Guided Meditation: Goodwill; Dharmette: Wise Speech (5 of 5) Speaking with Goodwill

This is an AI-generated transcript from auto-generated subtitles for the video Guided Meditation: Goodwill; Wise Speech (5 of 5) Speaking with Goodwill. It likely contains inaccuracies, especially with speaker attribution if there are multiple speakers.

The following talk was given by Gil Fronsdal at Insight Meditation Center in Redwood City, CA on September 01, 2023. Please visit the website www.audiodharma.org for more information.

Guided Meditation: Goodwill

Hello everyone, and welcome to this Friday morning meditation in California. I appreciate all the time zones that people are in. It's a different way of feeling connected around the globe, thinking about it. I appreciate seeing the names with the greetings here on the YouTube chat, and it's nice to see the names that become familiar over time. Welcome.

There is an ancient—or maybe not so ancient—saying that when meditating, watch your mind; when in the world, watch your speech. These two ways of being mindful are closely connected, because what we say is closely connected to what's happening in our minds and hearts in our life. Often, it's a manifestation of it. One way to get a sense of the quality, the characteristics, and the mood of your inner life is to notice how you're speaking.

When we're watching our mind in meditation, it's also possible to watch how we're speaking to ourselves. Notice the kind of thoughts we have, the tone of the thoughts, and the attitude that's in those thoughts. Sometimes those can be quite friendly, and sometimes the way we think inside can be harsh. Sometimes they can be confident, and sometimes they can be anxious. Sometimes they can be critical, and other times they can be appreciative. Sometimes they are consumed in a painful way around thoughts about "me, myself, and mine." Other times, there are thoughts which are free of "I," or there is a lightness and ease around the "I" that the thoughts might be about.

Watching the mind becomes an appreciation—an observation of how good it is just to be aware, just to be mindful. But maybe to do so with a friendly attitude. Sometimes it's possible to see that the alternative to a friendly attitude towards oneself in meditation is painful. It's stressful.

If that's the case, why not be friendly? Why not be kind? Why not have kind thoughts, friendly thoughts? So, to begin in an intentional way, mindfully and thoughtfully, enter into a meditation posture. Even if you're already in such a posture, maybe there are some small ways to adjust. Notice the way your head is on your shoulders and the openness in the chest. Maybe there's a way that the spine can be a little bit more alert by elongating it a tiny bit. See if the hands and fingers can be relaxed and soft. Lower your gaze and close your eyes.

Take a few long, slow, deep breaths in a gentle way, as if it's a friendly greeting that you give yourself: "Hi." Then take a deeper breath than usual to greet and meet a greater range of your embodied experience. Exhale a little bit fuller than usual, in a friendly way, as if you're saying appreciatively, "Ah," as you exhale.

Breathing normally, in a friendly way, relax parts of your body. It is as if you're offering kindness or goodwill to each part of your body that relaxes. Even if it feels strange to be friendly to parts of your body, it's good for the heart for us to be friendly to all things.

Then, settle into your breathing, as if you're meeting each inhale and each exhale with friendliness, with goodwill. You're not trying to use the breath for your purposes, manipulate the breath, or be aggressive with your breath. You're not even holding on to the breath. Just maintain a continual act of friendly, warm-hearted attention.

Allowing the breath to be as it is, in your friendly gaze, maybe the breathing can just settle and relax. Maybe the breathing can breathe more easily because it doesn't have to satisfy any of your desires or wishes for anything. Breathing just breathes in you. A friendly observer accompanying breathing, a friendly companion right there alongside each breath.

[Silence for meditation]

Perhaps for the purposes of this meditation, assume that all the different ways you can be fit into two categories: either there's a general goodwill, or the absence of goodwill. In whatever way you recognize the absence of goodwill, or the opposite of goodwill, meet that with kindness. Meet that with a kind of friendly goodwill. Perhaps a kind of goodwill that allows a thinking mind to relax and become quiet.

[Silence for meditation]

And then, as we come to the end of the sitting, imagine that your awareness is like the Midas touch. Whatever you touch with awareness, whatever you're aware of, whatever you know that your awareness is touching—with whatever deeper attitude you have—it has an influence on the world. With what touch are you aware of it? In what way do you know it?

Perhaps at the end of this meditation, turn your attention outward now into the world around you. To your immediate neighborhood, the wider community you're in, the wider circles of neighbors, friends, and families. A wider circle of people out across the lands. Have that attention to the wider world spreading outward. Let it be an expression of goodwill and well-wishing for everyone, as if you are touching everyone lightly, softly. Maybe with a small touch on the upper back: "I'm here with you, I care for you, I wish you well."

Live dedicated to finding ways to have goodwill for all beings. May all beings be the beneficiaries of our goodwill.

May all beings become happier, knowing there are those who have goodwill for them.

May all beings feel safer in the circles of our goodwill.

May all beings be more at peace, knowing there are people who have goodwill, care, and love.

May all beings be free of sorrow, suffering, stress, and despair, knowing that they are supported by those who have goodwill for them and wish them well.

May we live this day offering our goodwill to all that we meet. May all beings be happy.

Thank you.

Dharmette: Wise Speech (5 of 5) Speaking with Goodwill

We come to the fifth of these five talks on wise speech. These are five reflections that we can do before we speak or after we speak. Not because we are obligated to be this way, but because these are five ways that we can flourish. Our hearts can flourish, and the Dharma path can flourish in us. They are ways of supporting the flourishing of others.

Speak when it's timely, the right time. Do not rush to speak or avoid speaking, but consider what the right time is. Is it now, or is it some other time? Speak honestly. Speak the truth, where we are in no way trying to deceive anyone or manipulate anyone with our speech. Speak in a way that touches the heart in a pleasant way, but deeper than just pleasure—something that pleases our heart and that of others. Speak what's beneficial, what's helpful. If it's not helpful, if it's the opposite of beneficial, maybe don't say it. And then, today, speak with goodwill, with mettā^[1], with loving-kindness or kindness, with friendliness—these are all words that translate it.

One of the remarkable things that I personally discovered as I went through this Buddhist practice is that when I do not have goodwill, when I'm not open-hearted with people—to use that metaphor, when I'm closed-hearted—there's a way in which I'm not really fully myself. I'm not coming from a place where I feel most at home, comfortable, or free. It isn't that I'm supposed to always have goodwill necessarily; there are challenging situations. But for any extended period of time, to not have goodwill means I'm somehow caught in something or stuck in something. It's not that I am supposed to have goodwill for others, I just don't want to be limited by the opposite. I don't want the suffering, the strain, or the stress. It doesn't feel good to perpetuate that.

So I came to have a profound trust that it's in theory possible to have goodwill for everyone. I'm motivated to live that way, to find that way, or to practice to attain that—not as an attainment exactly, but more as a way of arriving or being fully here in myself, free with the world. The reference point for that is: is there goodwill or not? If there's not, then there's work to be done. There's practice to be done internally—not to force myself to have goodwill, but to recognize that speaking with goodwill has benefits for oneself.

I said earlier that there's this axiom: in meditation, watch your mind; in the world, watch your speech. There's a reciprocal relationship between the mind and our speech. How our mind is often influences our speaking, but how we speak will also have an influence on the mind. If we're angry and speak angry words, that will usually reinforce the mind's tendency and habit to be angry. If we feel friendly and we speak in a friendly way, that reinforces the disposition of the mind to be friendly.

Sometimes it's okay to speak in friendly ways with goodwill, if it feels sincere enough, so that it benefits ourselves. That's one of the reasons to do it—it is a self-benefit. I keep emphasizing this so that we don't take it as a moral obligation to be ethical or live from goodwill. Having a moral obligation can lead to faking it, forcing it, or pretending, and it becomes a surface-level kind of goodwill. I say this so that we benefit from it. In Buddhist practice, we always want to check in with ourselves: How are we right now? Is this really serving me? Is this beneficial for me? Does this touch my heart in a deep way?

If we use that as a reference point, it's a lot easier to want to find a way to live with an open heart, with freedom, and with goodwill. As we then express that goodwill, it is more likely to support us. We get the added bonus—which is very important, and maybe a primary motivation sometimes—that we're actually wishing well for others. We want others to be well and good. But we're not overriding ourselves or trying to sacrifice ourselves for others' well-being at all costs. We are caring for ourselves as much as we're caring for others. We're using the reference point of our own freedom, or our own lack of freedom, as a guide for how to be in the world in a useful way for others. Because how we are is as important as what we say.

That's why when we ask ourselves, "Is it the right time?", one of the things we check in with is how we are. Is the way I am the best for me to be able to speak right now? Maybe I need to go walk around the block and meditate a little bit so I can be in a better place to speak. How I am is where the truth comes from. You have a much clearer sense of what's true if you are settled, calm, attentive, and sensitive. If we are in a friendly place, a kind place, a compassionate and loving place, then it's easier for us to speak words that touch the heart of others, words that are gentle.

And then, is it beneficial? I would like to propose that sometimes the content of the words we're actually saying, and what they mean, has less to do with what's beneficial than how we say it. I think it's been said that in many settings, people who can speak with respect for others, with kindness, support, a certain level of confidence, and presence can have a much bigger impact than those who say the same thing but don't have a sense of confidence, care, or respect for who they're speaking to. So how we are might actually be a more important part of the communication than what we're actually saying.

And then, is there goodwill? This again has to do with how we are. Are we expressing or manifesting goodwill and friendliness in our speech? If we do, it's good for us; it's healing for us.

These are the five criteria of speech. I'd like to end the series with a teaching by Thich Nhat Hanh^[2] about right speech. I think his context has to do with the precept of not lying, and it's a lovely thing:

"Aware of the suffering caused by unmindful speech and the inability to listen to others, I vow to cultivate loving speech and deep listening in order to bring joy and happiness to others and to relieve others of their suffering. Knowing that words can create happiness or suffering, I vow to learn to speak truthfully, with words that inspire self-confidence, joy, and hope. I am determined not to spread news that I do not know to be certain and not to criticize or condemn things of which I am not sure. I will refrain from uttering words that can cause division or discord, or that can cause the family or the community to break. I will make all efforts to reconcile and resolve all conflicts, however small."

I took this from a book of Thich Nhat Hanh's called For a Future to Be Possible. I just love the title. We want to live and speak in a way that makes a good future possible for all of us.

I hope that this week on wise speech has given you something to think about. For today, and maybe through the weekend, maybe you can use the concept—if nothing else, the concept—and your history of goodwill, friendliness, and kindness. Use that as a reference point to simply be like a mirror to see yourself better. If you just use that as a mirror to understand yourself better, I wonder whether you'll actually move towards having more goodwill even without intentionally wanting it or making it happen. I have a tremendous trust in the power of looking at ourselves deeply. If we do so, we'll naturally want to move to a way of being which is better for ourselves and others.

Thank you, and I look forward to being here with you again on Monday.