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Happy Hour: Metta and Wise Action

Welcome everyone. Good afternoon, good evening, good morning, wherever you're joining us in this moment in time for our practice together.

For the past few sessions, we've been exploring the theme of mettā^[1]—cultivating goodwill, kindness, friendliness, love—and its relationship with the factors of the Noble Eightfold Path^[2]. Today we have come to the fourth factor on the Eightfold Path, which is wise action. In our practice today, we'll be exploring the relationship between cultivating mettā and wise action. Wise action springs from cultivating mettā, and the cultivation of goodwill arises from wise action. It goes both ways.

Given the pandemic and the many fires in California and Colorado, I will bring that in today to hold the people who are suffering right now. Many need to evacuate and leave their homes in the middle of a pandemic and with a fire threat. It's quite smoky here, as I was mentioning earlier. It feels like many of us in California are feeling that even if we're not evacuating, we feel really connected to it through the air we breathe. I'll bring that in today because it's part of the fabric of our common humanity.

I want to say a couple of words about wise action before we get started. The Eightfold Path offers beautiful teachings that the Buddha provided for waking up in this very life to have more freedom. The first factor is wise perspective or wise understanding—really seeing with wisdom. Then wise intention, wise speech, and now we have come to wise action. I love wise action, and also wise speech, because there are three factors on the Eightfold Path (wise speech, wise action, and wise livelihood, which we'll do next time) that are so worldly. It's really how you show up in the world.

This practice, of course, isn't just about sitting on the cushion with our eyes closed, separated from the world. Part of it is how we integrate our intentions into how we show up in the world—how we speak, how we act, how we live. How do we act in the world born out of our intention for cultivating goodwill and friendliness, both for ourselves and for other people?

We must ask this without demanding perfection every moment. Being really hard on ourselves and demanding is not exactly wise action; we must move with kindness towards ourselves. Remember, wise action is not just about how you act externally towards the world, but also how you act towards yourself. You are included in "all beings." When you cultivate mettā for all beings—"may all beings be happy"—it includes this being. When we are considering wise action in the world, it is not just about foregoing yourself, declaring, "I'm going to be wise and kind to everyone I meet and support them," at the cost of forsaking the dear being who is you. Both internal and external are important. Please keep that in mind when we are doing these practices. Consider what is wise, caring, and kind for yourself to take care of this being that is you.

Wise action can spring out of this orientation of the heart. When we sit on the cushion and practice, "May I be happy, may all beings be happy and well and safe," that changes who you become, and your actions will spring out of that. It cannot be otherwise. This action of sitting quietly, separated from the world, doing this cultivation naturally impacts your action in the world. We take refuge and delight in the connection of those two. Of course, some actions may not feel connected, and we all make mistakes. We have to work with our mistakes with kindness, with wisdom, and by taking responsibility. We apologize if we need to and make reparations, both towards ourselves and others.

Wise action also leads to mettā. Here you are, engaging in this very moment in wise action. You have showed up to practice in community. Your wise action is going to be leading to the cultivation of goodwill for yourself and others. They lead to each other. It's a virtuous cycle. You've all heard of vicious cycles; we have plenty of those in our minds and in our lives. This is a virtuous cycle: wise action leading to more mettā, and mettā leading to more wise action.

Reflections and Q&A

Thank you all for your wise actions of the heart and mind, engaging in this practice together. I'd like to share reflections about what has come up for you in this practice.

I'll start by saying it's so interesting, as we explore these path factors, to feel the connection between wise action (actions of the mind included) and cultivating mettā. It's not separate; a wise action is a part of the practice of mettā. If something came up for you during this guided meditation—any reflection, question, or comment—you're welcome to share it.

Bill: I kind of went into this with a bad mood. Not wanting to be, but I felt like I was fighting that off all along the way. The politics, global warming, I've listened to too much news I think. What was happening is that I was getting tired and drifting off, and the sort of associations that happen when you're about to dream are very negative associations. I would pull back out of it again, bringing myself back judgmentally, like, "Bill, you're not doing this right." It was just a running struggle.

Nikki: Thank you for sharing that. For any of us, all of us at one time or another, we'll have sleepiness, ruminating thoughts, and self-judgment added to that. If there were self-judgments like, "Come on Bill, you showed up here to meditate, you're falling asleep," I would start right there to bring in the kindness. Oh sweetie, you're tired. I would start with the immediate self-judgment in the moment. Then, I would expand it to everything else: Oh dear, this is a hard evening for you right now. It becomes a practice of self-compassion. You're really suffering right now with this bad mood. It's hard to get out of it.

Instead of fighting it off, have a complete relationship with the thoughts, with yourself, with the sleepiness. Oh dear sweetie, you're really sleepy right now, this is hard. Every single thing you mentioned would become the object of mettā. Instead of trying to get rid of them in order to do mettā, they all become the object of mettā for yourself.

Nav: Part of wise action for me is cultivating the action of gentle stillness. The action of not distracting myself with busyness.

Nikki: Beautiful, really appreciate that. The wise action of inaction—brilliant. There is a lot of wisdom in non-doing. There is a theory called Attention Restoration Theory. The idea is that being in nature in a receptive way—feeling the wind, looking at the trees, listening to a brook, looking at the sky, or even just looking at photographs of unstructured nature scenes—without doing, just receiving, is restorative. It restores your attention.

On Nav's comment of the gentle stillness and the wisdom of non-action, I'll give you a little example of myself yesterday. I was working in the afternoon, and my mind couldn't concentrate on the task I was trying to do. Remembering that I had talked about this Attention Restoration Theory earlier that day and advised people to go out in nature and do nothing, I took my own advice. I went for a walk, sat on a bench, watched some ducks and the sky, and did nothing. Just receiving, having no agenda but just to receive. Amazingly, my mind was sharp; my attention was restored. Nature outside, and also nature inside, can be restorative. Just receive nature inside in case nature outside is not available.

Ruth: I've never thought of sitting to meditate mettā as a right action, giving myself that credit. This is a new way of thinking for me.

Nikki: Beautiful, thank you for highlighting that. Love it.

Yuka: When connected to the inside of the head, and I feel that I'm practicing the thoughts of the head, it's a feeling that it's not very pure. Is it good?

Nikki: Thank you, Yuka, for that question. I suggest you don't focus on your head; it can become a little too "heady." I suggest bringing the center of your gravity down to your body. Just receiving the breath and the sensations in your body, not in your head. Being in the head feels like we're doing meditation up there. I invite you not to think about it that way. Imagine your awareness, your mind, is in your belly or in your feet. See how that can completely shift and make your meditation much more embodied.

(Nikki prepares the group for breakout rooms)

As we transition, what is the wise action for you tonight? If your action is out of fear of connecting—"Oh, I don't know what to say, I'm going to be with strangers"—consider staying tonight to challenge yourself. But if you really have to go, if you have something you need to do, that's completely wise action. Much love to you, goodbye. What could wise action be? Staying tonight, checking out being with another couple of human beings, and holding them with kindness. Holding yourself with kindness first and foremost. Just show up with kindness for yourself and let yourself be held without the energy of having to perform.

(After the breakout rooms)

We have a couple of minutes to hear about how that was for you, especially if you were hesitant to stay.

Jess: The first time that I ever joined the happy hour, I didn't know that there would be breakout rooms at all. I identify that kind of experience as very off-putting and scary. But I've been attending for over a month now, and I have actually not left for any of the breakout rooms. I always feel so grateful for the opportunity to connect with this group, and it's really been a profound experience for me. So thank you for the encouragement.

Nikki: Thank you, Jess. That touches my heart.

Peggy: Quite often I leave at that time. Today I had time and not enough energy really to be motivated to do much, so I planned on staying. But when you spoke about wise action, I thought, "Boy, I'm glad I hadn't planned on leaving." A lot of times I think I'm really busy, so I can't possibly go to happy hour, and I get myself there by saying, "Oh, it's only 45 minutes, you don't have to stay for the last part." I just love the wise action of just showing up.

Nikki: So glad you're here, Peggy. With wise action, bring yourself again. It's like getting yourself motivated to go for a walk: "Oh, just go outside, you don't have to run two miles, just take a few steps." I want to thank all of you for bringing yourselves to this space with your wise action. I encourage you to celebrate and really see the goodness in all of your wise actions, and how wise action and mettā are truly intertwined.

I'd like to invite you to consider, as you go about your day today or tomorrow, how does mettā inform your wise action in the world towards yourself and others? Make sure you are included. May all beings be well. May all beings be free, which includes us. Take good care. Thank you, everyone.