Guided Meditation: Concern Free; Dharmette: Compassionate Action (3 of 5) For the Sake of Self and Others

This is an AI-generated transcript from auto-generated subtitles for the video Guided Meditation: Concern Free; Compassionate Action (3 of 5) For the Sake of Self and Others. It likely contains inaccuracies, especially with speaker attribution if there are multiple speakers.

The following talk was given by Gil Fronsdal at Insight Meditation Center in Redwood City, CA on August 02, 2023. Please visit the website www.audiodharma.org for more information.

Introduction

Welcome to our YouTube meditation time. Someone just wrote that the links are still wonky, so I used a calendar link today and that worked fine for me. I don't know, maybe there are other places that haven't been fixed yet. If some of you are trying other places to get a link to the YouTube stream, maybe you can put in the chat where you tried and where you found it not working. I can't really ask the people who haven't made it here who are not finding a good link!

A little team of people has been working hard trying to figure out what's going on. There's some idea that maybe something has changed at YouTube regarding settings or something went wonky. So, welcome.

Guided Meditation: Concern Free

I believe there comes a time when it's useful to consider that Buddhist meditation—mindfulness meditation—involves a very different paradigm, a very different orientation or basis than how we ordinarily go about our lives. Not necessarily to dismiss or belittle how we go through our ordinary lives, the concerns and orientations we have, but to add to it a very different way of being, at least for a short time.

Maybe it is as different as being awake in our ordinary life, taking care of all kinds of things, and then sleeping. Both are needed, but you don't want to continue doing all the activities of daily life in your sleep. That doesn't belittle what we do in life; sleep actually enhances them because it hopefully makes us refreshed for it. It is the same way with meditation. It's something that's different from both the activities and usual ways the mind works, and it's also different than sleep. So it's a third option which is refreshing and has its own tremendously valuable value.

I'd like to offer you a perspective on this alternative way of being that meditation can offer. Ordinarily in our life, we can be concerned about something. Sometimes we're concerned about other people, sometimes we're concerned about ourselves. Sometimes we're concerned about events, things, ideas, objects, and experiences that we can have. The possibility in meditation is not to have the mind concerned about anything.

What I mean by "concerned" is that the mind is oriented towards something. It's picking something up, it's considering something. It's organizing its thoughts, its emotions, and its attention around something that we want to deal with, respond to, be involved in, or not be involved in. That's often how the mind usually works. But consider having an attention and awareness which is not concerned with anything, but is alert, aware, and receptive to what is. It is not concerned about it, not avoiding it, not shutting down from it, not distracted from it. A certain activity of the mind has come to rest.

I'd like to offer some expressions that might represent this. We have a number of wonderful expressions in English that begin with the word "open." A person can be open-handed, which means that they're not clinging and holding on to anything. There's an openness and willingness to share and be available to the world, open-handed with their generosity.

Open-minded means we're available and open to lots of perspectives and points of view to consider. We're not holding on to any particular view or opinion and saying it's the best or the only one. We're receptive and able to take things in, to hear them, and maybe even consider their truth or their possibilities. To be open-minded to things.

Open-hearted means the heart is open, receptive, and available. But I think it also has a meaning that some of the best qualities of the heart have been revealed: loving-kindness, compassion, sensitivity, and connectivity.

And then we have a kind of modern Buddhist idea of open awareness. Open awareness means that the awareness is not limited, contracted, or fixated on anything. The awareness is available to all things. All these have in common a sense of openness to possibility, an openness and availability to what is.

In terms of not being concerned about others, oneself, things, or events, it's a kind of pre-concerned state. It is what is there before we become concerned. What is awareness like before we become fixated or worried, or start planning, or wanting, or not wanting? What is it like to be openly aware, openly open-minded?

So that's the suggestion for this meditation: to explore this open way of being that is there before the mind gets involved in its concerns. You will get involved in your concerns during this meditation, I'm sure. But look behind them, look underneath them, look before them, look between them. Let go of them to see what is there in this vast openness of awareness, of attention.

So, gently close your eyes, and let there be a gentling within. A gentling that includes relaxing the shoulders.

Soften the belly.

Maybe softening the hands, relaxing the hands so they're a little more open, ensuring fingers are not tight in any way.

Letting the face relax. We talk sometimes about a face being an open face, a sort of openness in the face. A lot of that has to do with the muscles relaxing.

Relaxing the thinking mind. Softening, gentling the energy of thinking, the intensity of thinking, the speed of thinking, and any tension associated with thinking.

And sitting here with a global awareness of your body. Whatever "global" might mean for you. An easy, relaxed awareness of the whole body, in whatever way that is for you. Maybe just the torso, above the waist, or anything.

And then, this way of being aware that's before concerns, before agendas, before judgments, and needing things to be a certain way or not be a certain way—see if you can let that be the way in which you now become aware of your body breathing.

Being aware of the body breathing wherever it's easiest to be aware of breathing.

Being aware in a way that's easy to be aware.

Aware of the obvious before you have any concerns. Relax the concerned mind, letting the concerns recede to the background.

Open-minded.

Open-hearted.

Open-ended.

Open awareness.

Here.

Now.

Open-handed.

Open-hearted.

Open-minded.

Open.

Not limited by any concerns. Not focused on any concerns. With awareness wider, more open, fuller than any concerns for self, or others, or anything. The unconcerned awareness.

And then, as we come to the end of this sitting, there's a different way of caring for the world where the heart is unconcerned. Meaning it's unfocused, not worried, not preoccupied, not tense, not fixated on anything. But the heart, the mind, knows something about being deeply at ease. And with that ease, knowing that ease, wishing that for others. Wishing others to have a kind of unconcerned happiness, unconcerned peace, unfixated freedom.

May all beings be happy. May all beings be safe. May all beings be peaceful. And may all beings be free.

Thank you.

Dharmette: Compassionate Action (3 of 5) For the Sake of Self and Others

So happy to be here with you and to continue on Wednesday with the topic of the week, which is compassionate action. I am trying to offer some different perspectives on what we can do, motivated by compassion^[1].

Monday was compassion in action for the sake of others. Yesterday was compassion in action for the sake of oneself—not distinct or separate from others, but in addition. Today is compassionate action where we're doing it for both our own sake and for the sake of others. There's a mutuality, a fullness of care in all directions. The suggestion is that compassion and caring for others is richer and more valuable when we know how to do proper, compassionate care for ourselves. We have more care and more love to give others when there's a kind of love here for ourselves.

Today I want to explore the third form of action, or way of acting, and that is action that is for the sake of both self and others^[2]. This is a category that the Buddha often uses. In addition to intentions for the welfare of oneself or others, he also talks about the intention for the welfare of both self and others. I understand this "both self and other" as being the "we" that exists between us—the nature and quality of the relatedness, the relationship that exists between us. That's something that's distinct enough from the other person and from ourselves. It's the dynamic, the chemistry, the interaction, the quality of the interaction between two people.

When we do compassionate action for others, what relationship does that establish between you? This mostly focuses on compassionate action that you're doing in the presence of another person. If you send a check to support orphanages in Uganda because you read about it in the newspaper, there's not that much of a direct relationship between you and the orphans in Uganda. You are, in a sense, establishing some kind of relatedness that is a little bit one-directed, but it's still a relatedness with the suffering in Uganda. There's a bigger kind of "we" that's operating here as well.

Especially when we're interacting directly with someone else, it's easy enough to do what we think is compassionate action while very strongly imposing ourselves on the other person, or becoming so focused on the other person that we completely ignore ourselves. In ignoring ourselves, we also ignore what's being established between us, because that involves both self and other—a relatedness.

I've known people who have done wonderfully compassionate things for others out of compassion, but there was no personal connection, even when it was one-on-one. It was perfunctory, or it was just like, "Yes, I want to help this person, and here is something you can have or how you can be helped," but there's a distance. Some of that distance comes when we hold ourselves apart, sometimes with the idea of pity or superiority, thinking, "Here, let me help you who is so poor and miserable." It is looking down at people. The relationship then is not a healthy one—to be the one who has the power and the authority to do things, while the other person doesn't. To be compassionate with our power and our authority to fix things or do things for them, but continuing a power dynamic that's not really that healthy either. It's not the best vehicle through which compassion and love can flow. You might still be helping people in a beneficial way, but the relationship is not necessarily such a wonderful relationship to have.

Is it a relationship of mutual respect, or is it a relationship of respect even if it's not mutual and only goes in one direction? That changes the nature of the dynamic between the two people. Is there love? Is friendship being offered? Are we contributing to a richer, more valuable relatedness between the two people? Or are we holding ourselves off at a distance? Are we being one-sided, or are we not open to the relationship? Maybe we give some money to someone who's homeless, but we're afraid of the person, or we're aversive to them. We want to help them, but we don't want any more contact because of all kinds of reasons. So the relationship is one that is, in a sense, no relationship.

The importance of this relatedness in relationships is that the kindness, the friendliness, the mutuality that can exist in relationships—even with strangers—is like food for the heart. For many human beings, who we are as a person, how we live, how we grow, and how we are happy has a lot to do with how we are in relationship to other people. A lot of our unhappiness is also how we're in relationship with people. There's often an over-concern with relatedness, over-concern about what people think. "Am I going to be rejected? Am I going to be disliked? What can I do to have a good relationship? How do I get respect? How do I get love from other people?" There's a lot of concerned activity.

There is something we learn through meditation about being unconcerned, unworried, unopinionated, and without neediness in the relationship, but open to establishing a healthy relationship between self and other. The simplest healthy way is one of friendliness. We don't want to have too high a bar that we're supposed to love everyone—that can interfere. Just a simple friendliness, or maybe even more simply, respect. To establish a level of respect in that relationship between you. Appreciation, attunement, and an awareness that people thrive in being listened to and being seen clearly for who they are.

Sometimes if we can see someone and stop and listen, lo and behold, that gives them the possibility of doing the same to us. And then what happens? The magic, the specialness that can happen between people, even total strangers—even seeing each other for thirty seconds of being open, acknowledging, seeing, and knowing each other. We meet with an open-mindedness, an open-heartedness, and an open-handedness. We see each other in that openness, in the richness and the fullness, without needing to define, without having needs, without having fears.

In compassionate action, maybe the part of the compassion that is most beneficial for everyone concerned is not giving someone money, not giving them food, not driving them to the doctor. That's the vehicle for some deeper movement of care and compassion that creates a richer, valuable connection—warmth, love between people. What is the relatedness we're creating? What are we contributing to it? Take someone to the emergency room, and they might remember that for a long time. But take someone to the emergency room with real love, care, kindness, and respect, and that might be what has a long-term benefit for them. That might even be greater than whatever the doctor does for them in the emergency room.

So compassionate action for the sake of self and other is something to be concerned about when we do compassionate action, so that it becomes more considered and richer. There are more facets to what compassionate action is than the simple thing of doing something for someone else. Establishing this good relationship, or offering that, is why it's so important.

The second thing we talked about yesterday is compassionate action which is for the sake of oneself, meaning we take care of ourselves. We do it so that it nourishes us, it supports us, it liberates us, it opens us to love, care, and respect for others, and then there's more richness possible in the relatedness between self and other.

So compassionate action for the sake of self and other. If you'd like, over the next twenty-four hours, to explore this in your daily life—no one needs to know you're doing this—you might give some attention to noticing, when you're with other people, what is the quality of that relatedness? What are you contributing to the relationship between you and them? Again, it doesn't have to be dramatic. It doesn't have to be love. But is there something? What's the chemistry, what's the atmosphere, what's the dynamic that's been established between you and others?

Even strangers, like clerks in a store, people standing in line, or people you pass on the road. Is there a relationship, or do you just walk down the road and ignore whoever is passing you by? Are you available to smile or say hello in a way that feels safe and appropriate? What kind of relationship is established? If you do this exercise, it's very interesting to see how it shifts that relatedness in the course of a conversation or a time together. How the quality of conversation—what we say and how we feel and what we convey to others—can open the conversation to connect us more, or close the conversation and create more distance.

We can sometimes see the effect in other people. Now they're pulling away a teeny bit, they feel more closed, they're turning away a little bit, looking out. Or now they're really opening up, they're present, they're delighted. It can be a very subtle energetic shift. What happens if you start noticing the dynamics of the relatedness, and how does that affect how you want to be compassionate, caring, and helpful for other people?

Thank you very much, and I look forward to continuing this tomorrow.