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Happy Hour: Meeting Pandemic Pain with Compassion for Self and Others

Introduction

Hello friends, hi! Welcome to Happy Hour. Hi, good to see you. And if the audio is okay, could you give me a thumbs up? You can hear me alright. Great, fixed something here on my end.

Okay, great. So let's start with our informal but very important opening ritual of welcoming each other and welcoming ourselves to this metta^[1] space. I'll start by saying hello. I'm Nikki, I'm in Mountain View, California, on unceded Ohlone land. Who's here who wants to say hello? You can unmute yourself if you like or type in the chat.

"Hi, I'm Elaine. I'm from Belmont, California. Glad to be here." Thank you, Nikki. Hi, Elaine. Thank you, lovely to see you.

"Hi, Bill from Dallas, Texas." Welcome, Bill. Good to see you.

"Hi, Nikki. I'm Barbara from Alameda, and I heard you this morning, and I thought, 'Oh, I think I'd like to hear her again.'" Oh, that's sweet! Yay, good to see you, Barbara. Welcome to Happy Hour on a different channel—the metta channel. Great, welcome. Lovely that you're joining this really wonderful sangha^[2].

Kenneth says, "Hi from Albuquerque." Welcome, Kenneth, good to see you again.

And hi, Helen. "Hello everyone from sunny Marin," hi Helen.

Let's see, Danelle says hello. Oh, this is Claire. Claire says, "Hello from New York City, but I'm using my husband's computer, that's what's going on." Okay, it's great to see you, Claire on your husband's computer. That's sweet.

And Manohar says, "Hi from Raleigh, North Carolina." Hi, Manohar on YouTube.

And hello, Paul from India. Oh, sweet. I wonder what time it is in India right now. Maybe Pearl, you'll tell us. Sweet, our international sangha.

And I see Marie-Christine here. "Good afternoon to you in Sydney, Australia. I usually write a hello, but I'm feeling a bit demoralized. Things are not going very well with Delta here in Sydney. It's really spreading fast, so I'm feeling a bit of cabin fever and even a little bit down. So that's why I didn't do my usual hooroo." Yeah, thank you. And thank you for adding that. In fact, the theme for tonight is compassion for how difficult this year has been. So I'm glad you came tonight, Marie-Christine. Yeah.

And Jamie says, "Hi from Coast Miwok land of Marin County." Hi, Jamie, good to see you.

And Pearl says, "It's 6:30 AM here." Oh sweet, happy early Tuesday morning to you, Pearl. Sweet.

So let's formally get started. And thank you, Neil, for posting information in the chat about the Happy Hour Google group, which is where folks can share information with one another, and also quotes and references are shared on that channel.

At this time I've changed the settings so accidental unmuting will not be possible. And also I changed the chat so that it only comes to me—host only on Zoom—and we'll keep it all quiet unless, say, my sound drops out or something really needs to be communicated.

Oh yes, and Michael in Scotland at 2:00 AM! This is so sweet, the international sangha in all time zones. It really warms my heart. All of us sharing this Earth together.

And the last of the preliminaries: turning on the recording for the sake of AudioDharma. Oh actually, you know what, I didn't... let me just going to restart the recording to this computer. There. Okay.

The Practice of Compassion

So a formal welcome to Happy Hour, everyone, wherever in the world you are in this moment, as part of the sangha practicing together.

The theme for today's practice, as I was referring to earlier—as Marie-Christine was saying how challenging it is right now with the Delta variant in Sydney, Australia, with the lockdown—is compassion. Compassion for how difficult this year has been for ourselves, for people we care about, for all beings everywhere. To acknowledge that, to note the pain, to note the ouch with compassion, bringing care, warmth, and love to hold the pain and the suffering for ourselves, for our loved ones, and for all beings on this planet for this year.

I'll say a couple of words about the practice of compassion and how we're going to do it tonight. As you may know, and as a refresher: when metta, when loving-kindness, when friendliness and goodwill meets pain, when it meets sorrow, when it meets suffering, it expresses itself as compassion^[3]. So, metta plus suffering equals compassion. Another way that has been said is that compassion is the love child of suffering and metta.

The practice of compassion isn't one that will make us depressed or more morose, but it lifts the heart because we bring care, we bring love, we bring affection and warmth to the pain and to the difficulty. So it's a soothing practice of compassion as a healing venture.

The way we will do it together tonight is first we will bring up someone we care about who has had a tough time in this past year and the pandemic and practice metta for them. Then, turn to ourselves because often we don't see our own suffering and pain. Sometimes we do, sometimes we don't. What if we treated ourselves as our own best friend? The same way that we see our good friend and hold them with care and compassion, holding ourselves with the same compassion and care.

And then we turn it outwards to all beings, for all human beings, and then for all beings in our connection in this world. We've all been going through this together through this challenging year with different challenges for everyone, different levels, different amounts. It's not a time to compare, to say "better or worse." We're going to bow to comparison and say, "Thank you, comparison, you're not needed right now." We're just going to tune into the challenge with compassion and care, without comparing and judging.

Guided Meditation

So with that, I'd like to invite us to settle. To settle and arrive in our seat. To start right here, right now, landing in our bodies. As always, we start this practice together with some minutes of settling, arriving with mindfulness. Gathering and collecting our hearts and minds before we turn to metta and compassion.

Landing in the body. Reading the feet, sit bones, our hands, our spine, our face. Our breath moving through this body. The breath moving, in-breath and out-breath. Calming, soothing. Settling the heart with each out-breath. Settling the body with each out-breath.

In fact, for the next few breaths, let's elongate the out-breath a little bit to release, to relax, to really settle. Maybe even vocalizing, it's okay. [Sighs] Ah. One more time vocalizing together: [Sighs] Ah. In your own time, in rhythm, letting a few breaths be slower than usual, the out-breath especially elongated. Settled.

Just settling and landing with the soothing, calming, nourishing breath. As if the breath is an expression of metta, of care, of compassion, nourishing and enlivening us. Wrapping us as if with a blanket of goodness. Soothing, calming.

And now I'd like to invite you, if you would, to bring to mind a dear friend, a good friend, maybe a relative or a benefactor. Someone for whom your care, your friendliness comes easily. It could be someone you know well, or someone you don't know that well, it's okay, as long as your care flows with ease and there isn't too much complication in your relationship. Bringing this being to mind, and it could also be a child or a pet, as always.

This person, this being, imagining them and how challenging this past year has been for them in different ways. Bringing their image, their felt sense, near and dear to your heart, as if they were sitting with you. Acknowledging this has been a hard year. This has been a hard year. As you acknowledge the difficulty, the challenge for them—some ways you may know, some of which you may not know.

As if you were wrapping them in a blanket of goodwill, the same way one would cuddle a little baby. A blanket of care, of affection. Or if another image comes up for you that signifies your care, your compassion, your desire to soothe, to calm, to care for this being.

Being in touch with the challenge, with the ouch, with the sorrow, with the heaviness, and yet not getting lost, not drowning in the pain and sorrow. Letting it be held with the uplift of care, of affection, of metta.

I wish you well. May you be free from sorrow, from difficulty. May you meet this challenge with ease. May you meet this challenge with peace. I care about you. I know it's been hard. I hold you with care. I hold you with affection, with compassion. May you meet this difficulty, this sorrow, this heaviness with ease, with grace. I wish you ease in the midst of what has been hard.

Either with words, imagery, or maybe with your breath. Maybe each out-breath as it flows out of your chest, your heart center, imagining that each breath brings them ease. More comfort in the midst of the difficulty. Holding them, supporting them, caressing them.

Each breath, each out-breath flowing with ease, care, love, goodness, friendliness, compassion. Soothing, bringing care, calm, and ease to this dear being.

And now I'd like to invite you, without any comparison—and if comparison and judgment step in, see them clearly with eyes of gentle metta, bow to them, say, "Thank you, not now. Thank you, not needed," gently putting them down. Without comparison, allow yourself now, if you will, to be seen through the eyes of this dear being, this friendly person or being you've been practicing with. Just as you've been seeing them for the challenges they've been going through this past year and continue to go through, let them see you with eyes of friendliness, eyes of care.

Let yourself be seen. Let yourself be seen with caring, with compassionate eyes. Held, received. The way they see you and hold you with care: "It's been tough for you this past year. It continues to be as it continues to unwind." Let yourself be seen with eyes of compassion. Let yourself be held in the gaze of care.

And receiving wishes of metta, wishes of compassion as they wish for you: May you have ease. May you meet this challenge, this difficulty, the sorrow with ease, with grace as much as possible. May you be soothed, be eased of the challenges you're meeting, you have been meeting. May you carry your load, your sorrow, your difficulty, your pain, your suffering with as much lightness and peace as possible.

Let their wishes for you be received. Let them land, feeling them in your heart and your bones. Letting your challenge, inviting your sorrow to be held, to be met with the peace, the lightness of metta and care.

Acknowledging to yourself that yes, it has been hard. It continues to be challenging. Adding your own compassion, your own care to that of your dear being for you, for yourself. As if with each breath more ease, more compassion and care is being breathed into your heart, into your mind-heart, meeting the challenge, the suffering.

And if you like, to put your palm on your heart center, your chest. It's soothing, calming. A younger version of yourself: "It's okay, sweetheart. It's okay. It's okay, darling. It's okay. It is hard. It's okay."

The hand signifying both soothing and strength for yourself. Yes, it is hard, and yes, there is love and compassion from you to support yourself. Strength of compassion, strength of care.

It's okay, darling. It's okay. It's okay. I am here for you. I'm here for myself. Not abandoning myself. Caring for my own heart.

And now turning our care, our metta, to meet the suffering of the world in the form of compassion, shining it outward. We are not different; I am not different from my dear being, from all beings. And having had challenges, not comparing the amounts—lesser, more—not comparing or judging. But all beings, all human beings through this pandemic have had challenges, pain, and sorrow for everyone.

Shining the light of our care, of compassion outward, touching ourselves first, bringing healing and soothing to ourselves, our dear being, our beings, and shining far and wide.

May all beings, all human beings, all beings have as much ease as possible in the midst of this challenge that is the pandemic.

Knowing fully that this aspiration is so big, yes, we can't take everyone's suffering away. We can't soothe the whole world. And yet turning our hearts towards this aspiration, wishing, inclining our minds towards this wish with generosity, with goodwill, with love and care. May it be so, may it be so. As if adding a drop of our compassion, putting it on the altar of humanity as our offering.

May all beings everywhere be free from sorrow and suffering. May they meet their challenge, their pain, with as much ease and peace as possible. May all beings everywhere be free from pain and sorrow. May all beings everywhere be well.

Reflections and Q&A

Thank you all. Thank you for the grace of your practice. Compassion. Compassion for ourselves, for others, for all beings in this difficult year of the pandemic, all the pain and sorrow.

So we have time, we have space for reflections. For what you discovered, what you noticed, to share it with the sangha for your own benefit and the benefit of others, or questions. All are welcome. You can type them in chat if you wish. If they're typed just to me, I will only read the reflection, not your name. If it's typed to everyone, I'll read your name also. You can also raise your hand, your Zoom hand or your physical hand—which I may not see—and I would love to hear from you.

One reflection/question coming in: "Do you have suggestions for how to address sleepiness? It seemed today like I was practicing napping." No worries. Maybe you're tired, maybe you're sleep-deprived. If that is the case, then maybe that needs self-care; that needs to be primary. If you're sleep-deprived, then it's okay, it's alright. Trust that this practice worked in ways that were needed for you as self-care, as self-compassion. But sometimes napping could be an avoidance—we don't want to go to a compassion place, it's too big. So if you're not sleep-deprived, then there are many things you can do. One is to open your eyes, bring more energy into the visual field, not staring at anything in particular, but kind of diffuse eyes. Another option is to breathe a little more deeply, just to bring up the invigoration of the breath. Another one is to sit up a little straighter. Another one is to stand—do standing meditation, don't do sitting. So all of these are options that you can do, and please play around with them.

Another reflection: "Lots of tears, lots of physical rocking. Grateful for your voice inviting me back again and again." Thank you for that reflection. Yeah, it can be quite overwhelming taking it all in.

Reflection on YouTube, Pearl says: "I realize that I shy away from how I relate with suffering as it seems enormous. I wonder how to transform that." So maybe start with a small amount. You don't want to take the hundred-pound weight of suffering. I'm not sure whether this—and please feel free to expand—if this enormity of suffering came up when you turned it toward the whole world, or was it also the same for you when you were doing it with your friend and yourself? I'm going to assume maybe it came up when you were meeting the suffering of the whole world. In that case, the thing to do is to again acknowledge that it is enormous. As I was saying, it's an aspiration. It's not that we're going to fix it all, but it's an aspiration. It's as if we're praying, as if we're putting our wishes, our compassion, putting it on the altar of humanity as an offering. So that's the invitation to work with it that way. And if you want to type more on YouTube, there's a 30-second delay but I can see what might come back.

One more reflection: "I felt waves of validation, compassion, and peace for a recent difficulty." Oh, lovely. Thank you for sharing that.

One more reflection: "Here is a very, very sweet meditation." Glad it was supportive for you. Yeah, and Abraham, please.

"Thank you. You're so very emotional and it washes over me, and sometimes it distracts me. I know I'm also very emotional, but I sometimes have a hard time coming to meet you. And so what I found was that I repeated the phrase that you used for myself, and that way I make it for myself. It was like I was embodying what your cue was, and that I found was much better. So I don't know if anybody else is like that, but that was what worked for me."

Yeah, fantastic. Thank you, Abraham. We're all different in many different ways, and I so appreciate in what you shared is that you are making the invitations—these are all invitations—you're making the invitations work for you, to meet you where you are. Because I can't tune to every single person. For some people it's very, very sweet, it's very opening, lots of physical rocking and tears, and for some people it's like, "Oh, emotion, really emotional." Beautiful. Thank you, Abraham, I just love hearing how you make it work for you. Yay! I love it, I'm having so much more mudita^[4] for your practice. Yeah, and I think you're—oh sweet, you see the heart? Yeah, it really moves me. Thank you, thank you for that reflection, beautiful.

So dear ones, we have come to the time when we turn to meet each other in small groups, and let us meet each other with compassion for how difficult it is now and it has been. Again, no comparing, no judging, but just meeting each other, meeting fellow travelers, being held, holding each other. It might be silent, there may be no words, or there may be words. So we'll start with 15 seconds of silent compassion for each other. And after 15 seconds, you're welcome to share as much as you like or as little as you like with each other about your practice and the beauty of sangha. So the rooms are created, and please take care of yourselves, take care of each other with gentleness, kindness, and generosity. The rooms are open, enjoy.

[Breakout rooms]

Okay, welcome back everyone. Welcome back, the rooms are closed and we have a couple of minutes for any reflections. We'd love to hear from you, especially if you haven't shared in a while. You can raise your Zoom hand or type in chat, what did you discover in this practice together? Especially if you're new, we would love to hear from you if you wish. You're able to unmute yourself now if you want. Oops, I see your lips moving but I can't hear you. Okay, there.

"So I'm one who—I'm new. So I'm one who experienced tears. And especially when we put the hand on our heart and you said to feel compassion for your younger self, and that surprised me because I was focusing towards the beloved person, and then when we turned it inward it was like tears. Thank you."

Thank you, thank you so much. Yeah, this practice shows up in places where it's needed, it shows up in surprising ways. Yeah, really appreciate your reflection.

One more reflection coming in: "Felt so sweet to sit with sangha big and small, felt like coming home." Oh, that is so sweet. What a lovely, lovely reflection to end on. Felt like coming home.

So it is 7:00, and let us bring our practice of compassion for ourselves and for others to a close. So I thank you all for showing up, for cultivating, for sharing goodness with all beings everywhere. May all beings be well. May all beings be free. Thank you.