Guided Meditation-Meditative Thoughts; Dharmette: Wise Speech (1 of 5) Timely Speech

This is an AI-generated transcript from auto-generated subtitles for the video Guided Meditation: Meditative Thoughts; Wise Speech (1 of 5) Timely Speech. It likely contains inaccuracies, especially with speaker attribution if there are multiple speakers.

The following talk was given by Gil Fronsdal at Insight Meditation Center in Redwood City, CA on August 28, 2023. Please visit the website www.audiodharma.org for more information.

Guided Meditation-Meditative Thoughts

Good day. Greetings to this beginning of the week, Monday.

To begin on this topic and theme: even just saying "good day" to you and greeting you is a form of communication. Humans have the ability of communicating with each other, but we also have the ability to communicate to ourselves. To some degree, whenever we're thinking, we are communicating to ourselves. There is some kind of communication going on; we're telling ourselves a memory, planning an event, anticipating something, or fantasizing.

Think of thinking—whether we think in words or in images—as a form of communication, and then consider how it's being communicated. What is the choice that we are maybe unconsciously making for that act of communication? Are we choosing a form of communication that is enjoyable? That is, the way we speak to ourselves in meditation, the way that we think, the way that we create images and relate to them in our minds. Is there some choice in how we think and how we engage in this inner communication, so that the communication is done in a way that feels supportive, feels pleasant, calming, or settling?

To begin today, we'll use that choice. Often in meditation, the emphasis is on letting go of thoughts, feeling that thoughts get in the way, and just kind of staying with breathing or some object of meditation—staying with a quiet awareness. But let's begin this meditation with a few moments here looking at your thinking.

Assume a meditation posture and take a few moments to find a comfortable posture, a calming posture. Find a posture that's not being shaped by whatever way our desires are driven, but a posture that might support the settling and quieting of desires.

Then, close your eyes or lower your gaze. Take a few long, slow, deep breaths, relaxing on the exhale. Let your breathing return to normal, and for a few moments, as you breathe and exhale, relax your body.

Then, maybe continuing gently with your breathing as a grounding reference point, become aware of how you're thinking and the kind of inner communications you have. To the degree which you have some choice about how you think, can you think in a more pleasant way, a calmer way? Maybe think more gently or peacefully. You're welcome to think whatever you're thinking, but try to do so in a calm or gentle way. Perhaps thinking slower. Whatever way you're relating to this exercise, maybe relax that. Relax any tension, straining, or resistance there might be. Engage with your thinking calmly and kindly.

Tracking how you're thinking and letting it become calmer and slower does require some degree of mindfulness and awareness. As you're attending to your thinking, what time are your thoughts concerned with? Are you concerned with the past, the future, or the timeless time of fantasy? What place are they concerned with? Are they concerned with some place where something happened in the past, or a place where something will happen in the future?

Recognize when your thinking is not about the here and now, this place and this time. This isn't to be against it or have a problem with it, but be aware that all this thinking is about another time and another place. It's not about the here and now. Just see that clearly.

Then, gently and calmly see if you can switch your thoughts to thoughts about the here and now. Use gentle, calm thoughts of recognition, thoughts of instructions for yourself in being present in your meditation. It is a form of communication to have your thoughts help you recognize what's happening here and now. Let your thoughts provide you with very simple instructions to do this very thing that we're doing.

Then, center yourself on your breathing if you'd like, or center yourself on your embodied feeling of being in your body. But if you start thinking, take a good look. See if the thoughts are about this time and place and what's happening now for you, or about something else. If it's something else, change the channel to the channel that's about the here and now, instructing yourself to be involved in your meditation here and now.

Meditation is a time for thinking only about the present and only about the experience that's here and now, not judging it or making plans around it. Cultivate simple thoughts of recognition and simple thoughts that encourage you to be present. Thoughts of instructions: "here with this breath, this inhale; here with this exhale."

As we come to the end of this meditation, if thinking is a form of communication, what thoughts would you like to communicate out into the world? If it is your heart that wants to communicate your care and your love, what thoughts would you like to have sent out into the world? If your thoughts can touch the hearts of others, with what thoughts would you touch them?

Perhaps we can end now with an aspirational thought of well-wishing, wishing others well: May all beings be happy. May all beings be safe. May all beings be peaceful. May all beings be free.

And may it be that through our thoughts, our words, and our deeds, we find ways to contribute to this possibility. So it's not just good wishes, but wishes upon which we act into the world. May all beings be happy.

Thank you.

Dharmette: Wise Speech (1 of 5) Timely Speech

Hello on this Monday as we begin a new five-part series. The topic for this week is conventionally or normally called "Wise Speech," or "Right Speech"^[1].

A few introductory words about this: in the time of the Buddha, the ways people communicated with each other were only through speech and maybe through gesture as well. There was no writing to speak of, and certainly no other forms of communication—no telephones, no email. So, speech was the center of focus for how to communicate wisely. I suspect that if the Buddha were alive today, he would call this "wise communication" rather than "wise speech," because his teachings apply to all the ways in which we communicate with each other. Now we have so many different methods that are more than just speech; email, for example, is an important area where we need to learn how to communicate wisely.

Overall, this year, the orientation around these morning teachings is to provide support for working with the difficulties and challenges of life. Maybe all of Buddhism is that, so it doesn't need to be said, but that is a focus. Learning how to communicate when in conflict or when things are challenging is a crucial skill. We must learn to be in conflict and handle challenges in a useful, productive way that causes less harm. We must communicate so we don't make a situation worse; ideally, we make the situation better. I think that is a powerful, simple principle or instruction: whatever is happening, don't make it worse.

Communicating in a way that doesn't make things worse, but instead makes them better, means communicating effectively. We take care of ourselves and what needs to be done, but we do it in ways that lead to long-term benefit. We aren't excessively focused on just the immediate results of right now, but we are looking at what we are creating in the long term for our relationships with other people. If we say something harsh, strong, and angry to people, we might have an immediate effect—maybe even the effect that we want—but in the long term, we've diminished the strength of that relationship. We have diminished the trust, the sense of safety that people have, and the interest people have in being with us. So, we must find a way to communicate that creates long-term connections and well-being, helping to develop healthy relationships as opposed to pulling back, severing them, or creating unhealthy ones.

The Buddha had a number of principles or advice for wise communication and wise speech. In some places, he lists five, and so we'll cover those five over this week. For speech to be wise, it needs to be:

1. Timely (spoken at the right time)
2. Truthful
3. Pleasant or soothing (calming for people)
4. Beneficial
5. Kind (spoken with a mind of loving-kindness^[2])

These are questions we can use to ask ourselves when we're about to speak: Is it timely? Is it true? Is it being spoken in a way that's pleasant and settling for people? Is it beneficial to say what I'm going to say? And is it kind? Should I speak right now, and how can I speak so it aligns with this way?

The first one is: Is it timely? Is this the right time? This is hugely important, especially when there's conflict and challenge, because different people have different needs. In a conflict, some people need time to process, to be quiet, and to be by themselves for a while before they're ready to be in a conversation about it. Other people need to address it right away; letting it stay in their mind and fester is difficult for them, and in order to find out what's going on, they need to be in conversation.

Because there is this range in how people handle conflict, we have to be very careful to understand: what's the right time for this conversation? Is the person ready for it? Are the circumstances of life such that now is the time the person is ready to talk about this? Sometimes when we want to talk about something, bringing it up actually makes the situation worse if people are not ready. Maybe they're going through some other difficulty and they can't add one more to their plate. Or maybe they're in a lousy mood. Trying to approach them with some important, difficult topic when they're tired, upset, or in a bad mood is not going to go very well.

We have to assess the situation of the people we want to talk to, and we have to assess ourselves. Is it the right time for me to have this conversation? Am I ready? Am I in a good mood? Am I in a state where the best of who I am can come forward for this communication? For example, if you're hungry and it's going to be a difficult conversation, make sure you drink and eat first. That might just put you in a whole different state of mind, enabling you to be more patient, more accepting, or even more intelligent in the conversation.

Asking "Is it the right time?" is a very helpful question. Is it the right time for you? Is it the right time for the other person? Is it the right time for the situation? I find that with certain difficulties I would like to discuss with people, I will wait until I feel the person is open to the conversation. Sometimes I've waited weeks or months for this to happen, and it was productive to do so. Sometimes the person opens the door themselves for the topic, and then it's much easier to step in because they are less defensive. But bringing up something difficult immediately, as soon as there's a challenge—sometimes it's really good, clear, and clean, but sometimes it's not helpful because the person will be resistant, defensive, and shut down if they are not ready to hear it.

It's a little bit hard to consider this when there's a lot of impulse and impatience—a feeling of "this has to happen now." And sometimes it does, and then you need to do it. But even if you feel this needs to be taken care of now, when you realize the person is not ready and can't deal with it, insisting on your own way is not going to go well. I've done that. I've had conversations with people right away, and it just got worse because the person wasn't ready. Sometimes waiting a day, waiting an hour, or even waiting five minutes is enough for them to be ready.

Ask yourself about what you want to speak about: Is this the right time to speak, or is there a better time? What is the most useful time to have this conversation? There are a lot of criteria to look into regarding the right time. Is the person ready? Are they in a good mood for it? Are they going to be receptive? Are you going to be able to speak clearly? Have you understood the situation well enough and considered what's going on so that you can bring forward the clearest articulation^[3] of what you need to say? Do you need to calm down a little bit or change your mood and come back in a way that's better?

One useful guideline I suggest is that if you're angry, this is not the time to have an in-depth conversation with other people. If you can learn to find a way to settle the anger—even just going for a walk around the block, meditating for ten minutes, or waiting until the next day—then you can address the issue. This is not about avoiding issues. When you ask, "Is it the right time?" and you decide, "I'll wait," you do so in order to have conversations that are productive, useful, and supportive for everyone.

So, ask the question in your communication: Is it timely? The email you're writing, is this the right time to write it? I've written emails in a hurry when I felt impatient, and I didn't communicate well. Then I had to spend a lot of time cleaning up, explaining, and fixing things. Now, sometimes I write emails and don't send them. Sometimes I just bookmark an email and tell myself I'm going to reply to it sometime when I don't feel impatient or rushed, when it can be given a different kind of care. Is it the right time to write an email, or does this require more consideration than a quick reply? What is the wise, supportive reply?

We communicate all the time, if nothing else, to ourselves. Even there, how do we communicate to ourselves? Are we thinking about things in a timely way? Is there something that's more timely to be concerned with and focused on? This question opens doors and possibilities. It can change the mindstream in which we're flowing when that mindstream is not very useful for us or helpful for the world.

Wise communication and wise speech begin by asking the question: Is this the right time for what I'm going to say?

Thank you very much.