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Happy Hour: The Nourishing Power of Silence

Introduction

Hello everyone, and welcome to Happy Hour. The theme for this evening's practice is a revisit of what we did on Wednesday. On Wednesday, I introduced taking refuge in silence as an act of care, an act of self-care and love. Many of you reported that the exploration of a mostly silent sit as an expression of love, metta^[1], and self-care was really calming and soothing.

It was so yummy and delicious that I thought let's do it again, especially during the holidays. It can be such a busy time for many, making it especially nourishing to take refuge in silence and peace. That is all I want to say to frame it, and the rest I will just lead in the guided meditation.

Guided Meditation

Make yourself comfortable in your seat. Landing, arriving in this body. In this moment in time. Releasing, releasing the body. Releasing any tightness in the neck, shoulders, forehead, and jaw. Letting your eyes rest. Letting your heart rest.

Feeling your seat on this earth. Feeling your feet, and this earth. Rooted. Let the breath find you. When you find the breath, it is as if the breath is playing the music of life. This body and this heart are playing the scales of the most beautiful music: the music of silence.

Putting down whatever is not necessary. Is this thought necessary right now? No. Gently putting it down. Taking refuge in the breath, in the silence, and the peace of release. Release, release.

Taking refuge in silence. Loving the silence, loving oneself. This is an act of self-care, self-love, and self-metta.

There is nothing more rejuvenating, more delicious than this: the silence. And if thoughts arise, gently release them. "Not now, thank you. I'm engaging in self-care." Just this breath in this body, right now.

Relaxing and receiving the breath. It's an act of self-love, self-care.

And if the mind needs more support, it's okay to offer the phrases of metta to yourself as an anchor: "May I be safe. May I be happy. May I be healthy. May I have ease." But let the words be light, so light as if it is a whisper of silence. Stay with the feeling. Or maybe just use the words with your breath. Say, "Breathing in, happy, healthy. Breathing in, ease."

If there are a lot of thoughts, it's okay. Don't be disheartened; it's the nature of mind to think. Release, let go smilingly. Hold the breath and the silence dear. Falling in love with the silence is as if you're falling in love with yourself.

"Not now, not now." If your thoughts still arise: "Not now."

Turning your gaze inward into the body's sensations to support stability and silence within.

Relishing silence, embracing non-doing as an act of self-care and metta in this moment, right here in this body. Inviting the attention to be right here with the breath, right now.

As we turn to the end of our sitting practice together, appreciate yourself for having shown up as best as you are able to. Let go of the outcome. You planted seeds and embraced silence, inner and outer, as much as was available. That's it; your work is done. If the mind was wandering, or planning, remembering, or emotions were arising, it's okay. It's all right. Forgive yourself. Appreciate the goodness of coming together and practicing, and offer that goodness as a gift both to yourself and to all beings everywhere. May all beings everywhere be free. May all beings everywhere be awake, including myself.

Reflections and Q&A

Thanks, everyone. Tonight I was embracing the silence as an act of self-care, revisiting the theme from two nights ago, and yet I intentionally provided even less scaffolding tonight—or at least that was the intention. I am wondering what you discovered and what arose for you.

You can type your reflections in the chat. If it is sent to everyone, I will read your name. If it is to me privately, I will only read the reflection, not your name. You can also raise your Zoom hand. If you haven't spoken recently, you are invited. If you have spoken recently, I invite you to pull back and allow other people to step forward.

One of you says, "Thank you, that was wonderful." You are so welcome. It's quite sweet to sit together in silence as self-care.

Stephanie says, "It was both calming and chaotic." Yes, both and. I appreciate you holding both. Usually, the calming nature of the sit can support the chaos within.

Someone asks how to relate this practice to Christmas. Well, Christmas can be a very, very busy time, and sometimes self-care goes out the window because we're running around like headless chickens. Taking refuge in silence—just sitting, doing nothing for a moment, and being with the breath and the body—is a true act of caring for ourselves. That's how it relates to Christmas; it's an act of care. Another way it relates is that by caring for ourselves in this way, we can become calmer, have a longer fuse, and actually be loving to others. That's the spirit of Christmas: kindness and a spirit of generosity.

One person shares, "It usually is calming to have silence, but tonight I didn't use the opportunity wisely." No problem, forgive yourself. Move on. It's all right. Just the fact that you showed up and sat in silence as much as possible—yay to that! Don't underestimate the impact of sitting in sangha^[2], even though there was a lot going on internally.

Charles Lee shares, "I was able to turn towards an old Dark Night of the Soul memory with self-compassion." Ah, so sweet. Thanks for sharing that, especially turning towards it with self-compassion. Beautiful.

Another person shared privately, "Appreciate your reminders that it is okay that thoughts are coming up, and to be kind to ourselves. Thank you for your kindness." Thank you for yours.

One person says, "I just finished the solstice retreat, so this meditation was synergistic. On the retreat, when I felt confused or uncertain, I heard your voice saying, 'You know how to do this—a simple metta.' It was supportive. Thank you." You are so, so welcome, and happy early Nikki-mas! Christmas is my birthday, so I always celebrate Nikki-mas with my family as well as Christmas.

Another person shares, "Remembering some traumatic events, but silence was calming and I wasn't as activated as I might be, experiencing self-compassion." Beautiful. Such beautiful reflections tonight, thank you all.

More are coming in. "The idea of being in love with myself is wow, powerful."

Another person says, "When I focus on my breath, I start controlling my breath. How do I stop this and just observe the breath as it is?" What can be supportive is to consider three words: relax and receive. Keep relaxing, and keep receiving, so that there's not this sense of going out and capturing the breath. Instead, become a receptacle to receive the breath.

Another reflection: "At the end of the meditation, I told myself: 'Mind, when you plan for the future, I understand that you are trying to help. I understand that you value preparedness and you wish to help me meet the challenges that the future will bring. Thank you, mind. When you remind me of past missteps, I understand that you're trying to help. I understand that you wish to help me avoid repeating those mistakes. Thank you, mind.'" Oh, beautiful. That is such a lovely, compassionate perspective to take to a wandering mind—to offer it appreciation, grace, and release.

One more person: "I was trying to let go of a relationship hurting me so much, but gracefully. I was so sad, but now felt so peaceful." It's great that it all can be both—sadness and grace—and that you beheld the peacefulness of silence within it all. Your reflections are so powerful.

I realize it feels more peaceful when the reflections are typed in chat and I read them out loud. I feel like there is a calmness in the space that remains. Not that I don't like you raising your hand and speaking in your own voice, but just observing this, given that the theme was peace and quiet.

To go back to the person who asked about focusing on the breath and starting to control the breath: really have the sense that you're sitting in this embodiment, sitting in a receptacle of ease, and receiving the breath however it shows up. Just relax and receive. They might seem like simple instructions, but they can really transform the way we relate to the breath, as if we're going out and trying to grab it.

Small Group Practice

Dear ones, let's turn our attention to practicing together in small groups. And again, maybe we just sit together in silence tonight. It can be so powerful in small groups just to sit together in silence. Maybe a word, or a phrase, or a share comes up, or maybe not.

Let sitting in silence with others be predominant. It might feel awkward or uncomfortable. Do not rush to fill the silence. We often do that with friends and family instead of just holding space. These folks you're sitting with, they know how to hold silence. They're good at it; they love it as much as you do. So just hold silence together, maybe for a few minutes.

Keep your eyes open actually in the group, and hold silence. Maybe you're doing silent metta for one another. No questions. If a share comes up, you can share something, and if not, just hold silent presence with one another. How powerful, how radical. The breakout groups are primarily silent tonight. Enjoy, take care of each other, take care of yourselves. Okay, here we go.

[Breakout Groups]

If anyone is willing to quickly share what it was like to hold silence with one another, you can type it in chat. What did that feel like, holding patient silence with one another, without rushing in to fill the space? Any insights?

Stephanie says, "Very powerful." Jonathan says, "Very nice and peaceful."

Wonderful. Someone says, "You're welcome, Kari." Beautiful. Alright, so maybe I'll just leave it at that.

Thank you all for your practice, and thank you for coming together to cultivate your heart for both your own sake and the sake of all beings whose lives yours touches. May all beings be happy. May all beings be free, including ourselves.

Thank you all. Take care, happy holidays, Merry Christmas if you celebrate, and happy Hanukkah. I'm going to stop the recording.