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Happy Hour: The Secret to Happiness (in Zoom Meetings)

Introduction

So, hello and welcome everyone. Welcome to Happy Hour.

For today's practice, I'd like to talk about the secret to happiness. This is Happy Hour, so I figured we'd talk about the secret to happiness. The subtitle of this practice might be: the secret to happiness on Zoom.

The practice of metta^[1]—wishing well, having kindness, goodwill, and friendliness for ourselves, others, people we know, people we don't know, people we like, people we don't like—is equal opportunity friendliness and goodwill. As part of this cultivation, it does make our heart happier.

What I'd like to talk about specifically, the nuance that I'd like to bring in today, is that with the pandemic, many of us are still experiencing Zoom calls. They're not going to go away anytime soon. It is a part of the way we're going to be working remotely, or perhaps even if you go back to work, working with people who are not local with us. Teleconferencing, video chat, and video work will continue to be a part of the way both we work and maybe how we socialize in groups.

Before the pandemic, a variation of this practice was "stealth metta." If you were driving, you would wish metta for people on the road, and you would be calmer and happier. You wouldn't be upset as much, especially if people cut in front of you. You would especially wish them well, really in order to bring soothing, calm, and ease to yourself, and you would arrive at your destination feeling much better. Similarly, if you rode the subway or buses, you would be wishing well for everyone around.

Now, what I'd like to bring in is a Zoom practice. Well, some people are on YouTube, but many of us are here on Zoom. You can see me, and you can see each other, so this will serve as a perfect practice ground for many of our work meetings.

The invitation is that we will practice wishing well for people who are in a meeting with us. We'll bring them to mind, or you can start by putting your screen in gallery view so you can choose someone to wish well for to warm up your metta right now. But really, what I'd like to focus on is a practice that we can take to our other Zoom meetings and other work meetings in this way.

Why? Well, in some meetings—actually, many meetings—you might feel tired or bored. It might be something like, "I don't agree with this person," or "Ah, they're going on and on." You know these little quirks we develop with people we know and work with. Choosing to find something that you either appreciate about them, like about them, or some way in which you are similar—the common humanity—is helpful. Yes, you're both dedicated to this work you are doing. You both appreciate whatever project you're working on. Find a way to connect with that common humanity.

For those of you who are retired, I invite you to engage in this practice creatively. Cultivating metta is all about creativity, so find other ways. Maybe you are going for walks and seeing people in your neighborhood, or going to the grocery store and feeling annoyed by someone because they are taking forever in the checkout lane. You know, there are all these ways that we find ourselves getting irritated. This is stealth metta.

One thing I want to bring in before we get into the practice is that some people say, "When I'm in a meeting or doing something, it's too distracting to perhaps do metta for someone." Well, yes and no. One idea could be before you go into the meeting, spend a couple of minutes imagining people you'll be seeing, whether in a meeting or even visiting in person. Again, be creative. You don't have to take the exact script that I will be talking about. See what works for your life situation. Be your own inner dharma guide. You can prime the heart beforehand.

Also, what I have found is that if I don't do this practice, I actually get more tired. My energy wanes in the meeting, and my attention starts to drift. Whereas, actually, when I engage by wishing different people in the meeting well—especially if I disagree with them or there's something bothering me—I say, "I wish you well." All of a sudden, I realize, "Oh wow, I'm more attentive. I have more energy. I have more goodwill. I'm more present in this meeting." I don't feel like, "When is this going to end?" or "I just want to be done with this." It changes the way I show up. I am present at the meeting instead of it being distracting; it's actually the opposite. I gently challenge you to see that for yourself, to see how you could actually become even more present and available. Your energy will be aroused, and there will be more energy present with this practice instead of it being a distraction.

Guided Meditation

I have said plenty to frame the practice. Let's practice to be together. I'd like to invite you to land in your body. To arrive, to come here, right here, right now.

Feeling your feet on the ground, or if you're sitting on the floor, feeling the whole underside of your legs on the cushion. Feeling your bottom on the chair or the contact points. Relaxing, letting go of your body weight into the contact points. Feeling the connection to the earth. Let's just hang out here. Feeling connected to the earth, sensing, feeling, appreciating the contact points.

Inviting your breath to move through the body, the lower part of the body, the abdomen, the contact points. Enlivening, bringing more awareness to these sensations. Deeply rooted and connected to all the sensations.

Inviting the awareness to rest in the lower abdomen, sensing the movement, the sensations of the breath. Inviting your awareness to move through the body with the breath, calming, relaxing, letting go of any tightness or holding anywhere.

Now I would like to invite you, as you continue to feel embodied—feeling your bottom on the cushion, contact points, your feet, your legs, the breath moving through your body—here, imagine you're in a meeting. It could be a Zoom meeting, an in-person meeting, or perhaps somewhere where there are others present that you're interacting with in some capacity. It could even be a grocery store or a walk in the neighborhood. See what situation works best for you. For the narrative, I will refer to meetings, but again, see what works best for you.

As you are embodied, feeling your body sitting, lying down, or standing, perhaps bring to mind a recent scenario where you were with others in a meeting, perhaps on Zoom. Again, feel free to adapt to what comes up for you. Feeling yourself rooted in your body with your breath, just take some time imagining yourself present in this meeting, fully present in your body. Not leaving the body in order to be with others. Staying with the body, staying with the breath. Feeling your presence while you are imagining being in this meeting.

Starting with appreciation, metta for yourself, for your work, your work as service. Appreciating your own goodness, your own intentions for service, for your offering to the world.

May I be safe, happy, healthy, and have ease.

Staying connected to your body. May I be safe. May I be happy. May I be healthy. May I have ease.

And now, continuing to feel embodied—the sensations of your feet, your sit bones, your breath, whatever calls to you in your body—feeling your presence with others in this meeting or in this situation you've conjured up, something that has happened maybe earlier today or recently. Imagining yourself in relationship with these other beings. And as they speak, or as they relate to you, as they're going about doing what they do in this interaction, wishing them well one by one.

Perhaps starting with the person who was easiest for you. The person who is easiest to have the most warmth, ease, care, and appreciation for.

May you be safe. May you be happy. May you be healthy. May you have ease.

Either sharing these metta phrases, whatever metta phrases you like, or perhaps without words, just wishing them well. Wishing them goodness and happiness in your mind's eye. Staying connected to your body. Staying with this first person for a while.

You're welcome to move to another person in this meeting, in this group, saving the person who perhaps is most challenging for last. I'll tell you when we have a few minutes left, or if you want to move to them earlier, you're welcome to.

At any point, if you feel that you need some of this goodness and care, feel free to direct metta to yourself. Maybe it was a challenging meeting. It's okay to hold yourself with care and metta.

If you haven't yet moved to the person who may be more challenging for you in the meeting, this is a good time. Perhaps considering something the two of you have in common. Seeing their humanity, something you appreciate about them, or you have appreciated in the past, let that be the basis for the metta, for your connection with them. Or maybe simply that you're both human. You're both subject to aging, you have a body subject to pain and illness. You're not so different.

For the last couple of minutes, let's practice sharing your metta, your goodwill, your friendliness with all the beings in this meeting, in this circumstance, in this situation. All of you. May all of us meeting, talking, working together, being together in this cause, in service in this way—may all of us be well. Seeing your connection through your common cause. Even if you're imagining being in the grocery store, for this common cause of feeding yourselves.

May all of us, and may all beings everywhere, be safe, be happy, be healthy, and have ease as much as possible. May all beings be free.

Reflections

Thanks, everyone. Thank you for your practice. I'm changing the settings on chat so you can chat publicly with your reflections. If it's sent to everyone, I'll read your name. If it's just to me, it'll be private and I won't read your name. You can also raise your Zoom hand, especially if you haven't spoken for a while. If you're new, I'd love to hear your reflections on what you discovered.

Forest: Hi, for this topic, it's actually perfect timing for me because I recently returned to work, and meetings that I feel like are a waste of time have been one of the things I was just trying to figure out how to work with. During the meditation, it really shifted my attitude because I realized that the meeting was not just about the work; it was also about humanity somehow. So I'll definitely be bringing that with me.

Nikki: I am so touched, Forest. Thank you for your words and your reflections. I am delighted. I got your mental missive! [Laughter] Thank you so much, may this be of support to you. What you say is super profound, and I do want to highlight it: meetings aren't just about the work being done. There's so much about the human relationships. These are the people we are serving with. We haven't chosen them; they're kind of like our family. We don't choose our family, and yet they can serve as our teachers. As you were saying, in the meetings where previously it felt like a waste of time, now it's no longer a waste of time. It's practice time! It's metta practice. It's lovely. Thank you, Forest.

One thing that I'll share as I wait for you to raise your hand or type is that I've done this practice especially in meetings where I felt it was long, or there wasn't much spark and they felt heavier. I've noticed that my energy gets completely transformed and shifted in the meeting. I think, "Okay, it's time to do that." I start smiling to myself, I start smiling at others when I'm looking at them, wishing them well. It shifts my energy, and I've noticed it shifts other people's energy in the meeting when that happens. So this is your happiness secret. Happiness secret in Zoom meetings! Not such a secret, please spread it. Any other reflections or thoughts? Notice anything that maybe was challenging too, that is welcome.

Megan: Hi, this is Megan. I was thinking of a Zoom meeting that I had by phone last week with people I have yet to meet. I have a lot of people to meet; I just moved here to California.

Nikki: Welcome! Welcome to California, Megan.

Megan: Thank you. But it's also kind of scary, and there are a lot of nerves and just a lot of self-doubt when it comes to starting over and being in all of these groups. So it was really helpful to bring metta to that, with all these people I haven't actually met in person yet, and think about little things I've heard that I just really appreciated about them. So I'm going to try it in real life, we'll see how it goes.

Nikki: Oh, that's awesome. That's great, I love that. And also the actionability of things that you've heard that you appreciate, letting that be the basis. As we know, metta is an antidote for fear, anxiety, and various flavors of it. So especially in this new situation, may it profoundly support you. That's great, thanks for your reflection.

Marie Christine says in the chat, "I would like a life subscription to the happiness club." [Laughter] That's great, you already have one! I love it. Very sweet.

Another thing I've also done in the past is sometimes, if people don't have a virtual background, you can see something in their environment. Oh yes, they like art, or they have a child's drawing in the back. Oh, maybe they're a parent or a grandparent. There's a way that you can really connect with them. There are so many ways to be creative and create connection.

Speaking of that, we are in a Zoom meeting, dear ones. Let's take this as an opportunity for metta for one another. In a moment, we will be in small practice groups. Let's start with 15 seconds of silent metta for each other. Then you can share as little or as much as you like, but maybe in the background have a sense of metta for yourself and for others really actively, and see how it goes. I'll create the breakout rooms now, and they are open. Enjoy!

(Breakout rooms session)

Welcome back everyone. So we have a few minutes for any reflections, questions, or what you noticed or observed, especially doing this practice in real time. Especially if you're new or haven't spoken before, we'd love to hear from you. Your observations are important.

Terence: I just want to say how important this group practice is. Before the small group thing, I was feeling kind of turned inward and not very happy. You know, we're doing Happy Hour, right? In a little group just talking with three other people, I felt the shift. Now, I thank you for this group.

Nikki: Yay, nice! Thank you, Terence. Thank heavens for our community, and for our Happy Hour community. Thank you for that. I see hearts showing up on Zoom. The human connection in this way, and taking care of each other really. Glad to hear it. Thank you, Terence. Other reflections, please.

Melanie: Hi. Yeah, I was feeling the same level of gratitude for the breakout rooms. There's one person in particular that I've happened to be in a breakout room with a number of times. It seems a bit coincidental, but maybe three or four times we've been in the same breakout room together. He isn't here right now, but we did the exercise together once of, like, "What brings you joy?" or "What makes your heart soar?" And he was talking about how he loves going to St. Barts and running and swimming naked on the beach. He's not on the call right now, but now I just think of such joy! I feel so happy for him—like maybe he made it to St. Barts and that's why he's not dialing in! I think that was key to what you were saying, of just getting to know little parts of someone, especially what makes them really happy. Then being able to think of those things makes it much easier for the metta to flow for them.

Nikki: Beautiful. Thank you, Melanie, I love it. It makes my heart sing as you talk about this. That's a lovely note to end on. Thank you both for those reflections at the end, Terence and Melanie, and everyone else who shared earlier.

Thank you all for your practice. Thank you for showing up to Happy Hour, supporting yourself and others in the world with this cultivation of goodwill, friendliness, and metta. May all beings be happy. May all beings be free, including ourselves. Thank you.