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Happy Hour: Travel Metta

Introduction

Great, well, hello, and welcome to Happy Hour, everyone. I've missed you very much. It's so nice to be back in Sangha^[1] and practicing together.

For today's practice, there are so many different themes to choose from. I think I'd like to explore a theme of simple metta^[2] together. Maybe we won't say so much ahead of time, but just practice together. We can take more time to practice and explore different themes. I have no doubt different themes from my travel in Southeast Asia will come through. As I was mentioning earlier, Thailand is a Buddhist country, and there are many temples, lots of Buddhist statues, and just a sense of wholeheartedness. There's a sense of kindness, good will, and interactions that just drench—it feels like it permeates the culture, which is so lovely and nourishing.

So, I'm sure some of the warmth will come through in the practice. Let's just sit together. Let's begin.

Guided Meditation

Arriving in your seat. Taking your seat on this Earth, on this planet of ours. Taking your seat on the Earth. Here I am, stable, grounded here. Connected to the seat, to this Earth. Stable and moving, even if we're actually hurtling in space on this Earth, rotating around the sun, rotating around its axis. But it feels like we're still. Can we be still here in this moment? Feel the stillness together with all the movement in space, movement in our lives. All the movement that has been, is happening right now, will be. And in the middle of all the movement, open our bodies, our hearts, our minds to stillness.

Holding the duality of movement and stillness. Opening, leaning into the stillness, to the groundedness. Relaxing the body, softening the body. Relaxing the heart. Relaxing the heart to whatever has happened before, up to this moment. Perhaps rushing to arrive—it's okay, it's all right. Feeling yourself: It's okay dear, it's all right sweetheart. Taking refuge in this moment. Letting the breath move through the body.

And if the mind decides to move, wander, drift, rush to a thought, memory, or plan, it's okay. It's all right. Be kind. Be kind to yourself, to your heart, to your mind. Address yourself kindly. Your mind, your heart, kindly, smilingly. Let the body be at ease, relaxed. Gently inviting attention, awareness, to rest again. To take refuge. Come dear, come rest with the breath, with the body. It is sweet here, it's sweet. We'll get to the plan, the memory later; it's important, though, and we'll come back. Let go now. Let go now, dear.

Taking time, taking space, no rush. Nothing needs to happen. No problem-solving. So delicious just to be. Just to simply be this, being human.

Let the breath be nourishing, calming, soothing to the body, to the heart.

What a gift to be able to practice. You have met the Dharma^[3] in this life. To sit and be breathed by the breath. To realize if the mind is thinking, to know that, and cultivate kindness in that moment. I'm not expecting that you will be focused and concentrated and still the whole time. If that happens, great, but minds wander, it's okay. Can we be kind, no matter what? Can we be kind? And if we can't be kind, can we be accepting? Be gentle with a lack of kindness that might arise. Can we be compassionate to that, and the lack of kindness, if any? Knowing that we are doing our best in every moment, and cultivating as best we're able to.

I'd like to invite us to explore receiving kindness and sharing kindness. So I'll invite an experiment: happening to receive kindness, which expands the capacity of our heart, not just to receive but to give. So feeling yourself. Feeling yourself sitting. Connections to the Earth through your feet, sit bones, your hands touching each other or your lap. Breath moving through your body, stable now.

I'd like to invite you to imagine, as you're sitting, you're together with another human circle of people who are kind, endowed with metta. You've been practicing metta for a long time. Imagine a situation, let's say in a foreign country where you don't understand the language, so you can't really communicate, but these human beings, other humans, are trying to help you, support you. Maybe you need help, you need directions. And you let yourself be supported. You feel their metta. You let yourself be supported.

You can imagine maybe a situation like, let's say you're in a store and you've spilled some fruit, and people come with kindness and help you put it back. Or you fall, and they help you get up. Whatever it might be, there's a sense of kindness, and you let yourself, without being embarrassed, without any embarrassment, be supported. Human beings with metta. Let yourself be supported. Because receiving kindness, allowing yourself to receive kindness, it's like receiving a gift graciously. You don't turn the gift around or hurl it to the ground. It's gracious. It's a way of rewarding the giver to receive the gift. So let the gift of kindness be received in your mind.

You may be working with a map, and you're confused, and somebody unasked comes and supports you, asks you if you're lost, and tries to help you find your direction. Just support offered in this land of beings who've practiced metta, kindness. Let yourself receive in your mind's eye. And maybe your work here is to receive without an embarrassment, because receiving is giving. So can you give metta by receiving? That's the crux of this invitation. Can your gratitude, your smile of appreciation, be your gift, not shame or embarrassment?

We'll come back to the scenario in a moment again, but now let's switch. Now you are a part of this community. Maybe you don't communicate with words, you don't understand someone's language, but they're lost. You want to help them. You want to support someone as an expression of your kindness, of your humanity. It's clear they're fumbling with a map, they don't know where to go. Without being asked, you ask them, Can I help you? Or with sign language, try to figure out where they're going and help them. An act of metta. An act of kindness. See yourself giving metta in this way. The sense of satisfaction you've helped one person. Or helping one human being who is not so different from you—they just want to be happy. Or they have spilled, say, a bag of apples or something. You go and you help them pick them up. You comfort them. You smile. A random act of kindness. You don't judge them, they're doing their best.

Or maybe you see someone walking on the street, and you're walking too, in the same direction. You can see that they're wearing a splint, they have a hand injury, and they're trying, fumbling with an umbrella, and it's just started to rain. You stop. Maybe you stop smilingly in this scenario, you get the umbrella from them, you open it for them, and with a smile, you hand it back to them, and you keep walking. With a smile, you're smiling, they're smiling. A random act of kindness. No judgment. Just make up a random act of kindness.

How easy it is to care, to notice what's needed. To take a step, to care, to share, not questioning, not judging yourself or others. A random act of metta. Maybe in your heart you do say: May you be well. May you be safe from the elements. May you be happy. May you be healthy. May you have ease. How good it feels to give kindness.

Well, now switch again to the other scenario. And again, it's so impersonal, right? You can be the person who needs support, and people stop and support you, help you, offer kindness, not even needing to speak or exchange words. Let yourself receive now. Be on the receiving end. Feel supported. Let your body relax. Seeing others' humanity, letting them see your humanity. Maybe imagine the scenario, maybe from your own life. Maybe in your own city, or maybe traveling. Let your heart relax. Let your body relax. Let yourself receive in your mind's eye metta, random acts of kindness.

Maybe you imagine again yourself carrying bags of groceries. Someone puts them down and comes to support you. Where are you going? Are you lost? A random act of kindness.

Now imagine yourself in your hometown or city, supporting, helping others, whether they don't speak your language or they do. Random acts of kindness. Maybe letting someone who's seemingly in a rush go ahead of you in the line at the grocery store, if you're not in a hurry yourself. Offering kindness with a smile, knowing you've made one person's day a little better, just a little brighter.

Or say you're sitting on a plane. Across the aisle, there's a mother with a screaming child. She's agitated or embarrassed, trying to quiet the child. Instead of feeling upset, rolling your eyes, you comfort the mother. Yes, it's hard. It is hard to travel with children. It's okay, it's all right, it's hard. Extending kindness. So many opportunities. Not missing opportunities. Strangers, colleagues, friends, family.

Radiating metta. May all beings everywhere, including myself, be safe from inner and outer harm. Be happy. Be healthy. Have ease. Radiating kindness internally to yourself. Let it radiate out, knowing that this kindness first touches you, first soothes you, these rays of kindness. But if we let our busyness take over, the opportunities that we run into to be kind could go by. And of course we won't capture all of them. We can't. It's okay. But turning our heart to receive kindness and give kindness—that is soothing, calming for the heart, enlivening for the mind.

And for the last couple minutes, just breathing. Breathing again. Breathing in kindness, breathing out kindness and goodwill. May I be well. May all beings be well. May I be well, breathing in. May all beings be well, breathing out. Receiving and giving.

As we bring this practice session to a close, offering your kindness, your metta, to yourself and as a gift to all beings everywhere. Offering your practice, your intention for cultivation, spreading it far and wide in your mind's eye. May all beings everywhere be safe, happy, healthy, at ease. May all beings be free, including ourselves.

[Laughter]

Q&A and Reflections

Thanks everyone. Thanks for your practice. Ah, well I feel happier and calmer, and yeah, more in touch through this practice with metta. How are you doing? How was it for you? Any insights? Any aha moments? Any challenges? You're invited to share your questions, comments, insights for the benefit of everyone, and all your challenges too. You can raise your Zoom hand, or you can also type them in the chat if you like. What did you discover? How was it? What did you learn? Neil.

Neil: Welcome back, Nikki. I thought it was interesting the way you mentioned that accepting gifts from other people is kindness in and of itself. There certainly have been plenty of times in my life where I'm like, "No," and frequently I have thought afterwards, "Oh, maybe I shouldn't have said no." I think this will hopefully put me on better footing, make me better prepared the next time that happens.

Nikki: Yeah, thanks Neil. Thanks so much for sharing that, and also thanks for highlighting that aspect—gracious receiving is a huge gift. It's a gift, really. Graciously receiving gives other people joy to be able to be kind and to be able to help. Maybe it comes up sometimes that we don't want to trouble them or whatever it is, and sometimes it's just, "Yes, thank you." It can be such a breakthrough moment, such a lovely moment of connection and giving and receiving. So thanks for highlighting that aspect of it, so important.

I'll also say one more thing. I've also found myself sometimes, you know, somebody wants to offer a gift or you're offering something, and I'm like, "Oh, I'm troubling you." And I realize, well, actually wait, pause. "Yes, I accept." So it's okay in that moment to shift and change too. But, you know, as you said, it's the practice that inclines you to realizing, Yes, what am I doing? I'm not giving them the opportunity to be kind and generous. So the more we practice metta, the more it gives us that moment of pause like, Yes, this is okay, let's expand my heart to receive and allow them to give. So yeah, it continues to be a practice. Thank you for that. Any other reflections, questions, comments? Eileen.

Eileen: Hi Nikki. Welcome back to YouTube and me; I've been away from here. I've been working a lot. What came to my mind is when I'm on a Zoom call with people from a sangha, it's pretty easy for me to do metta for all the little boxes that I see of all the people, or in the breakout room too. And also when I'm teaching my classes. But in a meeting with staff, it didn't even occur to me today. It was very tense, and switching to the metta practice, pivoting like that was really hard because I brought that kind of tense energy to it. So maybe with practice, it'll get easier no matter what the situation.

Nikki: Yes, thank you. Eileen, thanks so much for bringing that up, and I want to make an invitation. If you notice—you know, many times in a stressful situation—if you notice right there, I'm so glad you pinpointed this particular situation, the staff meeting. You know that it's stressful, and I trust that you'll have more meetings with your staff. So great, perfect! This is a great opportunity for practice, yay! In the next meeting, before you go into it, write yourself a note today, post it, so that before it begins you have set this intention of, Oh, this is an opportunity that gets me stressed. And it's okay, we each have different occasions where this happens.

Also, from the practice you've done, you know that metta actually is an antidote to this kind of agitation. In fact, if you bring in metta, just choose one person in the meeting. Just one person, do metta for them, and then you'll find yourself going, Oh wow, look at this tension shift and change. And then it will be easier to do it for others. But just start with one person on the screen. How does that sound? Great, thank you so much for raising this, and so specific. This is a great opportunity for your practice, I love it. Paige, please.

Paige: Hi, thank you so much for this evening. I was thinking as you're talking about traveling and the kindnesses that people do just automatically, how grateful I am, and just what a wonderful approach that is, what a wonderful way. I guess I can't really express it in my head, but just to keep doing that all the time, everywhere. Just being so grateful for the kindnesses that come up, and realizing you don't have to go in with an informed opinion or knowing anything, just being open in trouble, it's like everything's fine. So actually traveling around here for a while for three weeks, and that same kind of thing where someone is struggling with a bag or something and somebody picks it up, and just realizing how wonderful it is that there are more people on the planet.

Nikki: Welcome back. Yeah, so much kindness all around, right? And we're a part of it. We do that for others, but to appreciate, to turn our mind to it—the more we appreciate it, see it, the more it inclines our mind to see it more in others, and also cultivate it more in ourselves, and be that support for others. So yes, thank you for that. Appreciate you sharing your experience also.

I would also say it would be interesting—another point is also to observe the times that we don't stop to be kind, and that's okay too. To observe what are the things that get in the way. Often for many people, when they're in their studies, when people are in a hurry, when they're in a rush to get somewhere, they don't stop to help and support. So see that, observe that, not to judge but to get to know, really have clear mind: Oh yeah, I see that happening, okay. Or if you don't feel safe, or if there's judgment arising. Those are things that one can become aware of little by little. Or maybe this person doesn't need it, or maybe you feel shy about helping. All those things we can study, we can have mindfulness and awareness to support them. It's interesting to be aware of not just when we help, when we extend our metta, but also the times that we don't and what gets in the way. Again, without judging ourselves, but studying what gets in the way. It's important too.

Breakout Rooms and Closing

So dear ones, I'd like to invite us all now to engage with each other. Maybe for tonight, the little conversation we'll have is stories. Stories of random acts of kindness. Maybe travel stories if you have any, where you've been supported in a foreign country, or maybe when you have supported others. If not travel stories, it could be just stories in your own town or city—just random acts of kindness. It's so uplifting to share these stories.

So what I'd like to invite in the breakout groups tonight is, let's go alphabetically, and the first person will share one story, and the next person will share another little story. Just not a long ten minutes, but just like a minute or two, like, This is what happened, or maybe 30 seconds depending on how long your story is. I've already shared many stories tonight, weaved them into the guided meditation. And then the next person will share a little nugget of a story, then they'll come back to you and maybe you'll be reminded to share another story, or something you've done or received. Let us inspire each other sharing these stories of goodness.

I've created the breakout rooms, and again as always, no need to manage and direct others. You're all sharing from your own experience. So I think that's enough, that's all I want to say. Okay, so let me start and open the rooms. Take care of yourselves, take care of each other. Here we go.

[Breakout rooms session]

Okay, everybody's back, the rooms are closed, and we're at time. So I think what I'd like to do is to honor people's time and close on time. But I'd like to stay a couple of minutes extra after my close, so if you'd like to share any stories or what happened in the rooms, I'd love to hear, it's so uplifting.

So let's dedicate the merit^[4] of our practice together. May all beings be well. May all beings be free, including ourselves.

Thank you all. Thank you all, see you next week. Somebody else is teaching this Friday, and I'll see you next week. Alright, take good care.