Happy Hour: Metta and Wise Perspective

This is an AI-generated transcript from auto-generated subtitles for the video Happy Hour: Metta and Wise Perspective (Nikki Mirghafori). It likely contains inaccuracies, especially with speaker attribution if there are multiple speakers.

The following talk was given by Nikki Mirghafori at Insight Meditation Center in Redwood City, CA on August 14, 2020. Please visit the website www.audiodharma.org for more information.

Happy Hour: Metta and Wise Perspective

The preliminaries, you know, always in practices—especially in the Mahayana^[1] and Vajrayana^[2] Buddhist traditions—there are always a lot of preliminaries. There are many practices you do in order to get ready for the actual practice of sitting and meditating. Let's consider these as our preliminaries as we're sitting: preparing our hearts and our minds, sitting in the space.

So, we are ready with the preliminaries. Done with the preliminaries in our little form. Welcome! I am very happy to have you and see you at Happy Hour, dear sangha^[3].

For tonight's Happy Hour guided meditation, I would like to invite us into a new series of explorations. For those who have been joining the past ten sessions together, we explored the relationship between mettā^[4] and the other pāramīs^[5]—the other nine perfections, because mettā is one of them.

Today, I felt inspired. Actually, I was sitting a silent retreat at home for the past five days. I've lost track of days; it started on Sunday, which just ended today. In this era of COVID-19, since we can't sit together in the retreat center, sitting at home supported by Zoom is a new way to sit retreat. I'm really grateful to have been able to do that. I just came out of retreat earlier today, so I'm still steeping in the retreat space and being quieter than I realized.

With this, I'd like to invite us to start on a new series. As I was reflecting today on the Eightfold Path^[6], I considered the relationship between mettā and the Eightfold Path. I think this can be a very interesting and exciting way to explore these beautiful teachings—from the perspective of mettā, how each factor supports mettā, loving-kindness, and how mettā and friendliness support each of these factors. Let's see what we discover.

The first factor of the Eightfold Path is wise perspective. It is translated in so many different ways: Right View^[7], wise view—but I like "wise perspective" or "helpful perspective" as the best translation. Let's sit with that for a moment: a helpful perspective in life. It's the very first one, so the Buddha was giving us a signal. "Hey people, the perspective you take is really, really important in life." It is fundamental, and we have a choice in what perspective we take. Everything can be taken away from us—our health, our livelihood—we can lose everything in life. But our choice of perspective, how we choose to see things, that's a choice that cannot be taken away from us. It's conditioned, but there's a lot more choice in that than in other things.

We can have unhelpful, unwise perspectives, and we can have helpful or wise perspectives. Sometimes maybe it's helpful to consider unwise perspectives. "Why me? This is terrible. The world is an awful place. I'm going to cheat and lie my way out to be successful." Unwise perspectives don't lead to happiness. They don't lead to a heart that's happy, or a mind that's at rest, sleeps well at night, feels rich, feels full of generosity, and is happy for its own sake and for others. We can consider unwise perspectives in order to highlight what a wise perspective is, and what a helpful perspective to have in life is.

Having said just a few general words about wise perspectives, I want to say one more thing before we get into our exploration. When we cultivate goodwill, we're actually taking on a wise perspective. For example, mettā for ourselves: "This being that is me is deserving of care, is deserving of love." That's a wise perspective that we take on in order to cultivate mettā for ourselves. Through cultivated mettā, as we wish ourselves well, as we relate to ourselves with friendliness, a wise perspective of care and friendliness for ourselves then arises. Wise perspective gives rise to cultivating mettā, and mettā gives rise to wise perspective. Do you see that relationship? It's a virtuous cycle.

Similarly, cultivating goodwill for others. The unwise perspective could be, "Oh, they're terrible, and people deserve to suffer," just a sense of ill will. But a helpful perspective that causes our heart happiness and freedom is, "Ah, just like me, everybody suffers. Just like me, everybody wants to be happy. There are all these human beings going along their lives trying to do the best they can." Taking on a wise perspective opens your heart to cultivating goodwill for all beings. And as you cultivate goodwill for all beings, a sense of ease and spaciousness arises, fostering a more helpful perspective. So that when somebody cuts you off in traffic—nowadays we're not driving much, but if somebody were cutting you off in traffic—it wouldn't be like, "Ah, they're terrible!" and [expletives]. It would be more like, "Oh, maybe they're in a hurry. Maybe they're trying to get somewhere. Maybe somebody's in danger. May you be well." A more helpful perspective gives your heart ease, so that you don't have road rage. There are so many ways that these two can play with each other. Without further ado, let's dig in and explore wise perspective and cultivating friendliness.

Guided Meditation

With that, I'd like to invite you to just sit, move, lie down, whatever is comfortable for you. Getting into a position that supports you in this moment in time. And landing. Landing. Holding in your body.

Landing with your body, in your body, first and foremost. I cannot overemphasize how important arriving and landing in the body is for the practice that we are doing. Feeling your feet, your legs on the ground. Sitting on a chair, the bottoms of your feet planted, rooted. If you're sitting on a cushion, the bottoms of your legs contacting the earth. Landing. Landing into your sit bones, your bottom touching the chair. Landing your back, touching the back of the chair if you're sitting in one. Feeling the contact points between your hands and each other, or your legs. Landing your body. Arriving.

Arriving with your breath in your body. Receiving the breath in your abdomen. Not effortfully. You don't have to breathe; the body knows how to breathe itself. Simply opening, as if you're opening up the pores of your body to receive each breath. To receive each in-breath. Letting your shoulders soften. Letting your face soften. Relax. Let your eyes rest in their sockets. Your jaw relaxing. Your lower back relaxing. Releasing any holding in your feet and your legs. Your chest relaxing. Choosing to have a moment of refuge.

When thoughts arise, there's no problem with thinking per se. Just as there is no problem with hearing; sounds come and go, thoughts come and go. Every sound you hear, you don't get up to go check to see what the source is. You don't follow it. It just comes and goes. Let your relationship with thoughts be the same. They arise and pass; you don't have to follow them. You don't have to be reactive. Having a relationship of ease with thoughts. You don't have to be bothered by them. Simply resting with the breath, with the body. Arriving more fully in this moment's experience. The full humanity, the awe-inspiring humanity of this moment's experience. Having a sense of awe, curiosity, receiving the breath in the body.

Noticing if any perspectives are arising, and recognizing them. If they're a wise perspective, a helpful one, or an unhelpful one. If the thought arises representing the perspective, "Oh, you're so distracted right now, you can't do this"—not a very helpful perspective. How about, "Thoughts arising, it's okay. Distracted Buddha is practicing right now." Smiling with a sense of ease. Beginning again, and again, and again. A more helpful perspective. Perspectives are a dime a dozen. Why choose the dungeon to dwell in? Choose the palace in your heart, spacious to reside in.

Now I'd like to invite you, if you wish, to consider the perspective that you are worthy of care, of compassion, of love, of friendliness, just as anyone else in the world. As the Buddha said, you could search the whole world, and you won't find anyone more deserving of your own friendliness, mettā, and care than yourself. Consider that perspective.

With that perspective, I'd like you to bring to mind, to conjure up, a being that represents unconditional love for you. It could be an archetype. It could be a being of light shining their light unconditionally on everyone. Many people who have near-death experiences, for example—no matter their religion, their age, their background, their religiosity—more than 90 percent report feeling held by unconditional love. Not because they've done anything to deserve it, but it's just available. They're held. Imagine you're being held unconditionally by this being of light, or any archetype. The Buddha, Jesus, Mother Mary, maybe the Dalai Lama, or whoever works for you. Archetype or human, whatever works for you. Be creative.

Maybe, if it works for you, imagine as if you were having a near-death experience, a different state of consciousness, and feeling held. Completely held in a way that's not usually available to you in your ordinary life. Feeling, "Wow, completely held, completely accepted, completely loved, just because you exist. Just because you breathe. Just because you are." Completely held. Maybe even see yourself on the lap of this being, just held. There is nothing you have to do. There's no one you have to be. You are completely held already.

Even if you can just let it in for a moment and be, it is so healing, even if it's not sustained. And if it can be sustained, lovely. Whatever is available right now. Feel free to use your creativity and imagination to feel held. There is nothing you have to do or be, no one you have to be. You're already held. Gazed upon with unconditional acceptance.

Now, inviting yourself to hold yourself as much as possible with the same hint of acceptance. The same hint of unconditionality of care, love, friendliness. Or maybe more than a hint. "May I be a friend to myself. I hold myself with care and love," or "I care for myself. I care for this being that is me. I am deserving of care, of friendliness. I see my own goodness." There is beauty, there is inner goodness in my heart, in my being. "May I recognize, may I see my own inner goodness. May I befriend myself and support my own goodness."

Now, if you wish, invite yourself to consider the perspective of this unconditional love and acceptance. It's available to you, and it also shines upon every human being. Every being on this planet. Just taking on the perspective for a moment to see what it might open up. It's very big. Maybe start with beings that you care about, close to your heart. Seeing that they are bathed, they are held in unconditional love and acceptance. They don't have to be anyone or do anything in order to deserve this kind of acceptance that's available from the cosmos, by the universe to them. On some level, there is a perfection in them just being. Perhaps it supports seeing the divinity, the beauty, the grace that is their being, their existence, without attachment to being a particular way, without attachment to outcomes.

Regardless of what you think of them, how you measure them, or how they measure themselves. How they judge themselves, or how you judge them. Regardless of all of that, this sense of benevolence acts as the fabric of the universe holding them just as it holds you. Just as it shines on you, without exception. Feel free to see all of you, and maybe all of us. People in your life, people in this room, and we humanity, all living beings, held in this benevolence. No one left out.

Breathing with this perspective. The sense of benevolence, goodwill, kindness, love, friendliness, whatever nuance arises for you. Just be held in it for another moment or two along with many other beings. Breathing this feeling. See what it feels like to breathe it, allowing this benevolence and friendliness, mettā, into your heart, into your belly.

For the last moments of this practice period, know that taking on these perspectives are all invitations to explore. No shoulds, no have-tos. Different reactions and different explorations might arise for you, which, given all the causes and conditions, were just the right ones for this moment. So not to judge, not to fix, not to compare. Just appreciate that you have tried holding yourself with appreciation for your own inner goodness. You showed up, you tried, without attachment to the outcome. Even if there was just a moment of friendliness connecting with goodwill, or a moment of mindfulness in your body, celebrate that. Letting go of the rest. We're all just practicing together. As Ram Dass^[8] said, we're all just walking each other home. And in this case, home is the home of friendliness, goodwill, benevolence, the home of our hearts.

Reflections

Thank you all. If you wish to share a word or a phrase, you can type it in chat: what arose for you? You can also unmute yourself if you wish. I'll get us started by sharing that as we're exploring taking on perspectives with the cultivation of mettā and goodwill, taking on this perspective of the benevolent being has been helpful in my practice. Having read hundreds of accounts from people who have had near-death experiences—they've flatlined in the hospital, etc.—reporting that they've experienced being held in unconditional love, it is so profound and powerful. I wanted to evoke that and bring that in. If it works for you, great; if it doesn't, let it go. These are just invitations. But for me tonight, the practice and evoking that was very powerful. It actually felt like there was a very powerful sense of connecting with that in my own practice, which I hope was transmitted and could support you.

Christine in Silver Spring, Maryland, offers something so beautiful I have written it down: "There are countless perspectives available to you. Why choose the dungeon when you can choose the palace of your heart?" Thank you, Christine. I like that one too. Maybe I'll write that one down and use it next time; it just came out.

Allie offers: "Unconditional love is such a healing perspective. I can hardly comprehend it even now." Yeah, thank you, Allie. It is such a healing perspective. So healing.

Nav offers: "I'm reminded of Gandhi's saying. The quickest way to change the world is to change the way we see it." Yes, that must be Gandhi. Exactly, perspectives.

Neil offers: "Bare and swaddled in love." I love the felt sense of that. I love the rawness. Actually, that's an image that was coming up for me too—being swaddled. Lovely. Thank you all for your perspectives and for your sharings. Beautiful.

Relational Practice

I'd like to invite us to transition into the next part of our practice together. Practice now to take the same sense that you have—the same quiet, tender, swaddled perspective—into relational practice. You don't have to now put on your worldly persona like, "Okay, now I'm going to talk to people." Leave that at the door. With the sense of the same tenderness, can you hold the same perspective of love, that you are held in love and care, and the other two beings that you will be in the room with are too held in unconditional care? Whatever comes out of your mouth or their mouths, it's all okay. You relate to it as, "These are beautiful sounds."

Hold it with a different kind of perspective. See what it feels like if you don't follow each thought or judgement. You know, the same way that I was sharing in the practice: each thought that arises, treat it as if it were a sound. You don't get up and follow it and judge it like, "Oh, sounds like a door creaking, or air conditioning humming," whatever it is. In the same way, celebrate whatever arises with this perspective. See what it feels like to really relate in this way in this sangha that is holding you. You're holding them, and we're all held together.

If you're on the fence, I suggest you try it out. Especially if you tend to leave right at this moment. Hang in here with the perspective and see how surprisingly healing it can actually be to be with other beings. I'm going to open the breakout rooms now, and each person will just take a couple of minutes to share how this practice was for you. There's no right or wrong. "I fell asleep," "Loved it," "Didn't like it"—anything is fine. Here we go, I'm going to open the rooms.

Sharing and Q&A

Welcome back, everyone. Feel free to share. Actually, before we start sharing, I'd like to honor a couple of reflections that were typed just as we were going into groups.

From Yuka: "Thank you nature. Thank you love. Thank you experience." Thank you, Yuka. I love thanking nature because it is nature, and thanking love because it is love and it is experience. There's an interchangeability of nature as love, as experience. I really appreciate your words, Yuka. Thank you for sharing them.

I also wanted to thank Michaela and share her reflection. She says, "I felt all the aches in my shoulders and lower back for weeks, and tonight experiencing them again while sitting, I managed to have a moment of, 'Ah, this body needs care, some stretching and massage,' as opposed to the punishing, unfriendly thoughts like, 'You should exercise more, you're so lazy.' It's a gift to shift perspective." Yeah, thank you. You said it so well: it is a gift to shift perspective. Shifting perspective can bring in more mettā, more friendliness. And cultivating more friendliness and goodwill can shift our perspective to ourselves, to others, to the world, to our experience, and the way we experience life. If you have more friendliness towards yourself and others, it feels like the world is a friendlier place. Your experience of life shifts to feel more friendly. Okay, now I'd like to hear from you. An invitation, please.

Participant: Can I make a contribution, please? It's on the idea of being swaddled and the sangha. You don't know this because you haven't been with us this week, but today's the first time I've switched on the camera. I've been very unwell all week. When I joined that little group, Neil filled my heart with love. He said he was hoping he'd be able to see me in that little group because he knows that I've been unwell all week. He filled my heart with the power and the love of the sangha, and the support of being swaddled by fellow practitioners. And now you filled my heart by sharing that. I feel swaddled and cared for by the love of the sangha caring for each other. It just makes me so happy. So thank you to the sangha, and thank you for being part of the sangha and feeding the sangha with your presence. Each and every one of you. Thank you.

Nikki: Very sweet, thank you. Other reflections? Please don't be shy.

Participant: I have something to share, I guess. I got into a conversation yesterday or the day before, a political discussion. I've always been involved very enthusiastically in politics, and I was very much aware that it's not necessary to have people understand what my perspective is on current political situations, and that frequently it's not helpful. I learned to shut up, so that was helpful to me. It made me feel a lot less frustrated, and it allowed me also to listen to people more. So it was a nice change of perspective for me.

Nikki: Yeah, I hear that. Thank you, Nancy. It's so interesting, you know, the perspective of wanting to be heard: "Me, me, me." There's an attachment to our opinion and the way we see things. Instead of that, what if we experimented with just listening and receiving? That can shift the dynamics, too. I so appreciate you bringing a different kind of shift in perspective as you experimented with yesterday and seeing life. Lovely, thank you.

Other reports from the field? Let's call it that: reports from the field, reports from your experience, either in meditation or in practice.

Participant: I love the perspective you offer, Nikki, of deserving everything not because of anything we've done or not done, and turning that to everyone. That is so hard for me to wrap my human mind around—that I'm worthy of everything just as I am. That is really powerful, and I'm really going to work on keeping that perspective.

Nikki: Awesome, thank you, Allie. Thank you for naming how challenging that perspective can be to the human, limited perspective of comparing and judging. At the same time, I hear in what you're saying that your heart is called to that perspective. There's a grander vision in that than our limited human minds. That's what mystics experience, talk about, and teach. And not just mystics, but we're all mystics because we all can have access to this perspective at different times in our lives. Sometimes, you know, at the birth of a child: "Oh, it's perfect. It doesn't have to be or do anything. This being just existing is perfect. It's perfection." But then when they grow up, we lose that. In those moments, we're all mystics. Or moments of deep love for another being, or moments of passing, someone dying, transitions. There are these moments when our minds open up to this different perspective that actually is available all the time. So I really appreciate you naming it, Allie. How challenging it is, and how there's something to actually keep in the foreground and keep swimming with. See how it bubbles up and bubbles through.

So my dear ones, it is 7:00 p.m. in California, and I think maybe 9:00 a.m. in Japan. I'm losing all the time zones, but maybe midday in Australia on Friday, the next day. It's like I'm living in the future in terms of the time zone you are in. So it is time to bring our dear togetherness, our precious togetherness, this sangha, to a close for now in this form. Thank you all for showing up, practicing, supporting each other and yourself, and all beings whose lives yours touches. May you be safe and happy and healthy and well, and all beings included. Take good care. Be well. Good evening, good morning, good something or other. Thank you.

[Laughter]