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Happy Hour: Metta and the Four Wise Efforts

We've been exploring the relationship between metta^[1] and the factors of the Noble Eightfold Path, one of the fundamental and basic teachings of the Buddha. We have worked our way to the fifth factor today: wise effort, or wise engagement.

You might remember that when we did the series exploring the relationship between metta and the ten paramis^[2] a few weeks ago, we also approached wise effort and wise engagement. There are so many ways to explore these relationships. For this moment's practice, I'd like to invite us to explore this relationship in a different way. I'll say a couple of words before we get into the guided meditation.

Cultivating goodwill, friendliness, and love has so many nuances. We are exploring the relationship of cultivating goodwill, friendliness, and goodness with wise effort. The word "effort" often brings up a sense of tightness, so I prefer "wise engagement."

With wise engagement, there's a classical teaching I like to bring in about the four wise engagements, or the Four Wise Efforts^[3], as they are usually called. We'll explore those generally in our practice today.

The first engagement is to bring up, to arise, unarisen wholesome states. We support the arising of wholesome states. Of course, metta is exactly that; we are cultivating and bringing up to our minds a sense of friendliness and goodness for ourselves and others. So, check that one off.

Another aspect of wise effort—the second wise effort—is that if there is a wholesome mind state, we sustain it. With metta, when there is a sense of goodwill and kindness for ourselves and others, we can keep it going. We can keep sustaining that wholesome frame of mind.

Now, on the other hand, the other two wise efforts, or wise engagements, are about unwholesome states. The third is to prevent an unwholesome state of mind from arising. What's beautiful about the practice of metta for ourselves and others is that it becomes the habit of the mind, so that unwholesome states tend to arise less often. Judgment for ourselves, for example—or self-judgment and self-hatred—tends not to arise as much. For others, a sense of ill will or enmity tends not to arise as much. So, cultivating metta supports that wise effort as well.

The last one is: if an unwholesome state has arisen, the fourth wise effort is to abandon it. Metta also satisfies that! If you find yourself having a sense of judgment or ill will toward yourself, bringing in metta—"Sweetie, you're just a human, you're doing your best"—can support the abandoning of the unwholesome state. Similarly, with others, if there is anger or ill will arising, bringing in metta helps you see their goodness. There is always something good we can find in others to contemplate and open our hearts to.

So, with all that, we will engage in the cultivation of metta and explore these four wise engagements, feeling into them today as we practice.

Reflections

Thank you all. You have a few minutes to share reflections. They could be one-word reflections; you can type them in the chat, or you can unmute yourself and share if you wish.

I'll get us going. I appreciated connecting the Four Wise Efforts to metta. It makes sense to see that in action, alongside the connection to the unique gift we give to the world, which is one interpretation of recollection practices. We can use that as the basis for metta. There are so many ways we can cultivate metta; this is one way to see our unique gift to the world, given our time, our connections, and who we are—gifts that only we can give to others.

I'd like to invite you to share any reflections, questions, or complaints.

Neil offers in the chat, "Offering my unique song to the world." Beautiful. Thank you for bringing that into the space, Neil.

Paula offers, "Thank you for this, Nikki. Perfect for me as I head to school tomorrow." Thank you, Paula. Good luck and all best wishes. May you be safe, happy, and well as you head to school tomorrow.

We have an appreciation from Andrea, who is joining us on YouTube. You are very welcome, Andrea. I'm glad this was helpful for you.

Greg, you're unmuted, please go ahead.

Greg: God bless you all. Thank you so much for this. I'm in a hospital, so this is very nice.

Nikki: Thank you so much, Greg. May this support you as you are in the hospital right now.

Deborah offers in the chat, "My difficulty is a teacher. Not one I chose." Deborah, do you want to say a little more about it? You don't have to, but you're welcome to.

Deborah: As I was just sitting and listening, I noticed that by not having the visual, mental, or direct experience with the situation, I can see that it is offering practice, and unknown things continue to emerge. So how can little I decide whether it's appropriate or not?

Nikki: What I'm hearing is that you're treating the difficulty arising for you as a teacher. Difficulties are always teachers, of course, and the people we have difficulty with are often our best teachers. There is so much for us to learn in goodwill, in patience, and in seeing our own blind spots. With humility, we learn from them. It might take time—it may not be immediate—but they're always teachers. I appreciate that you're taking your difficulty as a teacher, even if it’s not one you would have chosen. We would never choose the difficulties we have, of course! But it is wonderful to see it as a gift. Thank you for bringing that in.

Dawn shares, "Beautiful, Nikki. Thank you for the skillful reflection on allowing our unique gifts to manifest as service to this world." Thank you, Dawn. Thank you for being here and sharing your practice and gifts with the world as you do.

Now is the time for us to transition to the part that many of you love: practicing in community in breakout rooms for about six or seven minutes. The practice is always about how we show up with care for ourselves and care for others. Please don't put on your social face and think, "Okay, now I have to interact." This isn’t a normal zoom call for work. The invitation is to bring the same gentleness, care, and kindness you have for yourself into this sacred space of being with others. Share a few words about how the practice was, if you wish. There's no right or wrong. You can say you fell asleep, you didn't follow it, you didn't like it, or you loved it. It’s all accepted and appreciated. Appreciate your unique gift of presence, and let it be appreciated by yourself and others. Appreciate the unique presence and suchness of each individual in your group. Let’s take on this practice, as it might be a step toward taking it out into the world—perhaps into a zoom meeting where you're having challenges—to see the unique gifts in yourself and others.

(Breakout rooms occur)

Welcome back, everyone. We have a few minutes if you'd like to unmute yourself and share reflections from either the guided meditation or your practice in community.

Brian: Well, this is my first time here, so I was a little confused about what exactly was going on. I heard the other two talk about what was going on with them, so I got the idea and started talking about what was going on with me, but then we had to come back.

Nikki: Welcome! I'm so glad this is your first time here, and that you're joining us for Happy Hour. I hope you come back and continue to engage in this way.

Mary Christine: For the first part of the meditation that we did, it's the first time that I've heard—maybe you've done it before and I’ve forgotten—having to look at the good in me that I might be giving to other people as a metta practice. That was really challenging to think that I had something to offer.

Nikki: Thank you so much for raising that, Mary Christine. I had some private chats from others sharing the same thing, so you're not the only one. I see other heads bobbing in agreement. I appreciate that it can be challenging. The place to start might just be to look at one relationship. For example, if you're someone's parent, child, or friend, and maybe last week they needed help and you supported them—that is your unique gift. You gave them something that nobody else could do in that moment. You have a unique relationship with that person in the world. If you were not there, it wouldn't be the same. So start small. It doesn't have to be that you're the best writer in the world. It just has to be a unique connection. Does that help support it?

Mary Christine: Thank you.

Jess: I'm mindful of the time, but I wanted to say that during the last several evening sits we've had together, I've been incredibly distracted—more than maybe ever in my life. I’ve just been off in another world for so much time, and then I'll realize, "Oh, I'm listening to someone! Well, how about that." [Laughter] I was getting to a place with this sit where I thought, "Surely I'm going to reach out and ask Nikki to give me some concrete advice on how I can stay focused better." But you ended the meditation reminding us not to have an attachment to outcome or to a specific state. I think that was actually the advice I needed, so I wanted to say thank you.

Nikki: Thank you so much. Just to say one last thing about that for all of us: our minds can be here, there, and everywhere. You might be doing the practice for just one moment, but you are planting seeds. Trust that you're planting seeds. The outcome may not happen in this moment, but just the fact that you showed up, sat down, and heard these words means they land somewhere. Trust the process, without attachment to the outcome.

May we share our gifts and align our actions with our wholesome intentions without attachment to outcome. May all beings be well. May all beings be happy, including ourselves. Thank you all for showing up and practicing for yourselves and everyone else. Take good care and be well.