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Happy Hour: Equanimity for All Beings

Hello again, and welcome. A warm welcome wherever you are in the world, whatever time zone. For today's practice, we are going to turn our hearts, turn our attention to the practice of equanimity for all beings.

We've been working our way—just to give a little bit of context, and again, if you're new, it's all good, you can jump in wherever you arrive. Everything you need to know will be shared with you during this guided meditation. Just to share the context, both for those who are new and those who have been coming, we've been going through the brahmaviharas^[1] one by one: metta^[2] (loving-kindness), karuṇā^[3] (compassion), mudita^[4] (vicarious joy), and upekkhā^[5], which is equanimity. The crown jewel of Buddhist practice is to have a sense of equipoise, equanimity, peace, and ease with whatever arises and passes.

Those cultivation practices are done in concentric circles as we go through them; where it's easiest, we extend our heart. So we have made our way to the fourth brahmavihara, which is equanimity, and the category of all beings.

All beings, and this is actually a very rich... I don't think a single one is not rich in exploration and in ways that we can cultivate our heart. So here in this practice today, again whether this is your first session or your practice, the invitation is—we'll start as always with the breath and the body, to just settle for the first ten minutes of our time together to arrive. Breath, body, settling, arriving, calming the mind, inviting the mind to settle.

And then the idea of all beings. All beings everywhere, they have ups and downs in their life just as we do. So, by the way, we are included in the "all beings" practice, let's remember that as we practice together. All of us, every single one of us has ups and downs. We may not know. Sometimes we have the sense of, "Oh, everybody has it easy. Everybody has an easy life, it's just me who has challenges." Guess what? Challenges, stress, suffering, dukkha^[6], whatever name you give it, are part of our mark of existence, part of being alive, part of being human, part of being animal, just part of being alive on this realm.

So we bring to our hearts a sense of, "Oh, all beings have challenges, including me," and can there be a sense of equipoise? Developing, tapping into the sense of peace and ease to be with whatever arises and passes, just as it is, without falling into it, without grieving, attaching, wanting things to be different—which is also turning away, pushing it away, resisting—but just being, with holding caring presence. "It's like this right now. It's like this right now. May I be present with what it is like right now, and with all beings too. May all beings have the spaciousness of equipoise."

This can be a very expansive practice, actually. Equanimity for all beings can be very spacious. So that's what we try to tap into. And whatever arises in this practice, as long as you turn into it with care and hold it with care, you're doing it right. So whatever arises for you, allow yourself a sense of safety for whatever comes up to be held with a sense of care and ease. It's okay if resistance comes up, it's okay whatever comes up. That's a sense of cultivation, the practice of cultivation of the heart.

Enough words. Let's dive in together. Let's practice in community.

Reflections and Q&A

So thanks everyone for your practice. Equanimity practice can feel very spacious, calming, soothing, balancing. The sense of freedom in the heart, sense of equanimity, actually the sense of peace can arise in the heart and the mind through this practice.

So much more I can say, but one other thing I want to say before I invite reflections and comments is that the phrases I was offering—many, I sent through Nils and longer lists of various phrases to the Google Groups. So if you aren't already part of Google Groups, you can get on the Google Groups and see these equanimity phrases and play around with them and see what works better for you. And if you're already on, then you probably have already received and seen these phrases.

So we have some time for reflections, for comments, for questions, for complaints. What did you notice, what came up for you?

Okay, Susan.

Susan: Thanks. I mean, I'm over here, I swear! Thank you, everybody. It's really great practicing with you all. What's been on my mind lately, and I was thinking about this—I have to admit, while I was supposed to be meditating—is how important equanimity is to be a good listener. To develop equanimity is so important if one wants to be a good listener. Did I mention to you guys that there was this author, Henri Nouwen^[7]? I have this quote by him I want to read. Can I real quick? Okay, here I go:

"When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives means the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing, and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares."

Nikki: Beautiful. That's the spirit of equanimity in listening. Beautiful. Yeah, thanks Susan. I appreciate this. This quote really eloquently brings up what we were discussing, I think it was yesterday... already seems like so long ago, or Thursday, Wednesday. In this sense of, you know, if you're sitting at the deathbed of someone who's dying, that's where equanimity is a sense of care. You care, so you hold presence, you're holding care, you're present. And really, that is the spirit of equanimity. If you wanted to share that quote actually in the Google Groups with folks, I trust they would appreciate it because that really epitomizes the difference between being aloof—which is the near enemy, like "Uh, things are as they are, things are as they are." That's not equanimity, that's aloofness. Whereas equanimity cares. It's present, stays, and yet doesn't meddle. It just holds space. So beautiful, thank you.

Neil, you have your hand up.

Neil: Yeah, so there was one of the quotes was something about people being responsible for their own happiness, right? Based on their actions. So how does that work? I mean, there are external factors that impact people fairly dramatically. So how do you like, you know, rectify that?

Nikki: Yeah, that's a really good question. Absolutely, I mean, there are external circumstances that affect people, and affect different people differently, etc. So yeah, it's not to condone external circumstances at all. I think what this equanimity phrase is trying to get to is not to close that off and say that is not the case, but of course acknowledging that. And yet there's a sense of... and you know, there are some cases that maybe that traditional phrase doesn't work, and actually there are some people who don't use the traditional phrase at all. So don't use it if it brings up a lot of mental, "Wait, this doesn't make sense." Maybe the sentence that actually works a little better is that people have their own journey. People have their own journey. So yes, of course they're impacted, but it really taps into the sense of your care. It becomes more relational instead of positing about the world.

Neil: So you see the difference when this cultivation, or what I'm trying to point out here... I understand all the other phrases but the one I asked about. But that's okay, I could just dump it.

Nikki: Yeah, that's what I'm suggesting. I'm suggesting that it's okay to not use that. And if you insisted to really, really explore that, then maybe relate to it not as positing "this is how it is in the world," positing as if you're accounting for all circumstances in the world, but in a way of your understanding of relational. But I can also see that as I'm saying that, I can see that that can also fall flat. So you know, if it doesn't work, just drop it. There are many people who don't like that phrase and it's perfectly fine. If it gets in the way of cultivating equanimity, then just drop it. Yeah, thank you.

A couple of reflections... Forest says, "When you invited us to imagine filling the whole room, I realized that my breath is literally creating little air currents that circulate around the whole room, which was a delightful image." Oh, I love that, Forest. Thanks for sharing that. I'm going to have that delightful image too. It's true, little currents everywhere throughout the whole room. I love it. Yeah.

Bill asks, "When you say spaciousness, does this mean not having reactivity?" It can mean a lot of different things, Bill, so you can explore. So there can be not having reactivity, that can be one meaning, one way to relate to it. But the sense of spaciousness, it can also be the sense of feeling into the space element, the spaciousness around, like landing into... There are various studies, you know, when you go into a space, a place that's really spacious, your mindset changes from one that's limited to one that is open to a lot of possibilities. So there are so many different ways to relate to spaciousness, either literally as spaciousness or non-reactively. So I invite you to not limit yourself to one sense and be open to so many different ways, and the ones that you haven't even explored yet. So you are welcome, Bill.

So, dear ones. As we turn our practice now in this brief short time into practicing in small groups, we'll start with 30 seconds of metta for each other, kindness, and then holding this space of equanimity for ourselves and others with care. Just listening with care. Just listening, not trying to fix it, change it, just with care listening. So that's the invitation. And this is such precious and important practice that you can take to your loved ones in your families and friends and colleagues, to listen with equanimity.

So after 30 seconds of silent metta, I'm going to create the rooms. They're created and they are now open. Take care of your hearts and each other.

(After breakout rooms)

Okay, welcome back everyone. So we have a couple of minutes for reflections, for any reflections that might have come up from your practice, from your conversations in groups. Especially if you're new or usually don't share, this is an invitation. We'd love to hear from you. What did you notice for yourself? You can either raise your hand or you can type in chat. What was it like to listen with equanimity to yourself and others, with care and equanimity with that in the space? Anybody would like to comment on that? Or anything else?

Student: Yes, please. So we had a conversation about picking up on the last question. Somebody asked about one of the last phrases, and we recognized how overwhelming it can be when you're not in a spot of your meditation journey, perhaps, where you can hold these things or even let go. I remember personally being quite angry when somebody told me, "Oh, you know, just you're responsible for your own happiness." Because just biologically you can be so overwhelmed by external circumstances, but it's a huge challenge. So then to switch into loving-kindness perhaps, and even just physical basic grounding techniques, or frankly walking away from people who are telling you this, even if it's you yourself telling it to you. And so I could totally relate, and we could both totally relate to that comment. And I wanted to just acknowledge that, because often this is what brings people to the practice, to be in that spot where you're not able to be kind to yourself and you intellectually know that you could be responsible for this but just don't know how to do it. That can be a huge challenge.

Nikki: Yeah, yeah. I really appreciate you bringing that up and verbalizing that, Gita. It's... I think the more we're having this conversation, I think I'm realizing that there's something that's not quite captured, in a way, in this translation of this traditional phrase. It's not so much about that we're all fully responsible for everything that happens to us, because that is kind of mad, in some ways, right? So I think that translation isn't quite appropriate. Especially, you know, when it comes to, "Oh, it's all my responsibility." Like, really? Whereas it's more... I think what it's trying to...

Student: Opportunity, possibility?

Nikki: No, not exactly. I think what it's trying to get to... so this is the intention. So that's the intention that I was trying to communicate in the guided meditation, and then I offered this traditional translation. But the intention is to acknowledge the causes and conditions. And there's so many causes and conditions that are beyond your control. Part of them are within your control, but so much of it is beyond your control. And this translation, I realize, even though it's traditional, it doesn't quite capture that. So I'm not going to use it from now on. I need to come up with my own translation that really captures that.

So I really appreciate you and others, and Neil, for bringing that up, because yeah, I think it's falling short of the meaning, the spirit of this practice, which is acknowledging, "Wow, there's so many causes and conditions." It's not just me, what I do, but my genetics, my upbringing, but historically what has happened. There are so many causes and conditions that are causing this. And for me to take responsibility that it's mine to fix, it's like, "Wow." So inviting ourselves to have peace with that, if possible. To have peace of, like, "This is so complicated, this mess of being human and being on this planet. Wow, may I just hold the enormity of the mystery of all that's going on." It's not awful, it's not great, and it is what it is.

This is why the phrase of "Well, it is what it is, this is what this has all come to. Can I be with a sense of care with what this has come to?" So that's the spirit of equanimity practice, and this phrase... let's ditch it until I come up with a better translation now. Just because it's a traditional translation doesn't mean that it's a good one. There are so many awkward translations of so many things that I don't like. So thank you all. This has been a very, very interesting and helpful, fruitful discussion, and I hope it helps.

Oh yes, and a couple of things I want to say. One is, maybe I'll say this from now on, that when we go into groups, everyone is asked, please turn on your video and your audio because it's part of sharing, it is the spirit of being in the group, the etiquette of really showing up. So let's offer ourselves up as people, other people are offering to support us in this way.

Another quick thing I wanted to say is, as you've noticed—well, as has been announced, I should say—that Diana is off for the whole month of March on retreat. So I taught the first two weeks of March every night, as you've noticed maybe. And for the next week I'm teaching a retreat for the entire next week, seven days. So I'm not teaching, and neither is Diana. So we have wonderful substitute teachers next week, and then I will be back the week after that and teaching Monday, Wednesday, Friday. And we have substitute teachers Tuesdays, Thursdays. So anyway, all that. So thank you all for your practice, for showing up for your fullness, for supporting yourself and each other.

May all beings everywhere be free, happy, peaceful. Thank you all, thank you so much.