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Happy Hour: Turning Our Attention to Joy

Introduction

Hi everyone, hello, and a warm welcome to Happy Hour.

For today's practice, we're going to continue one more session with the practice of mudita^[1]. It's been so sweet to practice vicarious joy—happiness for the happiness of others, happiness for ourselves, just happiness for happiness. Usually, our default mode in this human body and mind is to notice what's challenging or difficult. Turning our mind intentionally to what is good and what is a blessing in our lives and other people's lives doesn't come naturally. And yet, when we do that, when we intentionally turn to the good and celebrate blessings, goodness, and happiness in the world—whether ours or others'—the heart feels uplifted. And boy, do we need uplift in our hearts, especially in these challenging and tough times.

This is a wholesome practice of gladdening our heart and mind. It's skillful means; it gives us more stability to be with what is difficult, of which there is plenty in our lives. By turning to what's good, we're actually building more resilience. This is a way of not shying away or turning away, but intentionally inclining the heart and mind to what's good to build resilience, so that we can hold what's difficult with more ease.

If we always just turn our minds to what's negative, difficult, and challenging—as our minds tend to do as human beings—we suffer. Evolutionarily, we're more tuned to what's difficult and hard than what's good. Imagine our ancestors walking in the savanna. If they missed something good, if they missed a berry in the environment, they would still live another day. They would be hungry, but they would live another day, and there would be other berries. But if they missed the negative signals in the environment—the scary, challenging woolly mammoth that was about to eat them—they wouldn't live another day. So, guess who passed down their genes to us? The ones who were particularly tuned to scary, difficult, and challenging signals in the environment.

We have those genes. We have those capacities. We are more tuned to what's difficult, challenging, scary, and fearful, and not as tuned—all of us beings—to what is good and what is a blessing. So we need to balance our hearts and minds by intentionally inclining to what's good. That's what we're going to do in our practice tonight, by turning to what's good in our lives and others' and celebrating them with happiness. This balances the natural tendencies of our minds and hearts.

Reflections and Q&A

Thank you all. Thank you for your practice.

I just changed the setting so you can type in chat if you wish. Either to me, in which case I won't say your name out loud, or you can type in chat to everyone. Your observations, your questions, your comments, your complaints—it's all welcome. You can also raise your hand if you'd like to share something. Especially if you haven't shared in a while. If you have recently shared, it's nice to hold back and let other people who might be a little more shy pull forward.

So, what did you notice? How were the different categories for you? Did you notice differences moving from yourself to the dear person, celebrating them, their happiness, etc.? Nicholas, please.

Nicholas: I was saying that mudita for myself is quite challenging right now because I've had ringing in my ears for a few days. When we talk about focusing on the negative, there's that pull to only see that in all of my experience. It's very helpful to recognize the joy in others' lives. I found that turning to everybody—not just turning to somebody who was easy, not just turning to somebody who was a little challenging—was a nice affirmation that there's joy in everybody's life. So, of course, there's also joy in my life that's available. It's very helpful.

Nikki Mirghafori: Nice, beautiful. Thank you for sharing that, Nicholas. I love it. Seeing at first, as you said, it was challenging to see the joy given that the tinnitus ringing in the ear has been so challenging. Then, by turning and realizing, "Oh yes, there is joy in everyone's life," it actually made seeing the joy and the blessings in your own life more available. Lovely, beautiful. May your wisdom, the way you worked with it, and what you discovered support other people in their own discovery. As we discover these ways, other people might think, "If I have difficulty seeing joy in my life, well, maybe I'll do the same thing. I'll try for other beings." So that's lovely, Nicholas. And I'm loving your kitty moving back and forth in front of the camera! [Laughter] That brings me joy for you in your life that you have this lovely little kitty. They're so cute, very sweet. Thank you.

One of you shared in chat that there's hesitation in sharing knowing that this is recorded. If you'd like to share in chat and just send it to me, I can read it out loud without saying your name if that makes you feel more comfortable. Or you can raise your hand, and you can just unmute yourself. Actually, I just changed the settings, so if that works for you, please do. If not, it's all okay. Any reflections, any observations, or questions?

Jamie: I was holding back because I can be talkative here, so thank you for the time. How can I really feel mudita when I'm not feeling someone's happiness? I found that if I understand the cause of someone's happiness, it's very easy for me to feel happy for their happiness. But if I didn't have that—if I couldn't see into the source of it—it wound up feeling like metta^[2]. I couldn't really say, "I'm happy for your happiness." It didn't ring true. But I could say, "Hey, may it continue, may it increase," with loving-kindness.

Nikki Mirghafori: Yeah, there's that little step more for mudita. Exactly. I appreciate the question. Tell me, which of the categories was it challenging in? All of them? One of them? Let's speak about something specific.

Jamie: A neutral being who I don't really know or have a relationship with. So the further the proximity to me... Even my difficult being, I could conjure up a little mudita for them because I know what's going on in their life. I see.

Nikki Mirghafori: Great, good to know. So, dear person, you can feel into their life. Easy. And then even the challenging person you're having challenges with, yes, because you know what's going on. But you're highlighting the neutral person, that there's just not so much connection. Very concrete.

This is what I would recommend to play around with in order to find your way into it. Think of something that you relish in your life, like having a comfortable, safe home. Imagine when you didn't have that, for example, and now you have it. How happy you feel about it! What a blessing it is. Now imagine them. And it's okay to use your imagination; you can be creative in this. Imagine they didn't have that, they were sharing a home and it wasn't comfortable, and now they have their own place. "Oh, this is how it makes me feel. I just delight in it. They probably feel the same way! I'm happy for your happiness."

That can build the bridge. That's creativity, and it can be very fun and nourishing in this way. I appreciate the question.

Okay, dear ones, it is time for us to get to meet each other in small groups and share. The invitation I have for practicing groups is... I'm going to ask you to spend about thirty seconds without words at the beginning, just having mudita for other people's happiness. Imagining they have some happiness even if you don't know what it is. The other couple of people in the room with you, just doing real-time mudita for them. Then, when you unmute, each of you shares something that you're grateful for in your life, that you're happy for. Then you can practice real-time mudita for each other. You can do that one round, and then you can share anything about the practice if there is time after that. I will create the breakout rooms. It's so happy-making, by the way, to hear about other people's happiness and good fortune. This is such a happy-making practice. The rooms are open. Enjoy!

(Breakout sessions occur)

Okay, the rooms are closed and everyone is back. We've got a couple of minutes. I'd like to ask you first, how was the thirty seconds of silent mudita? You can give answers with reactions on Zoom. A green check for "yes" it was good, or a red "X" for not so good. I want to get a sense of if the silent mudita works okay.

Great, okay! No "nos", and one, two, three, four, five, six... Great, the majority are saying yes, good. Emily says in the chat, "I like it because I feel like it encourages a pause and thoughtfulness in sharing." Lovely, thank you. I see some of you nodding.

It's true, it does take away from the group time, which is quite brief, and yet it brings more presence. Fantastic. Any other reflections? I would love to hear your reflections. You can type them or you can raise your hand. What did you notice feeling happy for other people's happiness, this shared mudita in groups? Let's hear from one person if you would be so kind as to share what you noticed.

Kim: I can share. I hit the jackpot because I was in a room with my son, Shani, and Neil. So it was kind of like a party!

Nikki Mirghafori: Oh, that's so sweet! That just makes me happy, that brings mudita for me. I see other people are putting hearts and clapping. Isn't it nice when we turn our hearts to mudita, gladness for other people's gladness, it just keeps showing up? It keeps showing up! You just have to prime the pump, and here it is, it keeps showing up. Thank you so much for sharing that Kim, so that myself and others could feel mudita for your joy. You're so happy, laughing, celebrating, hitting the jackpot, partying. I see Neil smiling. I don't see all of you unfortunately, but that's very sweet.

So dear ones, we have come to the end of yet another Happy Hour. As Click and Clack, the Tappet Brothers^[3] from the radio show used to say, you wasted another perfectly good hour! [Laughter] I'm joking, of course. It's lovely to practice with you. Thank you so much for showing up, for doing this practice of the heart. This cultivation isn't just for your own sake, but for the sake of all those whose lives you touch.

May all beings be happy, may all beings be free, including ourselves. Thank you.