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Guided Meditation: 50/50 Awareness

Hello everyone, and welcome.

Sometimes I think of mindfulness practice as having adventures with awareness. Life is very different when we're aware—so much so that sometimes I think we have many bodies: the body we have when we're not aware, and the bodies we have when we are aware. There are all these different ways of experiencing the body. The mind when we're not aware and the mind that is aware is so fascinating. The emotions and what we're aware of when we're not aware, our social life when we're aware and when we're not mindful—it's so varied. It becomes so rich when mindfulness is there, when awareness is there. It becomes almost three-dimensional or four-dimensional when there's a clear sense of mindfulness. Without clear, intentional mindfulness or awareness, life can start becoming two-dimensional or one-dimensional.

One of the great skills that I've found very useful for myself is being able to sometimes almost simultaneously be aware of others and myself if I'm in conversation with people. I like to have this general idea that 50% of my attention is with the others and 50% of my attention is here with this person, with myself. That creates a wonderful balance, a check-and-balance system. This ability to shift where we bring our attention to get a richer experience of what's actually happening here can be involved in any given moment of mindfulness. We can be aware of an object of attention, and we can be aware of what it's like to be aware of that object of attention. I can be aware of my breathing, and I can be aware of how I am being aware of the breathing: am I straining, pushing, lackadaisical, lazy, or resistant? I can be aware of an emotion, and I can be aware of where I'm aware of it from. Am I aware of it in my head or with my body? Which of these two is a useful way of taking in and registering the emotion? So sometimes I'm with the emotion, and sometimes I'm with how I am taking it in: "Oh, it's in that place in my body. My body feels this way, and this is my reaction to it, my response to it."

For this meditation, I'd like to suggest that there be a very simple alternation for you—maybe almost with the alternation of breathing—between being aware of something and then being aware of how it is for you to be aware of it. What is the subjective experience like for you to be engaged in the mindfulness of something? To clearly see something in its own right, and then what is it like to be aware of it? Have this adventure of going back and forth, not just one or the other. If it's only how you feel about it, the subjective experience—which is one extreme that some people take—then it's all living inside of this labyrinth of self, me, the impact, what I should do, and judgments about it. But if it's all about the object, then there can be a losing touch with oneself. There can be a strain; there can be attitudes about the object that go unseen. To go back and forth to see both—sometimes seemingly simultaneously, sometimes going back and forth.

To begin with the meditation posture, gently close the eyes. Mindfulness awareness practice begins with doing so intentionally, knowingly, consciously. Choosing to be aware, and to begin by choosing to be aware of your body. Take some time to feel your body, to familiarize yourself with your body.

And then, how are you being aware of your body? Are there judgments, fears, resistance, or ideas? Might it be possible to simplify how you are being aware? Just be aware of the body.

Then to become aware of your body breathing. Familiarize yourself with how breathing is at this time.

And then how are you in being aware of breathing? Do you have judgments or ideas of what should be and shouldn't be? Do you have expectations and things you're trying to do with your breathing? Is there fear? Are there concerns about breathing? Is there enthusiasm? How are you about your breathing? And can you simplify how you are with mindfulness of breathing, so it's simply being aware of the body breathing?

And then gently going back and forth between how you are in being aware of breathing and the breathing itself. Take a few long, slow, deep breaths, relaxing as you exhale.

Then letting your breathing return to normal. Continue quietly with the meditation, but in some relaxed rhythm, move back and forth between what you're clearly mindful of—a sense of choice to be aware and intentional about it—and then becoming aware of the subjective experience of what it's like to be aware. How are you being aware? Moving back and forth with these two modes can be done in a way that's quieting, stilling, and calming.

And as we come to the end of the sitting, first check in with how you are. How are you in your body, and how might things have shifted for you? How are you in your mind, and how might things have shifted for you? How are you emotionally now, and how might that have shifted from the beginning of the meditation?

And then with how you are, what's available inside of you for kindness, for goodwill, for compassion? Now, turn your attention to the people in your lives, the people you might see today, or encounter today. Consider them, think of them kindly with friendship and goodwill. Have thoughts of appreciation for them. Maybe be aware of appreciating that you have this ability to appreciate others, to enjoy others, to care for others.

And then, in whatever way that you have benefited from this meditation, maybe you can want to use that benefit to benefit others. Use the benefit of meditation to enter into the world caringly, kindly, with warmth and friendship for others, even if they are not that in return. May we go forth from meditation for the welfare and happiness of others. May all beings be happy. May all beings be safe. May all beings be peaceful, and may all beings be free. And may we contribute, even in small ways, to that possibility.

Thank you.

Dharmette: Locations for Awareness (4 of 5) 50/50 Awareness

Hello, and welcome to this fourth talk on the shifting perspectives for awareness, or locations for awareness. We could ask about the different places from which we're aware. We could also ask about different locations for where awareness lands, what the focus of awareness is. We have some choice around that. A lot of the emphasis this week is to use your capacity for choice and discernment to become wise about how to use attention. It's to begin feeling you have some agency and engagement with how you're aware, so you're aware and effective in a useful way.

The overarching theme since the beginning of the year has been how to work with challenges. This is actually an important part: challenges of all kinds are challenging, and because of that, we tend to be swept into them or focused on them. We can be very impacted by them. They can be difficult emotionally, physically, and psychologically, and we get wrapped up in our reactivity to them and the impact they have. However, we will be less vulnerable or less impacted in a negative way by these challenges if we are engaged in being aware. If we are navigating, swimming in the waters, rather than just floating and letting whatever waves come wash over us, we can adapt. We're swimming in the ocean of change and the world, adjusting ourselves according to the situation. We have some agency, some engagement. Just the very engagement of being aware^[1], of exploring how to be mindful, is a kind of protection from being too open and too receptive, and being impacted by everything. We're still feeling things deeply, but we're not as vulnerable to it all if we have some sense of engagement. We have something to do; we're not helpless and hopeless in a situation.

One of the things that is very useful to do with awareness practice, or with awareness in general, is when we're in social situations, or out in the world, to have 50% of the attention on the people we're with—the social situation we're in—and 50% of the attention on oneself. This is not an exact number, 50/50, but approximately half and half. The idea is to go back and forth, or to be aware of both at the same time. If we are only aware of the other person, then we're not aware of the impact the situation has. We're not aware of our attitudes and judgments that are coming up. We're not aware of our responses and intuitions.

But if we're only aware of ourselves, then we're not really taking in all the information of the other person or listening really well. A lot of communication is non-verbal, and if we're not really there paying attention, we don't pick up the non-verbal cues of what's going on in the conversation. So going back and forth and being aware of both brings us into a nice balance. If we're paying attention to ourselves, we might notice something like we're not paying attention or we're not listening, which is pretty dramatic. We might also notice that we're having judgments, or starting to plan what we're going to say next. We might also see that we are impacted by what's being said, and now we're swimming in the impact. Maybe we're crumbling under it, getting tense around it, getting assertive, or feeling angry. All this information is useful because it comes into play in the act of communication and exchange with people. It's good to be knowledgeable about it and to know it.

Also, by being aware of ourselves in some higher-quality way, we have access to a much greater set of information about what's happening in the exchange with other people. I'd like to think of our psychophysical body as being an antenna, or many antennas. We have amazing capacities for sensing, feeling, and receiving information from the world around us, much of which people don't avail themselves to. To really begin taking that in by being present to oneself, we're not just aware of ourselves in a self-focused way. We're much more present for all the sense apparatus, all the ways in which we're taking in information, responding, and mirroring the person.

So it's not so much that we're paying attention to ourselves with an emphasis on the self. We are 50% here in this body, in this psychophysical system that we happen to be in, in order to really take in what's happening in some deeper way. We're actually better able to pay attention to others and know people through being grounded in oneself. By being grounded, we are able to take in more information, understand them better, and offer our kindness. Paying attention well to other people is a kind thing. The 50/50 division of attention actually can make us better listeners. The people being listened to might think that you're really present in a full way, and they feel it because you are. There is a heightened awareness, a heightened listening, and heightened attentiveness when you can also be present 50% here in your experience.

Because of all these different ways that we're attending, we become aware of our posture, and posture says a lot about how we're with other people. If you're aware of your posture, then maybe you would adjust it in a way that makes you more connected to what's happening, rather than turning towards the door ready to leave. One of the choices we have about mindfulness and awareness is where our attention is. We can track that^[2]—whether it's mostly with a person and if we're being pulled in. A place to start experimenting with this is if someone's telling a wonderful story or a joke, or you're listening to a wonderfully engaging speaker, and you're getting pulled into the story or the idea. How does it feel to lose touch with yourself and be absorbed in what's going on? If you're really angry with someone, are you absorbed in them as the object of blame, and are you losing touch with yourself? How can you come back into balance, 50/50? How can you take care of yourself so that you can be a better companion, a better listener, and a better participant in whatever situation you're in? We have some choice about where we put our attention and how we're aware.

When we bring attention to ourselves, are we experiencing all this in the body and feeling the feelings? Are we centered in how it feels to be with the other person and hear what's being said, internally reacting to our feelings? That's one way, and it's a good way at times. Or am I more in my thoughts, planning what I'm going to say, reacting, and reflecting on what the person is saying? That's good sometimes, but both of these ways have their weaknesses. We can ask if this is really the best way to be with the situation, and maybe we should shift back and forth. This kind of engagement is a protection from getting overwhelmed or being too impacted by the situation. There is not as much room in us to be overwhelmed if we're engaged in an intentional, clear way with what is going on. So there is this attention, 50/50, back and forth.

The beautiful thing that can happen is that it's possible to be very aware of what's happening in the body, what's happening in thoughts, what's happening in feelings, and be very aware of the other person, and somehow the self-concern falls away. The self-preoccupation, the self-definition, and this self-thing that we're so often caught in can fall away. It's almost like we're not there, but there is a lot of presence. We're not there, but we're not checked out. We're acutely sensitive to what's happening in this psychophysical body, so we're responsible, caring, and involved. But this ego and coagulation around the self can relax and fall away as we engage in this kind of full attention. This full attention is partly defined by this half with the other person or the situation, and half for ourselves.

I would encourage you today to look for situations where it might not be too complicated or difficult to do this kind of work back and forth. Maybe you're listening to a lecture or a podcast, or maybe you're even listening to me right now on YouTube. That's a safe place to have a nice rhythm of going back and forth. You are listening, and then, how does it feel? How are you as a listener, listening? Or maybe there are certain friends where it makes sense to do this. You're going for a walk with them, and that's a great place to do both.

You have an amazing capacity to be aware, and awareness is multifaceted. There are many ways of being aware. It is a very rich life to be able to find your way, have choice, and navigate the different ways that we're aware for the benefit of ourselves and the benefit of others.

Thank you, and I look forward to the last talk in the series tomorrow.