Happy Hour: Gratitude Circle

This is an AI-generated transcript from auto-generated subtitles for the video Happy Hour: Gratitude Circle. It likely contains inaccuracies, especially with speaker attribution if there are multiple speakers.

The following talk was given by Nikki Mirghafori at Insight Meditation Center in Redwood City, CA on October 02, 2021. Please visit the website www.audiodharma.org for more information.

Happy Hour: Gratitude Circle

Okay, now formally, hello and welcome to Happy Hour this Friday or Saturday—for some of you it's already Saturday, or it might be a different day if you're listening on AudioDharma.

For our practice today, as I gave you a slight preview a couple of days ago, the invitation is to invite our heart into the practice of gratitude. But the way we will approach it today is a little different from how we've approached it in the past. There are always so many different ways to do these practices. Have you noticed we always discover something new about our hearts and our capacity?

The way I'd like to invite us to consider the gratitude practice today is somewhat similar to mettā^[1] in that we will engage in gratitude practice for the people in our lives as if we're doing a life review, but with the perspective of appreciation and gratitude. Just as in mettā practice we would first invite people who are near and dear to us in concentric circles, with a sense of appreciation and gratitude.

Tonight in our practice, it's as if we'll have a little visit with each person. We'll stay for a little bit, just appreciating them and what they have brought into our lives—their qualities, our friendships, our relationships. We linger with them, hang out with them in our heart space for a while, and then we move on to the next.

Just a couple of things to note. One is that the longer we stay with one person, the steadier our heart and mind become. If we were doing this practice for the sake of developing concentration, we would stay with one person for the entirety of the period, which is what we usually do with mettā. But tonight we're approaching it a little differently. If you notice your mind getting a little restless or you start thinking too much, then just stay with one person. You be the judge. If your mind is pretty stable having a visit with one person, and then another person enters and you have a gratitude visit in your heart with them, then it's okay to move on from person to person. Be your own guide and see what works for you regarding how long to linger with one person, as long as your mind is pretty stable and doesn't get too scattered.

One last thing I want to say before we engage in our practice is that, as you will notice, there are similarities between the practice of mettā (loving-kindness, wishes for well-being) and the practice of feeling grateful and expressing appreciation in our hearts for someone. You might notice that they lead to one another. In fact, appreciating and having gratitude for someone easily leads to goodwill for them. "Oh, thank you for being in my life. Thank you for having been in my life. May you be well; I wish you well." You might discover that the heart naturally flows from one to the other.

So, be mindful and aware. At any point, if the mind needs more stability and quiet, just come back to one person, or come back to yourself, just stably appreciating this being who is you.

Alright, that is the framework for our practice. Dear sangha^[2], let's formally start.

Guided Meditation

Landing, arriving. Arriving in our seat, taking our place on this land, on this earth, planet Earth. Taking our seat, claiming our seat: "I am here."

As always, we start with arriving and settling with the breath and the body. Feeling our feet firmly on the ground, well-rooted and connected. Moving to our sit bones, feeling our bottom on the cushion or the chair. So many contact points. Feeling our hands on our lap. The contact points between our fingers, our hands, our legs. The warmth, the coolness, the heaviness.

Greeting our breath in the abdomen, in the lower abdomen. The entirety of each in-breath. The beginning, middle, and end of the out-breath. Enjoying each breath. Allowing yourself to enjoy, to relish the simplicity of just sitting and being breathed. Nowhere to go, nothing to do in this moment, but to just be.

It's like this right now. Opening your awareness to include all the sensations in the body. Awareness wide and spacious. It can include anything arising and passing. The breath sensations, even thoughts can arise and pass; you don't have to follow them. Present. Spacious. Body relaxed and soft. Softer with each out-breath.

Feeling embodied. Feeling your feet, feeling your bottom on the cushion, your hands on your lap. The breath in the lower abdomen. This entire body being breathed. Feeling embodied.

I'd like to invite you to bring to mind your heart space. Invite someone from your life with whom you have an easy relationship, and you feel grateful for. Feel grateful for their presence in your life, either from your past or present. As if you're having a little visit, without words or maybe with words silently in your heart, appreciating them. Appreciating their being, their is-ness, their suchness. The way they are; nobody else is like them. Opening your heart with appreciation to their suchness, with gratitude. The goodness they bring to your life. The way they are, their mannerisms, their quirks—all of that. Appreciation and gratitude. Spend some time with this first being.

Whenever the time feels right, maybe you want to linger longer, or maybe the time has come for you to bow to each other. Maybe hug each other, whatever feels appropriate for you, and someone else enters the space. Someone from your past or present. Appreciate them with gratitude and appreciation for the role they've had in your life, for the gifts they have bestowed upon you, given you through knowing them.

Lingering as long as needed or feels appropriate to appreciate and be grateful. And when the time is right, welcoming another person near. Make sure you're embodied; don't get too heady. Feel your feet. Feel your bottom on the cushion. Feel your presence in this moment. You don't want to get too heady with this gratitude practice. Keep it embodied. Keep it embodied with the breath and senses.

Now, in your own time, inviting others as you wish, one by one. Lingering with each with appreciation and gratitude. Letting your heart delight and be gladdened with gratitude.

Stay embodied. If you discover you're thinking too much, stay with one person for a while and come back to the breath. Once the mind is steady and connected to the breath, have visits with one being, followed by the next, with the timing that feels appropriate for you.

Opening your eyes to see the good. If you happen to remember in some way they were not supportive, let go of that. That's not the time for that practice. Intend to let go right now. Seeing through the eyes of gratitude. Allowing your heart to be alight with gladness. We can choose what we lean into.

In this gratitude circle, you can invite friends, relatives, benefactors, colleagues, teachers, coaches. Try to connect clearly with each person, as if you're seeing them brightly, or hearing them, feeling them, before you move on to the next. Really connecting with each being. Reviewing breaths.

If your heart feels open to it, you can bring in a few people you've had challenges with and see if there's gratitude for them also. You don't have to, and don't push it. See what feels supportive. You can also bring people you have supported. If you've had students or junior colleagues, thanking them and appreciating them for giving you the opportunity to be helpful.

As you appreciate those from whom you've received, and perhaps those to whom you have given support, see that you're in this interconnected web of giving and receiving. Can there be gratitude for yourself, for this being who is you?

And for the last moments of this practice period, appreciating with gratitude so many people in your lives who have graced your life with their presence. So many people. And appreciating this being who is yourself, who has showed up to this practice, for this practice, as well as you've been able to. Thank you.

Dedicating the goodness of this practice with gratitude to all beings everywhere. May all beings be happy. May all beings be free.

Thanks everyone. Thank you for your practice.

Reflections and Q&A

So, we approached gratitude practice today slightly differently: gratitude for people in our lives, present and past, in the style of a life review almost. This practice tonight is inspired by some practices in the book A Year to Live by Stephen Levine^[3].

I would love to hear your reflections. What did you notice? What came up for you? You can raise your hand or type in the chat. And again, if you type in the chat just to me, I will only read your reflection, not your name. If it's to everyone, I'll also acknowledge your name.

Oh great, I already see your reflection. Please, Fred.

Fred: I noticed, and I was struck by the fact, that in a couple of cases, people I thought of who I wouldn't say I'm the closest to had the strongest emotional valence. I felt our connection; I could remember some words that we had spoken not so long ago, and it had a lot of emotion for me. It was touching and pleasing. That's someone who's a friend, but not someone I see all the time, and not someone I would think of as being in the closest circle of my heart. There was still a lot of love and energy there, and that was a nice surprise.

Nikki Mirghafori: Thank you so much for sharing that, Fred. That gladdens my heart—that surprise of, "Oh wow, as we practice, just these beautiful discoveries." How lovely. It brightens my heart as I feel your heart brightened by this lovely surprise. Thanks for sharing, Fred. That's lovely.

Other reflections? What did you notice? Don, please.

Don: Thank you. I noticed... I was surprised that all these people sort of appeared. "Oh wow, I haven't thought about you in a long time." It was nice. And the other thing, I confess, I was sort of overwhelmed, and I had to retreat after a while and just focus on myself for a bit. But a very nice practice. Thank you.

Nikki Mirghafori: Great, thank you, Don. I love hearing the joy of, "Wow, so many people," and this gladness. I also really appreciate hearing how you wisely worked with a sense of overwhelm. Overwhelm can indeed come up with this practice, like, "Wow, so many people. And there are probably so many more people I haven't thought about." However overwhelm comes, just coming back to yourself is wonderful. Great, great. Lovely. Thanks for sharing that.

Yeah, that came up for me also—the sense of, "Wow, so many people. So many people I hadn't thought about in a long time." Childhood friends, family members, some people from way, way back. It was just so lovely. So many people who've touched my life, and just being with who they are; they've graced my life with their presence.

Jerry says in the chat, "I noticed a much wider gratitude list that I needed to pay attention to, and the nuance of the different types of gratitude for all of them." Yes. Thank you, Jerry, I appreciate that. A wider list, and also the nuances of gratitude for different types. Actually, I wonder if you'd be willing to say a little more? You don't have to, but if you'd like to, what do you notice about this nuance that you're referring to?

Jerry: So, I know I speak frequently, so I don't want to hog the time. I haven't for a while, so I'm trying to restrict myself; I can talk a lot. But anyhow, I really like these sanghas. They really have transformed my life. I actually was commenting to a colleague at lunch today whose husband recently passed. She said, "Haven't you felt lonely in this period of COVID?" And I said, "You know, I don't feel lonely." I was reflecting on this and I said, you know, this sangha has taken me into such gravitas, nuance, depth, and growth that it's not even part of my feelings, and I'm quite impressed by it. You know, I've gone on retreat with Joseph Goldstein^[4], and they talked about having faith in the dharma, faith in your practice, and in the sangha. Of course, living in a large city, getting to a sangha in traffic and subway trains and all that, I would never do it. But this has been quite amazing.

So, it's part of the nuances of the gratitude that I have for this sangha, that there are so many different people from different walks of life and continents, that it has overwhelmed me at times with its richness. When I go to bed at night and write out three things that I'm grateful for, I'm amazed that the sangha comes up almost each day as one of the three. I never thought in my life that it would be such a major part, and so I'm ever so grateful that it's going to continue after COVID. It's one of the richnesses of a life. When I was on retreat with Joseph Goldstein with you as my tutor in 2014, I remember thinking, "How am I going to get to a sangha in Toronto? It takes me half an hour to go twenty blocks." And now I just click on the computer and here you are, everyone from Australia to Ireland and back. So that's an example of the nuances. And there are many others, but that was one. I also thought of students and professors and other people who have influenced where I am today. As long as I'm alive, I will try to make this place a better place.

Nikki Mirghafori: Thank you so much, Jerry. Thank you so much for your reflection. It has brought up so much joy and gratitude in my heart hearing your reflections. I see smiles on other people's faces as you were talking, and nodding. I have so much gratitude for this sangha. What a beautiful, beautiful sangha we have co-created together. So much gratitude. Thank you for sharing that, it's really helpful and very appreciated.

So, dear sangha, the time has come for us to transition into small groups. This is the part where you can meet folks from Ireland to Australia to Singapore, and all the places in the middle in the US and beyond. Richard also on YouTube says, "So touched by your sharing, Jerry, so thank you for stepping in and taking the invitation to share."

I'm going to create the breakout rooms, dear ones. Here we go. As always, take 15 seconds for silent mental gratitude for each other, and then share as much or as little as you wish. The rooms are open. Take care of yourself, take care of each other. Here we go.

[Breakout Rooms]

Welcome back everyone. The rooms are closed, and we have just a couple of minutes. Are there any reflections or what you noticed that you would like to share? Especially if you haven't spoken for a while, or you can type it in chat. Yes, please.

Su-hung: So, um, I think that it's been always happening to just revisit when I was a kid. The teachers. They're such a great, big part of the lives of little kids. I always appreciate that certain teachers were so supportive of me, and they trusted and believed in me. Probably they already saw that I was going to walk a different path than other people. It was really nice to have them visit me, smile at me, greeting each other. Yeah, it was really nice.

Nikki Mirghafori: That is so sweet. Thank you for bringing up teachers, especially teachers when we're very young. They're not forgotten; they're part of us, absolutely. Such a strong impact. Thanks for bringing teachers in. And I see one more hand, let's take this. Kenneth, please.

Kenneth: As a retired teacher, I went to a number of my favorite giggly students in the past. That was really... the students that always make me laugh, always make me smile. I went back with gratitude towards them. So that was special for me.

Nikki Mirghafori: Oh my god, I just love it! [Laughter] Thank you both. I love the back-to-back comments. Su-hung's—as I always have trouble remembering your name, forgive me—her comment and your comment, back-to-back, the student and teacher. It just makes my heart so happy. In giving we receive, and in receiving we give. It's part of the circle of gratitude, hence the Gratitude Circle tonight. This is very sweet.

And Jerry says in the chat: "The other thing I forgot to mention was the collective intelligence, and especially emotional intelligence, of the sangha. At times it overwhelms me with gratitude."

Yes, indeed. Thank you for naming that, Jerry. There is so much wisdom, there is so much heart in this sangha. I thank you all. Thank you all for showing up, for practicing, for cultivating for your own benefit and the benefit of all those whose lives yours touch.

May all beings be happy. May all beings be free, including ourselves. Thank you all.