Happy Hour: Connection and Community; Happy Hour: Pillars of Joy (1/8) - Perspective I

This is an AI-generated transcript from auto-generated subtitles for the video Happy Hour: Pillars of Joy (1/8) -- Perspective I. It likely contains inaccuracies, especially with speaker attribution if there are multiple speakers.

The following talk was given by Nikki Mirghafori at Insight Meditation Center in Redwood City, CA on September 29, 2020. Please visit the website www.audiodharma.org for more information.

Happy Hour: Connection and Community

Welcome. A warm—well, hot—welcome everyone, from California to wherever you are in the world right now, joining in this moment in time. Whether it's afternoon, evening, late night, or morning as is the case for Mary Christine in Sydney, Australia, welcome to all of you.

Happy Hour: Pillars of Joy (1/8) - Perspective I

The theme for tonight, for today's practice... I've been promising to start a series and for us to explore together the eight pillars of joy. There was a teaching about the eight pillars of joy, primarily in Tibetan, and I talked about it last week and the week before that. It is inspired by the book where I found this, by the Dalai Lama and Archbishop Desmond Tutu, The Book of Joy^[1]. In that Book of Joy, they talk about eight pillars of joy, and I've been promising to go through the eight pillars one by one and for us to explore them.

There are so many ways to explore these pillars. The first one is perspective. The most important aspect of our happiness or unhappiness depends on our perspective. It's the most important basis for all the other ones, and there is research also supporting that. I mean, not just that, in case we wanted research to also support it. There's research that has been done by the researcher—let's see if I can find it in my notes quickly—yes, Sonja Lyubomirsky^[2] (another difficult last name just like mine). That research showed that what has the greatest influence on our happiness or unhappiness is our perspective towards life and our ability to reframe a situation. Our perspective is the basis. And of course, on top of that, then there's gratitude, the choice to be kind and generous to others, but really the perspective is the basis.

Many times when challenging things happen in our lives, depending on how we hold it, we can really determine whether there will be growth—post-traumatic growth—through the event or not. If we think of it just as a calamity and there's no good that could ever come out of it, well, there may not be any growth. So this aspect of perspective can show up with challenging events that happen in our lives, depending on our perspective. But also, it's not just the reframing of an issue, which we can easily do; it's much easier to change our perspective than to change our emotions. We can always sit with something, look at it from this direction, that direction, another direction—as the Dalai Lama likes to say, "from the top and the bottom, right and left, etc."—so that we can come up with a different perspective.

Another way that I'm going to invite us to actually work with a shift in perspective is shifting from "me, myself, and I" (it's just me) to a wider perspective, a bigger perspective that includes others. In fact, I want to share a couple of quick other pieces of research with you.

There's one piece of research suggesting that people who more frequently said "I," "me," and "mine" had a higher risk of having a heart attack, and a higher risk that the heart attack was fatal. In fact, this so-called self-involvement was a better predictor of death in this coronary heart disease study than high cholesterol, smoking, or high blood pressure. Isn't that wild? That being more self-involved is a higher predictor of your coronary health than any of these health evils! It boggles my mind; it's very interesting. This study was by Larry Scherwitz et al.^[3]

There's also one more study by Johannes Zimmermann^[4], who found that people who often use first-person singular words ("I" and "me") are more likely to be depressed than people who use first-person plural ("we" and "us"). So this idea of selfing: "Only me, I'm the only one who's suffering. I'm alone in this. What am I going to do? What am I going to do?"

One way we're going to make that actionable in our practice today—there are so many ways to work with perspective as a pillar of joy—is this beautiful compassion practice where we bring in all the other beings who are suffering in the same way we are. I will guide us through this practice. You'll experience it for yourself, but there's a sense of "I'm not alone." It really expands and shifts our perspective from "it's just me, myself, and I, I'm the only one feeling loneliness and aloneness," to a sense of connection, to a sense of interconnection with others. And also caring for their pain and suffering instead of just "me, me." It shifts our perspective; it makes us care for a bigger container. It shifts our container from a smaller one to a larger one.

I've done this practice a lot myself. I'll talk more about it later, but let's get into our guided meditation. Enough talking, let's do, or not do.

Guided Meditation

I'd like to invite you to land into your meditation posture. If you need to move, if you need to shift to lie down, or sit up straighter in your chair or in your seat, do so with a sense of integrity. Sitting tall.

Letting yourself land. Letting yourself arrive fully. Landing in your seat. Landing on your sit bones. Landing in this breathing body.

Inviting all the muscles to relax, to soften. Inviting the breath to be received in the abdomen. Inviting the mind and the body to relax. Let go of any tension at the next out-breath. Taking the next five out-breaths to let go of any tension in the body.

Receiving the breath. Relaxing the body. Receiving and relaxing.

Feeling that sense of integrity. Inviting a sense of alignment, fullness. With each breath, filling the body with energy and vitality.

Inviting awareness to permeate the entire body. A sense of presence here, right now. Sitting, breathing, aware. In this moment of this life, this body breathing.

And now I would like to invite you to bring to mind something that is a source of challenge for you right now, these days, today, in this moment. Feeling into it. It could be a disappointment, sadness, fear. Maybe something in a relationship, or maybe something in your body, some pain or a health issue, or financial. Any contraction in the heart, anything that is causing stress, difficulty—what in Buddhism we call suffering (dukkha^[5]). It doesn't have to be the big sufferings, it doesn't have to be something catastrophic, but just something that's causing you challenge and pain.

Allowing yourself to open your heart and feel it. Make space. Not pushing it away, but in a relaxed body, spacious heart, welcoming this issue to be present just as it is. Allowing yourself to feel the "ouch." Not spiritual bypassing, but feeling the "ouch," or whatever it is. It's okay. Making space for it. It's through challenge and difficulty that our heart breaks into compassion (karuṇā^[6]).

So feeling disappointment, challenge, whatever it is. Grief, anger, whatever it might be, injustice. And I'd like to invite you to expand your perspective. Consider that out of the seven billion human beings on this planet, there are others who are suffering in a similar way. Your circumstances might be different, but in a similar way. If it's a physical pain, for example, you can imagine all other beings who have a similar health issue.

It's okay to use your imagination in this moment. Imagining them. Different ages, different nationalities, in different countries. Bring to mind a hypothetical being in some country, different age, different nationality and race from you, but a human being whose heart right now is hurting. Suffering in the same way as you are. Same pain, same sorrow, same disappointment, same grief.

And now another being. "Just like me. Just like me." Feeling the shared disappointment, shared suffering. And another being. Really taking time to feel this being too. Sadness and suffering, disappointment in the same way. As if it were your own. Even as if you're looking at the world through their eyes. Different life circumstances, but the same challenge.

And another being, if you wish. Allowing your powerful imagination to support you in feeling this other being. Maybe they're older, younger. Same sorrow, same challenge. Same suffering in the same way. You feel their pain, they feel your pain. They get it, you get it.

And now bringing to mind, expanding the circle, the perspective, to so many beings. Not just this few, but so many beings around the world feeling the same way right now. And who also have suffered the same way in the past, and will in the future, if you wish to bring that perspective of space and time. You are not alone; you're part of this larger, interconnected web of humanity.

May all of us... may all of us who suffer in this way, who have this challenge, may all of us with this pain, sorrow, disappointment, may all of us have ease.

May all of us in the same way, a similar way, may all of us be supported, have support.

May all of us beings suffering in a similar way with this challenge, may all of us experience ease, freedom, both in the midst of this challenge, and with this challenge.

Holding all of us, this whole club of human beings challenged in this way. All of us, may we have ease and well-being, goodness as much as possible. May all of us be well.

Keeping in mind all the beings just like you. Wishing all of you, all of us, ease, freedom from this challenge, freedom with this challenge.

Exploring on our own in silence for a few minutes. Repeating the phrases of mettā^[7] silently, phrases of compassion, karuṇā. "May all of us have ease and freedom in the midst of this challenge."

[Silence for meditation]

Expanding our perspective, our heart, and its care. Its compassion and generosity for all the beings who suffer like I do. Not just me alone, all of us.

If you like, please experiment with putting a palm of your hand in the middle of your chest, your heart center, making a connection with yourself, with your good wishes, with your good will. See how this embodiment, how this can shift. Experiment! What do you have to lose? Try it out. Both holding your own heart with this challenge, and extending your good will.

And your hand touching your chest could feel as if it's comforting and smoothing. "Oh, sweetheart, this is hard. This is hard. It's hard for all of us, not just you, it's hard for all of us." Holding all of us with care, compassion, good will.

And maybe just try this on for size, if it's available. If not, no worries. If your own suffering and pain feels lighter now, safe in this vision, this image, there's a generosity of spirit of you wanting to comfort others. Comforting others who are suffering like you. If this doesn't feel available or natural, don't try it, just stay where you are.

And for the last moment of this practice, holding yourself with appreciation for having engaged in this practice in whatever way was available to you. Without any judgment or attachment to outcome. With inspiration, aspiration, not expectation.

Thank you all for your practice.

Reflections and Q&A

I will change the settings of the chat and allow you to unmute yourself to invite reflections. You can either type them in chat or unmute yourself if you wish.

I'll start by sharing one thing that came up for me in this practice, and at the end, I shared it with you as an invitation. My own challenge became so much lighter, and this practice then felt like an empowerment. That yes, I know what it feels like to hurt in this way, and I can offer comfort and support and compassion in my mind to other beings who suffer in this way because it's lighter now and I know what it's like. "Ah, it's okay dear. It's okay sweetie, it's fine." That kind of transformation could happen.

Bill asks, "Is it best not to consciously analyze what's happening in exercises such as this? I wonder if my own thoughts are interfering with things."

Yes, Bill, it's best not to consciously analyze. It's often not very helpful. You're welcome to reflect on it afterwards, but during the practice, if an analysis comes up—"What's going on? Why is this?"—it's best to just bow to it, say "Thank you," and be in the body, be in the experience. It's a different way of knowing. It's opening up to a different way of being, knowing, and experiencing that is not available to the conscious analytical mind. Thank you for that question. Does that help support it? Yeah, I see a thumbs up.

Other reflections and questions?

Mary Christine: I found I had to visualize. I had the globe of the world, and my arms wrapped around it, holding it. And the beings in it, of course, who are suffering in this way carefully. At the beginning I did it as a progression, but I just want to wrap the world with love.

Nikki Mirghafori: Whatever works, and beautiful, that works great. What tends to work best for me as I guide this is to actually imagine individuals, imagine other beings. And I would invite you, Mary Christine, to explore that also, and see what that might open up. Oh, I'm getting chills! Your heart grew so that you just wanted to wrap your whole arm around this whole world! Sweet. You know, that reminds me of an expression by Ryōkan^[8], who is a well-respected Zen monk and teacher. He said, "If only my monk's robes were wide enough to cover the whole world and all the suffering people in it." It is such a powerful movement, which is what you're describing. It's beautiful. "I just want to hold the whole suffering world with me." Lovely. Thank you for sharing that, Mary Christine. Sweet.

Megan shares, "Regarding perspective, I recently came across this quote from Helen Keller that I really loved: 'Although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of the overcoming of it.'"

Oh, I love that. Beautiful. Let me read it again: "Although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of the overcoming of it." Beautiful. Thank you for sharing that, Megan.

And Kim offers, "I also felt lighter and found compassion then." Nice. Thanks for offering back in.

Any other reflections from your practice? Questions, complaints, anything is welcome.

Kim: Hi Nikki, this is Kim. This was pretty empowering for me because I'm the person that's always compassionate for other people, and I had to really learn self-compassion instead of the inner critic. Usually I'm compassionate for them, but it doesn't have anything to do with my suffering. So this was a very different perspective for me. And very enlightening, because I was able to say, "Okay, this is my suffering, and I've worked with other people that have had similar things, but I never put myself in the same space with them." This was the first time that I really did that, and it was very enlightening and did allow me to have such a lighter heart. It was okay to do that, and that it was okay for me to be the sufferer also with them. It was interesting, yeah.

Nikki Mirghafori: Lovely. Thank you for sharing that, Kim. You're really speaking to how powerful this sense of common humanity, "just like me," is. "Just like me" works both ways. They suffer just like me, and oh, I suffer just like them! It's us. It's very powerful. Thank you.

It's such a powerful practice. I found this practice to be particularly powerful for myself, and it was my go-to compassion practice for a long time. Years ago, I spent about a year being very, very sick, homebound, and bedbound. While I was bedbound and homebound and feeling, "Gosh, this is so hard, so much pain and being shut in," I started to imagine all the beings in that moment who were in a hospital somewhere and were shut in. In my imagination, I imagined a woman in a hut in Africa in a small village who's also sick just like me, with pain, and can't get out. Like, "Wow, we're everywhere." A little girl somewhere in some other country, not speaking the language. "Oh, all of us right now, we are in this situation together."

And then wishing, "May all of us be well. May all of us have ease in the midst of this really difficult situation." It was not just that it made it easier for me, but it opened my heart to compassion for others. It's not just me. It's foolish to think you're the only one who suffers. It's just foolish, right? So this practice, it just opens up, and you feel it in a visceral way. It's so powerful in so many ways.

Kathleen asks, "Could you jot down the names of the two researchers you mentioned? Thanks for your sensitive teaching."

You're welcome, Kathleen. The names of the researchers... Actually, here, let me find the spelling. The first one is Larry Scherwitz. Easy: S-C-H-E-R-W-I-T-Z. In fact, I will put it in chat for everyone to see. This first one was the coronary heart research. And the second was Johannes Zimmermann. Johannes: J-O-H-A-N-N-E-S, last name Zimmermann. That was the study on the depression of the people who use "me, myself, and I." So I put both of those in chat.

Oh, Sonja Lyubomirsky! That's the other person I mentioned. Thank you, I forgot about that. Let me grab that from my notes. Sonja, where are you? All right, tell you what, I will find it by the time you guys come back from the groups because time is running out.

Let's get into our practice groups. "Just like me" is the perfect stance to take right now into groups. The two other beings you're in the group with are suffering just like you. It could look differently, different stories, but you're all suffering. "May all of us be showing up in that way, showing up in that spirit, either with or without words." See what magic can happen.

So I'm going to create the rooms now, and they're going to be of size of three mostly. I need to do a little bit of housekeeping here. All right, okay, so I'm going to open the rooms now. Here we go.

[Break for groups]

Welcome back. Welcome back everyone from the groups. Gosh, it's time! Because we had so much time earlier, we spent more time with reflections and questions. So it's time.

Well, I do have the name of the other researcher. It's Sonja Lyubomirsky: L-Y-U-B-O-M-I-R-S-K-Y. I put it in chat for everyone to see.

Tell you what, we'll formally end, and I will stay a couple of extra minutes if there are any questions or comments, just to allow people who need to leave, leave.

So thank you all for your practice, for having joined this really powerful practice and this shift of perspective. So now we have practiced with the first pillar of joy in this way, and it's really lightening one's heart. May all of us, may we all be happy and joyous and well and free. All of us everywhere.

Thank you all.

Sangha: Thank you, Nikki. Thank you everyone. Thanks so much. Take care, bye.

Nikki Mirghafori: Thanks everyone. And I'll stay a couple of minutes extra, just in case. Bye everyone, bye whoever needs to leave.