Happy Hour: Push Away Nothing, Include Everything with Kind Awareness

This is an AI-generated transcript from auto-generated subtitles for the video Happy Hour: Push Away Nothing, Include Everything with Kind Awareness. It likely contains inaccuracies, especially with speaker attribution if there are multiple speakers.

The following talk was given by Nikki Mirghafori at Insight Meditation Center in Redwood City, CA on January 17, 2023. Please visit the website www.audiodharma.org for more information.

Happy Hour: Push Away Nothing, Include Everything with Kind Awareness

Introduction

Hello everyone. Hello and welcome to Happy Hour! If the audio is okay, give me a thumbs up so I know you can hear me. Fantastic.

Hello and welcome everyone to Happy Hour. I'm Nikki Mirghafori in Mountain View, California, on unceded Ohlone land^[1]. Let's begin as we always do by warming up the space with our hellos, with our metta^[2]. Take it away, who's here?

We have Wayne in Richmond, California. Jesse Hammond in San Rafael, Northern California. Susan in San Mateo, Northern California. Neil in New Hampshire. Ali in Los Angeles, assalam. Bill from Dallas. Dina from Hendersonville, North Carolina, welcome and good evening. Barbara from Santa Cruz. Mari Christine from hot and humid Sydney—oh yes, it's your summer! Good morning. Wait, morning or afternoon? I always mix it up. Mari Christine, you're going to type it for me and set me straight. It's afternoon! Good afternoon to you. Diane from Soquel, California.

The space feels warmed up to me, so let's begin. Thank you, Neil, for posting information about the Happy Hour Google Groups. If you're new to Happy Hour, we have a Google Group that is pretty low on traffic and where information is shared—quotes, references, etc. It's low traffic, high in heart, I like to say, so you are welcome to join that.

At this time, I change the settings so accidental unmuting won't be possible; the space will stay quiet. I change the chat settings to host and co-host only, and I ask you to hold your questions and reflections until afterwards because it can be quite distracting. Hello to Nina from Berkeley on YouTube and other Sangha members joining there. One more thing I do now is to turn on the recording for the sake of Audio Dharma. Here we go.

So hello again, a formal hello and warm welcome to Happy Hour, everyone. Lovely to see you; it warms my heart.

For the past few happy hours, I feel I've been on a roll of guiding subtle metta. It's a silence, quiet, nourishing, glistening turning into a sense of stillness. It's a nourishment of loving-kindness, care, and stillness, which is a way of settling. It's not very busy, which is wonderful. The busyness is wonderful too, with the phrases "May I be happy, may you be happy." That is fantastic as well, but this is a slightly different way. This is a subtle, nourishing, calming, quieting—just a sense of care and love imbuing our experience.

Whatever awareness turns to and is aware of, there is a sense of warmth and care that intertwines and imbues that knowing. It just becomes a very kind knowing. If the knowing is turning towards suffering and pain, it becomes just a very gentle knowing of that. It's quiet and still; it's not very active, which again is wonderfully different work. Just more still.

Having said that, I'd like to invite us to explore that again. Always slightly different flavors of this exploration come through, so it's not so much that we explore it again, but in that category of explorations, we're going to take a different path this evening. Let's explore together, intrepid travelers, explorers of the heart and mind. Let's settle together, let's practice.

Guided Meditation

I'd like to invite us all right to arrive, to settle in this body. Softening, softening whatever needs softening. Softening the body. Let's start with the body.

Imagine your care for this body is a tiny little massage therapist that's traveling around your body giving a little internal massage. It's actually your breath, your internal little kind massage therapist to breathe into the corners ever so gently and lovingly that need a little care. Let's start with that tonight. Take your time.

Do your feet need a little love? Do your neck and shoulders need the massage therapist of the breath? Give it some love. Maybe your back, sit bones, the whole body. Wherever in the body, maybe the mind, the heart.

Imagining the breath internally as a caring therapist giving an internal massage. Starting with opening, relaxing. If the body relaxes and softens, the heart and mind do the same. So notice the tightness. Soften, soften.

And if they're terrorizing, taking you away into memory, plans, can we know them with kindness? Noticing the habit patterns of the mind to regurgitate plans, it's okay. Can we know it all lovingly? Of course, this is what minds do. This is what the puppy of the mind does. Maybe even give the puppy a little hug.

Appreciate the puppy nature of the mind running around. And maybe put the puppy in your lap and stroke it with kindness. It's okay. Stay right here, sweetheart. Right here at the body with the breath.

And when it runs away, it's okay, it runs around. Give it another hug, put it on your lap, stroke it lovingly with the breath. Let the breath give the body, the mind, the puppy a happy little massage. Calming, soothing, settling. Let the whole practice be about loving your body, heart, and mind with the breath. Stroking, loving the puppy affectionately with each breath.

Just here. So sweet, nourishing to just be here. Present, loving, appreciating. Appreciating this body, it's alive, it's breathing. What a miracle. You can be here this moment, sit and practice with others. What a miracle.

And we have benevolence, kindness towards whatever arises in the body. Be it pain, discomfort, agitation, the mind or heart. Be it boredom, sadness, happiness, whatever it is. Fear. With the spacious heart of the Buddha^[3], benevolence, making space. So much space is available for whatever is here. Agitation or stillness. Nourishing stillness. Silence between the words and the body and the mind.

This is my chance today to sit in my heart with silence and loving itself. And I collect myself lovingly in silence. The nourishing quiet of this moment. Inviting the puppy to rest. The puppy of the mind, be content here. So much goodness, peace, and be available here.

Lovingly here. Resting in the heart, receiving the breath. Relaxing the body here.

And as we begin to bring this period of sitting practice to a close together, may we rest in our hearts with appreciation for ourselves for having showed up as best as we were able to. Thank you, me, for showing up for my intentions. Cultivating goodness, wholesomeness, freedom, reducing suffering, to awaken. Recognizing the goodness and the beauty within, and any moments of kind awareness that might have arisen for the body, for this heart, for this mind.

And sharing that goodness far and wide with all beings. May all beings know their own goodness. May they awaken to their Buddha Nature^[4] within as I wish to awaken and see and always be in touch with it. See the beauty, see the goodness, the kindness, generosity that's available. May all beings everywhere be safe, happy, healthy, at ease. May all beings be free, including myself.

Thank you all, thank you for your practice.

Reflections

May there be more goodness in the world. And through our practice, trusting that there is, there has been.

Today we did a very light, simple, very light touch of metta, kindness, goodwill starting with this body. Inviting the sense that the breath is this gentle, kind massage therapist releasing, relieving the body in order to really settle into the body. Release, relax. I can't emphasize enough how important mindfulness of the body, settling in the body, awareness of the body, relaxing the body is. It is the first foundation of mindfulness, the first establishment of mindfulness, the first Satipaṭṭhāna^[5] in the Satipaṭṭhāna Sutta^[6]. It's so important, so fundamental, and always we start there with the breath, with the body.

And then the invitation tonight was very sparse, very simple. Just noticing if the puppy of the mind, as it tends to run around and run away, just gently bringing it back, hugging it. Not chastising it as we usually do with our minds, but just a sense of kindness towards ourselves, towards our mind. This imagery of a puppy is calming and soothing. And then we opened up to whatever arises, whether there's sadness, grief, pain, joy, and then also stillness. To recognize that there is silence in between the words here. And so with kindness, acceptance, and spaciousness for everything that there is.

I'll share with you the feeling that came up for me through this meditation. It felt like towards the end especially, as my heart and mind were getting more and more subtle and stable and settling into samadhi^[7] concentration states, it felt like I was sitting in my own meditation and you were all joining me. It didn't feel like I was leading you or guiding you or there was effort. It was just like, "Oh yeah, we're all sitting together, you're joining me in my practice of the [word?] of spaciousness." For me, the sense of gratitude for all of you to be joining me as I practice—like, "Oh, this is so sweet, this is so great." It's really such a gift for me, and guiding, leading doesn't feel effortful. It really feels like there's a give and take of generosity in this space. So I'm really grateful for this. So grateful for you, thank you.

Q&A

So I'd like to invite you if there are any reflections, any questions, or comments. Bill, please.

Bill: Hi Nikki. I wanted to thank you for the imagery of the puppy of the mind. What I noticed was, I guess it seems obvious now, but it's so much easier to have space and to include things when your attitude is one of kindness. It seems like the default attitude for me, maybe for most people, is to push away things that are unwanted. This seemed to include everything. What you were doing seemed to just incorporate everything, and I really enjoyed it. Thank you very much.

Nikki: Beautiful, Bill. Thank you so much for your reflections. Yes, exactly that. Your insight is so profound, that we do tend to get rid of things and push them away, and we usually don't see it. It's kind of the default mode that we operate in. It's like fish in the water, we don't see it. And what you were saying was, "Oh yeah, this different mode of including everything with kindness—wow, that's actually easier, it's more spacious. This works better." Yes, Bill, that's exactly it. Keep nourishing, keep watering. This insight is so profound: include everything, push away nothing with kindness. Beautiful, thank you.

Yeah, I see a question asks, "What can we do with negative thoughts and energy arising all the time?"

Well, I think Bill just answered the question, so that is exactly it. If we do try to push it away, to try to get rid of it, if we have an adversarial relationship with these negative thoughts—instead, "Okay, alright, I see you. Thank you. You have good intentions, and yet you're kind of misguided. It's okay, it's alright." So again, turning towards negative thoughts, energy, etc., with kindness. Because if you turn towards them with negativity, if you try to push them away, you're just giving them more power, you're giving them more energy.

And I trust you have enough creativity to figure out how you can bring some more kindness and acceptance. Acceptance doesn't mean that you act out of the negative thoughts and energy. It doesn't mean condoning it, it doesn't mean acting it out at all. It just means you are accepting the truth of this moment. That in this moment here, this negative thought is arising because of past conditioning, whatever it is—mind, external, societal education, genes, family, whatever it is. It's coming up. "Alright, dear negative thought, I see you. Ah, it's okay, I see you. I don't believe you when I see you, but this turning, this acknowledgment with kindness—just that takes the power away. It changes our habit pattern with negativity. I hope that helps. [word?] The other question... oh actually, you know, the time has come to turn to small groups.

Small Groups

So let's do that. Here's the invitation. The small groups this evening, here's an inquiry I'm going to suggest, a question that you can inquire with, sit with if you want, with silence in the community.

Following up on what Bill shared and what [Name?]^[8] asked, when challenging or negative thoughts come up, what way have you worked with them with kindness? And if you haven't yet successfully, how can you? An idea of, "Oh yeah, maybe I'll try this." Maybe imagine it like a sock puppet which intends well but is just a little misguided. "You don't know anything, you're no good, you're a failure." "Okay, well thank you. Thanks for your opinion." Maybe I can imagine that. Or maybe you just hold silence.

The invitation is we'll go in reverse alphabetical order just for the fun of it, and maybe share one reflection or say pass. You can share your silence. The next person will say something, and then the next person, and then your turn comes. You go around and round a few rounds, and you can always say pass. Share from your own experience, no questions, no directing others, just share from your own heart. I'm going to create the breakout rooms. Always remember metta: taking care of yourself, taking care of others. I am going to open the rooms now.

Closing

Okay, welcome back everyone. The rooms are closed, everybody's back, and it is seven o'clock. To honor the time, let's close tonight. What I'll do is that I'll stay a minute extra, and if anybody has reflections or questions they'd like to share from the small groups, then you can share them. Otherwise, we'll close.

Thank you all, thank you for your practice. And just appreciating your own goodness and sharing it with all beings everywhere. May all beings be free, may all beings be happy. Thanks everyone, take good care.