Guided Meditation: Attuned to Oneself; Dharmette: Joy of Compassion (2 of 5) Joy of Attunement

This is an AI-generated transcript from auto-generated subtitles for the video Guided Meditation: Attuned to Ourself; The Joy of Compassion (2 of 5) Joy of Attunement. It likely contains inaccuracies, especially with speaker attribution if there are multiple speakers.

The following talk was given by Gil Fronsdal at Insight Meditation Center in Redwood City, CA on August 22, 2023. Please visit the website www.audiodharma.org for more information.

Guided Meditation: Attuned to Oneself

Good morning everyone, or good day. It's nice to have the idea that I'm saying hello and greetings around the world. There was a time when that couldn't be done.

I want to begin by saying that when we give mindfulness instructions or try to practice mindfulness, often people will try too much. It's like you try now to make your mind be present or focus on the breath, and the mind wanders off, and we bring the mind back. That can be done in a beautiful, harmonious way, but often there can be a strain, or a push, or an effort to be mindful.

There are other exercises that might evoke a more harmonious form of mindfulness—a mindfulness that follows along and is there as a support. It isn't that we're emphasizing mindfulness, but mindfulness is there; it has to be there in other ways of being. What I want to emphasize today is attunement. There is a practice of becoming attuned to our life, to our experience, but for this morning in meditation, I'd like to emphasize attunement to oneself.

We sit down to be present for ourselves, with ourselves, by ourselves, to become attuned here to what's going on for us. There are some definitions of attunement, and the ones that I like are to be aware and receptive. Just to be receptive requires awareness, and to be in harmony with what you're receptive to or what you're aware of.

This idea of harmony is what I want to emphasize today, because harmony means we're no longer in conflict with anything. We're in harmony with it. Even if we have to say no to something, there's a harmonious way of doing that so we're not setting up the tension of tense opposition, or a contracted kind of disagreement or criticism. We are receptive.

Especially when we're sitting here meditating with ourselves, is there a way of being receptive to all of who we are and to not be in conflict with anything? To have the question: what does it mean to be in harmony with this? It does not mean giving in to anything. There's a wisdom factor that comes into play: "Oh, I'm in harmony with this by not interfering with it, without getting involved in it, without pushing it away, letting it take its course." To be in harmony with the natural world, to be in harmony with our natural world within ourselves. If we do that, then mindfulness will follow. There has to be awareness if we're asking how to be receptive and in harmony. This absence of conflict, this absence of strain, is one of the things that brings joy to meditation practice—the joy of attunement, the joy of finding harmony with what's here now.

So, we'll meditate.

Find a harmonious posture for yourself, a posture that's harmonious with finding a greater harmony with ourselves, a greater alignment, a greater attunement, a greater non-interference to the aliveness that can be here within. Sometimes, if we take too relaxed a posture, it might feel comfortable, but it might not allow for the free, harmonious flow of vitality and aliveness.

Gently relax your eyes, whether they're closed or open. Maybe letting your eyes rest in their sockets, resting the eyes so there's no effort to look at anything. If the eyes are open, allow a focus that's soft and wide, not trying to see anything.

Take a few long, slow, deep breaths. With the inhale, just getting to know, discovering what reveals itself in the body, feeling the body more fully on the inhale. And in the longer exhale, settling into this body, relaxing.

Letting your breathing return to normal. A lot of the information we need to find attunement to ourselves is found in our body. To be receptive and aware of how the body is, maybe not needing it to be any other way. But in the attunement to how the body is, a gentle but greater sensitivity and receptivity to whatever sensations exist in the body. Not prioritizing any one set of sensations, but tuning ourselves to the global experience of being in a body.

To be attuned is to be aware without strain, tightness, or contraction. Even if there is strain or contraction, there's an art of attunement to that. Just as you would be attuned to a friend who may be in a difficult state—being present and open, maybe you're a calm presence in harmony with your friend, attuned.

And within this body, as part of the body, there's the experience of breathing. Not focusing on the breath, but rather to be receptive, attuned to how the breathing is breathing itself, or how it's breathing with strain or effort. Finding a way of relating, of knowing the breathing that feels in harmony with it or feels attuned to how it is. An attunement that allows for care.

Not trying to change anything in meditation, but instead to be attuned to ourselves in the present moment as we are. A kind of deep listening, deep sensitivity that is not in conflict with anything, but instead available to know it, to sense it as it is.

To be attuned to oneself as one meditates, so one is not in conflict with anything, but rather aware, receptive, attentive. Harmoniously appreciating whatever degree of non-conflict you have sitting here in the middle of your lived life.

And notice if there's any joy or well-being found within whatever attunement you might have with yourself sitting here meditating.

As we come to the end of this meditation, the more we are attuned to ourselves, the more we're not divided from ourselves with inner conflict. The greater can be our attention, our awareness of others, our receptivity and sensitivity. So we could also find a way of being attuned to how they are—understanding, sensitive to the state of others without conflict and without assertion, without an overlay of interpretations and meaning.

Many people value being listened to, and attunement is just an expansion of listening—our whole being listening or present. May we find ways to be deeply attuned to others so they feel respected, cared for, and recognized, so they don't feel judged, criticized, belittled, or used for our own purposes.

May our meditation practice be a support for promoting the welfare and happiness of this world. May all beings be happy. May all beings be safe. May all beings be peaceful. And may all beings be free.

Thank you.

Dharmette: Joy of Compassion (2 of 5) Joy of Attunement

Hello and welcome to this second talk on the joy of compassion^[1]. I think this is a very important concept, that there can be joy in compassion. To keep this as a reference point for our compassion is a protection from the compassion becoming tense, strain-filled, oppressive, or exhausting.

It can be difficult to be present for suffering in oneself and suffering for others. Part of the medicine for suffering is compassionate presence and care. For that to be healthy for everyone involved, it has to avoid tension, strain, assertion, and collapse—the kind of way of being that is not sustainable because there's exhaustion. So, just the very idea that there's joy or well-being in the experience of compassion puts a question mark next to any other strain-filled or difficult way that we are when we have compassion.

I'd like to believe that the notion of the joy of compassion encourages us to slow down with our compassion, to not be in a hurry to act, but rather to take the time to find a healthy way of relating to the suffering of others and the suffering of the world.

One of those ways is to be attuned. To certainly be aware of it, but not just to be aware of it—to have a certain kind of openness or receptivity to receive it. Just as we would be a receptive listener to hear a friend talk about their challenges. The friend doesn't feel that we're reluctantly listening, half-heartedly listening, or listening in a judgmental way; we're just listening, receptive and aware.

In the same way, we attune ourselves to the suffering of the world before we act, before we rush to do something. Because that attunement is an absence of strain, an absence of assertion, an absence of conflict with ourselves or for the others, there can be joy. There can be well-being, a sense of nourishment, a lightness, or a sense of rightness.

Even if it's very painful sometimes to be with suffering in the world, in attunement we maybe don't necessarily feel joy, but there's something that feels right to be present. There's an openness, a relaxedness: "Ah, okay, this is how it is." And this is also where it's very important to be attuned to oneself.

Sometimes with compassion, the idea is that it's all about the other person, or the suffering out there, and we're not supposed to count. We lose touch with ourselves in our rush to act or our rush to be focused on the suffering out there. But it's important to be present and attuned to oneself.

This is where the guideline of dividing our attention fifty-fifty between "out there" and "in ourselves" allows for actually a greater attentiveness to others than if we just give our attention solely to others. The reason for that is when we're attuned to ourselves, we tend to overcome the conflicts, the distractedness, the tightness—the ways that we are that let our attention out there be incomplete or partial. If we keep enough attention here for ourselves, we can relax and open up. We actually have much greater attention for others than a partial, straining attention that seems like we're only paying attention to the other person.

Rather than a fifty-fifty division being a loss—like less compassion or less care for others—there is actually more when we are attuned to ourselves as well. We learn the art of not being in conflict with anything that's going on inside of ourselves, even those things which are unfortunate or not so wonderful about ourselves. We've learned to be attuned without giving in to it, attuned without being pushed around by it or acting on it. So we can make space for how we are, and as we make space for ourselves, we develop the capacity to make space for others. To begin there, before we rush to judgment, before we rush to fix and to change.

This lack of conflict, this attunement, this harmony is a delight. It feels so good; it's refreshing to be in the world attuned. Partly because attunement to self and others means that the very act of attunement is not a strain. The act of attunement is a kind of opening, a relaxing outward, being present and receptive and here. It just feels delightful to be alive in this way and to have this capacity to connect to others this way. There can be a joy in the attunement.

If we're going to really allow our compassion to flow out of attunement, then the compassion will share in that joy, share in that lightness, or that sense of well-being, freedom, or rightness. I want to give many words, not just call it joy. Because suffering is so difficult sometimes, to say that there's joy in compassionate presence for it is maybe too much, or not quite right. But there is something that does feel right—a rightness, a goodness, a sweetness, a gentleness.

Under different circumstances, maybe different positive states are present in the compassionate attunement to others. These positive states can be a nourishment for ourselves. It can have a positive influence on ourselves, and maybe, if we're lucky, be a nourishment or positive influence for the world around us.

I've rushed to take care of problems. In the rush to take care of people or something, I don't really show up with the best of how I am. For example, I might feel strain or tension, and so that tension comes along, and people can feel it. But if I arrive attuned and without that tension, then my presence, I hope, is helpful to other people to relax with their challenges.

As we become more and more attuned, then at some point we're ready for action and to do something. But as we've explored in this series so far, the emphasis is: whenever there's a chance, create the foundation for compassion. Don't have a rush to compassion.

Then, as you are compassionate, even as you act with compassion, stay attuned to yourself to recognize: is there joy? Is there a well-being? Is there a sense of freedom? It's so easy to lose it as we get involved in the action and relating to other people.

The joy of compassion has many forms that can come along. Yesterday, I talked about the joy that comes with being aware and having an awareness practice. Today, it's the joy that comes from being attuned and having a practice of attunement. The joy of not doing something 100% successfully all the time, but the joy of engaging in the process of doing it well. So there's room for our tentative efforts, or maybe incomplete efforts, or ways in which we're still practicing and finding our way.

May you find the joy of attunement, the joy of listening, the joy of staying present and being sensitive to the suffering of others and your own. You might look around as you go through your day—can you find occasions where there might be some sense of the joy of attunement in being present and being attuned to others? The joy of being in harmony, of not being in conflict, even when there are disagreements.

Thank you very much. Tomorrow we'll talk about the joy of appreciation—appreciating others—which maybe seems like an easier understanding of how there can be joy. But for now, attunement. Thank you.