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Guided Meditation: Sitting Together

Good evening, good evening. Welcome, welcome wherever you are, and if you're here in person live, or if you're listening to this sometime in the future, a warm welcome.

So, we'll start with a little bit of a guided meditation. I tend not to do a lot of guidance, just maybe dropping in some direction that we might consider. But checking in with the body, feeling connected and grounded, embodied.

And feeling the pressure against the body from whatever it is you're sitting on: the chair, the cushion, the bench, the couch, whatever it might be.

And then letting the attention rest on the sensations of breathing. Feeling the expansion and contraction in the chest or the abdomen, or maybe feeling the air going in and out of the nose.

Nothing in particular needs to be happening, just being with the sensations of breathing.

And when the mind wanders, as it's apt to do, we just very simply, gently begin again with the sensations of breathing.

Feeling the in-breaths, and feeling the out-breaths.

And can we acknowledge, feel into that we're sitting together, looking at the chat box: from Ohio, Brazil, Seattle, Chicago, here in the Bay Area. Feeling the support of sitting together with others. Even if we are, all of us, in our own space, still we're sharing—sharing this experience.

There's a kind of delight to be connected with others while we sit.

In some kind of way, we're connected to others who are sitting right now, but also there are others who have made it possible for us to sit now. Whether it's in a direct way—they're watching the kids or have agreed to not disturb us for this time, or whatever it might be—or perhaps a little bit more indirectly: helped us with the food on the table, the person in the grocery store, the person who helped put out the fruits and vegetables. Maybe somebody helped you with your car if you drove, an oil change. The clothes you wear were purchased most likely somewhere; a person made them, packaged them, sold them, drove the truck taking them from place to place. Feeling this connection with others.

Can we feel supported in this way, knowing that even if we are sitting alone in a room, there are ways in which we are connected with others?

This recognition that we're not as isolated or independent as it might seem, or sometimes we feel. It's true, certainly with this pandemic, many of us spend time alone, but it's also true that we're not completely independent; we're connected. This just naturally becomes more obvious as we practice, and as we practice we just naturally don't want to cause harm not only to ourselves, but to others. So with this recognition of the countless ways in which we are connected and support one another, may this practice be a support not only for us, but for others. And may all beings be free from suffering.

Good Spiritual Friends

Good evening, good evening. Welcome, welcome.

Buddhist practice might seem like it's a solitary affair, something that we do by ourselves. There's certainly in this a lot of emphasis on becoming awakened, and this idea that we are the ones that walk the practice, walk the path, do the practice for ourselves. And certainly, we sit in meditation with our eyes closed.

But the more we practice, the more we realize how we're connected. Specifically, we recognize nothing arises for no reason. No experience, no object, nothing—everything arises for a reason. Maybe unless we want to talk about the unconditioned, which I'm not going to talk about tonight.

So with this recognition, we could say that the path, or this path of practice, in some ways brings us into the web of life more fully, recognizing and appreciating, feeling some connections that perhaps before we weren't so sensitive to, instead feeling separated, independent, isolated perhaps.

But rather than cutting us off from one another, instead this practice can kind of highlight our relationships and nourish an appreciation for the ways in which we're connected.

Certainly, the Buddha is often depicted as a solitary figure. It's pretty rare, certainly in this tradition, to see anything except a Buddha by himself sitting. And if you read in the suttas, some of them use this word seclusion, this idea of being separated. But one way we can interpret that is that in ancient India, society was a little bit different than how it is now, and the bonds of family and community were really closely knit. So this sense of individuality, or doing something to quiet the mind, maybe needed to be highlighted in that time.

And to be sure, also Buddhism grew—I mean Buddhism as a religion, as a tradition, as a practice—grew out of a sense of community and connection, to be sure. At the time of the Buddha, the community, whether they were monastics or lay, whether they were women or men, had to rely on each other in order to hear the teachings. Of course, they certainly couldn't tune in to YouTube or listen on AudioDharma or something like this. At the time of the Buddha, they weren't written down. The only way you would hear about the Dharma is with an interaction with another person, with somebody speaking it and you hearing it. And perhaps you were talking, or maybe you were just listening, or maybe it was chanting and just listening. So individuals had to rely on each other in order to hear the teachings. And of course, they were preserved through all these thousands of years because people thought they were valuable and even sacred and chose to preserve them. So Buddhism, these practices, of course, are really dependent on some of these relations of people passing things on from one to the next.

So one thing that you might notice or might know is that actually, the Buddha placed immense emphasis on the company we keep. There is this passage where the Buddha is saying, "I do not see even a single thing that so causes wholesome qualities to arise as good friendship. I do not see even a single thing that so causes wholesome qualities to arise as good friendship." So this recognition that, especially back then, they were completely dependent on who they knew, or who they had access to, or who they spent their time with.

There's also this passage: "Just as the dawn is the precursor for the arising of the sun, so too having a good friend is the precursor for developing the Noble Eightfold Path." Many of you know the Noble Eightfold Path is a path to awakening; it has eight elements to it, hence the name. I'm not going to go into the details of what that is, but just this recognition that having a good friend is the precursor for developing the path to awakening.

And maybe I'll say, just for me, that meeting people who were practitioners of the Dharma, that had more experience than I did, had such a big impact. To somehow be able to talk about the Dharma after the Dharma talks, or to see how they moved through the world and how they handled things, to learn from them and to see how they seemed to have much more ease in their life than I was having. To be inspired by, "Okay, so there were the teachings, but there's also people who are listening to these teachings and putting them into practice." I could honestly say that my life would have turned out differently if I hadn't had the great good fortune to meet some Dharma practitioners and to develop some of these friendships.

And maybe I'll say also that some of you know that now when we do so many things on Zoom—and it's also on YouTube—and certainly when we're live here at IMC in person, there are so many practices that we do, so many courses that we do, so many offerings in which we try to make these opportunities in which people can connect with one another. Whether that's the small practice groups in person, or when we're on Zoom doing breakout rooms. If you're sitting retreats, there are often practice discussions or group practice discussions. There's also in the beginning and ending of the retreat often some breakout rooms.

Just this recognition that we learn a lot from each other, and also this recognition that everybody has some wisdom. Of course they do. I heard this quote once—now I can't give an attribution because I don't remember—but this idea that nobody is smart enough to be completely wrong. Like you would have to know everything that's right in order to make sure that it's wrong! [Laughter] I like this idea. All of us have wisdom that we can share with others.

The Buddha, of course, recognized this as well. There's this story in the suttas about Meghiya^[1]. Meghiya was the Buddha's attendant before Ananda was the attendant. Going for alms rounds one morning, Meghiya saw a mango grove that seemed attractive to him, that seemed compelling, and he wanted to practice there. So he asked the Buddha, "I'd like to go practice there in the mango grove and meditate for the day." And the Buddha said, "Why don't you wait, because nobody else is here." He was the Buddha's attendant, and the Buddha wanted him to stay. But Meghiya insisted, and the Buddha said, "Okay, you can go."

So then Meghiya goes to the mango grove and sits to meditate, and he had a difficult time. He had a hard time. So he returned to the Buddha and reported what had happened when he was at the mango grove. Here's what he says: "Bhante^[2]"—which is a word for teacher—"while I was dwelling in that mango grove, I was overcome by three kinds of harmful unwholesome thoughts: sensual thoughts, aversive thoughts, and cruel thoughts. It then occurred to me, 'This is astounding and incredible. Out of faith, I have left the lay life and become a monastic, yet I am filled with these three kinds of harmful unwholesome thoughts.'"

Right, so Meghiya is surprised that even with all of his practice, and dedicating his life to be a monastic, dedicating his life to practice, he still has these unwholesome thoughts: sensual thoughts, aversive thoughts, cruel thoughts. And not only has he become a monastic, he is the attendant of, some would argue, the best meditator that humankind has known. Yet he himself is probably having a hard time. He's probably heard countless numbers of Dharma talks, but he's not quite able himself to find that meditation that is without sensual thoughts, aversive thoughts, and cruel thoughts.

So he goes back to the Buddha after and he tells him just what I said. And then the Buddha responds, "Meghiya, when mental liberation has not fully ripened"—that is, when they're not completely awakened—"there are five things which are conducive to full ripening. What five?" So now the Buddha is going to let him know, here are some things that he can do.

"One"—the Buddha doesn't say 'one', this is my editorial addition—"Meghiya, when one has good spiritual friends, good spiritual companions, good spiritual associates. Two, one is virtuous. Three, there are conversations which are supportive for developing humility and helpful for opening one's mind. Four, one has energy for abandoning unwholesome qualities and acquiring wholesome qualities. And five, one is wise, endowed with the wisdom that knows the arising and passing of experiences."

So then the Buddha continues, "So Meghiya, when one has good spiritual friends, good spiritual comrades, good spiritual associates, it can be expected that they will be virtuous. It can be expected that they will have conversations which are supportive for developing humility and helpful for opening one's mind. When you have good spiritual friends, it can be expected that you'll have the energy for abandoning unwholesome qualities and acquiring wholesome qualities. And when one has good spiritual friends, one will be wise, endowed with the wisdom that knows arising and passing."

So here the Buddha is pointing out that if we are associating with the right people, it's more likely that we'll have some of these other qualities that can help us on the path towards awakening. And we saw that with the earlier quote where the Buddha is saying that just like the dawn is the precursor of the morning, so good spiritual friends is a precursor to developing the Noble Eightfold Path.

But one thing that I appreciate about this passage is that there are these three different words: spiritual friends, companions, and associates. Translators can argue about exactly which way to translate them, but the point is that it's three different words. So I'm interpreting them as three different levels of intimacy. Some are good friends. Maybe some people are just those that you see; maybe you don't have a relationship with them, but you see the way that they move in the world, the way that they show up, or some action that they do.

Sometimes when we're on meditation retreats in person, probably all of us have had this experience where we're doing something—going to the hall, leaving the hall, going into the dining hall, whatever it might be—and we see somebody who is behaving really in a mindful way. It's like, "Oh right, I'm supposed to be mindful." So maybe that's just somebody that's sharing the space, a fellow retreatant. And so there are these different levels. There's good friends that we might have. Maybe there are people that we would only chat with when we see them in the Zoom breakout rooms, for example; we don't speak with them outside, but we're happy to see them and share our experience with them. Or maybe there are people that we don't really know, but we see and are inspired by.

So we could interpret this that the Buddha recognized that our minds have a whole range of potential. We can have this selfishness, aggressiveness, and sensual thoughts, thoughts of cruelty, thoughts of just some general unwholesome, unhelpful thoughts. All of us have this potential. In the same way, all of us have the potential for wisdom and compassion, kindness and warmth.

And the Buddha also recognized, of course, that we don't live in these hermetically sealed vacuums. Our minds are not completely independent; of course, we are influenced by others. Of course, we are influenced by our environment. This is why the Buddha often suggested going to the foot of a tree and meditating, going off into seclusion. But he also suggested that you have good spiritual friends.

We can say, well, what's the definition of a good spiritual friend? We could say it's one that supports your practice, supports this movement towards greater freedom, some greater ease. So which of these potentials—for unwholesome thoughts or wholesome thoughts—gets realized is influenced by our environments, our friends. And maybe we could also bring into this the media we consume. Dharma books, or social media where the intention is to be inflammatory and divisive, or news sources. News sources all have a business model, and their business model is to get readers. So of course they are going to point out things that are catchy or grab our attention. Maybe they're not all inaccurate, but maybe they have a particular point of view in which they're emphasizing the worst or the best, or something like this.

And maybe others just silently speak to the hidden potentials within us. Maybe there's something inside of us that gets inspired when we see another, or we read a Dharma book, or listen to a Dharma talk, or have some Dharma friends that we talk with. I think all of us can probably look back on our lives and see, "Oh yeah, I am being influenced by different people." Even parents sometimes will restrict kids: "I don't think you should spend so much time with these kids. I notice that when you do that you're cussing a lot," or whatever it might be.

So in the suttas, there's also where the monastics help one another. At the opening scene of the Anapanasati Sutta^[3]—that is the discourse on mindfulness of breathing. Mindfulness of breathing, of course, is a key practice that we do. And reading that sutta, I was primarily interested in the steps with breathing, these 16 steps, the four tetrads. But I never forgot this opening scene that really did touch me. It goes something like this:

"Now at that time, the senior monastics were advising and instructing the junior monastics. Some senior monastics instructed 10 monastics, while others instructed 20, 30, or 40. And being instructed by the senior monastics, the junior monastics realized a higher distinction than they had before."

So just this small little—often we tend to kind of throw away some of these sentences in the suttas—but this recognition that there's a teaching going on. And I believe my understanding is even in today's monasteries, there's a lot of teaching that happens between the monastics.

And here's one that I'd like to share. This is from the Therigatha^[4]; these are the verses from nuns that have been awakened. This is from the nun Uttama, and she's describing a little bit of her story of how she became awakened. It goes like this:

"Four or five times I left my dwelling; I had failed to find peace of heart or any control of my mind. I approached a nun in whom I had faith. She taught me the Dharma: the aggregates, sense fields, and elements. When I had heard her teaching in accordance with her instructions, I sat cross-legged for seven days without moving, given over to rapture and bliss. On the eighth day, I stretched out my feet, having shattered the mass of darkness."

Quite something, to sit for seven days. I don't know if we should take this literally or not, but I appreciate very much she starts: "I had failed to find peace of heart or any control over my mind." So then she goes to a nun in whom she had faith. So maybe she had noticed this other nun, maybe this nun was Patacara^[5]. We don't know, it might be Patacara. Some of you know that we have a Patacara statue. This right here now is the Buddha, but we also have one that's Patacara who's down at the retreat center, and she was one of the premier nun teachers, one of the first teachers. So perhaps it was Patacara, but perhaps it was another nun that Uttama went to, received some teachings, and then she did the teachings and became awakened, shattered the mass of darkness. The mass of darkness we can understand as pain, ignorance, or delusion, so that she saw clearly.

So what is it, what would it take to have these good spiritual friends? Often it's not easy. I'm using this expression "good spiritual friends"; it's a translation of kalyāṇa-mitta^[6]. Some of you may be familiar with that expression. There are a number of different ways we can translate it, but I'll keep it as good spiritual friends.

To develop these types of friendships probably requires some patience, some deliberate effort. Of course, being friendly and having warmth and being a good listener—everybody knows this, you don't need me to tell you this. But these types of relationships grow, of course, like all relationships, with honesty and being authentic, and not trying to be "more spiritual" or something like this. Not trying to fit ourselves into some mold. But not only that, it is a willingness to learn from and be supported by others; that is, to be teachable. There are some people who just feel uncomfortable with the idea that somebody else might know something that they don't know, or they just have to spend their energy showing how much they know, and aren't really teachable.

So in order to have these good spiritual friendships, we have to be willing to be teachable. And can we be inspired by others without a feeling of envy? Without a feeling of, "Oh, they have everything, I don't have anything," without our inner critic getting activated? Maybe there's a little bit of envy, maybe a little bit of the inner critic gets activated, but not in a way that it is a hindrance or is burdensome or problematic for our relationships. Can we just recognize that other people's lives unfold differently than ours? Of course they do. Earlier I was talking about how we're all kind of connected, so there are all these conditions. People have been influenced by different conditions, different people in their lives, so of course their lives unfold differently than ours.

Can we receive feedback, either directly or indirectly? We might notice, as I said earlier, that when we see somebody who's been mindful, our mindlessness might be highlighted. Or maybe when we see somebody whose speech is really clean—they don't gossip, they aren't divisive, they're not speaking in a way that is denigrating to anybody—that might be a way which can highlight for us, "Oh yeah, when I was complaining or wanting to talk about somebody else, they didn't join me in this. Instead, maybe they skillfully changed the topic."

Maybe we do have some conceit about our meditation practice, or our attainments that we believe we've had, and we somehow feel like we have to show them or let people know. But it might be softened if we spend time with people who hold themselves lightly, or perhaps don't even show any interest in our spiritual attainment, so to speak, but instead they are interested in just us as individuals. So this is part of being a good spiritual friend.

And maybe also say, not being attached to our views or our group. That is, are we just looking for confirmation of what we already know, or are we open to learning from other people that are different from us, maybe have different life experiences, have different backgrounds, different meditation experiences?

So this idea of cultivating good spiritual friends is such an integral part of our practice, and the Buddha recognized this, and I'm sure all of us recognize this too. To walk with others, but of course not in a way in which we give up our discernment. Not in a way in which we give up our ability to say, "This doesn't quite feel right," and not give up our autonomy or anything like this. But instead, to allow ourselves to be influenced, and to use our wisdom so that we can not only have good spiritual friends, but be a good spiritual friend.

And in this way, with this connectedness that we recognize we have with one another, we can support one another. And maybe those who feel supported can support yet other people, and in this way the support can grow, with more and more people benefiting from our practice. May all beings benefit from our practice. Thank you.