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Introduction

Hello friends, and greetings from Mountain View, California, unceded Ohlone land, this Friday morning. I hope you are well. It's been a delight to join you and practice together today with wise speech. Let's begin with meditating together, and then I have some remarks, a dharmette^[1]. Let's begin together.

Guided Meditation: Inner Speech Qualities & Timing

Ah, arriving, arriving. Arriving here in this body, turning our attention inward, letting go of whatever has arisen before. Recognizing that this is the time, this is the right time. This is the time we have set aside for this cultivation, for meditation. This is it. This is the time in this moment. Letting go of this and that and the other, the entanglements, and giving our hearts to this cultivation right now.

Receiving the sensations, our feet rooted, grounded, connected to the earth. Our sit bones and the cushion or the chair, here. Hands on our lap, our spine with a sense of integrity, uprightness. Representing the uprightness within, a sense of integrity within. Upright without being tight. An uprightness supported by the heart.

It feels so good to have a sense of integrity. So good, so happy-making. Have a sense of integrity in our hearts, and let it be represented by the posture of the body. Not slumping, a sense of integrity. If you need to lie down again, you can still have integrity in your posture, a sense of alignment.

Let the body, the soft tissue, be relaxed and soft. It doesn't have to be tight.

Now let the breath be received in the abdomen, the lower part of the body, bringing down the center of gravity from the head where it usually is, to the lower abdomen and even your feet. Receiving the breath, receiving the breath. Just this breath.

And if and when thoughts arise, notice them internally. Notice their tone, the tone of this internal speech, as we have been practicing together this week. Is it spoken with a mind of loving-kindness? Is it beneficial? Is it idle chatter? Internal idle chatter. Is it even true, factual? Does it create harmony, or is it divisive?

You're welcome to just choose one of those to notice. For example, if you notice that it is idle chatter, you can say, "Okay, idle chatter, I know." Smilingly, without any aversion, you have known, you have seen. You have shone the light of mindfulness on the inner landscape, and you let it go.

Sighs. After all, this is not the right time. This is not the right time. You've chosen this time to give your heart to meditation. Calm cultivation, calm, inviting. Seeing, knowing, letting go gently. Not now.

Is this the right time for this internal conversation? Is this the right time?

Is this the right time for this internal monologue, speech, thought, conversation? Is this the right time?

Knowing that it isn't the right time to be entangled with thinking and planning right now, in the middle of meditation time, let it go. Not now.

Letting the breath and the body sensations of breathing take center stage. Calm, soothe, nourish the heart.

We don't have so much time on this earth. Use this moment wisely. This moment. Here, just here, simple with the breath.

And as we approach the end of this sitting together, appreciating and honoring your showing up. Aligning your actions with your intentions for cultivation, for goodness, for waking up, for integrity. You showed up, you did your best. Whatever arose—sleepiness, agitation—it's part of the causes and conditions. You did your best. Appreciating, recognizing your engagement. And if there was awareness, clarity, for just one moment: yes! Celebrate this cultivation, this goodness.

We are always planting seeds. We're planting seeds that flower at times when we don't expect them. So don't measure your practice just by what you observe now. Take the long-term view, appreciating the cultivation of yourself, of myself here, and all the dear Sangha^[2] members who've joined me, all of us together.

Sharing our goodwill, our goodness, the benefits of our cultivation with all beings everywhere. May all beings everywhere be safe, happy, and healthy. May all beings, especially in areas of the world where it is particularly challenging right now with natural disasters, wars, and famines—may they have peace. May they have ease, may they be free from suffering. May all beings everywhere be free, including myself.

Wise Speech (5/5): Is It the Right Time to Speak? (+MN 58)

Greetings, friends. This week we have been exploring wise speech together, looking at the different teachings and the different questions that the Buddha directs us to ask ourselves. I want to do a quick review, as I've already done in the guided meditation, and add the last one today, which is so important: Is it the right time? Is it the right time to say what I'm about to say? This is particularly important when we're saying something that is challenging for the hearer to hear, something disagreeable.

But before I get into that, I want to share the six guidelines that I've mentioned. They are actually an amalgamation of different parts of the suttas^[3]. You might have heard only five, and I'm giving six, or you might have heard slightly different ones. I've brought them all together because they're all so wonderful; I couldn't just choose some and leave others out. So, in my thoroughness, I've brought them all together, and I want to share the sutta references with you.

In SN 45.8^[4], the Buddha defines wise speech—or right speech, appropriate speech—as abstaining from lying, from divisive speech, from abusive speech, and from idle chatter. So we have those four: truthfulness (not lying), not speaking divisively, not speaking abusively, and no idle chatter.

Then, in AN 5.198^[5], he gives five guidelines for well-spoken speech, for wise speech: Is it timely? Is it true? Is it gentle? Is it beneficial (meaning connected to the goal of the path)? And is it spoken with a mind of goodwill? Usually, those five are the ones that teachers teach. But in another sutta—I didn't write the reference, it's elsewhere in my notes—the Buddha also asks: Is it true and factual? He makes the distinction: is it true and factual, not just true. That's another element I've tried to bring into the teachings today.

And in MN 58 (Majjhima Nikaya 58), which I will talk about more today, he specifically gives additional considerations for saying what is disagreeable and challenging for others to hear. Even if it goes beyond just facts—if it's already true, factual, and beneficial—one still has to wait for the right time. Timeliness shows up in various teachings, and it is very important.

Let's say you want to have a serious relationship conversation with a friend. All of the guidelines we have talked about are met: what you're going to say is true, it is factual (it is what happened), it is going to create harmony in your relationship, you're going to say it very gently (gentle to the ear, goes to the heart), it's beneficial for the growth of both of you (coming closer together, supporting each other), and you're going to speak with a mind of goodwill and love for both of you. But your friend is sick right now, or they've just lost someone, or they've lost their job. Of course, it's not the right time to have this conversation. No matter how much you want to get it off your chest and get it over with, it's not wise. It's not the right time.

Similarly, if you want to give someone feedback, it's not wise to just put it in an email, send it off, and get it off your chest. That's actually kind of cowardly. You really want to reach out and make time for a conversation. Give them a heads-up: "There's something I want to share with you," and then set up a time for a phone call or to meet with them in person, which is even better. Have the conversation at just the right time, creating the right circumstances. You never know—they might open an email during a very difficult time in their lives. They might be at a funeral, who knows? So you must ask: Is it the right time to say what I'm about to say, in addition to all the other conditions being met?

I want to share a little bit about a text where the Buddha really gives us teaching on this, and it is so beautiful. It's Majjhima Nikaya 58. Here is the setup, a little story. Prince Abhaya^[6] has gone to Nigantha Nataputta^[7], who was apparently one of the Buddha's rivals at the time. The rival says to the prince, "Prince, you can go and refute the words of Gotama, the contemplative Buddha. If you refute his words, you'll become more mighty. People will say, 'Wow, Prince Abhaya has refuted this wise man's words!' The way you can do that is to go to him and say, 'Lord, would you say words that are unendearing and disagreeable to others?' If he says he would, then you would say, 'Well, what's the difference between you and the run-of-the-mill person who would just say things that are disagreeable to people?' And if he answers no, you would say, 'Well, you're afraid of other people, you won't say something that's disagreeable.' Either way, you would get him." There is more detail about this—it gets into devas and devatas^[8]—but without getting into the details and keeping the story short, they were trying to set the Buddha up.

So Prince Abhaya goes to the Buddha and asks, "Would you speak words that are unendearing and disagreeable for others to hear?" Essentially, the Buddha says, "It depends." He gives this beautiful teaching, and Prince Abhaya bows and becomes devoted to the Buddha anyway.

Here is the teaching, and it's so beautiful. The Buddha gives a table of conditions. He says, "If I know it to be unfactual, untrue, unbeneficial, and unendearing and disagreeable to others, of course I won't say it, because the conditions are not met."

"If it's factual and true, but unbeneficial and unendearing and disagreeable to others, I still won't say it." Even if it's true and factual, there's no benefit in saying it, so he's not going to say it.

"If it is true, factual, and beneficial, but it is unendearing and disagreeable to others to hear, I have a sense of the proper time for saying it." So he waits for the right time.

Then he continues with three other clauses: "If it is unfactual, untrue, and unbeneficial, but it is endearing and agreeable to others, I do not say it." This is an important one. It's not true, it's not factual, it's not beneficial, but it's endearing—basically, you're saying something that other people want to hear. He doesn't say those words. It's so wise. Sometimes as laypeople, maybe we say something that other people want to hear, but it's not even factual or beneficial.

Then, raising the bar a little more: "If the Tathagata^[9] knows it to be factual and true, but unbeneficial, yet endearing and agreeable to others, he doesn't say it." In this case, it is true, but it's unbeneficial, even though other people would love to hear it. He still doesn't say it because it's not beneficial.

And I love this last one: "If the Tathagata knows it is factual, it is true, it is beneficial, and it is endearing and agreeable for others to hear, he still has a sense of the proper time for saying it." Why is that? "Because the Tathagata has sympathy for living beings." That just touches my heart. Even if all of those conditions are satisfied, he still says it at the proper time. Why? Because he has compassion. Sympathy, in this context, can simply be translated as compassion. Because he has compassion for living beings, a lot of compassion, he chooses the right time.

These teachings are so beautiful, and it's wonderful to be able to share them with you. What a joy, what a delight! I'm putting all these guidelines in the chat right now so that you have them. Since the chat has a limit, I'm posting them in two different sets. There we go—these are all the guidelines that I've shared with you.

Announcements

I'm going slightly over time, so just a couple of quick announcements. Next week, you'll be in good hands with Meg Gawler^[10]. She'll be joining you from Southern France, substituting for Gil^[11]. She is a deep, dedicated practitioner; you're in great hands.

Also, I'll be teaching on Sunday morning. I'm subbing for Gil, giving a talk both online and in person, most likely on samadhi^[12], concentration. I'll put my website in the chat; there's more information there. I'm also teaching a day-long retreat on samadhi on March 3rd, which is listed on my website. I'd love for you to join me and continue practicing together.

It's been a pleasure, a delight, and a privilege. Thank you so much for your practice. Thank you so much for your cultivation, dear Sangha. It's always a pleasure to join you in these early mornings. Even though I'm not an early morning person, I just love joining you. Thank you so much. Be well, take good care, until next time.