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Happy Hour: Receiving and Giving Compassion

Hello, and welcome to Happy Hour, wherever you are on this planet of ours, in whatever condition in this moment for your body, for your heart, for your mind.

For today's practice, the theme I'd like to invite us to explore together is the theme of practicing compassion, practicing care, and holding suffering with love, both giving and receiving.

In the past, we have explored many times the giving and receiving of mettā^[1], loving-kindness, and friendliness, where we share our goodwill and care for people we care about, and we also receive from others. We receive for ourselves the sense of goodness, good wishes, friendliness, well-being, kindness, and care—so many different translations of the word mettā. Similarly, there is the practice of compassion, which is very similar to mettā. When mettā holds suffering, when friendliness and kindness meet suffering, it gets expressed as compassion.

Many, many times in your life, I have no doubt that you have been there for someone, for some being—maybe a child, maybe a pet, an adult, a friend—who has been in a challenging situation, either physically (maybe they've been hurt) or emotionally. They were going through a hard time, and you were there for them. Maybe it was just simply holding presence and listening, making them not feel alone in the world.

And I also fully trust that each of us, in our humanity, have had times where someone has been there for us, has supported us, has given us inspiration, support, and care, maybe with just their presence. Being there could have been a teacher, a coach, a parent, a relative, a friend, or sometimes a stranger—just being there for us, supporting us.

This idea is of giving and receiving. Giving compassion, holding others in compassion when we have the resources, when we have the stability of mind and heart to support others through a rough time, whatever it might be. And many other times in our lives, when we are in need, when we appreciate a holding hand, a supportive, patient ear to listen to us—maybe a friend on the phone just listening, just letting us share, being there for us, feeling cared for. We have both received compassion and care where we have been suffering, and our suffering has been met with kindness by another, by patience, by listening, by presence. And when somebody else is suffering, we have held it, we have met it with our kindness, with our patience, just with our presence.

So in this practice today, we will tap into this felt sense memory in our body of just one time—it doesn't have to be a whole panoply of situations, just one situation is enough. If you want to bring more, you're welcome to bring to mind a time where someone has been there for us when we're suffering. And also tapping into this felt memory, the felt sense of the memory of when we've been there for someone else, giving compassion. Even if we didn't think much of it, like, "Oh yeah, it's not that big of a deal." Giving compassion is very simple. Maybe it's just being on the phone with a friend who's going through a hard time, being there for them, just as simply as that. As Helen Keller said, "To sweeten someone's pain, your life is not in vain."

Guided Meditation

So let's practice together. I'd like to invite you to land, to land in your body. As always, we start with this body, this moment, this breath, just connecting right here, right now.

Relaxing the body, landing in this moment. Each breath calming, soothing. The entirety of the in-breath, the entirety of the out-breath.

With each breath, landing into the body more. Feeling the contact points. The feet, the sit bones with the earth, the cushion. Hands on your lap. The contact points, feeling embodied more and more with each breath.

Here, just here. The moment of refuge. Just this breath.

Another minute or two just to arrive, just to till the soil of the mind, to be settled here, available, present, to plant the seeds of our practice.

And I'd like to invite you to bring to mind a time, maybe in recent times, even the past days, weeks, maybe today, maybe yesterday, maybe some time ago—a time in your life, whatever memory is most easily accessible, of a time when someone offered you compassionate presence, care, warmth when you were having a hard time, when you were having some kind of difficulty.

Maybe it was physical illness; you were having a hard time. Let compassion care for you. You were having a difficulty in any area of your life. They listened to you, maybe, or in any way you felt supported. In any way you felt that your suffering, your challenge, your pain, your anguish, your sadness was met with care. You felt cared for. You felt seen, held.

Let yourself feel that felt sense memory in your body of being held in compassion, held in care. You may not give it the name compassion; met with care when you're having a hard time is enough.

Letting yourself be held, receiving the care to meet suffering. In your body, what does it feel like? In your heart and your mind, receiving the soothing salve of care. The soothing salve, healing, nourishing, supporting the hurt.

Now, I'd like to invite you to bow to this being, this person. And bring to mind a situation in recent times when someone else—it could be recent or sometime in the past if the felt sense memory is accessible—when some being was suffering physically or emotionally, and you were there for them. Bringing up the scenario not just in your head, in your thoughts, but in the felt sense of your body. What does it feel to care, to care for someone who's going through a challenging time?

Offering them your love, your attention, your time, your help, your compassion. Any names you want to give it; the rose is sweet by any name. Feeling, meeting this person's sorrow, suffering, the hurt. What did it feel like? Is there a sweetness to be there for them, to connect with them, serve them, be available for them? Is there a sweetness supporting them through the sorrow?

Is there sweetness in expressing your love, your care for this being? Connecting with your care, with your love, with your affection for this being. Really in touch with your care, with your love for them, and holding their sorrow. Not turning away from it, but holding it with love and care. Letting them have their tears, not pushing it away, but being there, present. Not falling in with overwhelm, but just present with love, with support.

Now, bowing to this image, to this person. I'd like to invite you to bring up a case of something you're having difficulty with very recently. Maybe it's in your life right now, something that's challenging, which you may or may not have received support with. It could be the first thing that you brought up earlier; it's okay to go back to it. Or if previously you chose something from long ago, now something very alive, very recent, something that's challenging for you right now in your life, in your body, and your heart.

Imagining someone, a being—could be someone in your life, living, passed away, an image of a Buddha^[2], a being of light, a friend, whatever works for you—holding presence for you, holding you with love and care. They see you, they understand, they hold you. Holding the suffering with you, making it lighter. Feeling supported and held.

There could be multiple people, multiple beings. Your friend, benefactor, and the Buddha. All of them holding you. The whole sangha^[3].

Now, what if this receiving of love and care with this challenge awakens your love and care, your compassion even more? As you receive it from others, you realize you have more to give. It's a giving and receiving. You have so much stability and goodness to give care, to serve others.

And now, bringing to mind a case of someone who's going through a hard time in your life. Again, it could be the second scenario that you brought up, but something very recent, happening now. You might have already been there for them—a phone call, presence, care. Or just in your mind's heart, in your mind's eye, imagining being with them and offering them your care, your support. They're not alone; you care for them. May their suffering be eased, be soothed.

If it's helpful for you, you can summon the being of light, the Buddha, or any other compassionate being to join you in holding, in your imagination, holding this dear being and their suffering with compassion, loving care. "May you have peace. May your sorrow be eased."

If your mind at any point gets distracted, bringing the image of your dear person, dear being, in your mind's eye, more refreshed, more bright. Connecting with them, their challenge, and your care, your love for them. "May you be free from the sorrow. May you have peace, dear one. May there be ease with you meeting this difficulty."

And for the last moments, minutes of this practice period, seeing both you and your dear being or beings that you brought in throughout this practice period, giving and receiving. All of you held in love and compassion. All human, all beings, animals too, we have suffering. We have bodies, these lives on this earth, especially being human as we cognize it, has ups and downs. We all suffer at times, and we all support each other, have love and care for each other's suffering.

Appreciating that giving and receiving circle of compassion. Giving and receiving, never too proud to receive together. There's always something available to give, even if we're suffering ourselves, it turns out. Share love and care for others who are too having challenges. Giving and receiving this beautiful, wholesome virtuous cycle, virtuous circle. Giving and receiving compassion, care, love. May all beings, including ourselves, have ease. May all beings, including ourselves, be free.

Reflections and Q&A

Thank you. Thanks everyone for your practice.

So, I'm going to change the chat settings. You're welcome to share in chat. If publicly, I'll read your name and the reflection. If just sent to me alone, I'll only read the reflection, not your name. Or you can raise your hand. What was this like for you? What did you discover in this practice of giving and receiving? What was surprising? What showed up? What was difficult? Anything is welcome in your reflections. Know that your insights serve the community, serve all practitioners.

Also, thank you to those on YouTube practicing. Your appreciations coming on YouTube, thank you all.

So, as I wait, yes, one reflection: "Sometimes when people didn't show compassion to me, those situations came to mind, so I offered forgiveness." Beautiful. Beautiful, yeah. I love reading how wisely you adapted this practice for yourself, to go in a wholesome direction of offering forgiveness. Beautiful. Thank you for that insight.

Another reflection: "A lot of sukha^[4] came up, but it somehow felt okay to admit to it. I am encouraged enough that it left me and I later felt peaceful and kind." Ah, nice, Mary. Just making sure I read that okay, so you meant sukha, not dukkha^[5], right? "A lot of sukha came up but it somehow felt okay." Oh, dukkha, you meant dukkha. That was a misspelling. Okay, just to be sure. So I'll reread it, because the second phrase didn't make sense. Okay, great, alright, we'll bow to that. I'll read it again: "A lot of dukkha came up, but it somehow felt okay to admit it."

Great, beautiful. Of course, it's a part of compassion to admit to, to allow the dukkha to be, not to push it away. Beautiful. And then the second part: "I'm encouraged, though, that it left me and I later felt peaceful and kind." Beautiful. And by turning towards it, actually more peace and kindness can open up by acknowledging it. Yeah, thank you for that reflection.

Yes, please, Sam.

Sam: Yeah, I've just been feeling a lot of stress today, and maybe I didn't even realize how much stress I was feeling. You can tell I was in the meditation, and then it all kind of just came together pretty heavily. I'm glad that I was aware of it, more aware of it, even though I still feel it pretty strongly. You know, I guess I was kind of wishing it would just go away, of course, but the awareness is good.

Nikki: Yeah, thanks for the reflection. And what I appreciate is when you brought up this sense of so much stress. I think you used the word stress, you stressed you were. And you may know that the word dukkha or suffering is often translated as stress. We don't think of stress as dukkha. So I'll paraphrase what you said: "I didn't realize how much dukkha was present all day until I sat with the meditation, realized, wow, there's a lot of dukkha present. And it's good to be aware of the dukkha because it's here anyway, so I might as well meet it with kindness." That's my paraphrase of what you said, Sam. How is that? Is that okay?

Sam: That's very good, thank you.

Nikki: Great. Thank you so much.

So, dear ones, let's turn to practice in small groups of three or four. And it will start as always with 15 seconds of silent compassion for each other, for ourselves, and each other, for any suffering, any dukkha, any stress that might be here in our lives, as we all have. And then after that, listening to each other, holding space for one another, and for yourself, holding whatever is coming up. Being for each other. So I've created the rooms, and such an important place, where the rubber meets the road, where we can be present for each other. So I'm going to open the rooms now. Take care of yourself, take care of each other, slow down, slow down. Here we go.

[Break for small group practice]

Okay, welcome back everyone. Welcome back. I see so many smiles after the groups. It's so sweet. So we have a few minutes for any reflections that have come up, any insights from discussing. Yes, please, Neil.

Neil: So this was a lovely practice, by the way. One of the things I noticed was that as the meditation went on and there were sort of like two rounds, right? Someone taking care of you, you taking care of someone, and then a repeat of that. I really appreciated the last taking care of someone, right? By the time we got to that, all the love and feeling cared for and feeling safe and protected really got my compassion juices flowing, if you will. I think the Buddha said that somewhere along the line. So yeah, it was very interesting how it encouraged being grateful for the caring, and in some sense nurturing yourself really opened the doors to taking care of others.

Nikki: Yeah, beautiful, yeah, thank you. We appreciate you naming that, that you noticed that going back and forth keeps opening up more into feeling the care and being available to offer more care to others. Yeah, thank you for noticing that, Neil. That was the intention, that was the idea here, so yay, it worked! Beautiful, thank you. Got your "compassion juices flowing," love it. Thank you.

And Rebecca, I see your hand just up and you have just one minute, so yes, please, if it's brief, yes. Oops, you got muted again, try one more time.

Rebecca: Okay, so you can hear me now, Nikki?

Nikki: Yeah.

Rebecca: I had to say in the group that the oneness and the sadness and the compassion, that in New England we're smelling the smoke from California. I don't know about other parts of the country, but it's reaching us. I don't know if you heard that New England is getting smoke from California. So tremendous compassion.

Nikki: Yeah, thank you. Thank you, Rebecca. Yes, and Neil also mentioned it on Monday because he couldn't go out to exercise and windows closed and all that. So yes, thank you. Thank you for that. The giving and receiving of compassion, we support each other through this.

So Jerry says, "Dukkha gives to authenticity, gives to authenticity." I think there is more there, Jerry, but since it's already seven, we'll leave the expansion of the unpacking of that unless you want to quickly type in chat.

So I'd like to thank you all. I'd like to thank you all for practicing, coming to Happy Hour, being part of the sangha, and practicing for your own benefit and the benefit of all beings. May all beings be happy, may all beings be free, including ourselves. Thank you.