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Happy Hour: Be Grateful to Everyone

All right, so hello and welcome again. A warm welcome, wherever you are in the world, to this Friday edition of Happy Hour.

For the practice today, I'd like to offer a practice of working with gratitude. I'll tell you what the multiple inspirations are for today's practice. One is that I'm going to try to give a lot of space, a lot of spaciousness, and a lot of silence. I've noticed that for our Friday evening, or Saturday for the case of Marie Christine in Australia, it's been nice to have more space and silence at the end of a week, just not too many words. So that's one idea I'm going to be keeping in mind for our practice together.

Now for the gratitude, the inspiration for this practice comes from having had a conversation with a student this past week who's been working with this practice of "be grateful to everyone," which is one of the Lojong^[1] practices. So I wanted to flesh that out a little bit and support us all in exploring this beautiful practice, which is just a wonderful practice for everyone.

Just a couple of words about this. One consideration is that with a practice of gratitude generally, we tend to be grateful for what is easy, what is good, people that are benefactors in our lives, wonderful people. We don't often think of people who push our buttons and challenging people, to be grateful for them. And of course, this practice really opens us up and shifts our perspective to that. I wanted to share a commentary paragraph by Pema Chödrön^[2]. Just to say, these Lojong practices are from Tibetan Lojong slogans. There are many of them. Some of them seem more specific for the framework of Tibetan practice, but many of them are more general. This is number thirteen.

This is the commentary from Pema. She says: "Others will always show you exactly where you are stuck. They say or do something, and you automatically get hooked into a familiar way of reacting, shutting down, speeding up, or getting all worked up. When you react in a habitual way with anger, greed, and so forth, it gives you a chance to see your patterns and work with them honestly and compassionately. Without others provoking you, you remain ignorant of your painful habits and cannot train in transforming them into the path of awakening."

So this is one way to have a sense of gratitude for everyone, especially for people who push our buttons, because they support us to wake up, to see our habitual patterns. Because it's not really about them. Our impatience, our anger, whatever habitual pattern comes up, it's really about us. So, thank you, dear person I'm having a challenge with. You are serving as a mirror, helping me wake up, helping me see these patterns loud and clear. Thank you. Thank you for being in my life. Thank you, otherwise I would think I'm awakened and just done. And here, thank you, you're showing me yes, there is work to do to cultivate my heart in goodness and expand it in compassion. So really just a sense of appreciation and gratitude that they are in your life, that they're helping you develop in this way.

Having said that, I want to say one more thing before getting into our meditation, and that is how to take this practice into your daily life in the next week or over the weekend, if the opportunity arises, being grateful for everyone. Now for the meditation practice on the cushion, what I suggest, in order not to make it busy and also to cultivate this heart space, is not a thinking space, but just a settled space to land into. A space of spaciousness, calm, and quiet. Instead of going out and thinking about people and things to be grateful for, which can get really busy, I'm going to suggest a different mode.

Listen carefully. The mode is you sit back into your seat with your breath, your body, and you allow whatever comes up—whether it's people in this case or whatever comes up—for it to be met in this space in an open-heartedness of gratitude and kindness. Can I be grateful for this? It's a different kind of practice. It's a receptive practice, and the answer might be, no, I can't be grateful for this right now, this pain in my knee. It's okay. Don't push it, just let it be. Let there be kindness. But it's a super receptive kind of practice which tills the soil and supports us in the more active, going out practice. Does that make sense? Okay, great. I'm seeing a few nods. Great. All right, so let's start practicing together.

Guided Meditation

I invite you to get comfortable, however you need to get comfortable on your cushion, in your chair, your sitting posture.

Landing. Landing in this body with this breath.

Whether the body is tired, heavy, light, energized, anxious, or sleepy, whatever is happening, can we land in this body with openness to it, to whatever is here right now?

Opening. Opening your heart, your mind. The mind-heart, in Pali the word is citta^[3], translated as mind-heart, sometimes as consciousness. Opening it up to all the sensations of breathing in the body.

All sounds in your environment. A sense of expansiveness, as if the heart, the mind, are spacious and expanded.

Relaxed. Above and beyond the imagination, including and welcoming it all, whatever arises.

Just settling for a few more minutes in silence.

Nowhere to go, nothing to do, but to just be and be breathed spaciously at this moment.

I like to invite you to imagine that you are sitting in a very, very comfortable chair. Maybe it's a recliner, very comfortable, relaxed. Your body at peace in the middle of a house with six doors and windows representing the six sense doors^[4]. The middle of the house, this cozy and comfortable recliner chair. Sitting, being breathed. Your seat. Not leaving your seat.

This house is spacious. Very spacious. Plenty of room, plenty of space. Tall ceilings, lots of light, of ease and rest. Cozy. And as you are in this house, expansively, there might be visitors who come through each of the different sense doors.

Sounds you hear. Maybe the mind door, the sixth sense door in Buddhist cosmology. Thoughts come up. Images come up. Visitors. These visitors show up at the doors or windows. They peek in like little animals, little birds.

Spaciousness. As you're sitting in your comfortable chair, you see them, you greet them, and whatever they are, can we feel happy, grateful that they're visiting in this moment? Thank you for visiting. Without needing to get up and walk away with them into whatever they're doing. Just from the comfort, the ease, spaciousness, they can come and visit. Thank you.

There could be sensations that come and visit through the sense door of the body. Unpleasant sensations, pains, discomfort. Seeing these friends too, who are visiting. Hi. Thank you for visiting. For whatever lesson you want to teach me.

Spaciousness and ease. Greeting all these impermanent visitors as they come and go. Greeting them with peace, equanimity, with gladness.

And if no visitors come to visit, it's okay. Relishing the peace, equanimity, of just sitting, being breathed on this comfortable recliner chair.

As these visitors visit, is there any need for reactivity at all? Can the visitors visit, come and go just as they are? Is there any need for any reaction? Do we need to pick it up, pick anything up on our end, making it about us, about me, myself?

You can continue to practice in this way with visitors at the different sense doors: thoughts, images, sensations, sounds, smells, if you like.

Tying with the theme of being grateful for everyone, it's okay if you like to invite or allow different people to visit different doors. People who are friends, benefactors, people with whom you've had some irritation. And as you don't leave your seat, your seat of equanimity, your embodiment, can there be a sense of gratitude, appreciation, for everyone who visits, everything that visits? Without getting up and walking away with them, with stories and thoughts, but staying right where you are.

See what your heart needs in this moment and simplify the practice if needed. Bare bones.

For the last few minutes of our practice together, what if the people who are visiting are those you've had some entanglement with, and you really feel grateful for them? You don't quite know why, what the reason is, what the lesson is, how you grow through this interaction, but just feeling grateful for them. Let yourself be one of the visitors.

You are included in everyone to be grateful for. Everyone, including this being who is you.

May all beings everywhere be happy. May all beings everywhere be free.

Thank you all for your practice.

Reflections

So I changed the setting, so you're welcome to share with everyone or with just me for reflection. I'll say a few words, and I'll start by saying that I had never done this practice in this way and led it in this way, and it was eye-opening for me. It was so beautiful. It was similar to, but a slightly different flavor from, metta^[5] (loving-kindness) for people with whom we have a challenge.

It was similar to that for me, what I experienced, but slightly different. Actually, it brought up nuances, the sense of feeling grateful. Not just feeling, well, may you be safe and happy, person I'm having challenges with, but oh, I'm grateful for you. I'm grateful for you. And as I was doing it, the things that I'm truly grateful for with these beings, with these different people, things in our history, in our past, really lit up. There was a lot of gratitude for them, even for the difficulty. It just really lit up this practice.

Not so much as a daily practice, which is how the Lojong slogans are often practiced, but as a formal practice. I had never done a formal silent practice of feeling gratitude for these visitors of the heart we have challenges with. So for me, it was just really beautiful. I loved it, and I appreciate the practitioner who brought this into my consciousness this past week. So thank you, and thank you all for practicing this together.

I would love to hear what it was like for you, what did you discover? You can type in chat privately to me (I won't read your name), or to everyone (I will read your name), or raise your Zoom hand and I'll ask you to unmute. So Marie Christine, please.

Marie Christine: For me, the challenge was that every time I opened the door, I got carried away with the dialogue. I couldn't just open the door and be with it. I had to talk in my head, of course. So it was interesting, but it was a bit challenging not to get carried away with the dialogue.

Nikki: Yeah, thank you for sharing that. Thank you. What I would suggest to kind of help with that would be: don't leave your seat, don't go to the door, don't go open the door. Because we have the habit, when we open the door, like, hey, how are you? You know, this is in our body, in our bones, the habit of talking. Whereas if you are in your seat, they come, they visit, they just hang out at the door, and you're silent. It can support that. Marie Christine, how does that sound?

Marie Christine: Yeah, thank you so much. That's lovely.

Nikki: And Gurgel, who's joining us from Ireland (I hope I'm saying your name right), said: "These slight differences can really create openings for inner discoveries." Yes, beautiful. Exactly, slightly different. Yes.

So, your name says iPhone, Su Jang? I think it is Su Jang. Please unmute yourself. Yes, I see your hand raised. Can you hear me?

Su Jang: Yes, loud and clear here.

Nikki: Su Jang. Great.

Su Jang: Hi, I always enjoy your different types of practice for metta. I appreciate you a lot. And today, I basically was sitting in the couch, whatever it was, and I stayed in there, just welcoming all those people coming to the six doors. I was so surprised, as there were so many people coming in. Especially the person I was actually arguing with in the morning. It wasn't really arguing, but who does business with me, who I hire to do something.

Basically, he was saying that, you know what, this is not gonna work, because he was talking about all those things like you want to micromanage stuff, which is true. To be honest, I don't feel offended about anything at all when someone tells me what my personality is. I'm just okay, you're right, to be honest, you know. So he was saying that oh, this is not gonna work, and blah, blah, blah. But he actually was saying it in a really nice way from his heart, I could see it. Because he's been great for me, you know. He helped me through stuff like that. He's very honest and all that. And he stood out so much in that door, and I was like, oh my God, I appreciate you so much.

Nikki: Ah, I love it. Isn't it so interesting? Because all day...

Su Jang: I spoke with him, the first conversation I had was with him, and I was unsettled all day during my work. I'm like, wow.

Nikki: Oh my goodness, I love it! And now I hear this sense of gratitude, Grace, like, oh, you're so grateful for him. There's just a shift that I hear in your voice as you're talking. It's lovely. Thanks for sharing that.

Su Jang: Oh yeah, sure. I'm not gonna go on and on, but I'm gonna stop right there so people can say things.

Nikki: That's great, thank you. Thanks for that. And one more reflection sent to me, so I won't say your name. It says: "This is so timely for me. I'm a beginner to mindfulness and meditation, and approaching it with gratitude makes a lot of sense for me. It just really clicked." Oh, great, you're from the Bay Area. Okay, you can tell me if it's okay to say your name or not, because you gave me the correct pronunciation, so yay, lovely! I'm so glad it worked for you. Lovely, and especially given that you're new to this practice, exploring this way really clicked for you. Beautiful.

So any other quick reflections before we go? Or maybe we'll save some time. Tell you what, we'll save some time on the other end when we come back from small groups, to see what might have come up in small groups as we've practiced together. So dear ones, as always, the invitation is to practice together in small groups. Room size of three, and we'll start with maybe 15 seconds of metta for each other, and then sharing whatever you like to share, as much or as little as you like. So I'm about to open the rooms, and take care of yourselves, take care of others. Kindness is what we're trying to cultivate in our interactions with each other. Okay, so here we go.

[Break for small groups]

Welcome back, everyone. We've got a few minutes for any reflections you may have, especially if you haven't spoken yet today or if you haven't spoken for a while. I would love to hear from you. You can either raise your Zoom hand or type in chat. What did you discover in your practice, especially together, being grateful for everyone? We said we were grateful for these challenging people because they helped us grow and helped us see ourselves more clearly.

Janie: Yeah, what a gift to see ourselves more clearly, right? Yeah, it is a gift, it's a profound gift.

Nikki: Yeah, we may not always like what we see, yet it's so profound, the gift to see ourselves clearly. So profound. Priceless, of course. We may not like what we see, but as we see it with kindness and gentleness and with aspiration for cultivating and growing, instead of badgering ourselves with, you're bad, you're terrible, you're awful. Of course not that. But yeah. Thank you, Janie. Thank you.

Yeah, Neil is thanking the Zoom voice for letting us know the meeting is being recorded. [Laughter] Yes, otherwise I would forget to turn on recording, as sometimes I do after we come back from the practice from the small groups. Now you're feeling grateful for everyone, Neil, even the Zoom voice. I love it! Oh, sweet. Any other reflections? We have time for one more.

Participant: Hello, yes. I'd like to share a quote from Brother David Steindl-Rast^[6]. He says, "We are not grateful because we are happy. We are happy because we are grateful."

Nikki: Yeah, thank you for bringing that in. Yes, he is amazing. He's a beautiful being and a beautiful teacher of gratitude and happiness. Thank you for bringing that in. Yes, exactly, gratitude and happiness are intertwined.

What was his name, asks Marie Christine? It's Brother Steindl-Rast, we'll send it in the Google Groups afterwards.

So dear ones, thank you all for the grace, the gift of your practice. Coming together in this group, cultivating your own heart, both for yourself and all beings whose lives you touch. May all beings be happy. May all beings be free, including ourselves. Thanks everyone. So good to be with you.