute, many minds do that. So here's an invitation, Nadine. When all the thoughts come, and also if pictures come again—now that the mind is presenting pictures, that's not unusual—see what happens if you shift your position from pushing it away. You know, your hand gesture was also like this, pushing it away. Instead of that, welcoming it. See what happens if you do that. "Oh, hello dear mind, hi sweetheart. Calm, sit down, calm. See, there is so much plenty, there's so much goodness here." So see if you just shift it around, see what happens, be curious. Does that make sense what I'm suggesting?

Nadine: Maybe it'll send me a pretty picture! Thank you.

Nikki: It's all just bring it here. "Come, come here, it's okay." Because that pushing, that movement of the heart, that movement of the mind which actually you represented beautifully, that can actually create more involvement in thinking, that energy. So I'm inviting you to bring more care, more attention, more love to that movement. It's not needed. And it's not about giving into thinking and ruminating, but it actually shifts the dynamic. So I invite you to be curious about that. Yeah.

Nadine: Thank you.

Nikki: You're welcome, thank you.

One last reflection, this one is private: "Thank you, Nikki. I have been in a lot of emotional pain over the past 24 hours. Many feelings of worthlessness and inadequacy. This practice really helped to soothe me." Ah, thank you for sharing that. Yeah, may it provide comfort, and to see the goodness within you here. You're practicing, there's so much goodness here already, so much goodness.

Small Groups and Closing

So, dear ones, let us turn our attention to practicing in small breakout groups. Roughly size of three. And here are some invitations, so please listen up, especially if you're relatively new to Happy Hour.

The invitation in the groups is you speak only from your own experience. You don't ask questions, you don't direct, you don't manage the group. You just offer a nugget from yourself, and also pay attention to what is appropriate to say or not to say—if it's too much to say. And you're also always welcome to say "pass" and hold silent space, that's okay too.

And then the next person will say something, and then the next person, and they'll come back to you. So make your piece pretty short, just one nugget of thought. It's not a long monologue, it's just one nugget of thought. Then the next person, the next person, come round and round. And be kind to yourself and especially kind to others. Holding each other with care, with appreciation, with mettā. These are your siblings in practice. Take care of each other, take care of yourselves. And let's speak in reverse alphabetical order tonight. And I'm going to open the rooms. Take care of yourselves, take care of each other. Here we go.

[Breakout sessions]

Okay, the rooms are closed. Everybody's back. Welcome back everyone. And I realize it's exactly 7:00, so we're right on time. And since we had such lovely reflections before we went into the group, if there are any last minute reflections, feel free to type them in chat. But otherwise, maybe we'll bring our session to a close.

Thank you all for your practice, thank you for showing up. And may we all know, recognize our goodness, our enoughness. That we're perfect just the way we are, and that we can use a little bit of improvement. May all beings be well, may all beings be happy, including ourselves. Here we go.

Thank you all, be well.