Happy Hour: Cultivating JOMO & JOP -- the "Joy of Missing Out" and the "Joy of Presence"

This is an AI-generated transcript from auto-generated subtitles for the video Happy Hour: Cultivating JOMO & JOP -- the "Joy of Missing Out" and the "Joy of Presence". It likely contains inaccuracies, especially with speaker attribution if there are multiple speakers.

The following talk was given by Nikki Mirghafori at Insight Meditation Center in Redwood City, CA on May 25, 2023. Please visit the website www.audiodharma.org for more information.

Happy Hour: Cultivating JOMO & JOP -- the "Joy of Missing Out" and the "Joy of Presence"

Introduction

Hello and welcome, everyone. Lovely to see you, lovely to be with you in this moment in time. Whatever time zone you are in—whether you're in Thailand where it's 8:00 a.m., or you're in Hawaii, or on the West Coast or East Coast—it's lovely. I just love the hellos that we have at the beginning. It just warms my heart when the sangha^[1] assembles and we all say hello.

With that sense of being together, being here in this moment in time, what I'd like to invite us to practice with today—thanks, Amy; Amy says it's 3:00 p.m. in Hawaii, so whatever the time zone is—is being here in this moment in time. Let's practice with the joy of being here, and tuning into the joy of being here and now exactly as it is.

As one of the brahmavihārās^[2] (the four heavenly abodes, the four practices of the heart)—mettā^[3] (loving-kindness) being the first one, compassion the second one, vicarious joy or sympathetic joy (muditā)^[4] being the third one, and equanimity (upekkhā)^[5] the fourth one—we engage in the practice of joy. Sympathetic joy is this delight, taking delight in our own good fortune, and taking joy in other people's good fortune. It's just such a generous way to go through life, this sense of joy for what is good here and what's good elsewhere. So we are activating and cultivating this joy for ourselves, being right here, right now.

I mentioned a couple of nights ago this term for us to cultivate: JOMO, the "joy of missing out," instead of the "fear of missing out" (FOMO). FOMO is so common in our culture, this fear of missing out and this sense of envy, like, "I want what other people have." Whereas in this practice, we cultivate the joy of being right here, right now, loving the sense of presence. The gift of presence calms, as much as it might be available. Just the gift of presence and being in this body with all its gifts and challenges, exploring the joy of this, is a way of gently letting go of whatever else might be happening.

At any time in the world, so many things are happening, of course, and we can't be everywhere all the time. And yet, if we are right here, taking delight and joy in the sense of presence right here, it can be so delicious. We don't have to be in the past, in the future, or anywhere else. This is the most delicious, most joyous, most nourishing place to be: right here in our hearts.

So that's what I would like to invite us to contemplate and cultivate: JOMO, the joy of being here, just here, the joy of missing out on everything else. May all beings be well and happy. May they have joy in whatever they're doing in the midst of their presence, in their moments of aliveness. It's really a counter-cultural act, cultivating JOMO instead of FOMO. We are counter-cultural here in a way, cultivating peace, ease, joy, and delight in what is right here.

So that's my little dharmette^[6], and I'll share some invitations as we practice. Let's begin.

Guided Meditation

Let's begin, and arrive. Arrive in our bodies. Arrive in this moment in time.

Land. Land in this moment in time. Opening our hearts, relaxing the body. Breathing this moment in time.

Nowhere to go, nothing else to do, but to just be here. Here. Aware. Conscious. Amazing. Let the body be relaxed.

If you find that the mind is wandering to the past, the future, like a little puppy running around... be kind to the puppy. It's okay. You're right here. And celebrate the moment of realizing that you are here.

"I am here." You know on those maps where there is a pointer and a big star: You are here. I am here. You are here. This body, in this moment in time, on this planet. You are here. Nowhere else. Not in the past or future. You are here.

Opening our hearts and celebrating: I am here. And even if it does not feel like a celebration, maybe it feels boring... "Oh, I'm here." It's amazing that you're here. That I'm here. The fact that so many causes and conditions have come together for me to be created at all.

Stardust. I am stardust to be here. I am stardust. I'm here. Conscious, aware, knowing how amazing.

It's simple. A simple joy in life of just being here. Relaxing, softening the body, the heart, the mind. Exhaling. Ah... I'm here.

Rest here^[7] with the breath. Sensations of the breath. Sensations of this body. Let there be a quiet, soft... quiet delight.

Being with the breath in this body. A quiet, simple grace. Easier than you think. Let there be ease in the body. Exhaling. Pleasure, the delight of just being here. The moment expands into infinity.

Here. Here. The joy of presence. The joy of being undistracted here, even for a moment.

The longer we stay here, here, now... it deepens. It opens up to other dimensions. A nourishing and deep joy^[8]. Joy of being here. Just here. Simply here.

But if you meet this moment, this being here, with a smile—try it on. Wear a smile on your face. Meeting this moment, delighting in this moment, right here, with a smile. Fake it till you become it^[9]. The joy of being here.

Not wanting to be anywhere else. This moment. Deeply present here. The joy of it.

Has there been a moment, a second of contentment? Just one is enough. Here, simply sitting, being breathed in this moment, can be one of contentment. Just dipping our toes. It's okay. It's all okay.

Not only okay, but enough. Deliciously enough^[10]. The joy and contentment^[11] of here and now.

And as we turn to end our sit together... Letting go of whatever happened or did not happen. Letting go of any judgment. You showed up as best as you were able to. Hooray! The joy of showing up as best as we're able to.

And we are planting seeds. Trust that you're planting seeds. They ripen, they mature in their own time, not our time. May I nourish the joy, the delight of presence. Just simply present. The amazing grace of being present. May I wake up to the depth and breadth of possibilities. May all beings everywhere... may they awaken. May they be free. Including myself.

Reflections and Q&A

Everyone, thanks for your practice. Ah. Well, I certainly feel more present, more joyous. The joy of presence, of just being here, not being scattered, wishing you were elsewhere—here, there, past, present, future. The joy of just this. Such a deep, nourishing joy.

I wish we could share this with the whole world, especially young people nowadays on social media. They keep wishing they were here and there, and are rarely just right here. There is so much nourishment and contentment here. I was seeing the Surgeon General's warning about the state of mental health of young people, especially due to social media use, which really brings up a sense of FOMO (fear of missing out). Being right here is really the opposite of that; it is the joy of being just here. So much contentment, so much peace. You know this. We know this.

So thank you for cultivating this deep, deep wisdom, knowledge, and joy as a community. Give it away! Give your joy away, give your smiles away, give your calm away to those who need it. Spread it. [Laughter]

We have some time now for the joy of just being here, present in community in small breakout groups. You can say a few words about your practice if you want, or you can just be silently present with one another; that's perfectly fine. Just compassionately, kindly, joyous, appreciating the miracle of being here and the miracle of other human beings being here too, these amazing conscious beings.

As always, please only speak from your own experience. Use "I" statements. No directing or leading others, or asking questions to pull them out. Maybe show up with a nugget about the joy of just being here, how you experience that. You can say something, or say "pass" to make space for somebody else to speak. Go in and out of silence together, really feeling into the presence, not your head talking. You're speaking for your own benefit, not for anybody else's, so don't feel like you have to educate, impress, or give them information. You're just sharing, "Oh yeah, this is how the joy of this present moment shows up for me. My heart feels relaxed, more at peace, there is no pushing and pulling," or however it shows up for you.

So with that, let's go in reverse alphabetical order just to make decision-making easy. I'm going to create the rooms. Take care of each other. Take care of yourselves. It's so important to take care, be kind. All right, I'm going to open the rooms, and here we go.

[Breakout sessions occur]

Okay, all the rooms are closed. Welcome back, everyone. We have some time for reflections. You can type them in chat. If you type them to me privately, I will read only the reflection, not your name. You can type it to everyone, or you can also raise your hand, especially if you haven't spoken for a while. I would love to hear from you. What did you discover in this practice? Is there something that opened up for you, or maybe something was challenging?

One of you sent in chat: "When I become the change I want to see in the world, the world smiles back at me, happy to see me coming." I love that, of course! Yeah, the world smiles back at me, happy to see me coming. The joy of being here, the joy of this present moment, the joy of missing out and just being here in one place.

Akil says, "Not much conversation in our group. Everyone was too calm and relaxed." That makes me smile and laugh. That's the contentment, right? Not much needs to be said. Just, "Oh yeah, we're happy to be here together, being in community together." That's sweet. And of course, if your group was more talkative and sharing, that's perfectly fine too. It's all good.

Any reflections you'd like to share, especially if you tend to pull back and not speak much? This is happy hour; you're invited if you like. What did you discover in this practice? The joy of just being here, or the joy of missing out, is quite counter-cultural. Reflections, complaints... "What the heck do you mean by joy of missing out?" I hope I already explained it!

Oh, you're sweet. Don says, "Nikki, you're awesome." Thank you, Don. You're awesome. Thank you for your practice.

Fazil, please.

Fazil: Hi, thank you. I just found that every moment, just being here and following the instructions to see the joy in being here, brought a sense of gratitude for every moment. Each moment felt like an opportunity to learn how to deal with the next moment, and the next moment, and the next. That was nice.

Nikki: Thank you, Fazil. I'm feeling into the space of gratitude that you took us into with your reflection, because you are speaking from that space of gratitude at this moment, and then this moment, and this moment. Thank you, this was lovely.

Gene, please.

Gene: I just found that to be really blissful. I think it was helped by my heating pad and the sun coming in my window, and I was just so happy to cultivate that with your guidance. But I found myself wondering: what if my neighbor's music was cranked up, or I was feeling chronic pain? I know there are various different instructions about how to sit with pain, but in this particular JOMO practice, how do we take it to those times when things aren't optimal?

Nikki: Absolutely. Thank you for this question, Gene. Somebody else also sent this just now in chat, so I'm going to combine the question you asked with theirs. Let me read it out loud: "Could you remind us of the joy of being with difficult moments? I have experienced it briefly as the impermanence of those moments, but could use a refresher."

Thank you for both of those questions. When we are with pleasant or neutral moments, the joy of those is more apparent to us. But when something difficult is happening—something difficult in the body, or some difficult emotion—there is a dignity. It feels dignified to be with what is difficult instead of pushing it away. Instead of being antagonistic with it, fighting with it, hating it, or pushing it away, you make space for what is difficult. Being with what is here allows the body to relax, the heart to relax, to open up to what is here.

Having worked with a lot of physical pain myself in my practice—even now as I'm speaking with you, the body is tired and achy. But there is this joy of opening up to it. Ah, the heart relaxes. My heart is relaxing as I'm opening up to, "Yeah, this body is really hurting right now, and it's okay." If I was hating it and wishing it didn't hurt, it would be terrible! Ouch, ouch, ouch is the second, third, and fourth arrows^[12]. But when I actually open up to it, there's a joy. There's a delight, a dignity, a brightness in being present with what is difficult.

So the joy can actually be present with the difficulty, and this blows our mind away. I remember when I first discovered this for myself—the opposites being present at the same time. It doesn't have to be just pain or just joy. Both of them can be present at the same time. There are so many invitations in Buddhism to experience opposites simultaneously. It blew my mind to be able to do that, to see that the mind is able to hold both of these dichotomies. You can feel heaviness and lightness, for example. We think it's either the heaviness of the body or the lightness, but actually, the mind can open up to both at the same time. It blows your mind when you see that's possible. Joy and sorrow, or joy and pain at the same time. Your capacity expands.

So that's what I would like to share. Is that helpful, Gene?

Gene: Yes.

Nikki: Okay, good. And to the person who sent it in the chat, I hope that opens something up for you too.

Peggy, please.

Peggy: You actually just spoke to everything I was experiencing, thank you. Although mine wasn't quite as truly enthusiastic as you sound! I had just a lot of resistance, but there was a dignity about coming back, and coming back. It is not what I wanted to do—I wanted to leave at the beginning many times. But it was interesting, and there were moments of joy and that sense of dignity. Also knowing that that muscle can grow by being here when I don't want to. Well, part of me doesn't want to; in those opposites that you mentioned. So I really appreciate that. A lot of those things came to mind from all the previous happy hours I've been to, and just trying to have some kindness towards all those dimensions of self and non-self^[13].

Nikki: Beautiful. Thank you, Peggy. Thank you so much for your practice report. I love you reporting the push and pull: "I don't want to be here, I want to leave, I'm just going to leave... ah, stay. Stay, dear, I'll stay. Come back with this difficulty, stay."

And then, just as you said, there is a sense of dignity. "Oh yeah, I'm here." And then there's the expansion of the heart: "Oh, I stayed." Then there are moments of joy of staying, of knowing that a sense of trust grows. "Oh yes, it is possible for me to stay with and make space for what is challenging." And what is challenging loses its power a little bit. It softens a little bit. It's still here, but it doesn't have the megaphone to scream. It can be present along with other things.

Yay! And you're here. You showed up and you continued to show up for yourself. This is a celebration, making this space. Thank you, Peggy, there's so much beauty and dignity in that. Thank you for your practice and sharing your report with others.

Claire, it's the last one before we close.

Claire: Thank you. I was going to share something actually very similar; it's funny you would bring this up. It happened on Friday. I'm in a new job, and something went terribly wrong that was the result of my not doing something. Yeah, it was not a good thing. I offered to help and didn't get any takers. I went back to my desk, and I was perfectly okay. In the past, I would have fallen apart. I would have just been this big heap on the desk. But I calmed down, and I knew it would work out. It wasn't all my fault, but it was like being two people. I was sitting there, and I couldn't figure out what was going on, because I'd never felt like this before in a catastrophe. I was just sitting there thinking, "This is so strange, I feel perfectly fine." And I'm sure it was exactly what you're talking about. I felt responsible, but I didn't feel like I was going to die!

Nikki: That was a beautiful experience actually, Claire. This is lovely. Oh my god. I see people who are sharing hearts on the Zoom space. Bill says, "Claire, I've experienced that at work too, it's great." Yes! As you said, you still feel responsible, of course. But you don't feel like you're going to die. It's not a sense of panic, like, "Oh, this is awful." Yes, something is wrong, but there's a sense of equanimity. And actually, when there is equanimity, we can take more responsibility instead of beating ourselves up. We can really help out. When we're completely devastated and we're in fight, flight, or freeze, we can't. But when we have this calmness... it feels strange at first. Oh, beautiful! Yay! Thanks so much for sharing that. This just makes me so happy. Thank you, Claire.

And then someone wrote, "Such a good reminder that change is possible and this practice creates change over time." Yes, yes, yes. The meditation practice actually changes our brains, indeed.

And a couple of reflections from our YouTube friends: "Thank you for the practice. A question came up for me... if we experience pain and suffering in the present moment, how can we practice bringing joy to it?" Oh, I think I already answered that one! Then the same person says, "Thank you so much, dear Nikki. That was very helpful." Good, I'm glad the explanation was helpful.

And another person says, "Being here makes me feel so blessed. This practice makes my heart swell." Ah, that is such a lovely note to end on. This practice makes my heart swell too, being with you in this beautiful community online on Zoom, on YouTube, on AudioDharma.

Thank you all. Thank you for your practice, for your cultivation. May you cultivate the joy of the present moment whatever the conditions are. May we all be, may all beings be happy, safe, and free. Thanks everyone, take good care.