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Guided Meditation: Relating Kindly without Strain

Hello everyone, and happy to be here with you. Thank you for all the chats and good mornings. As we start, I want to say that there's a famous European philosophical statement by Descartes^[1] where he said, "I think, therefore I am." If we wanted to restate that in Buddhist terms, perhaps we would say, "I relate, therefore I am." An essential part of what it means to be a self, to be engaged in the world, is to be relating to things. And we relate to things in all kinds of ways.

Most simplistically, we relate for, against, or neutral. We either want something, we don't want something, or we're kind of indifferent to it. But being predominantly indifferent or neutral is kind of rare; there's generally always relating to something. If you look at your thinking, thinking is generally about some kind of relationship that's going on between ourselves and something else, or commenting on a relationship. It's the relating that is itself perpetuating, but that's also where the locus is of finding freedom.

We want to understand what we're contributing to this relating, what we're doing there, and how we're caught or holding on, or somehow putting much more energy and effort than is needed to be concerned with our relationships. We're always relating. Sometimes the relating is a little bit separate in the sense that we're thinking about the relationships and thinking about how we want or don't want something.

In Buddhist practice, the goal is not only to simplify that relating so there's none of the extra energy going into how we are involved with things of the world and people in the world. It's also about simplifying the extra effort in how we relate to ourselves: how we think about ourselves, how we're involved with ourselves, and the parts of ourselves—our emotions, our feelings, our thoughts. We could be at war with them, or we could love them, hold on to them, or try to make something out of them. Meditation is a way of simplifying that relationship.

What we discover in that simplification is that hostility, greed, criticism, and fear take a lot of energy. There is a way in which some of the more wonderful qualities—the healthy qualities that we have inside when we're able to settle enough—actually take less work and less energy. When we relate to our experience with kindness, there's a way in which that kindness can kind of float up or just be there in a simple way. We don't have to work at it so much. Compassion is not something we have to work on as we get settled and more deeply connected to ourselves.

The pathway to that is mindfulness. Mindfulness helps us understand what we're doing that's extra, where we put our energy and our relating, so that we can relate to mindfulness more than everything else. We relate to being aware. But from that awareness, it is more of an opening or an allowing of awareness to operate than it is a doing, applying, or putting a lot of energy in. Of course, there is some effort that goes into being mindful, but the art is to move to that place—to find that place where we are clearly alert to the present moment and really here, but from a place that's not so willed or self-directed. It's more of a natural functioning, a deep place inside where the effort doesn't have to be forceful or willful, and all the extra energy is put aside.

It turns out that kindness and care are part and parcel of this movement towards a place where we're actually making less effort. So, in the effort to be kind in our meditation—to talk to ourselves in kind ways, to have a kind attitude towards ourselves—the principle is to see if you can find that in a place where there's not a lot of effort to do so. It's more like getting quieter and letting go. The recognition of a softer place inside where it seems that kindness almost resides, or is allowed to be there, does require some letting go.

It may be easier because it requires no longer believing in the ways that we relate that have to do with anger, fear, annoyance, greed, self-building, or self-creating. It requires letting go of trying to get away from things, trying to fix things, trying to defend ourselves, and all these things we do that take a lot of effort. We don't want to say there's anything inherently wrong with all those things, but it's just a lot of work. There's a way in kindness and mindfulness that doesn't require so much work.

Guided Meditation

So, take a meditation posture and close your eyes.

Take one deep inhale, and on the exhale, settle as deep within as you can.

A deep inhale again. As if you're just a rock which has dropped into a lake, as you exhale, that rock just settles into the bottom of the lake.

Take a deep breath and drop in on the exhale.

Then letting your breathing return to normal, and seeing if you can relax and soften parts of your body.

The shoulders.

Your chest.

Your belly.

And maybe your legs, knees, and thighs can soften.

And maybe softening around the mouth and the rest of the face.

Being aware is one of the most precious activities that we can do. To be alert in a relaxed and peaceful way.

And if you drop inside, if you allow for the deepest parts of you to open up, what is the awareness like there?

What is it to be aware from there?

And might you see two things? Might you see how you're trying to be aware, and how there might be awareness which doesn't require so much trying?

The trying might be in the area of the brain, and being aware without so much trying can be anywhere. Sometimes it's felt in the area of the heart.

As we sit here now, you might also see if, closely connected to being alert and aware in a soft, relaxed, persistent way, there might also be kindness.

If you are going to think, to think kindly.

To relate kindly to whatever is occurring.

To be still and gaze upon all things kindly.

Where the kindness arises from some place that doesn't require much energy and effort. It arises maybe when you let go of extra effort.

Extra doing, thinking about other places and times, or relating to yourself in ways which are harsh or stressful.

Like a rock that drops to the bottom of a pure, clear lake, let yourself drop inside to the place deep within where awareness seems more clear and effortless.

And kindness can be.

Be still and gaze upon all things kindly.

What is awareness like from that place within that is most quiet, most still?

And in that place where awareness is most quiet and most still, can you bring forth simple kindness?

Be still and gaze upon all things kindly.

Reflections

And then, as we come to the end of this sitting, I'll offer you a little scenario for your imagination.

Imagine that you're sitting in a spot meditating in a place that feels very safe, a place you feel very content, cozy, and comfortable. Where it's just nice to sit here.

Perhaps there's a panoramic view of the countryside around you from the top of a hill, or a panoramic view out the windows. Maybe you even have a meditation shawl around you that helps you feel settled and happy to just be alive and be here.

As if nothing needs to happen, nothing's required of you. You're just here sitting, very content.

And without changing any of that, with no need to do anything, you gaze in your mind's eye across the world. Encompassing the whole world and everyone in it.

Sitting content, peaceful, open, as if you're looking out across a countryside.

And then see, can you find within you, in this content place, a very simple kindness, friendliness, gentleness, or goodwill? As an attitude, as a way of being that arises because you're so content, needing nothing to do, and just here in a peaceful way.

Be still, and for a few moments, gaze across the world in kindness. Wishing: May all beings be happy. May all beings be safe. May all beings be free.

May all beings also be touched and nourished by peace, contentment, and safety.

And may it be, as I get up from this meditation and start my day or continue my day, may you be a beacon of peace, well-being, and safety for all beings.